Chilling & Grilling: The Team by Team 2015 NFL Season in Review
NFC EAST
Washington R*dskins
In a Word: Liked
Well, well, well… turns out Kirk Cousins can get it done after all. He cut with the interceptions and suddenly he’s out there throwing like Tom Brady. YOU LIKE THAT! YOU L-I-K-E THAAAT!!! Jay Gruden likes it, he basically gambled his job on Kirky and it paid off great. 9 wins, they’re nothing special, but that’s five wins better than 2014. Here come the playoffs.
MVP: Kirk Cousins with his 4166 yards at 69.8% completion, 29 TDs and 11 INTs.
Wildcard’s Advice: Change the damn name already.
Philadelphia Eagles
In a Word: Whiffed
I wouldn’t call it a complete failure… but it was something close. They put all their eggs in the Chip Kelly basket, they traded an already great RB (Shady McCoy) for a similarly talented one with an injury history (DeMarco Murray) which backfired and they also traded Nick Foles for Sam Bradford for no real reason. Bradford was alright but not alright enough. Good luck to whoever gets to clean this up. Conceding 45 points to rookie Jameis Winston and the Buccs was the low point.
MVP: Malcolm Jenkins is one of the more well-rounded safeties in the NFL, he can play hard inside and he can stick with the rapid wide-outs too. Two picks, one defensive TD, 10 passes defended and three fumbles forced. Great season for this dude.
Wildcard’s Advice: The grass isn’t always greener, no more gambley trades.
New York Giants
In a Word: Slippery
If their games had ended at the two minute warning then they’d have made the playoffs. The Giants can always score but they gave up 6725 yards on defence – that’s even worse than the Saints. Straight up terrible. Their best player blew his hand up playing with fireworks before the season and now their coach has resigned/retired. Once again, a Giants season could have gone dramatically in either direction and settled in the middle somewhere.
MVP: Odell Beckham Jr is just so freaking good.
Wildcard’s Advice: Keep doing what you’re doing, I’ve got no complaints.
Dallas Cowboys
In a Word: Busted
How different might it be if Tony Romo had stayed healthy? The crazy thing is that even as they were losing seven games in a row they were still in the playoff hunt. But it turns out that Brandon Weedle and Matt Cassel aren’t the answer. Not that the QB position was the only issue, Dez Bryant was never 100%, the defence couldn’t get a turnover for the life of themselves and as always there were way too many off-field distractions. At least they get a sexy draft pick out of it.
MVP: Darren McFadden was real good for his 1089 rush yards (only 3 TDs, but that’s coz of the rest of the offence not moving it) as was linebacker Sean Lee, who is as good of a one on one tackler as anyone. A sad reflection on the 2015 Cowboys, though, is that their kicker Dan Bailey is their legitimately deserving MVP.
Wildcard’s Advice: Don’t waste this draft. You need pass rushing, a couple secondary defenders and a backup QB. Chop chop, Jerry.
NFC North
Chicago Bears
In a Word: Constructing
There are about five really talented guys on this team and a whole lot of mediocre talent around them. It’s actually really impressive that they got to six wins and if they can draft well and pick up a few smart ones on the free agent market then they can be back to competitive status before most people expect. Right now it’s still all about changing the team’s culture first and that’s okay.
MVP: Matt Slauson. As far as that better team culture goes, Slauson is right up there. A perfect pro and a superb offensive guard, he was probably as close as any Bear came to the Pro Bowl (it was the first time in 16 years that they didn’t get a player selected).
Wildcard’s Advice: Cut Jay Cutler some slack, he’s still damn fine QB. Perhaps blame the fellas around him for their own mistakes first.
Green Bay Packers
In a Word: Relaxed
Do you recall when the Packers were 6-0? Not many do, having slumped to 4-6 since then and they only got there thanks to THAT Hail Mary pass. R-E-L-A-X, guys, 10 wins is more than enough to make a run in the playoffs especially with Aaron Rodgers. Not having Jordy Nelson hasn’t helped them and there’s no denying that there have been big problems on this offence (literally in Eddie Lacy’s case) yet here they are in the postseason once again.
