Last Week: 9-5

Season: 75-44

Cleveland Browns (2-6) at Cincinnati Bengals (7-0)

Heeeeeeeere’s Johnny!

But nobody really cares about Johnny. Not until he’s done something worth caring about, though it’s about time he got the chance (what with a broken Josh McCown and all). I expect if he cracks it in the end then we’ll be saying the Browns played it perfectly in holding him back but it’s never easy to look at a 36 year old, limited, stop-gap QB and think it isn’t worth just throwing the guy with potential in there anyway – especially when you’re not exactly winning games.

The real storyline here is Andy Dalton in the middle of his best ever season playing in primetime when everyone’s watching. Yeah, that’s right Andy, we can see ya. You and that flashy new fade you’ve got.

A career completion of 48.67% on Thursday night games, he’s lost two of his three TNFs throwing 1 TD and 6 INTs. His record in late kickoffs isn’t much better with 3 wins from 10, and that’s not even including his 0-4 playoff record. So there’s a reason to think that this game’s gonna give us our best indication yet as to whether this fella’s ready to get it done when it counts. Can’t rely solely on immaculate blocking and a bossing defence in the playoffs, you need playmakers to make plays. Dalton got things done against the Steelers last week when it mattered, despite comfortably his worst game so far. It doesn’t matter what sport it is, the best teams are the ones who can find a way to win even on the off days. The Bengals are 7-0, I’m backing them to get to 8-0.

Wildcard’s Pick: Cincy by 10

Miami Dolphins (3-4) at Buffalo Bills (3-4)

Congratulations to the Buffalo Bills who, according to a recent study, have the drunkest fans in the NFL. This really isn’t a huge shocker…

Further congratulations to these other teams on their own fan superiority:

• Green Bay Packers – Cheesiest fans
• New England Patriots – Most obnoxious fans
• Dallas Cowboys – Most morally ambiguous fans
• Washington R**skins – Most racism-enabling fans
• Cleveland Browns – Saddest fans
• Oakland Raiders – Best KISS costumed fans
• Denver Broncos – Highest fans
• New York Giants – Dumbest fans (sorry)
• San Francisco 49ers – Angriest Australian fans
• Minnesota Vikings – Coldest fans

I like the Dolphins to bounce back with a hard-fought win over a banged-up Bills side, though how far they can go without Cameron Wake I don’t even know. That was a brutal injury in a week full of them.

Wildcard’s Pick: Fins by 4

Green Bay Packers (6-1) at Carolina Panthers (7-0)

This might be the toughest one of the week to pick. I could spin a myriad of yarns about different aspects of the game and how they may impact the outcome but I’ve already done that in my head and it didn’t help. I love how both these teams are tracking and I’m confident that each has at least one more gear to reach. So instead I’m just gonna ride with that old tried and true tiebreaker and pick the better quarterback. Sorry Cam, you’ve been good but Rodgers is the best in the business.

Wildcard’s Pick: Packers by 6

Jacksonville Jaguars (2-5) at New York Jets (4-3)

How about Derek Carr getting all his against the vaunted NYJ secondary? Now that was odd. Almost as odd as the first article I looked up after writing that sentence using the word ‘vaunted’ to describe the New York Jets’ secondary. Ooooh.

Anyway, the stats I were looking for were these:

Derek Carr. 333 passing yards. 4 touchdowns.

That was by far the most impressive he’s looked in his career so far, a better game than almost any other QB from his draft class has managed yet. Including Blake Bortles.

It’s only the second year for those guys, but right now it looks like a really trashy draft for quarterbacks. Here’s the list of 2014 drafted quarterbacks:

Blake Bortles (Jacksonville Jaguars) – first round, 3 overall

Johnny Manziel (Cleveland Browns) – first round, 22 overall

Teddy Bridgewater (Minnesota Vikings) – first round, 32 overall

Derek Carr (Oakland Raiders) – second round, 36 overall

Jimmy Garoppolo (New England Patriots) – second round, 62 overall

There was also Logan Thomas, Aaron Murray, AJ McCarron, Zach Mettenberger, David Fales, Keith Wenning, Tajh Boyd and Garrett Gilbert.

