Last Week: 10-6

Season: 161-77-1

Buffalo Bills (8-7) at New England Patriots (12-3)

And so we have come to the end. The end of the regular season, anyway, which also means we’re almost at the beginning of the good stuff. It’s been a great season for picks, I’ve already topped last season’s total of correctos so I’m playing with house money this week. Cheers. Mostly I just wanna beat as many of the mugs on CBS Sports as possible.

The Buffalo Bills won’t be in the playoffs. That’s what you deserve when you can’t beat a 2-win Raiders team in a must-win game. Kyle Orton ya mug! Meanwhile the Patriots secured the first seed with a win on a day they played kinda crap. Vince Wilfork blocked a field goal leading to this absolute beauty.​

Tom Brady probably rests for a lot of this game, the Pats probably win easily regardless. The Bills should be heartbroken.

Wildcard’s Pick: Patriots by 10

Cleveland Browns (7-8) at Baltimore Ravens (9-6)

Baltimore need a win and other results to make the playoffs. They probably blew it last week when Joe Flacco laid an egg in a massive game. Not ideal, that. Still, you don’t wanna be complaining about quarterbacks too close to the Cleveland Browns. Manziel! Hoyer! Manziel! Hoyer! … oh, they’re both injured. This remains my favourite pic of the NFL season:​

Wildcard’s Pick: Ravens by 12

Carolina Panthers (6-8-1) at Atlanta Falcons (6-9)

Ya know, for a division and therefore playoff clinching game, this is a bit of a stinker. The Panthers have been poor most of the year while the Falcons, okay they’ve been a lot better the second half of the season but who’s betting on a team that couldn’t hold a 21 point half-time lead in London in that game against the Lions. Cam Newton just hasn’t been himself this season and frankly I do still like the idea of Matt Ryan throwing to Julio Jones. Tony Gonzalez left a bigger hole than anticipated, they have no semblance of a running game and cannot defend on most any count. But, still, Matt Ryan.

I just can’t believe one of these teams will be in the playoffs. SORT IT OUT, GOODELL!

Wildcard’s Pick: Falcons by 7

Dallas Cowboys (11-4) at Washington Pro Football Team (4-11)

We made it, baby! Let the Tony Romo renaissance begin.

The man leads the NFL in completion percentage, passer rating and yards per attempt. He’s had his most assured season ever, he’s done it under immense pressure given both his reputation and his role on the team, he’s winning games and he’s still making great plays. All this after back surgery in the offseason… and a couple broken bones in the back during the season. And in December, when he has traditionally struggled, these are his numbers (per NFL.com):

That is insane production. He won’t win the MVP because of Aaron Rodgers’ video game numbers (not my pick though…) but if anybody ever tells me that Romo’s a chocker again I swear I’ll stab them. Maybe even twice.

It’s nice not to have to worry about the Cowboys in week 17. If this had been a win or go home game as their seasons almost always end up as, I’d have zero confidence. That’s not true, I’m always super confident and that’s why it hurts so much to be let down. But not this season, in with a week to spare! This must be what it’s like to be a Patriots fan.

Wildcard’s Pick: Cowboys by 11

Chicago Bears (5-10) at Minnesota Vikings (6-9)

Yup, there are gonna be a few of these meaningless games. That’s the state of things when only two playoffs spots are yet to be decided. It’s actually kinda boring, not much to play for!

Here we’ve got Jay Cutler in for perhaps his final game in Chicago (maybe he just needs a change? He’ll definitely be in the league next season somewhere or other) and we’ve got Teddy Bridgewater about to conclude what should be the first of many seasons as the Vikes starter. And Jared Allen returning to his old stomping ground.

I think that’s enough about that one.

Wildcard’s Pick: Bears by 6

Detroit Lions (11-4) at Green Bay Packers (11-4)

One last spin on the ESPN Playoff Predictor machine. Some lovely matchups coming our way, including a winnable playoff game for Dallas! Hallelujah, ‘tis the season!

The Packers don’t lose very often at Lambeau.

Wildcard’s Pick: Packers by 3

Jacksonville Jaguars (3-12) at Houston Texans (8-7)

Here’s my big opinion of the week: J.J. Watt is my 2014 NFL MVP

I mean, who else brings as much to the table for his team as Watt? Nobody. He’s a frightening prospect to face, he sucks in offensive lineman like a black hole and it creates so much space for others to get at the QB… then he still gets the sack himself. He’s a monster. The fact that he’s a defensive player makes his chances of winning the award pretty slim but as far as I’m concerned it makes it all more impressive. J.J. Watt’s a player so good that you tune in just to see him play. Take him out of this Houston team and they have, what, 4 wins? 3? 2? Arian Foster’s a great player and they have a couple great receivers but damn, son, look at what they’ve had at QB!? Give J.J. the MVP.