MVP: Aaron Rodgers, as it always shall be when he plays at least four games. It’s not easy throwing into coverage every single time because your receivers can’t get any separation. Still logging a 31/8 TD/INT ratio despite that is worth a lot of credit.
Wildcard’s Advice: Maybe pull it in a bit. The Packers are as keen as anyone to gamble on fourth down or pull of some weird play. Sometimes you get the idea that if they were a little more conservative then they’d be better off. Then again, they’ve always gotten away with it before.
Detroit Lions
In a Word: Stunted
They didn’t get a win until their sixth game and yet they actually went 6-2 in the back half of the season. Changes to the offensive scheme, a couple coaching shuffles and a Megatron resurgence made a huge difference, if only they’d had a stronger start. But no excuses because we could all see that asking Matt Stafford with his gun arm to try play like Alex Smith over the middle was a stupid thing to do.
MVP: ZIGGY ANSAH! 14.5 sacks in 2015, forget about trying to challenge this dude. He single-handedly eased the loss of Ndamukong Suh with his pass rushing brutality, plus he’s a much easier dude to like.
Wildcard’s Advice: Sack Jim Caldwell.
Minnesota Vikings
In a Word: Rising
Alright then, the Vikings are good. Shout out to Mike Zimmer who should get a few votes for coach of the year before Riverboat Ron ends up with it. Teddy Bridgewater isn’t all there yet but he’s avoiding dumb mistakes and that’s huge. Cordarrelle Patterson was the only man with multiple kick return TDs this season. This is a pretty young team too and there’s no reason to think they won’t be better with a lil playoff experience to boot.
MVP: No question, Adrian Peterson. NFL rushing champion for the third time, just like that year on the sideline and all the will they/won’t they cut him dramas add up to nothing. Remember this dude won the MVP a year after doing both his ACL and MCL, there is no stopping him.
Wildcard’s Advice: Wrap up warm, it’s cold during playoff time.
NFC West
Arizona Cardinals
In a Word: Poised
The best offence in football. There are stats that back that up but mostly it’s my opinion. Carson Palmer throwing deep is as exciting as it gets, plus they can run the thing nicely too. The heavy loss to the Seahawks in their final game was a strange one coming after a nine game win streak in which they took down four playoff teams but week 17 is always a good one to write off. The best season in franchise history and they’ll be gunning for their first ever championship. I’d back them as favourites too.
MVP: Carson Palmer continues to win games and this time he stayed healthy. They might also be the best coached team in the NFL.
Wildcard’s Advice: Listen to coach Arians, he knows what he’s doing.
Seattle Seahawks
In a Word: Resurgent
For a while there it looked like the Seahawks had stalled. Kam Chancellor was holding himself out and the Legion of Boom looked brittle. They started 2-4 and it was not pretty. Fast forward to the end of the season and Russell Wilson is playing the best footy of his life, the ‘hawks have the league’s best rush defence (1304 yards at 3.6 per carry) and they’re pounding the ball on the ground even without Marshawn Lynch (he’s back now, btw). Wilson to Baldwin = Money. Turns out they didn’t even need Jimmy Graham all that much.
MVP: Don’t even worry about it, it was Rusty.
Wildcard’s Advice: Just in case, if it comes to this again… run the ball with Marshawn on fourth and goal.
St Louis Rams
In a Word: Mediocre
Another stinking average season. The best defensive line in football and a couple of solid playmakers in there on both sides, yet they can’t find a decent quarterback and they can’t get enough from their coaching staff. There are much less deserving coaches that were sacked this season than Jeff Fisher. Somehow the Rams beat the Seahawks twice and still only ended at 7-9, they’re now 11 seasons out of the playoffs and that ties a franchise record.
MVP: Todd Gurley is the real deal. 1106 yards and 10 TDs as a rookie and he missed three games. Here is the piece around which this team will be built for a decade. Unless he gets injured. Please don’t get injured.
Wildcard’s Advice: Don’t let Todd Gurley get injured. Invest in cotton wool.
