FIFA Indictment

World Cup is soon, what drama, what excitement. 

Until you read this FIFA indictment.

So here we go, the World Cup draw

And yet again it's a predictable bore

With Platini getting exactly what he was looking for.

The Frog's group will be painfully breezy

While Argentina and Brazil's will be just as easy.

The FIFA bungs have all been paid 

And the route for a Kraut Vs Brazil final has been laid.

But Blatter can't sit there feeling too clever 

His penguin suit won't handle the Amazon weather

Roy's boys probably won't handle it either

And Ronaldo won't be getting too far neither.

We've had a stadium collapse, and 2 workers die

I haven't got the usual World Cup fever, and I know why.

It's got too predictable, boring, and bland 

FIFA's politics have got out of hand.

But lets just wait and see what happens 

And If you reading this, I hope your rapping.

Footy Rhubarb

Team of the Week:

                                            Mignolet (Liverpool)

Azpilicueta (Chelsea)         Mertesacker (Arsenal)             Gabbidon (Palace)          

Navas (Man City)       Toure (Man City)          Lampard (Chelsea)          Oscar (Chelsea)

     Aguero (Man City)      Lukaku (Everton)           Giroud (Arsenal)

Hero of the Week:

Among the heroes this week are Giroud, Lukaku, Aguero, and Lampard who all bagged braces for the respective teams. Shane long of West Brom and Kim of Cardiff were also heroes for their sides but for me it has to be that man Lampard. Frank Jr has got some slack recently and hasn’t been getting many games so he needed to take his opportunities to state his claim – and he did. Lampard scored two of Chelsea’s three goals against his former club West Ham after a 10-game goalless drought. That means Lampard has scored 5 times in his last 5 appearances against the club that produced him and he thoroughly enjoyed it kissing the badge in front of the Boleyn faithful. A clinical penalty smashed down the middle opened the scoring before finishing the tie off with a trademark finish from just outside the box. For all the money Chelsea spend and the wealth of talent they have, Lampard has always been the hero for Chelsea in their most successful era and continues to be.

Nipple of the week:

Kevin Friend is the nipple this week due to his mental decision to send off Wes Brown for a totally fair tackle. Brown won the ball and got very little of the man. He did fly in at quite some pace and was off the ground for a second but he got to the ball first and was sliding away from the opponent. It was a challenge that didn’t warrant a yellow card let alone a red card. Considering that Sunderland haven’t had the best season so far and that Brown was captaining the side, it was definitely a crucial call. Sunderland went on to lose 2-0 to Stoke City and understandably Poyet was not a happy man and immediately appealed the decision. The decision has now been reversed thanks to the FA Panel reviewing the bizarre dismissal and Brown will be available next week as Sunderland take on Villa.

This wasn’t the only strange decision over the weekend though as Rooney somehow managed to avoid being sent off after a petulant kick on Cardiff’s Jordan Mutch. Rooney had lost the ball and Mutch ran across his path leading to Rooney kicking him in the back of the calf. Kevin Mirallas was also lucky to get away without seeing red as he put a vicious challenge in on Suarez that was off the ground, high, and studs up catching Suarez just above the knee. If it was Suarez who committed the tackle I’m sure it would have been red but Mirallas stayed on the pitch to be on the receiving end of a late challenge late on by, yep you guessed it, Suarez. 

I'm abit of a poet, incase you didn't know it

Why, like a purple cow in the average herd

Are England different, strange and so absurd

The opposition move efficient and fast

England are left to chew on the grass

Chile were hot, England were not

Gemany had Guile, England were docile

But for all England’s downs, And all Germany’s ups

England still have 2 Word Wars and 1 World Cup

So England may not always be winning

And the fans may not always be singing

But chin up there is always tomorrow

But for today… England are still shit though. 

Footy Rhubarb

Another great week of Premier League action with some big games, big wins, and big upsets. Man Utd beat Arsenal 1-0 in the weekend’s blockbuster game to let the league know that they still have a big say in the title race. It was former Gunner RVP that got the winning goal but more than anything the game highlighted that Arsenal seem to fail to deliver in the big games. If Arsenal would have won it would have been a victory that would have even Wenger thinking of the title but Man Utd surely were never going to let that happen. The win was made bigger for Man Utd as Man City, Spurs, and Chelsea all dropped points.

Man City were stunned by a robust Sunderland performance as Gus Poyet’s revolution takes shape and Pellegrini is given more away day blues. Spurs managed to lose to Newcastle thanks to sloppy defence distribution, clinical finishing from Loic Remy, and an amazing performance by Tim Krul in the Toon goal. Chelsea could only manage a draw against West Brom at Stamford Bridge and were lucky not to lose as they received a very generous penalty late on. Hazard dispatched the penalty to maintain Mourinho’s record of 66 games unbeaten at Stamford Bridge. Liverpool also smashed a sorry Fulham 4-0 to put Martin Jol under intense pressure once again as Stoke and Swansea fought over an entertaining 3-3 draw. The game ended in controversial fashion as Swansea had fought back from 2-0 down to lead 3-2 until the referee gave a very bizarre penalty to allow Charlie Adam to equalize for Stoke in the 96th minute.

Team of the Week:

Krul (Newcastle)

Sagna (Arsenal)  Olsson (West Brom)     Skrtel (Liverpool)       Bardsley (Sunderland)

Routledge (Swansea)     Gerrard (Liverpool)         Lallana (Scum)  

           Rooney (Man Utd)          Suarez (Liverpool)           Remy (Newcastle)

Hero of the Week:

Rooney was a hero for Man Utd with his overall performance as well as assisting Van Persie to score the winner against his old club Arsenal in the biggest game of the weekend. Rooney was the sharpest player on the field and created something positive with every touch and without him playing it surely would have finished a draw.

This week’s hero though can only be one man, and that’s Tim Krul. The amount of vital saves he made was incredible and if he wasn’t playing then Newcastle wouldn’t have got a point let alone win! Spurs threw everything at Newcastle as they defended for their lives but it was the feet, hands, and torso of Krul that kept out the onslaught of Townsend, Soldado, Eriksen, Paulinho, Sigurdsson, Sandro, and Defoe. Countless times Krul was the only obstacle between Spurs and a goal as they got behind the defence several times but the Dutchman made himself impossible to beat with first class reactions and calming presence under pressure.

