You could be excused for having absolutely no idea what is going on in the world of sport, I mean you're probably chillin' or if you're so inclined you may be bickin' back. Maybe you're frying a few shrimp's on the barbie, maybe you're trying to survive the fact that it's snowing at this time of the year, maybe you're, heaven forbid you're working! Maybe you're just sitting on you're deck with a few mussels grilling in garlic with a Double Brown in your hands enjoying a Kiwi summer, it's all good, here's everything you need to know.
We'll start in the motherland for all you Poms or those who fancy a bit of football, round ball football. It's become pretty obvious that Allan Pardew ... nah first of all Tommy Smith scored in Ipswich Town's 3-0 win over Charlton! #FlyingKiwis
Fuck the motherland, Ivan Vicelich is now a Member of the New Zealand Order of Merit. Salute.
Ah, Allan Pardew will soon be the manager of Crystal Palace after they gave Neil Warnock the flick. Anyone with half a brain would be pretty keen to leave Newcastle asap and despite righting the ship, Pardew looks set to make the jump.
There's constant whispers/shouts that Gareth Bale could be destined to join Manchester United. I'm not so sure, Real Madrid is a pretty good place to be especially when you're going pretty well yourself. Keep an eye out though, but also be aware that this could one of those rather long, drawn out good for nothing transfer saga's.
The jam-packed Christmas/New Years schedule in the EPL is still firing on all cylinders and the top half of the table is still pretty tight ... well besides Chelsea (46 points) and Manchester City (43) who are sitting pretty. Manchester United are in 3rd (36), followed by Southampton and Arsenal (both 33) and with Swansea sitting in 9th on 28 points there's still some spice in the race for a Champions League spot.
Barcelona have had their appeal against a transfer ban, rejected, cue celebrations. They won't be able to sign a player until January 2016 for being tricky buggers with their youngsters in their academy. No doubt they'll somehow find a way around this ban.
Closer to home in the A-League, the Wellington Phoenix will tonight play Adelaide United in a huge game for the Nix. They're a point behind Adelaide who sit in 3rd, so a win for the Nix could see them slide up the ladder but they'll be without Nathan Burns who's preparing for the Asian Cup and Roy Krishna who has got a bit of an injury. Interesting times for the Nix, big game, down on troops, she'll be a beauty.
The major cricket news is the retirement of MS Dhoni from Test cricket. Dhoni will still be available to play in the World Cup and any T20 stuff coming up, but he won't feature in the last Test between India and Australia. Virat Kohli will captain the side and I reckon it's a smart decision in all aspects as Kohli will get another opportunity to gain some experience as a Test captain and Dhoni, well it's not the end of the world as he can prepare for the World Cup. Personally, I love Dhoni and his 'no fucks given' attitude that he gives off but to say that he doesn't give a fuck would be wildly unfair. This is a man who led India to a number 1 Test ranking and someone who had the perfect personality to do a job as the Indian Test captain, which is one of the most demanding jobs in world sport. Salute.
The Aussies have named Ashton Agar in their squad for that final Test as the Sydney pitch might offer some turn. Remember Agar? He got 90 odd against England in the Ashes last year on debut and hasn't really been seen since so it would be good to see him get a go, but he'll need the SCG pitch to demand two spinners. The overreaction to Shane Watson's slight lack of runs continues, he's the best all rounder in Australian cricket though with Mitchell Marsh so don't pay any attention to this.
The 2nd Test between South Africa and the West Indies ended in a rain influenced draw, but not after Kraigg Brathwaite and Marlon Samuels both hit centuries. Good on the Windies for offering up some sort of challenge.
In Aotearoa the Ford Trophy continues to roll on, with the Auckland Aces and Otago Volts the only sides with 2 wins. The Aces sneered an extra bonus super duper point, so they're on 10 points while the Volts are on 9 with the Central District Stags and Northern District Knights on 5 and 4 respectively. Shout out to the Wellington Firebirds and Canterbury for the golden ducks. In terms of the World Cup, Mitch McClenaghan is the leading wicket taker so far with 7 while Martin Guptill sits in 3rd for the most runs with 166. To make it even more scandalous Nathan McCullum has the 4th most runs and the 3rd equal most wickets with 5, along with Grant Elliot who is 7th in both the most runs and most wickets. Everyone else on those lists doesn't really matter in relation to the World Cup.
The major news out of the NFL is that Ndamukong Suh successfully appealed his one game suspension for this stomp. Firstly his name...
Then the stomp
Me and Johnny
Oh and coaches got given the flick
Those coaches got flicked because they suck and didn't make the playoffs, so here's a playoff bracket for ya'll
There's far too much happening in the NBA to even come close to touching briefly on half of it, so I'm gonna sip my Double Brown and just look at our boy, our bro, the one, the only Big Stevie Pimp, Steven, Steve Adams. First things first, he got Nick Young aka Swaggy P ejected! Swaggy mate, you're just another name on the list.
Since Christmas Eve Adams has averaged 26mins, 10.25 rebounds, 1 assist, 2 blocks and 9.75 points. That's right folks, Steven Adams, the Kiwi has nearly averaged a double double over Christmas. Salute. He's got some pretty slick offensive moves now, well kind of sporadically but it seems like his decision to not play in the FIBA World Cup and rather put in some hard yards with the Thunder is paying off. Here's a very lovely article courtesy of Thunder Obsessed, you know how us Kiwi folk go, we love hearing nice things about us, our nation and our best.
The best thing about Steve is that he's Steve. The way he plays basketball does nothing less than put Aotearoa in a shining spotlight while Steve himself, well he's just a great guy. Salute.