San Francisco 49ers
In a Word: Eviscerated
We all knew these guys would be awful with all the players they lost over the last two years, especially defensively. That can’t be overcome, talent is way too scarce. Then you add in the Kaepernick Cliffing and the running back injuries and this offence never had a chance either. They even gave up on Vernon Davis, right about the time we all gave up on them.
MVP: Jarryd Hayne. Oh come on, you think it was Colin Kaepernick or something? Okay, seriously it was probably Navarro Bowman. An NFL best 154 tackles, he bounced all the way back after missing all of 2014 with injury.
Wildcard’s Advice: Hire Chip Kelly. There, I said it. If anyone is gonna make Kaepernick good again then it’s him and he’s available and it’s really hard to find a good QB on the market or even in the draft so you’ve gotta make do.
NFC South
Atlanta Falcons
In a Word: Soft
Once upon a time they were 5-0. That now seems further away than the Jurassic Period as this team collapsed into a wallowing mess. 91% of 5-0 teams make the playoffs. The Falcons were not one of them. Dan Quinn did some good things in his first season as head coach but the turnovers (especially in the red zone) were a straight up disaster. Not to mention the league-low 19 sacks. They did end the Panthers’ undefeated season though, which counts for plenty.
MVP: There can be no accounting for the brilliance of Julio Jones. 136 catches for 1871 yards, they’d have been wasted without him.
Wildcard’s Advice: Weren’t these guys talking about toughening up two years back? Try doing that.
New Orleans Saints
In a Word: Defenceless
When will the Saints ever be less than disastrous on defence? Once again they gave up a number of yards that would be tough to beat if they blindfolded their cornerbacks, spun them around a few times and let them lose to the beat of the snap count. If the combined opposing QB numbers against the Saints were a real player, that player would be MVP: 45 TDs, 9 INTs, 4544 yards at 68.4% completion. Really bad. But the good news is that Drew Brees bounced back nicely and a few of their rookies showed reasons to believe that their shattered core of key players (they went around cutting the dickheads from the team in the same way the Bears and 49ers did) can be buffed out with a few more fellas next time out.
MVP: Yet again Drew Brees topped the league in passing yards (4870). There’s no substitute for a great quarterback.
Wildcard’s Advice: They’ve already taken it. Keep Sean Payton around because there’s also no substitute for a great coach who already knows the team.
Carolina Panthers
In a Word: Winning
Fifteen wins! Get in there Panthers fans. Sure, they had a cruisy schedule but when you have one of the top couple offences and a top five defence too, you deserve every win you get. The Panthers came into the season with one major weakness: their WRs. Next thing you know their quarterback is about to win MVP so there can’t have been that much of a problem – though just remember that they did this without Kelvin Benjamin.
MVP: Cam Newton, obviously. But throw some love Luke Kuechly’s way too.
Wildcard’s Advice: Don’t take my advice, you don’t need it.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
In a Word: Improving
Not entirely why they sacked Lovie Smith, I’d have thought that a four game rise was a pretty good haul. Maybe they see him as a bad-weather coach and now they’re into the summer season a lot sooner than they expected. Because they are, for sure, they’re a team on the rise. Just gotta do something about that defence coz the other side of things is coming along nicely.
MVP: Doug Martin finally rediscovered his 2012 rookie form and it was awesome. He had 235 in a game against Philly.
Wildcard’s Advice: Whoever you hire as coach, give him the time to make things work. Three coaches in five years is not the way to success.
AFC East
New England Patriots
In a Word: Business
Death, taxes and the Patriots making the playoffs. No amount of injuries can scupper them and no amount of time seems to lessen them. They almost cruised to their 12 wins, it could have been more had they cared a bit extra. As to whether they can ever get their full-strength team out there it’s doubtful, this has been a terrible year of health for them, but they’ve got enough to take down any team all the same. A little odd that they threw away the top seed though, typical Belichick getting all freaky with it.
MVP: Suppose it’s gotta be Tom Brady again, right? Remember how he was gonna be suspended for the first four games?
Wildcard’s Advice: I’m not sure I’m the most impartial guy here, so feel free to ignore this… I reckon that Brady should just retire. Like, right now in the middle of the playoffs. He could twist an ankle or bruise a finger, maybe even take a graze to his beautiful face. Why risk it?