Nipple of the Week:

The nipple of the week is referee Neil Swarbrick. The Swansea vs Stoke game at the Liberty Stadium was a great advert for the Premier League with Swansea fighting back from 2-0 down to lead 3-2. It was a great action packed game and Swansea deserved to win but they were denied by a mental decision from Swarbrick. Deep into stoppage time there was a scramble in the box as Stoke pushed for an equaliser and suddenly the whistle went and the ref was pointing at the spot. Laudrup summed it up after the game when he pointed out that there were 7 Stoke players in the box and not one of them appealed for a penalty. Either Routledge or Williams was adjudged to have handled in the area but from the reply it looks like a shoulder is the closest thing to a handball in that period of play so where he saw a handball I don’t know. It spoiled what was a very good game with both teams playing good football in the first half. It was Swansea though who came out in the second half playing some great attacking fluid football and fully deserved to get back and win the game. It was a shame but Stoke will be relieved to not have lost after going in at half-time 2-0 up. The last minute penalty was a gift from Swarbrick and makes him nipple of the week, it still didn’t make Hughes smile though, is it even possible? Has Hughes ever smiled? What will it take!?

Footy Rhubarb

Team of the Week:

                                                 Howard (Everton)

Sagna (Arsenal)   Davies (Hull)   Reid (West Ham)   Theophile-Catherine (Cardiff)

      Ramsey (Arsenal)            Ramires (Chelsea)           Arnautovic (Stoke)

      Suarez (Liverpool)           Torres (Chelsea)               Aguero (Man City)

Hero of the Week:

A number of players stepped up this week to be heroes for their respective teams in some very big matches. Borini came off the bench to score a fantastic goal to give Sunderland victory over rivals Newcastle, Hernandez scored a late winner for Man Utd against Stoke, Torres had a brilliant game against Man City, and Suarez got a hat-trick as Liverpool thrashed West Brom 4-1. Sunderland have had a dire start to the season and this game was big enough due to it being Gus Poyet’s first home game as manager let alone it also being the Tyne-Wear derby. Basically if there was a game a fixture that could inspire a turnaround then this was it – and they delivered. Borini came on and scored and fantastic goal that sent the home crowd wild, that goal could be the catalyst for their season.

Torres missed a very easy chance early on in this one with the goal gaping and it seemed he was going to have one of those bad days but no. Torres brushed his shoulders off and put in an attacking masterpiece of pace, flair, and ruthlessness. He set up Schurrle for the opener and then scored the winner himself as Chelsea took all 3-points against City. He looked like the old Torres who scored for fun at Liverpool and was the key to a massive win. The Hero of the week however has to go to Suarez for his hat-trick against West Brom. We all know the about the saga that went on between Suarez and Liverpool over the summer and many doubted whether he could stay and if he did whether he’d be able to get back to form – well he showed it here. Three great goals that showed how much Liverpool miss him when he isn’t there. A creative force of flair, trickery and clever movement showed that he has just as much drive as ever to be playing for the Reds and evaporate any concerns that fans had about his commitment to the club. A mention also has to go out to Tim Howard who was a colossus in the Everton goal to keep out a persistent Villa to earn his team 3-points and a clean sheet.

Nipple of the Week:

We got a pair this week and both from the same diabolical situation, Joe Hart and Matija Nastasic. With not long left at Stamford Bridge and the score at 1-1 it looked as though there needed to be a moment of brilliance or a huge error for either team to win, for the City duo it was the latter. These two are among favourites to win the title this season and the result could prove crucial when it comes to league standings in May so no doubt about it, it was a big game. Willian hit the ball up-field with intention or aim but it somehow managed to cause havoc at the back for City. It was a simple situation that Hart and Nastasic turned into a nightmare. Hart rushed off his line unnecessarily while Nastasic is running towards the ball – and Hart. Surely the defender sees Hart coming out? But what is Hart doing anyway? Does he need to come out that far to clear a ball that should be dealt with? Both are to blame as much as the other as Nastasic heads the ball towards the on-rushing Hart who is outside the area so can’t even gather with his hands anyway. The ball goes straight past Hart and Torres comes sneaking in past the chaos to tap home. It’s not the first defensive mistake by City this season and it won’t be that last, and the same goes with Hart. City’s defensive mistakes have been hampering their season so far and Hart is usually at the centre of them, it’s an issue that needs resolving fast and it’ll be interesting to see how Pellegrini deals with it. 

Goal of the Week: 

Footy Rhubarb

Team of the Week:

                                                Jaaskelainen (West Ham)

              Zabaleta (Man City)        Davies (Hull City)           Reid (West Ham)             

Henderson (Liverpool)  Oscar (Chelsea)  Noble (West Ham)  Januzaj (Man Utd)

                                           Silva (Man City)

                       Suarez (Liverpool)           Remy (Newcastle)

Hero of the Week:

Januzaj probably has to be hero of the week as he grabbed both goals that saw Man Utd overcome Sunderland 2-1. It was another forgettable performance by United but Moyes will be relieved to get his first win in 3 weeks. The 18-yearold has been talked about for a while with rumours already circling about Barcelona wanting to nab him and you can see why, he’s good on the ball, links up with players well and has an eye for goal. I found it bizarre that Moyes wasn’t frantically running around during the transfer window for a midfielder and left it late to secure Fellaini but it makes sense now. Man Utd have always signed players if the money was right and that they thought would definitely improve the team, the went for Fabregas and couldn’t get him so rather than pay over the odds or take a risk on another player who may not fit the bill, they’ve said “well we got a few decent youngsters let hold out and see how they go” fair play. Moyes obviously has faith in the young Belgian and its paid off so far and even though one game doesn’t make a player, Januzaj looks like he could be just like that new signing they needed this season.

Remy also deserves a mention after earning Newcastle a vital 3 points against Cardiff with 2 fantastically taken goals. He’s clearly a top class striker and the Toon will want to snap him up permanently before someone else does. Bent is definitely hero of the week for Fulham and even more so Martin Jol as he scored the goal that secured a 1-0 against Stoke. Jol has been under a lot of pressure and I did pick him out as a manager who could well be the first to get the sack this season but he’s hanging in there and rightly so. He looked very worried and disappointed last week as you could see his lack of results was getting to him so he must’ve been relieved to see Bent take that goal so nicely. He deserved that win and hopefully he turns it around. 

Nipple of the Week:

I haven’t really got a nipple this week more a whole barrel of tits that keep making these managerial appointments. Poyet has been announced Sunderland’s new manager replacing Di Canio.  Now Poyet may turn out to be a good manager, he may get Sunderland playing good football and turn the results around but does he deserve the job? Di Canio didn’t deserve the job and this trend of appointing someone just because they’re foreign is ridiculous.

