NBA All Star weekend is nearly upon us, and excitement has reached fever pitch now that there’s under a week to go until things kick off in the Big Easy. Contestants have been picked, teams selected, uniforms complained about and no doubt excuses being thought up for why your favourite player was robbed in the dunk contest. Whether it represents the ultimate celebration of achievement and athleticism or just an excuse for rivals to put aside their differences and hit the strippers together (looking at you, Paul George...) there is no doubt that it’s usually a fairly entertaining couple of days. I already looked at the main event a couple of weeks ago, so this week I thought I’d offer my opinions on the lesser-known events and give my nods as to who I think might take home the trophies. Special props must go to Damien Lillard who has taken the unusual approach of taking part in every single event at All Star weekend, so the odds must be in his favour to win something.

Celebrity Game

Before anyone wants to nitpick, I do realise that this isn’t really a true part of the All Star celebrations. But hey, it’s usually pretty fun to watch and where else can you see Justin Bieber getting swatted by Scottie Pippen? Every year a somewhat underwhelming roster is put together, with it being a bit of a stretch to call some of the people a celebrity – for example, it was announced that Michael Jordan would be playing ... except it’s an actor called Michael B. Jordan. Selections also reek of sponsorships and PR ops, with Kevin Hart being picked again. I’m convinced that he must be paying organisers because he basically turns the entire game into a PR stunt for whatever crappy movie he’s peddling at the time, and has somehow claimed 2 MVPs despite being terrible. Nonetheless, my boy Arne Duncan (US Secretary of Education who you’d expect to play like your dad, until you realise he used to play pro ball in Aussie) will probably tear up again and he’s my pick for MVP this year.

Three Point Shootout

Kyrie Irving, Arron Afflalo, Bradley Beal, Joe Johnson, Kevin Love, Steph Curry, Marco Belinelli, Damien Lillard

This is probably the event that requires the most skill and effort out of the whole weekend, and maybe the only one where it seems like players actually want to win. Don’t get me wrong, I love all the events, but there is certainly a lackadaisical feeling to some of the performances. Is this because there’s a bigger cheque for taking this out, or because it’s the only event that tests an in-game skill? Whatever the reason, this year’s roster is certainly promising, with only Marco Belinelli not being in the discussion for the All-Star game – this ensures that there will be no James Jones-esque winner (“wait, who won?”). Organisers have opted again for the approach of having representatives from each conference go 1 on 1 in the final round, which ties it in nicely with the dunk contest and All-Star game formats. The nature of the contest means that it’s not necessarily the ‘best’ shooter who wins but rather whoever is feeling hot on the night, and with a group like this it really could be anyone so I could quickly look like a fool if my pick for champion flops.

Champion: At the risk of embarrassing myself, I think Steph Curry has got this one due to his track record of being the best shooter in the league and very rarely having an off-night.  

Lame Duck: When it rains it pours with Bradley Beal, but with a player as streaky as he is I think there’s a very real chance he could have a shocker.

Dunk Contest

Paul George, Terrence Ross, John Wall, Harrison Barnes, Ben McLemore, Damian Lillard

Ah, the dunk contest. I have a very love/hate relationship with this, as sometimes I love how iconic some of the dunks become (D12s superman dunk, Gerald Green’s cupcake dunk) but other times I can’t shake the feeling that the whole thing is judged more on hype and popularity than the dunks themselves (Blake Griffins “over a car” dunk). Large sections of the NBA fanbase seem to agree with me and believe the contest is in very real danger of becoming (at best) stale or (at worst) irrelevant. It seems the league has heard the grumblings, and to their credit seem to have made a real effort to recruit stars rather than some of the no-names from recent years (Jeremy Evans in 2012 anyone?), even if LeBron is still avoiding it like the plague. The format has also been given a shaking up, and to be honest I can’t really make sense of it all - Freestyle rounds, teams, head to head matchups, no judges... seems as if the league is throwing handfuls of new rules in and seeing what sticks. No matter what the format though, it tends to be more about creativity than raw athleticism so should favour those who have already competed as they know what gets the fans going. Interestingly enough this is the first year that I can remember that doesn’t feature a token big man, so unfortunately we won’t be treated to any high flying giants like Javale McGee. 

Champion: I said that previous competitors would be at an advantage, but I’m going to take a real flyer here and pick McLemore. The guy whose name isn’t quite Macklemore has got tongues wagging with rumours that he might try a 720 dunk... Seriously, 720. If he pulls that off, game over.

Lame Duck: The field seems so even that really I’m just picking a name out of a hat here. Purely based on his lacklustre play in every other facet of the game this season and lack of appeal to casual fans, I’m picking Harrison Barnes to flop.

Rising Stars

Adams, Antetokounmpo, Plumlee x2, Burke, Carter-Williams, Hardaway Jr, Oladipo, Olynyk, Barnes, Beal, Davis, Drummond, Jones, Lillard, Sullinger, Valanciunas, Waiters

Formerly Rookies v Sophmores for those older fans, this is quite possibly my favourite event all weekend. It’s basically the All-Star game junior edition, featuring the same weird combinations of players and complete and utter lack of anything even resembling defence, but with the added thrill (or confusion) of possibly not knowing who half the players are. Special excitement this year for all the Kiwi fans with our boy Steven Adams getting the call up, which really solidifies his claim to being the most relevant basketball player in our fair nation’s history. Unfortunately other than hometown hero Anthony Davis his team is lacking somewhat compared to the overwhelming firepower present in the opposition like Lillard, Beal, Barnes and Drummond, but really in a game like this it basically boils down to who can be bothered putting in any effort. Guaranteed highlights include the announcers trying to pronounce Giannis Antetokounmpo correctly (greatest name in the league? Definitely), the more unathletic players trying desperately to keep up with the highflyers – for example white boy Olynyk going against absolute freak Drummond – and the two Plumlee brothers facing each other in a battle for mediocrity.

Champion: The obvious choice would be Anthony Davis, as he is by far the most talented player in this game and also the local favourite. However, my spidey senses tell me he’ll probably get rested ahead of the actual All-Star game so look for Andre Drummond to absolutely kill it out there and throw down some ridiculous jams.

Lame Duck: When the rumours are that the selectors completely goofed and actually meant to pick his far more talented brother instead of him, you know that Mason Plumlee is probably going to be somewhat overmatched in this one. A big man, fairly unathletic and without an outside shooting touch... this can’t go well for the younger Plumlee.

So there we have it, the All-Star weekend covered. Eagle eyed readers may note that I left out the Shooting Stars and the Skills Challenge, frankly this is because I think they are the biggest waste of time and serve no purpose other than to allow more advertising time during the weekend, but if you really want tips then I’ll pick Curry Jr and Curry Sr for the Shooting Stars and Lillard for the Skills Challenge. Feel free to laugh mercilessly at me when most of these predictions turn out to be horribly inaccurate, but if someone wins the dunk contest after including a few sponsor-supplied items... well, don’t say I didn’t warn you.