New York Jets
In a Word: Almost
Oh, woe belongs to the poor Jets. To collapse to defeat in the final game of the season with a playoff berth on the line and to do it throwing three fourth quarter interceptions in a one-score game is beyond excusable. That tarnishes the entire season after a wonderful defensive display early on got them out of the blocks and then a beardless Ryan Fitzpatrick propelled them to the verge of the playoffs. Todd Bowles has done wonders with a 4-12 team from last season but not enough to iron the Jets outta the Jets.
MVP: Fitzy blew it but he wouldn’t have got it anyway. Brandon Marshall was the star of that offence while Muhammad Wilkerson should get recognised too. The defence was the heart of this team, so Wilkerson gets the trophy.
Wildcard’s Advice: Chin up, there’s always next season.
Buffalo Bills
In a Word: Running
The longest playoff drought in the NFL reaches sixteen years. Rex Ryan was a power play move, getting him in there. So was spending more in guaranteed cash this offseason than any other team. And when you still only finish 8-8 then there will be questions asked, it certainly doesn’t help when your defensive minded coach somehow makes a very good defence a little worse. Still, they stumbled on Tyrod Taylor and his Russell Wilson-Lite display was a big boost, as was getting LeSean McCoy on board – just a shame about the injuries to both. Leaders in rush yards (2432) and rush TDs (19).
MVP: EJ Manuel for stepping in for that one play and drawing the Jets offside on fourth down in the last game. Massive impact. Oh, and Sammy Watkins finished the season really strongly. Keep getting him involved and good things will happen.
Wildcard’s Advice: Stick with things and hope for some better luck, you really weren’t that far away.
Miami Dolphins
In a Word: Sunken
Hmm, you know there aren’t really any ‘good’ seasons in which a team sacks their coach after four games and finishes 6-10. And it doesn’t help that their quarterback took a step backwards in a crucial year for him and his reputation. Sure, Ndamukong Suh was good. But he wasn’t good enough to cover the many, many holes that the Dolphins have. Blow holes, one might say. All up they fired four coaches and executives so that about sums it up.
MVP: Probably either Lamar Miller or Jarvis Landry. Let’s go with Landry, 110 catches and 1157 yards are nothing to scoff at, especially with a dynamic special teams presence as well.
Wildcard’s Advice: Figure out how to run the ball effectively, it’ll help everything. Start by not having the fewest rushing attempts of anyone next time.
AFC North
Cleveland Browns
In a Word: Typical
Look, it was about what you’d expect, right? They won three games, against the Titans, Ravens and 49ers. All also very bad teams. There was no Josh Gordon again and they’re still no closer to finding a franchise quarterback, what with the Johnny Football thing going up in flames for once and for all. Oh and Mike Pettine got sacked because even Cleveland can’t handle this – their worst finish since 2000. At least they’ll get to pick second in the draft.
MVP: Turns out Gary Barnidge is a really good TE. 1043 receiving yards and 9 TDs on a three win team is something decent.
Wildcard’s Advice: Don’t bother watching the playoffs, stick to the basketball instead.
Baltimore Ravens
In a Word: Hazardous
Somehow almost every game they played was close and somehow they kept losing them. Except for the Kick-Six victory over the Browns and the near-sabotaging win over the Steelers, there weren’t many highlights. They lost Terrell Suggs early and they lost Joe Flacco midway though. We still don’t know if Flacco is elite or not but he’s a damn sight better than Matt Schaub, that’s for sure. 20 players on injured reserve. There’s where it went wrong right there, sometimes it’s just one of those years.
MVP: Kamar Aitken did some things, which they needed because offensive playmakers are few and far between on these Ravens even when everyone’s healthy.
Wildcard’s Advice: Take a large chuck of money, invest it wisely, take the proceeds and bet them on a series of low risk parlays (GS Warriors to win, the overs on Kobe Bryant’s shot attempts, Cam for MVP, etc.) and then put all the money into a brand new medical facility for the team.
