Last Week: 3/10

Overall: 69/160

Chelsea vs Sunderland

Oh Jose. Where exactly did it all go wrong? And how did it happen so damn quickly?

The word now is that the Chelsea board, instigated by Roman Abramovich, has met to discuss Mourinho’s future with the team after losing to Leicester. Yet another slump in a season where they can’t seem to take two steps forward. They’re playing the world’s worst game of snakes and ladders, basically.

Aaaand... they've sacked him.

When things get this bad (and it’s pretty much unprecedented already), the noise is almost unbearable. The calls for calm are lost in the swirling winds of media mutilation. THE BOARD IS MEETING, JOSE HAS 24 HOURS TO GET OUT OF TOWN BEFORE GARY COOPER SHOWS UP!!! It’s not even about how accurate these things are, it’s the combined echo chamber effect that tends to cost managers their jobs. One article spawns three more and even though there’s no new info coming out, there’s only so much a chairman can take. It happened to David Moyes, though they at least reached the stage (and he saw out most of the season) where he clearly wasn’t gonna be the future. Now it's happened to Mourinho. But Mourinho is this club’s best ever. To sack him now is saying that they believe that another manager can salvage more from this year than Jose can. Well, it’s almost too late for that now. Nobody’s coming in and guiding Chelsea into the top four, nor was Jose gonna get them relegated. The best thing to do may be to give him cash for the January window and see where it goes from there, it’s definitely ruthless to cut him out before then – even more so to cut him out before he got to play Sunderland at home.

Cesc Fabregas wore Jose’s criticism on his chin, saying the players need to take more responsibility and earn their money. True. And the manager also needed to step up and find a way to pump the morale back into this team because his one-man-play version of Scarface where he gets to the top and everyone he trusts betrays him never helped.

In the meantime they’re just gonna have to deal with roastings like this:

And headlines such as this one:

“Scott Laird: Scunthorpe United can shock Chelsea in FA Cup”

The fourteenth placed side in the third tier of football is not supposed to fancy their chances against the defending champs. As always, the headline wasn’t exactly in line with what Mr Laird was saying, but it did include this line: "I'm sure they'll be looking to win the FA Cup because it looks like their only hope at the moment.” Ouch. Right where it hurts. The trophy cabinet.

Wildcard’s Pick: Chelsea 2-0

Manchester United vs Norwich City

Speaking of managerial controversies…

Louis Van Gaal isn’t under any legit risk of losing his job but he is under some pressure. The dumbest thing is people making the ‘WHY DID HE SELL CHICHARITO!?’ argument. He sold him because he didn’t fit and probably wasn’t quite good enough. When you play one striker and your wingers aren’t all that creative then a player like Javier Hernandez doesn’t offer you hardly anything. And scoring a bunch of goals at a slightly lower level for a very different team doesn’t make any difference. It’s just a stark contrast. James Wilson scoring twice in his first two starts for Brighton too, yet in reality that’s a win-win for all involved.

Five games without a win for United, these are strange times. The good news is that Wayne Rooney is a chance to return. That wouldn’t have felt like good news a month ago but in the three games he’s missed they’ve drawn once and lost twice. He brings a bit of gravity to that number ten spot which they could really use. Get Mata back out on the right where he played so well for the first few months or maybe throw Martial out wide and get him running at fullbacks. The real ticker will be whether or not Chris Smalling plays because they weren’t so flash without his defensive leadership last time out. Neither Blind nor De Gea is a player that communicates all that much and without Smalling they conceded twice from corners – granted one was curled in directly from a corner so yeah.

I’ve been quietly bullish on Norwich for the most part but I’m not really sure at the moment. I watched their game with Everton and they should’ve been 3-0 down at HT and that’s being generous. But then the way Alex Neil reshuffled them at the back and earned an immediate reward, that was impressive. A talented manager goes a long, long way. Right now I’d back them to narrowly survive.

Wildcard’s Pick: United 2-1

Southampton vs Tottenham Hotspur

Southampton’s last five games:

• Lost 1-0 to Crystal Palace (A)
• Drew 1-1 with Aston Villa (H)
• Lost 6-1 to Liverpool (H in League Cup)
• Lost 3-1 to Man City (A)
• Lost 1-0 to Stoke (H)

That’s not good, man. Though they actually lost five in a row at this time last season too before bouncing back with a 3-0 win against Everton that spurred a run of just one loss in ten. And they had a six game winless run the season before that was snapped on Boxing Day when they thrashed Cardiff 3-0. Ooh and they only won one game in December 2012 as well. Dare I look a further year back in the annals? Of course I do: Only one win in December 2011 and that was in the Championship. Turns out the Pre-Christmas Southampton Slump is as much a modern English football tradition as Mourinho passing the blame after a poor result.

