NBA Playoff Chronicles is an irregular celebration of all things National Basketball Association during the 2016 Postseason, courtesy of the wit and whim of the Wildcard. So… expect more Dirk Nowitzki poems and Steven Adams Moustache highlights than you can handle.

Where are the Upsets?

It’s hard to remember a playoffs as simple to pick as this one. There may not be a single upset, the home seeds could comfortably roll on into the second round in both conferences and there might not be a series that goes past five games.

You can write off the Rockets’ chances of doing much against the Warriors. Even if Steph is injured, they’ll still need James Harden to go out there and bag 40 a game. The Spurs are simply not going to stumble against a Grizzlies team that this season broke the NBA record with 28 players taking the court. The Cavaliers have far too much scoring for the Pistons to have any reply and there’s size enough to disrupt Andre Drummond. Hey and as much as I love my Mavericks, a successful series against the Thunder would be losing in five.

Those are the sitters. There is also that Clippers vs Trail Blazers one that could possibly drop a few surprises if Dame Lillard goes insane. Hard to see how they can matchup with Jordan and Griffin down low, though, the Clips are gonna maul off the boards. Can the Celtics top the Hawks over seven? Sure, if you’re talking to a Boston fan. However a young Celtics team that was swept by the Cavs in the first round last time, now against Al Horford, Paul Millsap and Jeff Teague... Isaiah Thomas has been amazing but there is no go-to scorer there to close out games. Similarly you can see the Hornets running the Heat close but playoff experience means a lot. In fact I see the Heat as a sneaky challenger to the Cavaliers.

The one that could get ya is Raptors vs Pacers. Game one was a bit of a shocker, the Pacers going into Canada and returning with a 10-point win on the back of Paul George’s mastery. 33 points for a dude who a year ago was just returning from that horrific broken leg. That he could come back from that and get even better is beyond comprehension. PG13 shot 2 of 9 in the first half of that game but the bloke took over in the back half. Mate, 10 of 13 for 27 points in the third and fourth quarters. Not to mention 6 assists, 4 rebounds and a couple steals. Plus – it gets better – he played some stifling defence on DeMar DeRozan and that might have been the real difference in this one. Toronto gave up too many turnovers, shot 21.1% from 3pt and committed too many shooting fouls but their proper failing was their two best players failing hard on offence. DeRozan scored only 14, shooting 5/19 and Kyle Lowry was equally as bad with 11 points (3/13). 25 between them for a duo that averaged 44.7 during the regular season.

Having said that, this was one game. The Raptors also lost their first game (at home) last playoffs when the Washington Wizards (RIP) rode an improbable 20 points from Paul Pierce to win in OT. Toronto came back to… oh no wait they got swept that series. And they’ve now lost seven playoff games in a row. And they’ve never won the first game of a playoff series before (0 of 8). Without a series win since 2001 there is some serious pressure growing on the Raptors and they absolutely need to make the second round this year or else. Hmm.

For the record I rate the Raptors. I think they’ll come back in this one, seeing Jonas Valanciunas bag 19 boards in that one was a positive sign and if Dwane Casey can make the adjustments on Paul George then he’ll soon find that the Pacers don’t have too much else on offence. And DeRozan and Lowry can only play better.

How to Stop Steph, Theory #3452

We’ve seen a number of theories on this topic and we’ve heard even more of them. So far none has been successful. The Rockets know that they cannot stick with the Warriors in scoring, not because they don’t have their own dynamic sluggers (James Harden, bro) but because of a little thing called defence which isn’t actually a little thing at all and Houston suck at it.

But they do have a couple nice individual defenders in there. One of them is Patrick Beverley who is a player that walks the line between dirty and filthy like few others. Dude can’t even shake hands without dropping a shoulder, not to mention the little tussle the pair ended up in later in the game – which drew a tech foul on each of them.

Problem is that when Curry falters, Klay Thompson gets it done instead, and in this game Curry didn’t even falter. All that physical stuff and he still nailed 24 points in the first half. He injured his ankle and played only three minutes in the second half but he was still on the bench, they just didn’t need him. Curry outscored the Rockets 16-15 by himself in the first quarter. He outscored James Harden’s 17 even still. Harden didn’t get to the line a single time – that’s never happened in his playoff career. Steve Kerr says Curry is “questionable” for game two. Probably not worth the risk, really.