Cincinnati Bengals
In a Word: Balanced
For his whole career, Andy Dalton has been the guy that got them to a certain point and no further and that was all on him. But now his injury threatens to ruin their best chance at a playoff win in ages (it’s been 25 years). Funny how things change. Dalton had a career year before his thumb injury, though A.J. McCarron was able to win a couple games in his absence to get them the home game that they deserve after starting 8-0. The beauty of the Bengals is that they have no clear weakness, there is talent across the board, though having a defensive line of Carlos Dunlap/Geno Atkins/Domata Peko/Michael Johnson that combined for 34.5 sacks was a massive part of their success.
MVP: Ever heard of this dude Tyler Eifert? Coz you should have what with his 13 touchdown receptions. That was in only 12 starts too, here is a tight end you can bank on in the red zone and that means so much.
Wildcard’s Advice: You have to start Andy Dalton if he’s even at 70%, he has to play.
Pittsburgh Steelers
In a Word: Phew
Haha, wow. Talk about a second life. The Steelers absolutely blew their entire year by losing to the Ravens… only to get away with it when the Jets went and lost a terrible loss to the Bills. Which is fair enough because how could the neutral fan not wanna see Antonio Brown and Martavis Bryant in the playoffs? This still isn’t a particularly good defence but it’s good enough that they were able to limit teams to field goals – particularly because only the Jets gave up fewer rush TDs. They survived the loss of Le’Veon Bell thanks to DeAngelo Williams and they survived the loss of Ben Roethlisberger thanks to Ben Roethlisberger’s unparalleled ability to play through pain. They only just snuck in there but nobody wants to play them in the playoffs. (They split the series with the Bengals).
MVP: Antonio Brown is the scariest prospect in the NFL for opposition corners. He’s so fast, so good on his feet that he’ll almost always get open and he’s got incredible hands and a great knowledge of the game as well. He had 2074 all-purpose offensive yards.
Wildcard’s Advice: Send Rex Ryan a nice gift basket or something (socks, toe rings, pedicure sets, etc.) because you wouldn’t have made the playoffs without him.
AFC South
Indianapolis Colts
In a Word: Nope
Ashamedly, I was one of those people talking this team up pre-season for a shot at the Super Bowl. How very wrong we all were (I’m taking you all down with me). It was all-in after a trip to the AFC Champs last time, throwing money at vets Frank Gore and Andre Johnson among others. It didn’t really work. Andrew Luck missed nine games and wasn’t very good when he played anyway (blame the injuries). Chuck Pagano is staying on for next season so there’s that but they need to do something about their blocking or lack thereof. Matt Hasselbeck was a pleasant surprise until he wore down, Frank Gore was never lacking for effort (on a team where it isn’t easy to be a running back) and they still have the bones of a great team. Just one of those years where one thing exposed another and they ended 8-8.
MVP: T.Y. Hilton’s always good but he’d have been better if he’d caught a few more of those targets (not always his fault). How about Adam Vinatieri at 43 years old, hitting 25 of 27 field goals including 4 bombs from 50 yards or deeper?
Wildcard’s Advice: Try not to rely entirely on Andrew Luck in the future.
Houston Texans
In a Word: Turnaround
Somehow the Texans went from a Hard Knocks disaster that couldn’t chose between bad and worse at QB with only three discernibly talented players (Watt, Clowney and Hopkins) to winning the AFC South. Somewhere along the way the defence picked itself all the way up off the ground and pulled off a Rocky comeback. From one of the ones when Rocky actually won, that is. Giving up 44 points to a train-wrecked Dolphins team should do that to ya if you have any sense, and the Texans must do because they won seven of their last nine, conceding a mere 12.7 points per game in that time. Even Brandon Weedle won a game for them, making the Texans the first playoff team in history to get wins from four different starting QBs.
MVP: Can it be any other? J.J. Watt had yet another season where a Defensive Player of the Year title is a strong possibility. He won the sack title for the second time in four years.
Wildcard’s Advice: Throw it deep to DeAndre Hopkins and get J.J. Watt in motion. Good things will happen.