Why is it so hard for British managers to get top jobs? There are managers like Chris Hughton who coached for 20 years before he got his first managerial job at Newcastle, like Steve Clarke who worked his way up for over 10 years to get the West Brom job. So how can managers like Di Canio, Poyet, Zola, and so on walk into top jobs? These three barely have 10 years’ experience altogether so how have they all got Premier League jobs? What about the Neil Warnock’s, Owen Coyle’s, Eddie Howe’s, and Dave Jones’s? its seems to be fashionable to appoint these foreigners just because a few such as Martinez and Laudrup have come in and done well, it’s as if without a non-British manager  your club is going to do well! So Sir Alex, O’Neill, Moyes, Redknapp, Sir Bobby, and Hodgson have never had any success then? I don’t care how Poyet does at Sunderland but no doubt he’ll get Sunderland passing the ball more and then the media will pretend that he’s really turned them around and its very honourable the way they play. It will be like no one has ever of thought of playing such expansive football and especially not all these uncultured British managers! His team can pass the ball all they like but you still need to get results. On top of that he was sacked at Brighton during the summer for unknown reasons with the club very hush about it, sounds very strange. Well anyway hope this appointment doesn’t turn out as much as a farce as the last one for you Sunderland, good luck with your cliché appointment. 

I'm ticklish when it comes to fickleness

 I want you to think back a couple of weeks, think back to the opening round of the EPL or even before the season. Now think about judgements that journalists or pundits had made on certain teams and compare them to now. Are they the same, have they changed slightly, or have they gone totally the opposite way and have pretended they had never made any previous predictions on a certain matter? Most likely the latter. With the new Premier League season being 2 months in I’ve seen some mental yarns by pundits and journalists alike that have gone back on judgements they have previously made and fail to acknowledge it. It’s pure amateur fickleness and I can’t be doing with it but its common place in today’s media. If he scores a goal one week he’s a natural goal-scorer, if he misses a penalty the next week he’s mediocre at best, and if he looks like he MAY have dived then blimey, he’s scum of the earth. The Niche-Cache are more human, we make judgements and develop opinion for you to enjoy having a gander at but we always stick by what we write, unlike some who have already showed their inconstant nature with their pre-judgements on Arsenal and the new managers. The fact that such fickle views have been made so early in the season gives my tummy a tickle.

Arsenal had a horrible summer of transfer activity with the board claiming to have plenty of money to spend but failing to secure deals for high-profile players such as Suarez and Higuain. Basically however they had planned the transfer window to go, didn’t happen in the slightest. To add to this they lost on the opening day of the Premier League season to Villa at home. It was an embarrassing defeat but also a poor performance which highlighted that they needed signings and fast.

Straight away the media pulled their knives out and started cutting chunks out of Arsenal and rightly so. However now they are top of the league 2 months on from this point and the media are comparing the team to the ‘Invincible’ team that went a whole season undefeated just under a decade ago. It’s as fickle as football media can be. Don’t get me wrong some develops have occurred with Ramsey looking like he’s having a breakthrough season and the signing of Ozil on the final day of the window but it’s still the same team! Arsenal have played well and do look good but they still wasted time in the transfer window and still weak in some areas – like upfront. The invincibles team of the past won league and FA cups! I can’t see this team doing the same, it may well be the beginning of a team who will challenge for silverware but to go from saying Arsenal are barely top 4 to saying they are one of the best in recent history is a bit far-fetched. I have seen such articles on a number of top sporting websites and these fellas must have very short memories. It makes you wonder what they’ll say the next time Arsenal lose, no doubt a headline like “Arsenal have plenty of class but lack of ambition”. Tossers. 

Mourinho is a man who must be reeling at how the media have flipped their mood on him. When he was re-appointed at Chelsea, in fact even before hand, the media couldn’t get enough of him. He’s the saviour, the best manager around, a genius, the special one. Even before he got the job the media had decided he will win the league and can do no wrong. Well what a difference 2 months makes. Mourinho stormed out of a press conference last week as journalists badgered him about not including Kevin De Bruyne in the last 2 games. They’ve criticised the loaning out of Lukaku, his tactics, and have attempted to stir the pot between him and AVB. How can the opinion or viewpoint of not just a few pundits but a whole media spectrum change so dramatically? It contradicts their position as pundits, it makes them seem that they don’t know what they are talking about rather than giving the expert insight they claim they have.

The most bizarre aspect of the media getting on Mourinho’s back about leaving out De Bruyne is that the week before they were on his back about excluding Juan Mata! He can’t win! He simply cannot play all these talented midfielders at once. Not only this but Mourinho is the first manager to give De Bruyne a chance after AVB, DI Matteo, and Benitez all shipped him out on loan! Do these pundits actually have opinion or insight or do they just base their discussions on sport by the day?

The fickleness makes me laugh. As audiences we read the views of pundits and sport journalists to give us a constructive and expert perspective. Journalists of this nature write stories to create reaction but when your brown-nosing someone one week then jumping on them the next it’s no longer professional but petty. It takes sport journalism from honest discussion to gossip gutter press. Don’t bother with the fickleness of part-time gloom and doomers like Steve Howard and Phil Mcnulty - well only if you want a giggle. The Niche-Cache doesn’t drag itself through the gutter with petty gossip nor change our overall opinions based on the latest results or line-ups. We bring sport discussion back to the honest, knowledgeable, and witty manner you crave. We stand by what we say, not forget what we’ve said so we can go back on it later. Managers don’t become idiots overnight and teams don’t become world-beaters after 3 wins. There’s a long season ahead and no doubt positions will change and so will viewpoints but The Niche-Cache being the best place to read up on some sporting yarns wont. 

Footy Rhubarb

Team of the Week:

                                                   Lloris (Spurs)

    Olsson (West Brom)              Caulker (Cardiff)               Davies (Swansea)

Gnabry (Arsenal)   Sigurdsson (Spurs)   Ramsey (Arsenal)   Amalfitano (West Brom)

                                             Barkley (Everton)

                     Sturridge (Liverpool)                        Lukaku (Everton)

Manchester Rain:

Both City and United slipped up over the weekend with the former losing 2 in-a-row in the league. the biggest blow falls to United because of this but also considering last week’s defeat was a 4-1 thrashing against City while this week they lost at home to West Brom for the first time since 1978 – officially the worst start a Man Utd team has made in the Premier League years. City also managed to lose 3-2 away to Villa despite taking the lead twice. All the big clubs that have had managerial changes are the slowest starters; it should be common sense that such changes take time to become familiar for all involved but modern football dictates results and quickly, either way we got a very close season ahead.  

Now it’s easy to sit here and say that Man Utd don’t look good, they are struggling under new management, Moyes hasn’t got a clue. This was always going to be the case though; it was never going to go swimmingly. However the media often lack logic with their reporting and often miss the bigger picture and we’re seeing that with Moyes and even Mourinho who stormed out of a press conference yesterday. Surprisingly Pellegrini seems to have avoided some of the media flack for some unknown reason despite his team definitely looking vulnerable at the back and already throwing away points due to pure carelessness. Now even the most optimistic of Man Utd fans wouldn’t have expected Moyes to go on and win the treble in his first season, in fact if it wasn’t for Chelsea and Man City getting new managers too I doubt the fans would even expect the title. There has to be a period of transition and it may take a season, it would take Sir Alex a season but that’s because he had 20-odd years of continuity behind him, it will take longer for Moyes. Basically we’re 7 games in and Man Utd haven’t started well but is it necessary to doubt the man’s pedigree? Do the media really need to pounce like they do? Give the man some time.