As for Patrick Beverley, well, suffice to say that Steph has friends and those friends have his back. Draymond was not kidding around…

Shout Out to the Mavs

I’ve gotta get this one out there quickly because I won’t get too many more chances. Rick Carlisle is beyond a magician the way he’s been able to squeeze blood out of a stone with this Mavericks line-up. Okay, Dirk Nowitzki is there, and NBA truisms will tell you that if you an elite coach and a Hall of Famer in your team then you’ll make the playoffs more or less every year but damn the Mavs really tested that this season. It began when DeAndre Jordan made his controversial backflip, leaving the Mavericks without a proper centre on their roster and with most of the free agents all gone by that time. A second round pick was flipped for Zaza Pachulia and that was their consolation.

And yet despite more or less everybody picking them to miss the playoffs (many pundits had them last in the West – below the freakin’ Lakers!), Pachulia turned out to be pretty decent. Chandler Parsons, coming off offseason surgery, was on a strict minutes limit but Wes Matthews defied all the odds in returning from his Achilles snap in time for opening night. Hardly at his best but it was more than anyone had a right to expect from him.

At a time there it seemed that Parsons was beginning to really thrive. He was playing some of the best basketball of his career… right up until he got hurt and ruled out for the season. Pachulia has been mostly crap since the All Star break. Deron Williams got hurt and was in doubt for the rest of the season. A March streak of 10 losses from 12 games threatened to ruin it all.

So Carlisle changed it up. They stopped trying to play that quick, fluid passing game that they’d strived for the last couple seasons and settled for slower, half-court stuff. J.J. Barea came into the starting line-up and was incredible – crazy words to write there. But he was, winning a Western Conference Player of the Week award. Six consecutive wins and the season was saved, a win over Utah even pushed them up into the sixth seed.

Which is as good as it will get. The Thunder are far and away the better side but just getting to the playoffs was their big victory. Rookie Justin Anderson played a big part late on – the 21st pick in the last draft – as did fellow rookie Salah Mejri, a 29 year old Tunisian who stands at roughly 7’2”. Raymond Felton has been a useful player. JaVale McGee is on that team. Charlie Villanueva had a role shooting 27.3% from three. Their best defender and leader in minutes played was coming off a potentially career-ruining injury and their only prime offensive weapon was injured down the straight. To think that this team could make the playoffs is ridiculous, you cannot understate the craft and ingenuity that took.

Now for their reward, they get to strain their necks watching Durant drill threes over them and twist their ankles trying to keep up with Westbrook on the drive. Maybe admire Steven Adams’ moustache as he rejects Pachulia at the rim (as if Zaza needs any help missing layups). The Mavericks won’t win the NBA this season and they might not win a playoff game. But as far the fans go it's far better than betting on ping pong balls.

The Reel:

Russ is in the house.

Quotables:

Digging the Run TMC hat as well there, Steph.

Speaking of press conference swagger, that chain!

Paul George: "That hurt more than the actual break, not getting this team to the playoffs last year. This means a lot, it means a lot to be back here, it means a lot to be on this stage again."

Dwane Casey: “As a team as a whole, we were tight offensively and that frustration carried over to the defensive end, and you can’t do that. It’s a long series. I know the percentages, all the numbers, all that bullcrap. It’s a long series and I know our team didn’t play to our identity, but I know we’ll come back Monday night and play more to our identity.”

Kyle Lowry: “We’re good. It’s one game”

Dirk Nowitzki: "We got embarrassed tonight"

Avery Bradley, who injured his hamstring for Boston: "I'll get treatment tonight - probably get treatment all night. My main focus is just trying to get back for the next game."

Hero Ballers:

Paul George (IND): 33 PTS (12/22 FG, 4/5 3PT), 4 REB, 6 AST, 4 STL – G1 vs Raptors

Steph Curry (GSW): 24 PTS (8/13 FG, 5/7 3PT), 7 REB, 2 AST, 3 STL – G1 vs Rockets

Kent Bazemore (ATL): 23 PTS (7/13 FG), 8 REB, 2 BLK – G1 vs Celtics

Al Horford (ATL): 24 PTS (8/17 FG), 12 REB, 2 AST, 2 BLK – G1 vs Celtics

Isaiah Thomas (BOS): 27 PTS (8/21 FG, 4/10 3PT), 8 AST – G1 vs Hawks