Last Week: 10-6

Season: 102-74

Green Bay Packers (7-4) at Detroit Lions (4-7)

Ten and six, folks, my best week in ages and I’m supposed to be tanking here. Granted I did pick the Cowboys to beat the Panthers, that didn’t go so well. But I broke the Patriots’ winning streak and you’ll never know how much that means to me. Go listen to salty Bill Simmons talking about it and you’ll get an idea, at least. Damn Pats fans, this team is wasted on them. Anyway, let’s get right on into things.

Shout out to the Lions for taking on the important debates of our lives.

This led to a big locker room debate among media and players in which Lion King took the biscuits over Toy Story. Two fantastic films, but the correct decision was made here. Now, if you wanna open it up to sequels and spinoffs, then the Toy Story trilogy is unmatched but Lion King, man, you can’t beat that for a 70 minute animated experience. It’s Shakespearian. It actually is, the story is fully ripped off from Hamlet. There hasn’t been another animated film in history that has covered the depth and array of emotion that this one did. Laughs and tears and smiles and fist pumps. Oh, and the soundtrack is as good as it gets. “The ciiiiiiircle… the ciiiircle of liiiiiife!”

It’s probably not a coincidence that the Denver ‘Lions’ preferred the ‘Lion’ King, though.

Anyway, who have they got this week… oh. Uh-oh.

Yeah, they beat them last time at Lambeau (for the first time in decades) but the Packers need this and I’d be surprised if they don’t get it. It’ll be a close one because the Lions are a lot better than they started off (a few coaching shuffles and a much improved defence) while the Packers are probably weaker than many people (including me) will acknowledge. Something about Aaron Rodgers makes it tough to bet against him.

Wildcard’s Pick: Packers by 3

Houston Texans (6-5) at Buffalo Bills (5-6)

Well now howdy there in Houston. Where y’all been all this time?

Did anyone see this coming? Five weeks ago this team was leaking 44 to the Dolphins and they looked like the least talented team in the NFL – aside from J.J. Watt and DeAndre Hopkins. Now here they are with four wins on the trot and a defence that just kept the Saints without a TD for the first time in 155 games. They’re now tied for first place.

Hmm, but I don’t trust them to stay there. It’s between them and the Colts and although they currently match the Steelers, Chiefs and Jets in the wildcard race (my favourite race – much better than that human one), all three of those teams should pull clear. To be honest, I’m not sure the Texans win again until they go to the Titans in week 16. At the Bills, home to the Patriots, at the Colts. Loss, loss, loss. But if this team comes out of it all with an 8-8 record then bloody hell. That’s something to build off of for sure.

It looks like Rex Ryan is fast losing patience with Bills fans after doing some very Rex Ryan-y things. Dumb challenges, odd decisions, outspoken media game, losing to the Patriots… but they’re far from out of it. Especially when they still get to play the three terrible NFC East teams (so, all but the Giants). Tyrod Taylor and LeSean McCoy are both playing so that’ll be sweet but that defence needs to seriously tighten back up. This is meant to be a top five unit. Rex is meant to be a defensive specialist. Instead they’re middling in most of the team def. stats and that is not where you need to be without a top quality quarterback.

Wildcard’s Pick: Bills by 6

Baltimore Ravens (4-7) at Miami Dolphins (4-7)

I mean, I thought the Cowboys were having a rotten season but the Ravens… they’re just lucky they got to play the Browns because the Cowboys and Browns are the only two teams in this sport capable of lining up for a game-winning field goal and having this happen:

Wildcard’s Pick: Dolphins by 6

Cincinnati Bengals (9-2) at Cleveland Browns (2-9)

Yeah, these Browns. There isn’t much else to say on them other than that Austin Davis will be starting at QB, which means the city of Cleveland is fast running out of tape.

If the Browns are able to topple the Bengals then I’ll buy an Austin Davis jersey. There’s no way that’s happening. The Bengals are far too good (and have an inverse record, ha!).

Wildcard’s Pick: Bengals by 14

San Francisco 49ers (3-8) at Chicago Bears (5-6)

Do you need a long list of all the things that have gone wrong with the 49ers this season? I don’t think you do (the practice squad has gotta be the safest place for Jarryd Hayne right now). I think this will suffice:

49ers in road games in 2015:

• 18-43 @ Pittsburgh Steelers
• 7-47 @ Arizona Cardinals
• 27-30 @ New York Giants
• 6-27 @ St Louis Rams
• 13-29 @ Seattle Seahawks

Four thoroughly poor defeats and a three point loss to the Giants in which they gave up 525 total yards on defence.