Pellegrini will be very disappointed that they followed up last week’s win with a loss this time as they could have built up some great momentum with that win. The way in which they lost will be more of a worry for Pellegrini. The first girl they conceded was dreadful awareness by the City defence and even though it was offside, they deserved to concede due to their failure to pick up simple runs. Kompany at one stage literally pointed at the space where the Villa player should play the ball and he did. The third and winning goal was nothing short of comical. A straightforward clearance by Guzan in the Villa goal went right in between City’s centre-backs in which Weimann latched onto before Joe Hart to tap home. You can’t throw away goals like that and can’t lose games like that so the British media may not be on your back Pellegrini but I’m in the mood for a Chilean piggy-back.

Hero of the Week:

Hero of the week has to go to Lukaku although he only just edged Sturridge. Lukaku got himself and Everton 2 goals as they beat Newcastle 3-2 on Monday night. Mourinho finds himself with 2 strikers at Chelsea that have yet to score in the league while he has loaned out Lukaku to Everton where he’s got himself 3 goals in 2 games – continuing his form from West Brom last season. It’s a bizzare decision as Lukaku is a goal-scoring machine with a great attitude and there is no doubt he’d get goals for Chelsea. Anyway it's Everton that are enjoying him now and will be until the end of the season if he keeps this up. Without Lukaku I was wondering where their goals were going to come from as Jelavic looked to be going through a dry spot but now they have the big Belgian in there to bang some in. Everton are starting to look good now and Martinez looks like he’ll be showing what he can really do.

Nipple of the Week:

It’s hard to pick nipple of the week this week which is a bummer because I just love those weeks where I can straight go “mmm yep he’s defo the nipple this week” but there hasn’t been anything that stands out. Rio could be highlighted as he got embarrassed by Amalifitano as the Frenchman strolled past with ease into the box to score the goal of the weekend. Chamakh is another who made himself look a bit of a tit as he dived for a penalty when he could have tried to score for Palace but ended up getting booked for simulation. Their quite minor ones but a nipple is a nipple so looks like we got a pair.

Footy Rhubarb

Team of the Week:

                                                        Marshall (Cardiff)

             Sagna (Arsenal)                 Kompany (Man City)                   Baines (Everton)

  Amalfitano (West Brom)      Ozil (Arsenal)     Toure (Man City)     Townsend (Spurs)

                                                               Nasri (Man City)

                                  Aguero (Man City)                        Remy (Newcastle)

Man City 4 Man Utd 1:

So Man Utd were embarrassed on Sunday at the Etihad Stadium as they went down to City 4-1. Not only is the score line bad but the performance was pretty dreadful. All over the place defensively and not being able to keep the ball and mount any pressure in the final third – City wanted it more. City put in a fine display full of energy, desire and confidence. Looking uninterested and casual is something I’ve criticised of City already this season but this (and rightly so) they didn’t hold back and I can’t say the same about United. It’s a fantastic feeling to win a derby and City fans will be over the blue moon but they will also know – as pointed out by Captain Kompany – that it’s just one game, and one game doesn’t make a season.

United’s poor distribution from defence is a constant theme so far this season and it proved a failure in this game as City’s high pressure paid off leading to United giving the ball away in dangerous areas. Playing without a recognised right-back is another issue for United as they seem unbalanced having centre-back such as Jones and Smalling covering for the injured Rafael. Three of City’s four goals came from mistakes made on that right side with Valencia failing to cover and Smalling being dragged centrally. Fellaini also looked very average and I think Moyes made a mistake starting him in this game and maybe even signing him in the first place. He may turn it around but he just doesn’t look a United player.

You can’t take anything away from City though; they highlighted United’s weaknesses and made them pay for it. Rooney was the only bright spark for United and scored a fantastic free-kick but it was too little too late. City looked hungry and dangerous every time they had the ball with power, skill and creativity – their best performance so far. United have the chance to bounce back against Liverpool in the Carling Cup during the week while City will want to use to take themselves on a run.

Hero of the Week:

Aguero is the hero this week as he scored two goals in City’s big win but was also the top performer. Every time he got the ball he created something, he can score from anywhere and even has the vision to pick out a deadly pass. His finish for the first goal was a great but of improvisation and his second was a determined and no nonsense – helped by United’s woeful defending. He put a mass amount of pressure on United off the ball as well chasing down players on the ball which resulted in United’s biggest downfall. As a striker he’s got it all and if he stays injury free he may well be the league’s top scorer, he’s without doubt City’s most potent attacking weapon.

Nipple of the Week:

As if you didn’t already know. Di Canio is the undisputed nipple of the week, of the first 2 months of the season, what a tit. He was deservedly sacked on Monday after another dreadful display in which Sunderland were comfortably taken care of by West Brom. It’s come to fruition now that players went to the Sunderland board on Sunday to complain about the Italian’s violent criticism of the team. It was obvious not a single player liked him and same with the fans. What were the board thinking hiring someone like him? He’s dysfunctional, over-passionate, and hot-headed – they sacked Martin O’Neill to get this idiot in! Sunderland have got a big appointment ahead because they can’t afford another poor judgement. They need to bring someone in with experience, who can bring stability, and can get his team enjoying their football – basically the opposite of Di Canio. I hope this is the last time we see clubs taking a gamble on these sorts of managers who are just big names with no pedigree or proven quality, it’s an insult to managers like Hughton, Clarke, and Coyle who have had to put in the hard yards and have actually proven themselves. Be smart this time Sunderland don’t appoint a nipple. 

Footy Rhubarb

So the Premier League is back after the International break which also means that most players have declared themselves fit again after pretending to be wounded soldiers to get out of playing for their countries. Oh the patriotism! Whether they played for their countries or not the first game back into club fixtures after such a break can be quite a tame affair. Players can seem tired and slow as well as some teams losing some momentum over the break. Despite this however there were still vital points up for grabs as well as a fair share of players making their debuts after the transfer window closed just before the international break.

