Mourinho's Notebook - Bournemouth, Angry Mum & Bonus Fellaini
The Ballad of AFC Bournemouth
Seven years ago, Bournemouth was on the verge of financial collapse. A ten point deduction for going into administration saw them relegated to League Two. A century old club on the verge of dissolution, they were barely even allowed into the league the next season, eventually starting with a 17 point deficit. Onto their third manager of the year, 31 year old Eddie Howe (a former player and then the youngest manager in the football league), they were narrowly able to avoid relegation thanks to a 2-1 win over Grimsby Town in their final home game.
Fast forward to the present day, and 37 year old Eddie Howe has taken his team to the promised land. The side all but guaranteed promotion to the Premier League, so long as they don’t lose by 19-0 or more to Charlton on the weekend. They’ll face the usual problems of fairy tale promotion – see Burley this season – in that their facilities need massive upgrading, their stadium doesn’t even seat 12000 and their players are almost all cheap bargain buys. Players some of whom Howe has remained faithful throughout their rise up the divisions. Of course, the £120m or so windfall of promotion will certainly help.
Earlier this season Bournemouth won their largest ever game, 8-0 over Birmingham. Well, technically. Their actual biggest ever win was 10-0 over Northampton Town but it was stricken from the records on account of the Second World War that broke out the next day. It’s also the club that Harry Redknapp made his name at as a manager.
And so for the first time in 100 years, Arsenal won’t begin the season atop the table based on alphabetical order. Nope, that honour is about to go to AFC Bournemouth.
Identical Fell
Marouane Fellaini is a pretty unique player. But he’s far from a unique individual. Turns out the dude has an identical twin brother, Mansour, who sports the same blooming afro and tree-ish visage.
They look similar enough that Jose Mourinho almost got duped by the ol’ switcharoo the other week. Having planned to play Kurt Zouma to specifically target Fellaini when Chelsea faced Manchester United (which he eventually did to huge success), those plans were nearly curtailed when a hotel porter told him that Fellaini wouldn’t be playing the next day. Nope, the guy must’ve been injured, because he was seen visiting Eden Hazard at the hotel, dressed in jeans and asking for tickets to the game. Luckily Mourinho isn’t that gullible, hence he has a football oddity column named after his notebook.
“[It] didn't smell well for me. I go to Google and I put 'Fellaini brother'. So I go with the pictures to the doorman. I say 'hey, this one or this one?' And he looks 'this one'. 'He's the brother'.”
“I Think You Are An Ostrich”
Nigel Pearson, you muppet. Add another one to the list of calling a different journalist a ‘prick’, telling an abusinve fan to ‘fuck off and die’ and strangling James McArthur.
Ashley Speaks…
“I can, 100%, absolutely confirm it was not bird poo. But I’d love to know who put that video out and how they did it. Or what my reaction might have been if it actually was”
Then what exactly was it, Ashley!? You calling this video a fake?
Mum Knows Best?
The mother of Arsenal prodigy Ainsley Maitland-Niles has been banned from The Emirates after assaulting the Gunners’ chief negotiator, Dick Law. (Chief negotiator is a kinda weird title, he’s more or less a Director of Football.)
Julie Niles allegedly struck Mr Law during a meeting about 17 year old Ainsley, as she took exception to the progression of her son’s career. A member of the ground staff also complained of assault and police were called. She was arrested but released without charge and banned from the stadium.
This was about a month ago, yet last week she turned up at an under-21s fixture in which her son was playing, shouting aggressively and threatening to pull her son off the field.
Ainsley Maitland-Niles is one of Arsenal’s top prospects, he made his Champions League debut earlier in the season against Galatasaray, becoming the second youngest Gunner to ever play in the competition, behind Jack Wilshere. He made his Premier League debut four days later and has also appeared in an FA Cup tie against Hull this season. Gotta feel for the poor kid in this situation, to be honest.