The Mystery Doctor's Word

The World Cup aye, I'm not the most avid footballing fan so it still frustrates me a little with all the bullkaka that players partake in diving, basically abusing the ref and generally acting like spolit little babies but hey, I'm not gonna hate - that's football. And that's Brazil. I was kinda looking forward to watching them, anytime you get to watch Brazil play you generally always take up that opportunity. But I soon found myself hating them, that's the thing about sports - if you're a neutral you can pick and choose and I got some extreme grown men acting like babies vibes from the Brazilians. As well as the fact that I didn't think they played all that well, but they do have this wonderful player - Oscar. Neymar gets the goals and is the poster boy, but Oscar will be the saviour if Brazil reach the promised land.

What else tickled my fancy from the opening weekend? Well I'll leave the Dutch demolition of Spain to the Wildcard, my French lads got off to a good start with Antoine Griezmann starting alongside Karim Benzema and Mathieu Valbuena forming a sneakily good attacking crop. Italy and England provide an entertaining ol' match, I quite liked England's performance. Italy probably had too much class for England to ever win, but England were at least exciting and attacking. I reckon they should beat Uruguay even with Suarez returning.

It's a pity that in a game where the rules are fairly simple, unlike the rugby codes or baseball etc that the refs get so much spotlight for how shit they are. Refs and linesmen I should say ... I mean we all know what line-o's are like but it's not the best thing when all the World Cup can give the media around the world are terrible decisions while we're watching some of the best World Cup football I've seen in a while. Everyone's generally seeking goals, even the Aussies wanted to attack despite being relatively pooz.

The Wildcard's Word

How good has the World Cup been!? Usually the big show brings us a bunch of conservative teams playing not to lose and trying most of all not to concede. Nil-all draws and boring football. But in Brazil, the country best known for flair and creative footy, we’re seeing the opposite. Four days and 11 games in, we are yet to see a single draw. Five teams have come from behind to win, and only three have been kept scoreless. And the goal scoring itself is on a record pace. Not only are we seeing so many of the stars getting on the scoresheet, but 37 goals in 11 games is an average of 3.36 per match. That’s 16 goals more than this stage last tournament. The World Cup hit its goal scoring low in 1990 with just 2.21 goals/game, and the last time that we were treated to at least 3 a game was all the way back in 1958! 

England will be OK. They have a tough group but if that loss to Italy proved anything, it’s that they finally have a team capable of losing with dignity. They attacked from the start, taking the game to the Italians. Raheem Sterling was a controversial starter but he had a great game, as did Danny’s Welbeck and Sturridge. Jordan Henderson was full of energy and each of the subs brought something to the table. It’s a shame that Hodgson seems to be devaluing Wayne Rooney, and the fullbacks were caught out a few times (predictably). Still, they’ll back themselves against a crappy Uruguayan side and the plucky Costa Ricans. All is not lost, England. We shall fight on the beaches! We will never surrender!

Best wishes to the England physio Gary Lewin who's headed back to the motherland after dislocating his ankle in the celebrations following Sturridge's goal, too. Though once it was revealed that he's also the Arsenal physio, things suddenly took on a clearer light. That explains a lot, actually.

The Most Polite Fans in the World

IT WORKS!

Diving in 8-Bit

Flippin' RVP

#Respect

Gimme A Goddamn Break...

Hi-5s

The Dutch – Ole Ole Ole. Credit must go to Louis Van Gaal, Robin Van Persie and Arjen Robin for their respective genius but every player did their bit in dismantling the defending champs Spain 5-1. It’s still all one big oranje blur. (Here’s a more in-depth analysis)

Joel Campbell (Costa Rica) – The Costa Ricans provided us with a massive shock as they blew over possible contenders Uruguay for a 3-1 win. Uruguay were terrible, missing Luis Suarez is one thing but their midfield was rubbish too. Joel Campbell meanwhile was superb. The Arsenal forward scoring one and setting up another. Top Stuff. Apparently Arsene Wenger is ready to give him a go in the first team now after 3 years and three different loan spells (He scored against Man Utd in the Champs League earlier this year).

Hugs

Karim Benzema (France) – Probably thinks he scored a hat-trick only for the goal line tech to (correctly) give the second one as an OG on the keeper.

Own Goal Scorers – On that subject, the poor buggers who’ve scored OGs deserve some hugs too. Marcelo for Brazil in the opener, Noel Valladares for Honduras and Sead Kolasinac for Bosnia & Herzegovina. It’s not like any of them could have done a whole lot about it either.

Wayne Rooney (England) – Playing out of position but still with enormous expectation and a rabid army of Three Lions fans most of whom seem ready to lynch him if they lose again. It’s not his fault! Rooney’s effort and application were as high as the rest of his teammates, he just never gets the benefit of the doubt. No excuses for this though:

Slaps

Maxi Pereira (Uruguay) – The man on the receiving end of the first red card of the tournament. He lashed out at a Costa Rican in their 3-1 loss like a petulant little child. Now he misses the next two crucial games. I hope it was worth it, buddy.

World Cup Media – Needless to say we would never do something this crass. The Croatian team are boycotting all media after some photographers hid in the bushes by their team hotel and leaked images online of some of the players skinny dipping in the pool. Nude leaks at the football world cup? I blame the Kardashians…

Golden Boot Watch

2 - Neymar (Brazil)

2 - Robin van Persie (Netherlands)

2 - Arjen Robben (Netherlands)

2 – Karim Benzema (France)