Team of the Week:

                                        Jaaskelainen (West Ham)

Coleman (Everton)     Distin (Everton)     McAuley (West Brom)      Rose(Spurs)

Ben Arfa (Newcastle)   Ramsey (Arsenal)      Ozil (Arsenal)      Naismith (Everton)

                                                   Sigurdsson (Spurs)

                                                   Rooney (Man Utd)

Hero of the week:

It’s out of Sigurdsson, Rooney, and Ramsey this week as they all contributed so much to their teams’ victories with Sigurdsson and Ramsey grabbing a brace each. Sigurdsson was the finisher at the end of two well worked goals by Spurs who had a spring in their step despite the loss of Bale. New signing Eriksen looks a very tidy player indeed and was involved in the build-up for both goals. Spurs could have scored more with Soldado and Townsend coming close but it was the Icelandic international who stepped up. Rooney had his best performance so far this season despite a lack of rhythm in United’s attack and despite having some ridiculous head gear on. He got a bad cut on his forehead during training before the international break (conveniently) so had some extra protection on – surely he could have worn that for England? But don’t start me on that. He had the most cutting edge in the team and looked the most likely to unlock the Palace defence with one pass to RVP being particularly stunning only for the Dutchman to hit the bar. He capped off his performance with a well measured free-kick into the bottom corner of Speroni’s goal that has Moyes grinning from ear-to-ear. However the hero is Ramsey who took both his goals superbly as Arsenal gunned down Sunderland 3-1. Arsenal dominated the game but let Sunderland back into the game after they gave away ANOTHER penalty this season. No fear though as Ramsey stepped up as he has more than once already this season with a superb volley to put Arsenal back in the lead and then a calm finish at the end of a fantastic move to secure that crucial two goal cushion. Ramsey has had a fantastic start to the season and is starting to look like a leader out there for the Gunners. It looks as though Arsenal are going to need plenty of goals from midfield this season and Ramsey is stepping up to the plate, Wenger needs to keep this boy fit and in the team.

Nipple of the Week:

Di Canio? Walcott? Or referees in general? The Walcott one may seem a bit harsh but he wasted 3 fantastic chances against Sunderland as Arsenal should have gone in at half-time with the game wrapped up. Two of these chances were one-on-ones which is something that he usually excels at. Ozil showed what a class act he is with a great performance and he picked out Walcott with ease, almost too much ease. Those chances needs to be buried as missing those chances gave Sunderland a sniff and they eventually equalised, if it wasn’t for Ramsey’s two goals Walcott wouldn’t be too popular in the dressing room. Maybe I’m jumping on his back a bit as its only one game but after his display for England against Ukraine last week I’m not his biggest fan at the moment – he’s simply not in good form.

The refs didn’t have the best weekend with quite a few dodgy decisions. The ref at Old Trafford was quite inconsistent with his penalty decisions and unfairly sent off Dikgacoi after he barely brought down Young. He earlier booked Young for simulation in a challenge with the same player but even before this moment he didn’t book Evra for what was also a blatant dive. Holloway was fuming once again in his post-match interview claiming “I literally can’t afford to say anything so I’ll keep my mouth shut” classic Holloway after being fined a few weeks ago few comments made about an official. Scummer Schinderlain also managed to get away with nothing after diving in two-footed on Diame during the Southampton vs. West Ham game. Obviously we could talk about referee decisions every week but why is it always the same issues being discussed and never any solutions? Di Canio tried to shuffle the blame of Sunderland’s result on someone else – this time in the shape of the referee. Fair enough it was a dodgy decision and they were unlucky but how about the rest of the game Paulo? I don’t think the players want to play for him and their defence needs sorting out. He seems to think the whole world is against him but from what I can see it’s Di Canio vs. Di Canio.

Footy Rhubarb

Team of the Week:

                                                    Lloris (Spurs)

           Johnson (Liverpool)              Skrtel (Liverpool)             Davies (Swansea)

Redmond (Norwich)    Cazorla (Arsenal)     Jedinak (Palace)    Hernandez (Swansea)

                                               Ben Arfa (Newcastle)

                                                Giroud (Arsenal)

Hero of the week:

There weren’t many goals scored in the Premier League this weekend but there have definitely been decisive goals. Giroud, Sturridge, and Ben Arfa all scored winning goals for their respective teams in 1-0 victories that were either very tight or stale. Any man who steps up and grabs a games solitary goal in a hero but for this week it has to be Giroud. Although Sturridge’s goal was a great bit of movement and improvisation I think the tall Frenchman put in a brilliant display overall as well as grabbing a tidy goal. Giroud is starting to find consistency in his goal-scoring and performances and is repaying the faith shown in him by Wenger. He held the ball up, showed great touch, brings other into play and looks a player with great confidence which he lacked last season. His goals was well worked by Arsenal and then finished with a great flick into the near post by Giroud who could have got more goals if it wasn’t for the fine performance from Lloris in the Spurs goal. Giroud was at the centre of everything causing the Spurs defence all sorts of trouble, he looked a leader out there.

Nipple of the week:

The weekends game were a bit tame this week especially considering we had 2 big derbies in the shape of Liverpool V Man U and Arsenal v Spurs so it isn’t as clear cut this week whose been the biggest nipple. It’s out of Di Canio and referee Anthony Taylor. Taylor refereed the Cardiff v Everton game and missed some crucial calls with one being an absolute blatant penalty. Baines (who had another brilliant game) stormed into the box and was totally bowled over by Medel, it was a rugby tackle! Taylor was in a great position to see it and just waved play on, everyone in the ground though it was a penalty, they were just waiting for the whistle! Taylor is the same ref that caused controversy in the Arsenal v Villa game on the opening day and we’re starting to see a trend from the man. He creates more issues then has to and his unnecessary decisions (or lack of them) seem to add hostility to the game which leads to more stupid fouls and yellow cards, basically he struggles to control a game. I don’t like to pick on refs but we’re 3 games in and in 2 of them he’s managed to cause unnecessary controversy.

The nipple of the week has to go to Di Canio though. John O’Shea got sent off as Sunderland went down 3-1 away to Palace. Now to be fair O’Shea made a mistake as he lost the ball and then got sent off when he dived in to stop Gayle going through on goal but there was no need for Di Canio to talk about his CAPTAIN the way he did after the game. He questioned O’Shea’s leadership and his experience which by itself is harsh when O’Shea is a player who rarely puts a foot wrong but to do it publicly is very poor man-management. He’s a hot head and he’s throwing around blame for his team losing, he’s the manager, he chose the team, he chose the tactics. He went on to say his team don’t have the heart and that’s why he’s requested more players. Well done Paulo your players are going to love playing for you now aren’t they? Maybe they just got a bit cocky because of all the mass amount of confidence you give them? How can a manager say that 3 games into a season? I think Di Canio is my new tip to be first manager to get the sack. To think that this time last year Sunderland had Martin O’Neill as their manager, what a step backwards that is.  

Wont be Gunning at all at this rate

Arsenals board bragged earlier in the summer about how much money they can invest in players and promised to pull off signings that would get them competing for the title again. That has failed to materialise with targets such as Higuain and Luis Gastavo choosing to go elsewhere. This failure to attract big name players even with the money and the pull of Champions League football came to a head against Villa on the weekend.