Jacksonville Jaguars
In a Word: Developing
Actually, not as bad as people expected. In fact they nearly made a run at the division for a while there. They’re a pretty well coached team that is making the most of a limited roster as a couple of future stars shine through. Blake Bortles took steps forward (but not enough of them to be safe - it’s not cool to lead the NFL in interceptions thrown, times sacked and fumbles) while wide receivers Allen Robinson and Allen Hurns make a worthy tandem. Yeah but the defence was abysmal again and that was the story of it.
MVP: Allen Robinson is the best wide receiver you’ve never seen play because his team sucks too much to be worth watching.
Wildcard’s Advice: DE-FENCE, cha cha cha. DE-FENCE, cha cha cha.
Tennessee Titans
In a Word: Sigh
The worst team in football, as evidenced by their first overall draft pick. Marcus Mariota showed he was a quality picked before he got injured, a guy to build a team around, but they’re pretty much working from scratch everywhere else. They sacked the coach midseason and the GM as soon as it finished. This will be a very important offseason, one to shape the next five years of the team one way or the other.
MVP: It would have been even worse if not for Delanie Walker, who set the franchise record for both catches (76) and receiving yards (935) as a tight end.
Wildcard’s Advice: Try church, see if there’s any salvation there.
AFC West
Oakland Raiders
In a Word: Moving
The year tailored off as they often do for teams like this, however for once there are signs of great optimism. Derek Carr did enough to show the faith is warranted and the emergence of Amari Cooper will be a big help. AC/DC they call them, which is kinda lame to be honest. Ooh, and Khalil Mack. There’s a pass rusher ready to join the elite right there. From three wins to seven in 2015, Jack Del Rio is doing a stomping job so far.
MVP: Khalil Mack’s five sack half against the Broncos in week 14 may as well have been a coronation. Guts to him though, J.J. Watt stole his sack title with three of his own in the last game.
Wildcard’s Advice: Move to Los Angeles. Why not?
Denver Broncos
In a Word: Defence
Right up until the last moment. That’s how long they waited before calling everyone’s bluff and putting Peyton Manning back into the starter’s role. Is he gonna throw three interceptions in a playoff game? Maybe. But it’s nice to have him back at least. The strength of the Broncos has been their defence all season, the fewest yards conceded this season and the most sacks, that’ll do a lot of good. Oh, and the home field through the playoffs. Even with an extremely erratic offence they still keep winning.
MVP: It’s hard to split the defence but Von Miller had 11 sacks and is the best of them so he gets the nominal nod.
Wildcard’s Advice: If Peyton retires, offer him a coaching role. Don’t let the fawning media folk get to him first.
Kansas City Chiefs
In a Word: Streaking
It should have been all over as soon as Jamaal Charles got hurt. Many said it was. I was one of them. Yet instead the Chiefs reeled off a big win streak to burst into the playoffs with a week to spare on a ten game win streak. A very balanced offence has helped, with Charcandrick West and Spencer Ware picking up the RB slack and Alex Smith having a superb season under centre – only seven interceptions all season, Tom Brady is the only other dude who can match that of those that started 15 or more games. Plus that KC defence… so good. Makes you wonder where the 1-5 start came from. Next step is to break their eight-game playoff loss streak, one that stretches back 22 years and just so happens to be tied for the worst in NFL history (tied with the Detroit Lions, also active).
MVP: Alex Smith isn’t one of those flashy QBs that gets the headlines but he gets the job done all the same. 498 rush yards too, plus he throws touchdowns to WRs now as well.
Wildcard’s Advice: Try not to lose. It’s good advice.
San Diego Chargers
In a Word: Broken
There aren’t a whole lot of excuses for the Chargers who were as disappointing as anyone else in 2015. They couldn’t run the ball at all, second last in rush yards. Injuries to the likes of Keenan Allen and also pretty much every single offensive lineman they had, and when you couple that with some terrible coaching and an ownership more focussed on moving to Los Angeles anyway, then you can see how things went so wrong. They started 2-2, believe it or not, but finished 4-12.
MVP: Melvin Ingram had a really good season at linebacker, but the MVP is a guy who is probably gonna get a lot of blame for their season and deserves none of it. Philip Rivers was actually really solid this season, 4792 yards at 66.1% with 29 TDs and 13 INTs.
Wildcard’s Advice: Try harder.