Speaking of quarterbacks, the Jets don’t really have one at the moment. Ryan Fitzpatrick’s injury meant that game saw 42 pass attempts from Geno Smith, which actually improves most of his career averages coz he only threw one pick in that lot. Fitzy’s got a torn ligament in his left thumb, which needs surgery, but being as that isn’t his throwing hand he might just put up with it and see how he goes. Carson Palmer played through a similar injury in 2009. If that does happen, then Geno Smith’s really in a bad place with this team, he might not get another go as starter after this. Not if a one-handed Fitzy is playing ahead of him.

Wildcard’s Pick: Jets, mate. The turnovers are about to come flooding back.

St Louis Rams (4-3) at Minnesota Vikings (5-2)

Ooh, here we go, two of the undercover good teams of 2015. I’m not as sceptical of the Vikings as others seem to be. I like Teddy Bridgewater, even if he’s been the weakest part of this team, and I trust he’s got more in the bag. But the Rams I don’t think it’s fair me calling them 'undercover good'. I think they might really be proper, legit good. Not great, like the four 7-0 teams (which is an NFL record, btw) but pretty bloody good. That defensive line will kill you and Todd Gurley. Todd Freakin’ Gurley! How good is this guy!? His first five games of his career and he’s averaging 6.1 yards per carry. He has 566 yards in his first 4 NFL starts, you know who else has done that in the past? NOBODY EVER!

Todd Gurley might already be one of the three best running backs in the NFL and this week he plays Adrian Peterson. If there are 50 pass attempts in this game then I want my money back.

Wildcard’s Pick: Rams by 2

Washington R**skins (3-4) at New England Patriots (7-0)

Wildcard’s Pick: Categorically the Patriots

Tennessee Titans (1-6) at New Orleans Saints (4-4)

I, The Wildcard, would like to offer this formal apology to Mr Drew Brees of the New Orleans Saints. Recently, I made some comments, repeatedly and insistently, that I have now come to regret in time. Intimations and allegations that perhaps Mr Brees was no longer the quarterback of old and that he may never again be counted upon to lead his team to victory on his own as has been the case in the past. The events of the previous week of games have made such a claim appear foolish and reckless and thus I would like to retract any such thing. You, Mr Brees, do indeed still carry the magic within yourself and what is more your teammates around you are proving themselves more and more capable with each passing week. They also deserve apologies for having been written off largely due to their prior anonymity, though that formal apology can wait another couple of week just to be safe. Hopefully, Drew, you can find it in your heart to accept this particular apology because you were always one of my favourite players.

So… we good now, bro? We all good?

Wildcard’s Pick: Saints by 7

Oakland Raiders (4-3) at Pittsburgh Steelers (4-4)

Pour one out for Le’veon Bell.

Out for the season with that knee injury, having Big Ben and Andre Brown means this team is still gonna score plenty of points but that’s a huge blow for this team’s prospects this year. Roethlisberger was sloppy last week in his first game back and he should be a lot better with another seven days under his belt. I offered up some praise for Derek Carr already, right now I wanna offer up some praise for a beastly offensive line and some quality receivers. Oakland can score points now, people, the dark days are (mostly) over. Don’t be banking on too much defence here.

Wildcard’s Pick: Steelers should out gun 'em

New York Giants (4-4) at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-4)

Only the Giants could score 49 points and still lose. It takes a special balance of capability and incapability to be at once unstoppable and utterly rubbish. Only the Giants, a team that’s defined by their ability to lose the unlosable and win the unwinnable. They play the Patriots in a few weeks, that’ll be fun. They’re also top of the NFC East at evens so things really aren’t that bad. Credit to the Buccs though, they ruined many a gambler’s weekend in beating the Falcons, and they did it after giving up a big lead. Yay Jameis. But I’d be surprised if they can repeat the dose.

Wildcard’s Pick: Giants by 7

Atlanta Falcons (6-2) at San Francisco 49ers (2-6)

Not only do the Atlanta Falcons have a ridiculously easy schedule, but on top of that they’ve gotten to play against Brandon Weedle, Zach Mettenberger, Ryan Mallett and now Blaine Gabbert. It’s like the worst boy band ever. But then you take all that luck and you balance it out with a loss to the Buccs and maybe we’re back at even. Plus they still have to play the Panthers twice, as well as the Colts and then Vikings in a few weeks after their bye.