It started with great optimism. Giroud opened the scoring inside 6 minutes and Arsenal were dominating after Villa were too easy to open up. However Villa tightened up after that and became dangerous on the counter attack. The referee didn’t have the best performance to say the least as he often contradicted his own decision and created a hostile atmosphere with his dishing out of yellow cards. Arsenal didn’t create enough going forward and gave the ball away sloppily at times with even the usually reliable Wilshere making mistakes. Villa went on to win 3-1 with the help of two questionable penalty decisions and a third goal that was a diabolical piece of defending to watch.

What this game highlighted the most was the Gunners lack of a leader within the team. It wasn’t until after half-time when I realised who the captain was! To my surprise it was Mertesacker but I wouldn’t have known that unless I looked it up. Not only that but during the game Arsenal lost Koscielny as he was sent off as well as Gibbs, Sagna, and Chamberlain to injury. So their already thin squad gets even thinner – wouldn’t be so thin with new signings would it Arsene? If I was an Arsenal fan I would be furious with Spurs spending money galore on quality players, 8 years without a trophy, and lack of desire to push forward. On top of that how about this for a possibility – Arsenal play Fernebache in mid-week to qualify for the Champions League and have a number of fitness issues leaving the possibility a fielding a strong team a doubt. After that fantastic run of 10 wins in 12 games last season to get 4th, imagine if Arsenal failed to qualify for the Champions League – something that will be their major selling point in attracting players. They aren’t loo lucky getting players as it is let alone without Champions League football. This all could have been avoided if they got their ass in gear and bought some players. They’re now making panic bids for the likes of Cabaye and Casillas and I’m getting déjà vu. If they don’t turn this around with some serious big player signings then this could well lead to the end of Wenger’s reign.

Footy Rhubarb

So the Premier league finally kicked off at the weekend and plenty of things to mull over to go with it. Some clubs will be happy with the way they opened their campaign, some will be reassured, and some will hugely disappointed. It’s a long season however with plenty of football to play and it’s never wise to judge a clubs season from the first 6 or so games. Despite it being early days the weekend’s games would have highlighted a few things to certain managers about squad size and quality which will be major factors leading into the last 2 weeks of the transfer window. Let’s have a look back at the opening weekend fixtures and make out the team of the week, main talking points, the weeks hero and the weeks nipple.

Team of the week: (4-3-3)

                                             Begovic (Stoke City)

 Coleman (Everton)      Whittaker (Norwich)       Toure (Liverpool)        Shaw (Scum)

 De Bruyne (Chelsea)                    Barkley (Everton)                          Oscar(Chelsea)

Agbonlahor (Aston Villa)           Van Persie (Man Utd)                       Dzeko (Man City)

Hero of the week:

I’m torn between two players to be heroes of the week for the opening weekend so two is what we’re having. Gabby Agbonlahor and Simon Mignolet, congratulations you’re the heroes this week. Agbonlahor won Villa both penalty’s in their 3-1 victory at Arsenal and even though they were questionable decisions he was an integral part of Villa’s dangerous counter attacks and lead fantastically from the front. His pace was too much for the Gunners at times and also put in a shift off the ball to reduce Arsenal’s midfield time on the ball – he deserved a goal.

Mignolet is also a hero due to his penalty save from Walters on 87 mins to prevent what would have been an equalising goal. Basically he made sure Liverpool got 3-points instead of 1 after Agger’s strange attempted clearance resulted in a blatant handball. It shouldn’t have come to a penalty save to secure 3-points for Liverpool as it could have well ended up 3-0 if it wasn’t for Begovic in Stoke’s goal pulling off some fantastic stops. If that penalty did go in then it would have been the Bosnian who would have won this week’s hero award but it was Mignolet’s save that decided the outcome on his competitive debut for the Reds.

Nipple of the week:

There are a few nominations for the absolute nipple of the first round of fixtures and 2 stem from the same game. Villa’s impressive 3-1 win at Arsenal made Arsene Wenger and the whole board look like a bunch of tits of course but the ref wasn’t too flash either. Pardew always looks a nipple because he is one but more so this week when Toon get brushed aside easily by Man City and then blames Arsenal’s bid for Cabaye as the reason behind it, he somehow felt he couldn’t play him once the bid was made just before the game “If he would have played we wouldn’t have lost 4-0”. Well I guess you should have played him then u wet blanket! Just because u got rolled over don’t come out all defensive claiming one player would have made all the difference! Not only that but he had a little whine about how disrespectful the bid was! So clubs bidding for players is new to you Pardew? Or you didn’t think that you could wait to inform Cabaye of the bid until after the game? Who hired this idiot? Oh that’s right another idiot called Mike ‘Lard-ass’ Ashley.

However all this and I think the title of nipple of the week has to go to Arsenal’s management and board. Yes they could turn this around with a few signings but surely this should have been sorted already? They’ve had 3 months! The injuries during the game as well as their lack of penetration in the final third just highlighted this and now they have put themselves under unnecessary pressure as well as disillusioned their fans. Possibly the worst way to start a campaign where you should be competing for the title, I feel for the fans because no doubt panic buys will roll in now and they won’t be up to scratch. It may be hasty to make such assumptions but why should it take such events to give the Gunners a kick up the ass? This should have been sorted, Arsenal=nipples.

Footy Rhubarb - Keep an eye out for these wee little scamps

The new Premier League season is just over 2 weeks away and with a new season comes new talking points, teams, managers, and players. Every season we are blessed with seeing some fresh young faces come in and announce themselves to British football. Some last the test of time and grow into quality players, while some are end up being mediocre stop starters. Here are a few players to keep an eye out for who aren’t big stars in the shape of the Ronaldo’s or the Rooney’s but can be just as important to their clubs season.

Nathan Redmond

Now he’s not a big name, not yet. Redmond recently signed for Norwich from Birmingham City and has been linked with Premiership teams for the last two years. The winger is an England u21 International and has blistering pace as well as a few tricks up his sleeve. He was part of the dreadful England team at the Euro u21 but he definitely has more to offer. He can play on either wing but is often used on the left so he can cut in on his right foot where he packs quite a shot. Canaries boss Hughton worked with Redmond at Birmingham and was the first to give him a consistent run in the team so it’s no surprise the youngster chose Norwich as his destination once it was made clear that Brum has to sort their wage bill out. Norwich play good expansive football as well and it’s a further sign on the manager wanting to improve attacking potency so it looks to be a great move for all concerned – Redmond could very well flourish this season. 