Wildcard’s Pick: Texans by 10

San Diego Chargers (9-6) at Kansas City Chiefs (8-7)

The Chiefs are so close to being a really good team. In this league though, in this era, if you cannot throw a SINGLE touchdown to a wide receiver ALL SEASON, then you will not go far. The Chargers can barely field a full team with all of their injuries, but at least they can throw the ball.

Wildcard’s Pick: Chargers by 7

Indianapolis Colts (10-5) at Tennessee Titans (2-13)

If you weren’t tipped off by T.Y. Hilton sitting out for Indy in Dallas that they didn’t really care what happened, then you knew it by the time they went for a fake punt in their own half on their first possession of the game. The Colts are were never getting a top 2 seed, there was no reason to risk it against Dallas (not that the eventual hiding they got was much for confidence). Tennessee are playing to lose for the second overall draft pick. I see Andrew Luck playing one half at most, throwing three TDs and putting this thing to bed before most people have realised it had even kicked off.

Wildcard’s Pick: Colts by 17

New York Jets (3-12) at Miami Dolphins (8-7)

Rex Ryan’s last game in charge of the Jets…

He needs a change anyway. Good coach, no-win situation. He’ll get a gig somewhere else, best case scenario the San Francisco 49ers. Although I’d love to see him in the broadcasting booth.

Wildcard’s Pick: Dolphins by 6

New Orleans Saints (6-9) at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2-13)

You blew it, New Orleans. You blew it.

Also, the Buccs are guaranteed the number one pick if they lose this. Basically, don’t try.

Wildcard’s Pick: Saints by 10

Philadelphia Eagles (9-6) at New York Giants (6-9)

This is another of those meaningless games. Who saw that coming at the start of the season? Personally, I hate ‘em both, and I couldn’t be happier. I think the Eagles bottle it after bottling it last week. The Giants are a dangerous team to take lightly despite it all. Like any team, you play at 95% you look like a bunch of high-schoolers. You play at 100% and it all works.

Wildcard’s Pick: Giants by 3

Oakland Raiders (3-12) at Denver Broncos (11-4)

The dumb thing about picking this week is that teams like the Broncos have nothing to play for. Second place in the conference is already there, why bother to play your best players? Peyton Manning probably sits out – unless he’s worried about sitting out with a bye next week too. Eh, it’s been the running back Anderson doing the damage recently anyway.

Wildcard’s Pick: Broncos by 10

Arizona Cardinals (11-4) at San Francisco 49ers (7-8)

Serious question, would you back the Cardinals in the playoffs? Their thing this season has been to play the percentages, ride a strong defence and do just enough to win and that inspires nobody. I think even with Carson Palmer I’d have been betting against them, so what about with Logan Thomas? The percentage play doesn’t seem like the type that converts into playoff wins, not against desperate quarterbacks with great arms. Remember the Chiefs big lead against the Colts last season, got slaughtered in the second half by Andrew Luck. The Chiefs who made a season of winning close games that they were expected to, nursing leads and frustrating opponents. The Cardinals are this year’s Chiefs.

The 49ers’ season can’t finish soon enough. Colin Kaepernick needs to lie low for a while.

Wildcard’s Pick: Cardinals by 1

St Louis Rams (6-9) at Seattle Seahawks (11-4)

Holy crap, did you see that Marshawn Lynch TD!? Madness, there are so few people capable of such athletic dominance against elite fellow athletes. Mr Watt in Houston does it, sure. LeBron James, Russell Westbrook, Anthony Davis in the NBA. There are guys, but not very many.

He RAGDOLLS that poor S.O.B.! Very reminiscent of his one against New Orleans in the playoffs a few years back. Not a good sign for the rest of the NFC, and a very good sign for those who reckon they may be able to get their hands on some Beast Mode in free agency.

Wildcard’s Pick: Seahawks by 10

Cincinnati Bengals (10-4-1) at Pittsburgh Steelers (10-5)

Both of these teams won last week to clinch, which taught me a nice lesson about sports. The Cowboys also won to clinch, as did the Lions, Packers and Seahawks although they technically clinched when the Eagles lost. Not important, they were preparing for a win-and-in situation. Whereas teams like those Eagles, or the Bills or Chiefs and whatever all lost playing for survival. Yeah, the Chiefs still have a chance but only if the Chargers and Ravens both lose. The Texans and Chargers won to survive. It all goes to show that playing from in front really is a lot easier. Playing from behind you’ve gotta take risks and sometimes that pays off, sometimes it doesn’t. In games and over entire seasons.

The Bengals are playing from a half-game in front here but for all intents and purposes it’s a straight playoff for the fourth seed. The loser plays the Colts. I’m taking the Steelers (deep playoff threats, yo) which is not good news for the Bengals.

Wildcard’s Pick: Steelers by 4

The Wildcard is a staff writer for The Niche Cache. He’d just like you all to know that, yes, he will be applying for the New York Jet Head Coaching role for 2015. Because he likes a challenge.