On the other side of things though… the Niners dropped Colin Kaepernick on his birthday. Apparently they’d have done it last week against the Rams but they didn’t wanna expose young Gabby to that defence, so they saved him for the Falcons.

This is not gonna go well for San Francisco.

Wildcard’s Pick: Falcons in a stroll

Denver Broncos (7-0) at Indianapolis Colts (3-5)

I have an idea: Why don’t you sack your offensive coordinator, Indy? Oh, you did. Well let’s hope that solves everything, right?

• Andrew Luck in 2012: 54.1% COMP – 23 TD/18 INT – 67.41 QBR
• Andrew Luck in 2013: 60.2% – 23/9 – 63.5
• Andrew Luck in 2014: 61.7% – 40/16 – 61.54
• Andrew Luck in 2015: 54.9% – 13/12 – 37.56

Hey but if anyone knows about great quarterbacks getting it done despite the struggles then it’s Peyton Manning. He had his best game of the season last week against the Packers, though it’s not worth pretending that this unbeaten team would probably be under .500 were it not for possibly the best defence in the NFL.

Peyton up against his old team and the young gun who replaced him. It’d be fun if we hadn’t already been there done that in the past three times so far. Peyton lost in 2013, won last season, but then lost in the playoffs. This will be the second of those at Lucas Oil Stadium, where he won so many games way back when. So many games that if he wins this one, he’ll surpass Brett Favre as the all-time winningest (so weird that that’s a word) quarterback. And if he throws 283 yards then he surpasses that record of Favre’s too.

Call me a romantic but it’s just too poetic that we don’t see that all happen. And Vernon Davis is gonna catch a TD on Broncos debut.

Wildcard’s Pick: Broncos by 3

Philadelphia Eagles (3-4) at Dallas Cowboys (2-5)

I swear to God I have tolerated this from the Cowboys for just long enough. This is a must-win game and if they can’t get it done then it’s tough to see a way back. Even at 2-5 the door’s still open because the Giants can’t win with 49 points and the Eagles block like children. As for the R**skins, well, they’re cursed. They can’t even trade their 2012 second overall former franchise quarterback. Seriously, no one wants him. They’re there at the market place watching GMs go strolling by, maybe pick him up and have a look at him, turn him over a few times, check for blemishes, then they place him back down and wander on over to the 49ers stall to see what they’ve got on special.

2-5, with 5 consecutive losses, that should mean no hope. But there’s a glimmer and Tony Romo’s already back throwing. There are two weeks before he’s eligible to be reactivated though so Matt Cassel has to find a way to get some Ws up there. He was close last week, so close. Hell, if the officials hadn’t screwed them over before half time with that Seattle timeout thing then who knows?

The run game looked good. Darren McFadden needs to stop being the butt of jokes because he’s playing very well. No matter what the issues with Joseph Randle, this team would not have let him go had he not already lost his starting job to DMcF - case and point: Greg Hardy. Plus Dez Bryant is back and he’ll have a much better day getting marked by Byron Maxwell rather than Richard Sherman (which was a fascinating duel, even if neither got much on the board out of it). It’s actually been impressive how these guys have stuck with teams, they’re a proper QB away from being 5-2, really. Which is bloody annoying. This team could’ve been so good and now they probably won’t make the playoffs.

Wildcard’s Pick: Cowboys by 3, I’m an optimist

Chicago Bears (2-5) at San Diego Chargers (2-6)

This is a sad end to the week. At least the Bears expected to be crap. No Keenan Allen sucks but no Matt Forte sucks more.

Wildcard’s Pick: Chargers by 5

BYE: Arizona Cardinals (6-2), Detroit Lions (1-7), Houston Texans (3-5), Kansas City Chiefs (3-5) & Seattle Seahawks (4-4).

The Wildcard is a staff writer for The Niche Cache. He killed Grantland. It was him.​