Wilfried Bony

The biggest reason for looking out for this fella is the fee that Swansea paid for him – 12m. It’s a huge fee for a club like Swansea and for a player who isn’t a big name player. However now he’s in the Premier League that could well change. The 24-year-old Ivorian has a great goal scoring record especially at previous club Vitesse where he netted 46 goals in 65 appearances. From various clips he’s a very powerful striker and a great finisher. He can score with either foot or his head and reminds me most of former Pompey and Everton striker Yakubu. He has great positional sense and awareness to link up with teammates so I get the impression he will be perfect for Swansea’s style of play. Michu has been considered by many the buy of the season last season with a price tag of only 2m but he did struggle for goals in the second half of the season and Laudrup has been astute in making sure Swansea don’t rest on their laurels and splash the cash on Bony. Michu can be played behind the striker and is just as useful creating goals as well as scoring them so I think the Michu/Bony partnership will prove to be very fruitful for the impressive Welsh club. He may take time to settle but with the system Swansea play I think he’ll prove a great investment from Swansea so credit to the club.

Jozy Altidore

This isn’t the first time the American has graced the Premier League as he had a spell at Hull City under Phil Brown a few season back where he didn’t set the world alight but still showed elements of quality. He’s big, athletic, fast, and a decent finisher in the air and on the ground. At the age of only 23 Altidore already has 60 caps for USA and has played in 5 different countries – mostly on loan. He was at Villareal for 3 years but only appeared for them 9 times due to him being shipped out on loan for every year he was with them so his only long term spell at a club is where Sunderland signed him from – AZ Alkmaar. He has a fantastic goal scoring record in the Dutch league with 38 in 67 games and that shows how useful he can be when he is settled. I think he is going to be a successful addition to Di Canio’s Sunderland team. He’s perfectly fitted to English football being big, strong, quick, good in the air, and already having Premier League experience. It’s a shrewd signing by Di Canio and I think it’s going to pay off.

George Boyd                     

It’s a surprise one but very intriguing player to keep tabs on. Now this fella is by no means a fresh faced starlet but nor is he a dinosaur. He comes from humble footballing backgrounds having played a large amount of his career in the lower leagues and has been rewarded doing it the hard way by making his first appearance in the top flight at 27 with Hull City. At Peterborough United he is known as ‘the White Pele’ due to him being flash, tricky, and capable of brilliance – a fan favorite. However he has only been making real progress in the last year with Championship teams taking a punt on him such as Nottingham Forest and then Hull City on loan. He proved he can be just as exciting and dangerous at a higher level and has done enough to convince Steve Bruce to sign him permanently as Hull take their place in this season Premier League season- lucky boy. He can play in the hole behind the striker, in midfield, or as a full-fledged striker but either way he has the ability to get people off their seats and is very unpredictable. He has one cap for Scotland but he should expect a few more if he is able to feature enough for Hull this coming season.

Gary Hooper

Another Norwich signing which shows just how hard Hughton’s been working this summer to improve his squad and let’s face it, it’s needed having just survived last season. Hooper has been attracting interest from Premier League teams for a few years now and it seems clubs have been hesitant to take a punt on the England hopeful. He has been playing for Celtic in recent seasons and has a decent goal scoring record winning many fans in Glasgow. This has had led to many calling for Hooper to be given a chance in the England set-up but it seems that the SPL isn't seen as a high enough quality of competition for a player to prove his credentials and rightly so. This makes it a huge chance for Hooper to show what he can do and maybe earn himself a last minute ticket to the World Cup – if England qualifies that is. He’s a sharp player with great pace and deadly in the box – Norwich will be relying on him for goals this season and if he continues the form of recent season he will do just that and may well give Hodgson something to ponder come June next year, yet again, if England qualify that is.

Premature World Cup Nail-biting

It may seem awhile off, a whole year in fact but the preparations and excitement starts now for next year’s World Cup in Brazil. For managers and respective football associations the preparations should have begun a long time ago of course, but although players have got a whole season for their club to worry about, they need to keep an eye on June/July 2014. It’s the biggest stage, every players dream, the most proud moment of anyone’s life if they are fortunate to play in a FIFA World Cup. If you were to ask a player whether they would prefer to start or be fit for every game this season or prefer to be at the World Cup, they would choose the historic tournament every time. That is one of the biggest questions for players at the moment, transfer window is open and they need to make sure they are playing for a team that will give them game time as well as a team that they will perform well in so they are selected for their countries squad. That is something they have reasonable control over but they don’t have much control over injury.

Preventing injury sounds ridiculous as players should give their all for their club every week and it shouldn’t put a player in two minds whether to jump into a tackle or to bust a gut to get to a ball. How many times has your heart been in your mouth when your national team’s star player doesn’t get up straight away a few months before a tournament? Its nerve-racking stuff and for players in the Premiership it seems they are more at risk. At the last World Cup the likes of Drogba, Ballack, Torres, Ferdinand, Essien, Mikel, and Bosingwa were all ruled out due to injury for their countries and all played that season in the EPL. That is also excluding players who began the tournament injured or weren’t fully fit. We know that the English football season is hectic; there is no winter break like they have in the rest of Europe. In fact the fixture schedule is more intense over the winter period with 3 games a week across the Christmas and New Year period. The premier league have made it very clear that they no plans to introduce a winter break as the schedule is too tight and fair enough, most top leagues have 18 teams whereas the EPL has 20. Add European football the FA cup and a League cup and you have a monster amount of games. The key may well be pre-season, if they start that well and get their fitness off to a stable start without stretching themselves it may do them the world of good come the end of the season.

TV doesn’t help much either as games are moved to generate more viewers resulting in fewer days before games with big teams regularly playing weekend and mid-week. This takes a massive toll on the players and who must feel fatigued as early as the New Year let alone having a major tournament to play once the season is finished. Basically club football in England doesn’t give a shit about national teams and only care about the dough and you can’t help but wonder that this may be the reason England do so badly at tournaments and always have 1 or 2 big players injured for World Cups. It’s a guaranteed occurrence in fact I may put a bet on which players get injured.

As said before another factor that will be moistening the brow of players at the moment is playing time and form. Most players will base their transfer decisions on whether they will be first choice for their current or future club. Does Rooney risk staying at United with doubts over whether he’ll start regularly? Does Lukaku go out on loan to secure his starting position in the Belgian line-up?  National managers will always prefer the players that play regularly for their clubs as they are the players they regularly see and who are fit and on form. It’s a good thing for smaller clubs as top players fell insecure about their place in a top team and drop to mid-table clubs for first team action in the form of loans. Don’t be surprised to see some big names at small clubs come September 1st.

The World Cup is a year away and even though they are not talking about it, players are definitely thinking about it. If they get their pre-season right then they have a better chance of staying fit and impressing their club managers enough to get them some quality first-team football. However some may have to be shipped out on loan to give them a chance at playing in world’s biggest sporting event. Not all will make it and some may get lucky by replacing someone else who was unlucky to get injured for the tournament but either way I’ll be biting nails with every England player that goes down this season. Maybe I’m over-reacting too early; they got to get there first. 

Why are we waiting?...