Meanwhile the Bears just held on to beat the Green Bay Packers on Thanksgiving. They’re not the bunnies they were at the start of the season, something clicked somewhere along the way. And to be fair to their 0-3 start, they did lose to Green Bay, Arizona and in Seattle. And their other three losses have come against the Lions in OT, the Vikings and the Broncos. There’s only one bad one in there and the Lions aren’t even that bad any more (turns out all you had to do was start throwing to Calvin Johnson more – who knew?).

Wildcard’s Pick: Bears by 6

Jacksonville Jaguars (4-7) at Tennessee Titans (2-9)

Wildcard Book Recommendation:

I just read this one ‘End Zone’ by Don Delillo, an early novel of his, and it was pretty superb. About this college football player who finds himself obsessing over nuclear holocausts and mass human destruction and such, while balancing that with the demands of a grid iron team. They balance the line between sporting and military, which brings in a couple opposing discussion about that. Me, I’ve long been of the thought that sport has replaced the military in modern society. We still have wars and we still send armies overseas, but not with the glorification we once did. These days we save out thirst for destruction for the sports fields. It’s even when we’re at our most patriotic. Good book. I thought it was worth recommending.

(More so than this game).

Wildcard’s Pick: Titans by 3

Seattle Seahawks (6-5) at Minnesota Vikings (8-3)

The two best rushing offences in the NFL. You know what this one is gonna be about.

Especially since Jimmy Graham’s out for the season, meaning the Seahawks’ passing game is even more skint now. Luckily Russell Wilson has that crucial knack for making plays out of nothing. Something Teddy Bridgewater could learn plenty of from him. Wilson threw for 345 yards last week with 5 TDs. If they’ve got an offensive game like that all of a sudden then we don’t need to worry about the Legion no more. (BTW, Sherman was on his game last week).

Wildcard’s Pick: Seahawks by 5

New York Jets (6-5) at New York Giants (5-6)

It’s hardly an away game when you play in the same stadium. No Revis vs Beckham, unfortunately, Revis is still out, but the Jets secondary is one of the tougher ones the G-Men will face this season. If they take away what they do best (push the ball through the air) then NYG don’t have a whole lot else to fall back on. And Fitzy is gonna enjoy playing against a defence that cannot cover.

Wildcard’s Pick: Jets by 4

Arizona Cardinals (9-2) at St Louis Rams (4-7)

This feels like about the time where the Rams are finally broken. Love the potential on that team but they’re terribly coached and Nick Foles, who shoulda been good, has not been. At least they have Todd Gurley and a killer D-Line, but once again they’re gonna miss the playoffs and fail to get a winning record. Considering the rubbish that the Niners have served up and that the Seahawks have come back to earth, that’s not acceptable. The Rams deserve better! Maybe in Los Angeles, right?

This week in Great Carson Palmer Moments: The Self-Spike.

It sounds even better in Spanish too.

Wildcard’s Pick: Cardinals by 10

Atlanta Falcons (6-5) at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (5-6)

No idea. No idea at all. Falcons have a little more offensive thrust but I don’t trust them off the ball at all. I guess I have some idea then. I’ll take the top ranking QB over the rookie as the tiebreaker. Both teams need this win for their playoff hopes.

Wildcard’s Pick: Falcons by 2

Denver Broncos (9-2) at San Diego Chargers (3-8)

Is anyone else wondering about the possibility of Brock Osweiler doing a Colin Kaepernick? Coming in mid-season and pushing his team all the way to the Super Bowl, winning the job long term and never realising the potential he showed in those first few months when nobody knew what to expect of him. Yeah, maybe not because I’m 100% convinced that Peyton Manning, supposing he’s not crippled, will be starting their first playoff game. But it’s an interesting thought given the impact he’s had so far. It should be said, though, that while The Oz is definitely doing well, he’s really only doing what he has to and avoiding the mistakes and turnovers that Peyton was costing them by playing on one foot at age 62 (or whatever he is). It’s the rest of the team that’s winning them games. Guys like Ronnie Hillman, C.J. Anderson, Aqib Talib, Emmanuel Sanders and… yes, Von Miller.

Not Demaryius Thomas though, he needs to run his gloves through the washing machine and get all that butter cleaned off. The fella was targeted 13 times against the Pats and he caught one pass. Can’t put all that blame on the new boy under centre, sorry Demaryius. He should have a much better time of it against the Chargers though. These lads are in crisis and beating the Jaguars does not solve that.