Wildcard’s Takedown: Please stop with the Graziano Pelle transfer rumours. He’s not that good. He scores plenty because he shoots plenty but he happens to have one of the worst conversion rates in European footy. Seriously, 28 shots off target – that’s ten more than any other player in the Premier League. Interestingly Rickie Lambert had a similarly bad accuracy of shot while he was at Soton. Pelle’s biggest strength is that he can score in a number of ways. With his head, either foot, in the air, on the ground, etc.

Fun but obscure fact: Harry Kane has taken more shots than any other player this season (61) and he hasn’t hit the post once. The next eight shot-takers have all cracked the woodwork at least once (Romelu Lukaku’s done it four times – more than anyone).

Wildcard’s Pick: Too soon for Southampton to come right? Maybe, I’ll take a draw against a fired up Spurs who just lost to Newcastle after getting complacent.

Everton vs Leicester City

The two form strikers of the league, Jamie Vardy and Romelu Lukaku. Lukaku on a six game PL goal-scoring streak and already over halfway to Vardy’s record before the paint’s even dried on the commemorative mural. But this one might be more down to how well Everton can defend.

John Stones gets the task of stopping Vardy, Leighton Baines of stopping Riyad Mahrez. Two near impossible tasks based on recent happenings, perhaps the best way of doing things is to cut off the lines of support. Keep them from getting the ball forward/wide. Gareth Barry and James McCarthy are a good pair of defensive mids, they aren’t all that fast so they could get lost against the counter but they’re rarely out of position and both are pretty physical in the challenge. Leicester don’t hold the ball much, but that’s because they’re so positive that they’re straight on the attack as soon as they get it. If Everton are clever with it, they can maybe sucker the Foxes with the double bluff. Gerry Deulofeu is lightning if they can feed him in – do a Leicester to Leicester.

What we have to throw out there now, all of us, is that Leicester City deserve to be where they are. We’re long past the time where we can call this a fluke, they may have struck lucky with personnel and tactics falling into place but that doesn’t make it any less impressive. Cheers to Claudio Ranieri for keeping the Tinkerman traits in his pocket after seeing what a good thing he’d accidentally walked into. Look, they’re one injury to an attacking player from slipping back, however if that injury never comes then there’s no reason why they can’t go on and finish top four… maybe even higher.

Everton are a superb team at Goodison Park. This’ll be a banger.

Wildcard’s Pick: Everton 3-1… sorry, it’s just time.

West Bromwich Albion vs Bournemouth

What I love about Bournemouth is that they played well at the start of the season. They had a great promotion year playing flowing and exciting football and they tried to keep that identity going in the top division. The results didn’t come for a long time yet they never compromised what they were trying to do, although they did tighten things up and learn the lessons that were there for the learning. Really great, and you look at how Eddie Howe has this really fine vibe going in this squad and it’s no wonder that he can get such inspirational performances out of Junior Stanislas and Matt Ritchie and Harry Arter. Also, the Cherries score the best goals, man.

It’ll be cool to see the contrast now between that and the WBA team that Jurgen Klopp semi-raged against for their negative tactics. Bourney might still be a bit naïve for this.

Wildcard’s Pick: 2-1 WBA

Stoke City vs Crystal Palace

LOCK UP YOUR WIVES,

LOCK UP YOUR DAUGHTERS,

PARDEW’S IN TOWN,

AND HE’S NOT DRINKING WATER.

(Sounds like that CPFC takeover deal is done too. Americans Josh Harris and David Blitzer, a couple of franchise owning billionaires who already have controlling stakes in the Philadelphia 76ers in the NBA and the NHL's New Jersey Devils. The NJD are a middling hockey team while the 76ers are currently one of the worst teams that the NBA has ever seen, but it’s okay…. they’re rebuilding. Word is that they’re also incredibly interested in bringing an NFL team to London, the league already players there a few times a season. They’re trying to sell the Sixers anyway.)