It’s the words lingering in most fans brain box at the moment with the world’s biggest clubs content with meandering between speculation and website chitter chatter. That is of course unless clubs have done deals and are being uncharacteristically patient with announcing transfers to the press but even if that was worth the effort, football clubs aren’t that smart – by no means. We have a few big situations in this current market such as the Suarez saga which is getting right on my tits as well as the Rooney circus and a few other niggling rumours that I’m sure is also giving you itchy chesticles.

Clubs have begun their tours, travelling around the world to places like America, Asia, Australia and Central Europe to raise their global profiles, and despite the main commercial intentions this time is also for players to gel and get ready for the coming season – so it would be good to have you r full squad there wouldn’t it? Fair enough players are rested for playing for their respective nations such as those participating in the unnecessary Confederations Cup. However, is it worth taking a player half way across the world when it’s quite obvious they’ll be flying back prematurely to discuss a move? Or leaving it to buy your main target until after the Pre-season tour so they have less time to gel? Seems risky, especially with the amount of money that’s being thrown about these days, banking on players to gel fast and perform.  This is the case with and Rooney. Rooney joined Man Utd on tour in Thailand and after 2 days has been sent back ‘treatment’ on a hamstring injury. It’s quite a coincidence that such a thing should occur and puts doubt over his future at the club but at the same time, Moyes is encouraged by his meeting with Rooney and have even been too each other’s houses. How about you stop pissing about having brunch and all that bollocks and sort out what you’re up to? How hard is it? I personally think Rooney will stay as he hasn’t really got anywhere else to go.  United have come out and said they are not going to offer Rooney a new deal which I never thought was the question at hand here anyway, it makes it sound like this whole ridiculous situation is just Rooney employing the same tactic  as he did in 2010to get a pay rise, which would be outrageous.

Talking of Man Utd it seems that they paid too much attention to Rooney that they have missed out on their reportedly biggest target in the shape of Thiago of Barcelona. They desperately need some quality in midfield with Scholes retiring, Fletcher expected to be out of action, and Anderson struggling to find consistency. Thiago has been touted as the man they really wanted to be the future heartbeat of the United machine – but well done he’s joined tin-ass Guardiola at Bayern. Now it could be the case that they were never interested and that it was all paper talk but it’s been so widely reported that it was if he had already signed and was even going to be announced as a United player at Moyes first press conference. I don’t know what’s happened here but I think Thiago has made a mistake as I can’t see him getting the game time at Bayern that he has craved at Barca but in saying that, it makes me doubt United were ever in for him. So who is going to be Moyes big signing in the middle of the park? Fellaini has been linked as well as Fabregas, it’s a crucial buy for Moyes and it has slipped under the radar due to the Rooney saga. Looks like another frustrating wait.

Now there is the Suarez thing. It’s quite obvious Suarez is a bit of a scumbag, I’m not saying that he’s wrong for wanting to move because he has been getting a lot of hassle from the press and no doubt feels isolated and very disliked, but for I think Luis should realise he has bitten a man and racially abused another as well as showing his petulant side on more than one occasion. He brings it on himself. Liverpool are desperate to keep hold of him because he is an outstanding player but he has said he is determined to leave. Liverpool need to accept it and the best they can do is get as much money as possible and make sure that he doesn’t go to another English club. If he went to Arsenal, Liverpool fans would be furious and rightly so. For a team that’s rebuilding and should be in the top 4, selling your best player to the competition is out of the question. That’s the least of their worries though, how do you replace him? Liverpool are currently buying young and cheap but they’ll need to splash some big cash to replace Suarez and could even use him a swap deal. If I was Liverpool I’d resign myself to losing him, sell him to Real Madrid, and try to get either Higuain or Benzema in exchange.

Everything remains quiet on the transfer front with clubs keeping their cards firmly against their chest. With the rate its going it looks as though big deals will be happening right through to deadline day on September 1st. However it only takes one big deal to go through and then the wheel will start to spin for example Mario Gomez arrives at Fiorentina, leading to Jovetic being targeted by Man City because they sold Tevez to Juventus. I’m more interested in what Arsenal and Man Utd do in the market as I feel they have the more important decisions to make but blimey they’re taking their time doing it. I wouldn’t hold your breath but the sigh of relief is just around the corner for you big club supporters – well you’d hope so. 

Who's got the biggest joke-innear?

It’s quite fair to say that Newcastle are losing their identity and rapidly. Since Mike Ashley took over the club in 2007, he has shown
his idiocy, incompetence, and total lack of respect to Newcastle United.
Newcastle is a massive club, the Toon army are a loyal and proud group of
supporters. Well they used to be. After saga on top of saga in Ashley’s reign
this week it is going through another comical episode – in the shape of Joe
Kinnear with the Irishman being appointed Director of Football.

Kinnear was in temporary charge of Newcastle in 2008 but had
to leave prematurely due to heart problems. Within the first week of taking over,
after the sacking of Keegan, the press were on his back and Kinnear responded
with one of the most listened to press conferences of all time when he called
out the press with a tirade of abuse, calling one reporter a c@nt. He got some
decent results but still couldn’t steer them from relegation which was
confirmed later that season after Shearer took over. Now the Director of
Football position doesn’t really have a place in England in fact it often leads
to the manager being sacked and the DOF taking over. In England the manager is
seen as the most important position at the club and every decision has to go
through him so a DOF is somewhat of an insult or a chairmen’s attempt to force
out the manager. For all we know that could be Ashley’s intention as he can’t
sack Pardew. If he sacked Pardew he would have to pay out the rest of his 8
year contract. I think Mr Ashley offering an 8 year deal is the root of this
problem that he seems somehow capable of making worse. So basically in one
appointment Ashley has disrespected his manager, made him uncertain over his
future, and pissed off his own fans. 

After Kinnear’s abusive rant a few years ago and his
all-round old-fashioned blunt personality has led to the press wanting to stick
the knives in. The English press is an enemy you don’t want and he doesn’t seem
to have cottoned onto that yet. The press have pounced and Kinnear has again
showed his stupidity by playing up to it with outbursts and rants that he has
lived to regret such as being more intelligent than Toon fans. Shearer has come
out and said this decision has made Newcastle a laughing stock and he’s right.
Kinnear responded by calling Shearer a clueless coach and he’s right too. 

It’s the latest of a series of comical errors at Newcastle
and I feel sorry for the fans who are being treated like mugs here. Since 2007
they have seen managers like Hughton being sacked for no reason, appointment of
absolute has-beens like Keegan and Shearer, the famous St James’s Park having
its name changed for some ghastly commercial brand name, a team with more
French then English, and a wet blanket of a manager who looks more like a pen
salesman – let alone the idiot who owns the place. To top it off the club bar’s
name has changed from Shearer’s – all-time top goal scorer to something else
pretty ghastly. Actually that last one I find the funniest  - I’m looking forward to the encore.