Wildcard’s Pick: Broncos, no doubt

Kansas City Chiefs (6-5) at Oakland Raiders (5-6)

The Chiefs remaining schedule: Raiders (A), Chargers (H), Ravens (A), Browns (H), Raiders (H).

Are they gonna lose any of those? Quite possibly not, which is wild for a team who I had written off completely when Jamaal Charles went down and they crumbled against the Bears. But from 1-5 they’ve now won five in a row and they could potentially make that ten in a row and cruise into a wildcard spot (catching the 9-2 Broncos is not really happening, but 11 wins will get them into the playoffs, don’t worry. 10 probably will too).

Wildcard’s Pick: Chiefs by 3

Carolina Panthers (11-0) at New Orleans Saints (4-7)

After holding off all other challengers to be the final remaining unbeaten team in the NFL, the Panthers now turn their sights to vaster pastures:

From ESPN: “Reigning NBA MVP Stephen Curry predicts the Golden State Warriors will lose a game before the Carolina Panthers, the only unbeaten team in the NFL…”

To be fair, Curry grew up in Carolina (while his daddy was playing for Charlotte) and is an active Panthers fan, so… grain of salt and all that. He also said he hopes neither side loses ‘til February which means 17-0 and a Super Bowl for one and at least 48-0 for the other. Like, so far so good but let’s not get carried away.

In their five remaining games, the Panthers play:

• Away to Saints: Unlikely that they lose this one.
• Home to Falcons: ATL can score, but the Panthers will be favoured.
• Away to Giants: NYG know how to break an undefeated streak but they also happen to suck.
• Away to Falcons: Maybe they drop one here? Or maybe not.
• Home to Buccs: Decent team, not nearly as good as Carolina.

The Panthers are definitely helped by the fact that their division is not much to worry about. The Saints have regressed, the Falcons for some reason are pretty middling (though they can run with the big boys on their day, they’ll be their toughest challenge) and the Buccs are much better in 2015 but still not where they’re planning on getting to. 2016, expect Tampa Bay to be back in business. This is a year too soon. But the Panthers have been building to this for a few seasons now. This is far from a flash in the pan.

Wildcard’s Pick: Panthers by 10

Philadelphia Eagles (4-7) at New England Patriots (10-1)

I was so ready to pick a Pats slip up. With all the injuries, the big division lead and the natural pressure valve of the unbeaten season being released, it just felt like maybe they take another tumble. It happened to the Bengals after they first lost. But then I saw who they’re playing. Chip Kelly’s gonna get one over Bill Belichick? Yeah, sure, and Tom Brady doesn’t own a mirror.

Wildcard’s Pick: Patriots by 10

Indianapolis Colts (6-5) at Pittsburgh Steelers (6-5)

Big ups to Antonio Brown, AFC Offensive Player of November.

That Martavis Bryant ain’t too shabby either.

Wildcard’s Pick: Steelers by 7

Dallas Cowboys (3-8) at Washington R**skins (5-6)

One of the saddest things I’ve ever read was that Tony Romo isn’t gonna be put on the IR after his latest injury because the ever-optimistic Cowboys are still holding onto the smallest chance that they still make the playoffs and he returns. Ya know, just in case. It’s like Norman Bates keeping his mother’s corpse in the house because he can’t let go. Man, that movie stands the test of time.

Anyway, not to say that Tony Romo is a corpse, he’s still one of the five best QBs in the NFL when fit (and he clearly wasn’t much more than 70% the last two weeks) – though Jerry Jones’ thought that Romo’s got another four or five years left in him is maybe a stretch. Who knows. As a long suffering Cowboys fan, I was pretty relieved by the loss despite myself. The team was going nowhere, the tightrope walk was bound to fail on a team whose two best defensive players are a) perennially injured (Sean Lee) and b) the NFL’s equivalent of evil embodied (Greg Hardy) – I have thoughts on that and what we expect our athletes to be but that’s for another time. The Cowboys’ best secondary defender has been a rookie, they can’t stop anyone. This season is a wreck and it’ll be nice not to have to wait until week 17 to have my heart ripped out and tossed against the wall like usual. Bart Simpson knows what I’m talking about.

Having said that, they’ll probably win this one. The R**skins are good one week, bad the next.

Wildcard’s Pick: Cowboys by 4

The Wildcard is a staff writer for The Niche Cache. To supplement his writing income, he also works as a beachside salesman, selling sea shells on the shea sore… GODDAMMIT^&#$^*.