Of all the lengths that various sporting leagues are going to around the world in order to finish what they started before the world was struck with a global pandemic, the NBA is going the furthest. Not only have they drastically altered the format of the competition and not only are they doing this without fans in attendance but they’re also bringing everyone to a singular location (Walt Disney World Resort in Orlando, Florida) to get it done.

The English Premier League has had to do the no-fan thing but they have kept games in home stadiums and those games have just picked up where they left off. The A-League will have no fans and will mostly be based out of New South Wales (although playing in a few different locations) but the games that were postponed will still be played. Take a peek upon our own fine shores and the NBL here drastically changed its format, without even full buy-in from its clubs, and is doing the singular location thing with all the teams based at SkyCity in Auckland (gonna be some mad stories coming outta that school camp experience for sure) but while they initially banked for no fans the timing of things has actually allowed for spectators to come watch... and what’s more is that there ain’t any community transmitted coronavirus in Aotearoa so the health stakes are lower anyway. Sweet as.

But America has had a disaster when it comes to dealing with the virus. The lack of leadership or of any hint of cohesive planning from the government has been a major factor in that disaster but it’s bigger than that. The individual state vs government dramas didn’t help. The partisan political media didn’t help. And least helpful of all is the general state of mind of regular ol’ American citizens whose identities are so indebted to the imaginary narratives of American Exceptionalism that they can’t see the forest through the trees. Blah blah blah, who cares.

That’s the background that the NBA is trying to make this work within though. There’s currently a second wave of swelling cases in the USA (largely because people got bored of lockdowns and they opened up cities too quickly) and other team sports in the States are struggling too. The MLS and NWSL soccer leagues have both come up with unique tournament structures to get a season underway and have each had a team withdrawing from the comp after a breakout of positive covid tests in the squad.

The NBA has committed to doing this so it’s going to happen. There’s too much money at stake and, let’s be fair, the players want to do this too. It’s what they’ve dedicated their lives to and there’s a season to finish. Plus of all these major global sports leagues, the NBA is the one which feels most capable of making a strange situation like this work – as far as sports leagues go the NBA is as liberal and humanistic as it gets (which doesn’t mean a socialist nirvana or anything, far from it, it’s still controlled by the interest of billionaires (most of them older white men)... but it’s still further along the cultural scale than, say, the NFL). Setting up in Florida is a tad risky but it doesn’t really matter where they are, the bubble will keep them isolated.

Teams are now coalescing in Orlando. 22 of them at least, all the teams within range of making the playoffs. Those 22 teams will play eight games each as a continuation of where the season left off. Playoffs will then happen in the usual format although there will be a play-in series between the eighth and ninth seeds if the ninth seed finish within four games (since that’s how many games short of a full season the average team will end up on, just to keep things fair). For a team that goes all the way to the finals that could mean three months in the bubble... for context it has been four months since the NBA went on hiatus. The season is expected to begin in three weeks at the very end of July so the countdown is on.

There are all sorts of procedures in place to keep things as safe as possible, from daily testing and various technological ideas and all that jazz which we don’t really need to know about. No players were forced to partake and in fact a few of them have opted out. Not a lot but a few. Some because of family reasons, some because of injury reasons unrelated to the virus. But the majority of players will be there and the majority of teams will look pretty much like they would have anyway (and injuries do happen regardless). Which brings us up to the current moment as those players roll into town and where better to start than with this fella...

Extremely on brand, as always. Zoom in on the pic of the plastic bags (shout out to Steve for re-using plastic bags and not tossing those non-biodegradable bastards out) and it looks like he’s got individual bits of fruit in there, as well as a bottle of juice or something. Man did his groceries before showing up to the bubble, what a champ.

He also takes care of a pressing question here which is: What will NBA players do with all their downtime in the bubble? They’re not going clubbing, not going shopping. Can’t mix and mingle in public. Tinder doesn’t have contact tracing. Weed is still illegal in Florida. They can work out, sure. There’ll eventually be games to watch as well. But what else to do with all that time while living 24/7 within the bubble?

Steven Adams is sorted because he’s got his guitar there so those fingertips will be nice and calloused by the end of it. Safe to say that the Disney wi-fi is going to get an absolute ravaging from the gamers too and Steve-o may well be amongst them in between jam sessions. Some other activities per NBA guidelines and the various reporting around them:

• Socialising in the lounge with other players, including table tennis and card games (although no doubles for the TT and you can’t use the same deck of cards twice... not sure why but there you go)

• Per ESPN: “Team-sponsored outings such as privatized restaurants, boating, bowling, fishing and golf will be available”

• Scheduled entertainments such as movie screenings and DJ sets

• Per ESPN again: “Virtual chaplain services, yoga and meditation, virtual mind-health sessions and mental health services”

• There are also barbers, manicurists, pedicurists, and hair braiders available on the grounds though you do have to book an appointment ahead of time

• Snitching – since there’s an NBA hotline gonna be set up to report breaches in campus conduct

Will that keep an NBA player busy until they can go back home again? It’s gonna have to. Initially they were gonna let players bring guests with them, spouses and kids or maybe even a trainer or a mate or two, but that was always gonna be a tough one to figure out so the compromise that’s been found is that players can bring in limited guests but only once we get to the second round of the playoffs. That’s a long time to be away from family but s’pose that’s the job and once it’s over it’ll be over for good – this is a completely unique circumstance for all involved.

The other thing these fellas can get up to is a bit of fine dining. Three full meals will be provided per day, four if it’s a gameday, with every team having their own group of chefs hired to create flexible menus that will cater to the various dietary needs of top quality athletes. Those meals have copped a hiding on social media after a few players shared photos of what they’d been served, here’s what Troy Daniels was given...

Now, granted that’s not exactly a veritable feast. But it still looks edible to me... and regardless it has to be said that players have to go into a 36-48 hour quarantine upon first arriving on Disney turf so that there’s time to pass a corona test before mingling with the masses and the meals will get a lot more instagrammable after that initial two day period. Less packed with trashy single-use plastics too you’d hope. The menu there on TD’s tray suggests there was more to that meal than seen as well. Supposed to be some bolognese pasta and grilled chicken and parmesan polenta in the mix as well. Joel Embiid gave a more generous indication of the grub on stock...

And Enes Kanter’s offerings also looked all good and that’s for a stricter diet too since Kanter only eats halal meat. The view ain’t half bad either...

Keep that in mind when you have a look at Rajon Rondo having a bit of a moan about the standard of his hotel room... even though it looks straight up luxurious. Granted when you live the life of a veteran NBA player, been earning millionaire salaries for years now, you have a different view of what luxury looks like. But pretty confident Rondo will survive the slumming, no need to keep him in your prayers as he tries to stay warm at night.

That room alone costs about NZ$700 per night by the way.

To be honest the whole set up actually looks kinda amazing, like how cool would it be to just hang in a set up like that? No doubt there’ll be some dramas along the way because there always are when humans are involved and it’ll definitely drag as it goes on (albeit the focus of the championship will grow as the tediousness of the bubble does) but this is also throwing up this funky unique perspective into the lives and the personalities of these players. Twitter and the ‘Gram will be loaded with quality content coming straight from the players themselves, owing their own narratives, entertaining themselves in the ways that are available to them. Or Donovan Mitchell trying to strangle Rudy Gobert, it could go both ways. What happens in the bubble stays in the bubble but those little glimpses that we’re given will be a whole other aspect to this NBA restart. Steven Adams guitar tutorials on youtube, now that’s an idea. Get Chris Paul and Dan Gallinari singing along to Ten Guitars. Too good.

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