Wildcard’s Pick: Palace to celebrate with another away victory

Newcastle United vs Aston Villa

At some point you’d have to assume that Villa will find a bit of form in the way that Newcastle all of a sudden have. It might not be enough.

Newcastle were pretty lucky to beat Spurs but they stuck to it and that’s worth plenty. You watch teams like Man United and Chelsea the last couple weeks and you wonder: maybe it really all is just a matter of effort. If that’s the case then there will be grassroots Mourinho’s patting themselves on the back every Saturday morning at the local park. Actually, maybe that should read grassroots McClarens, because it was Schteve that masterminded that thing with a couple smart saves and a rousing speech at half time. Good on ya son, I always knew you had it in you. There are too many quality players in that Newcastle team and McClaren has always been a decent enough manager when it comes to firing folks up. That Ayoze Perez has some important goals in him, doesn’t he? Probably don’t bet on Papiss Cisse holding his starting spot. I also really like a midfield that includes Sissoko/Colback/Wijnaldum in there. Siem De Jong I wanna see a bit more from, I think I’d prefer him further forward. Eventually we’re gonna see a two striker resurgence. It worked for Newcastle last week in the second half and it’s been working for Watford all season.

Wildcard’s Pick: Newcastle 2-0

Watford vs Liverpool

“I’ve got respect for the man because he’s done a great job at Dortmund, but I think he’s a bit of an idiot if I’m being honest.” – West Brom midfielder James McClean.

… And so the backlash has begun. It all seemed a bit to reverential there for Jolly Jürgen. Congratulations, buddy, you’re now officially entrenched in English football.

Wildcard’s Pick: Liverpool probably to squeeze this one out

Swansea City vs West Ham United

We can only hope that talks of Marcelo Bielsa as the possible new Swans manager come true. It’d be far better than Gus Poyet at least. Bielsa is a nutcase of an Argentinian with a really clever tactical mind who did great things with Marseille (like giving All White Bill Tuiloma his senior debut) before shockingly resigning after one game of this season. They call him El Loco. He was in the running for the West Ham job at one stage too – WHU who bought Dimitri Payet from Marseille. Also, he once sat on a coffee cup during a game and it was really funny:

Really brutal for Swansea to lose as they did to City last week but they’ll take confidence from it. More than anything it was priceless to get Baffy Gomis in the goals once more. I know they have a manager-less team this week and Aston Villa next, but I kinda feel a lean patch coming on for the Hammers, at least until they can clear up the injury list.

Wildcard’s Pick: Swans with a crucial 1-0 win

Arsenal vs Manchester City

Yes. Now this is what we’re talking about. The two best non-Fox teams of the season in what’ll be a crucial game in the title race, even at this stage of the season. The kind of game that Arsenal would limply lose in the past, which is exactly what people will say if they do, while a home victory will have some people plotting the route of the victory parade already.

Oh, no, never mind. Joe Hart’s been hanging out at the Steve McClaren School of Inspirational Speaking, Arsenal have no chance:

“It’s a shame it needs the dragon to be poked before we come out of the cage. We know what we’ve got here and it’s frustrating when we don’t do it, but it’s a long season and we’ve got ourselves into a good place.” - JH

Poking dragons? That sounds like a Game of Thrones new season spoiler. Careful with that, Joey boy.

But honestly, this is a really fascinatingly balanced game. It’ll be a big test for Aaron Ramsey’s CM role. It’ll be a test of Sergio Aguero’s sharpness if it’s true that he’s ready to go. It’ll be a test of Arsenal’s motivations to go out there and try beat City and open up a four-point gap between them. It’ll be a test of City’s fitness having just played seven games in 22 days – which means the extra couple days break in playing this game on a Monday night works in their favour nicely.

Oh and you know that Fergie Time thing? Including the Champions League, City have won FIVE games this season with goals scored in the 89th minute or later:

• 1-0   vs Crystal Palace (Iheanacho – 90 mins)
• 2-1 vs Norwich (Yaya Toure – 89 mins (pen))
• 2-1 vs Swansea (Iheanacho – 92 mins)
• 2-1 vs B’ Gladbach (Aguero – 90 mins (pen))
• 2-1 vs Sevilla (De Bruyne – 91 mins)

Both teams can score goals and continue to prove that. This one will come down to how well they can defend and without Vincent Kompany that becomes a genuine debate.

I’ll give the Gunners a draw but only because it’s in London.

Wildcard’s Pick: 1-1