Ballon d’Or, Ballon d’Oh and Ballon A-d’Orable

FIFA’s annual pat-on-their-own-backs award show was held this week with all of the pretentiously inward celebration that you’d expect of the dictators of the world game. There were also some honours for players, though, with Cristiano Ronaldo bagging a deserved third Ballon d’Or after guiding Real Madrid to the Champions League, scoring ridiculous quantities of goals against measly Spanish defenders in La Liga and also single-handedly getting Portugal to the World Cup.

Good on him and all that. But then he made this speech, where he said all the usual faux-humble things that award recipients always do at these glamorous events… before unleashing this crazy King of the Jungle holler. Uh, wha?

In much cuter Ronaldo news, his Cristiano Jr popped up in a Portuguese interview his dad was doing show dressed as Superman.

This after a sweet little moment backstage at the Ballon d’Or awards where Junior was introduced to Lionel Messi, though was too stricken by stage fright to say anything. Ronaldo advises him to go say hello.

Messi: "How are you doing? How's it all going, good?"

CR Jr: …

CR Snr: "He watches a video online, of all of us, and he talks about you"

Messi: "And now you've gone shy?"

There were other awards handed out at the self-indulgent event too. Along with Cristiano Ronaldo winning the big prize for Men’s Player of the Year, there were also rewards for these worthy (and mostly German) people:

• Women’s Player of the Year: Nadine Kessler (Germany)
• Men’s World Coach: Joachim Loew (Germany)
• Women’s World Coach: Ralf Kellermann (Germany)
• Presidential Award: Hiroshi Kagawa
• Puskas Award (Goal of the Year): James Rodriguez (Colombia)

Which means that Irishwoman Stephanie Roche missed out for her absolute screamer for her Irish club side. Probably fair, given Lil Haaamess’ one was at a World Cup and all. Seems like she had a decent time anyway.

Robin Van Persie’s diving header at the World Cup was the other finalist.

Here’s where the awards lost all meaning though. They named a team of the year which inexplicably included David Luiz at defence. You know, the guy largely at fault for his nation conceding 7 goals in a World Cup semi-final on home soil. Yeah, that guy. Out of favour for half of this year for his club then mind-blowingly sold for a record fee to PSG. Andres Iniesta being in there on a down year is a little odd too (given both Barca and Spain’s failures especially) while Thiago Silva is the second Brazilian defender in there (at least he didn’t play that semi-final). The rest are pretty clear cut, Angel Di Maria is the only player based in England in the team, and his honour will have been 100% down to his Man of the Match in the Champions League final and his exploits for Argentina at the World Cup. Unfortunately the team was decided by fan votes, so there ya go.

A Chunky Comeback

CR7 wasn’t the only Ronaldo making news this week however. The man known both as The Real Ronaldo and also Fat Ronaldo has cast his vast earnings back into the game that provided them by becoming a minority owner in the Fort Lauderdale Strikers in America. The team plays in the North American Soccer League, which is the second tier to the MLS and Brazilian Ronny dropped the bombshell in his press conference that he’s thinking of coming out of retirement to play for them.

"I will train a lot, and if the coach needs me, maybe [play]. It's easy to get in shape - you have to train. To play a soccer game you have to be in very good shape so I will try. I'll start another challenge and I'm sure it will help the league and it will help the team and help soccer in America."

The big fella, who won two World Cups, is not 38 and he last played professionally with Corinthians in 2011. Interestingly, his former teammate at Real Madrid, Raul, also plays in the NASL.

An Unlikely Hero

A 12 year old Australian ball boy has become a Chinese national hero after he helped Chinese keeper Wang Dalei save a crucial penalty in their Asian Cup game against Saudi Arabia.

With the scores tied at 0-0 and a spot kick just awarded to the Saudis, Dalei turns to young Stephan White and asks which way to dive. The kid (a young goalkeeper himself) points left. Dalei dives that way… and makes a massive save with his legs!

White was invited to the next Chinese training session as a VIP and Dalei has offered him the jersey he wore in the game, which China went on to win 1-0 thanks to an 80th minute deflected free kick. Apparently he’s a bit of a minor celebrity in China now.

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