Last Week: 3/10

Overall: 3/10

Aston Villa vs Manchester United

Don’t get suckered by this game. It’s on a Saturday morning NZ time, a Friday evening in England. Which is easy to overlook seeing as the last time a Premier League game was played on a Friday was when Arsenal beat Newcastle 3-2 in the Invincibles season of 2003-04 (excluding matches played on holidays such as Boxing Day, that is). Friday night games are pretty regular in France, Spain and Germany, but in England it’s usually the only day of the week that isn’t getting either Premier League, Champions League or Europa League love on the telly box most weeks. However with the new TV deals coming into play soon, that’s expected to change within a few seasons and this could become a regular thing. Which is bloody awesome for those of us in this part of the world. A bit of early morning footy before our own games in the afternoon, sounds like a marvellous day to me.

Why is it on a Friday, you ask? Well, the ‘English Defence League’ is marching nearby to Villa Park and the coppers don’t wanna stretch their resources too thin. The EDL, per Wikipedia, is “a far-right street protest movement which focuses on opposition to what it considers to be a spread of Islamism and Sharia in the United Kingdom”. So… racists, basically.

The previous meeting between these two teams was a 1-1 draw in which Falcao and Benteke scored. Times have changed, but Villa has changed more.  

Wildcard’s Pick: United by a goal or two. Doesn’t have to be pretty at this stage.

Southampton vs Everton

Southampton did a lot more than I expected last week*. I figured backing up from a Thursday night Europa game, they’d have trouble. This isn’t a team that plays the rotation game all that much. But against Newcastle they managed to come away with a 2-2 draw and looked sturdy in doing so. Everton drew 2-2 as well, but they got booed along the way.

This is a really fascinating game for a couple reasons. For one, these are two teams that like to have the ball at their feet, good passing teams, who work hard to win it back. Yet the fan mentalities right now are completely flipped. A loss for Everton could be devastating because after this they have, brace yourselves: Man City (H), Spurs (A), Chelsea (H), Swansea (A), West Brom (A), Liverpool (H), Man Utd (H) and Arsenal (A). In that merciless order. Well, there are only so many cards in a deck, and as the Wildcard’s grandfather says, if you have a terrible hand then someone else probably has a great one. The fixtures are gonna clear up for Everton but Roberto Martinez might not be around to see it happen by the sounds of the Goodison terraces.

If Jordy Clasie is fit to make his debut then the Saints could well control the middle of the park, if not then it’s hard to say. Two strong defences too, the difference could be in which of Graziano Pelle and Romelu Lukaku can take their chances. Southampton certainly look the better at creating those chances, one advantage of early European action is that these guys are a few weeks ahead in their match fitness, which genuinely matters. I’m really excited to see James Ward-Prose vs Ross Barkley too, supposing they both play. Barkley especially, he’s under huge pressure to make strides this season, not because he’s failing to live up to the hype but because he’s one of the few players in this Everton midfield capable of creating through the middle of the park.

And as for all these people saying John Stones should stay at Everton instead of going to Chelsea… rubbish! Mate, regular football means nothing compared to the glare of a top club. If anything, he’s MORE likely to go to the Euros if he signs for Chelsea. Inconsistent appearances have never cost Phil Jones or Chris Smalling a place in Woy’s team. Plus, as far as I’m concerned, if Stones is a Chelsea player by the end of deadline day then he’ll be starting over Gary Cahill by Christmas. February at the latest.

*One of many results I got wrong. Football’s tough to pick, three options and all. I s’pose a third right is about par. I’ll get better, I promise.

Wildcard’s Pick: Could easily see a Southampton win but I’ll be generous and pick a 1-1 draw.

Watford vs West Bromwich Albion

Pulis took the blame for the loss to City. As much as playing two strikers didn’t really make the result all that much different, it probably did contribute to the fact that they were blown off the park like a hurricane. There was a storm in Yaya Toure’s eyes.

You can expect a solid season from West Brom, Pulis isn’t a man to compound his mistakes. Even still, this will not be a game that I’ll be watching.

Wildcard’s Pick: Ooh, I reckon WBA can come outta this with a 2-1 win.

Tottenham Hotspur vs Stoke City

What to make of two teams that each lost 1-0 to unlucky goals against underperforming top teams (in as much as Liverpool can still be regarded as a top team)? Probably not too much. A little hesitant optimism, perhaps.

One thing that does immediately show through for Spurs is how easily Toby Alderweireld seems to have slotted in at the back. His partnership with compatriot Jan Vertongen will be the second most important factor in their season (after Harry Hotspur’s goal tally). Despite their many problems last campaign I actually think that defence can become a strength for Spurs, Pochettino certainly got the best out of his Southampton side in that regard. Though the inconsistencies of Kyle Walker and Danny Rose could affect that. Gimme Dier/Trippier and Davies over them for sure.

The BBC ran a thing this week about football myths, and the first one they tackled was the supposed Long Ball Stoke idea. Under Tony Pulis in 2012-13 they played more long balls, won more headers and gave away more fouls than any other team. Under Mark Hughes last time they still kept close in the headers and fouls regard but they significantly cut the long passes in favour of accuracy and possession (two things, along with dribbles and open play goals, that Pulis’ 12-13 team ranked last in). Xherdan Shaqiri’s brain-busting move only furthers the transition from Stoke to Stoke-alona but you still wonder where the goals are gonna come from.

I’d confidently say that Stoke won’t score more than one in this match.

Wildcard’s Pick: Spurs by a goal.

Sunderland vs Norwich City

Did you know that this is a replay of the 1985 League Cup final? Yeah, 30 years ago these two mighty teams met to decide the prestigious League Cup in an all-time classic battle. In front of 100,000 fans at the Old Wembley, it was the Canaries that triumphed, a 46th minute own goal from Graham Chisholm deciding things, the unfortunate Chisholm getting the decisive touch on an Asa Hartford shot, deflecting it beyond the helpless Chris Turner in goal. Something he’s regretted for the rest of his life. It was a game also remembered for Clive Walker’s missed penalty later in the second half that would’ve tied the game. Former Sunderland manager Steve Bruce was playing for Norwich that day, that "lovely day" as striker Mick Channon described it. Despite making this cup final, both clubs were relegated that season.

As a result of the affable relations between the two sets of fans on that historic day, every time that they compete now they compete for the Friendship Trophy, a trophy deemed by TalkSport in 2013 as one of football’s “most pointless awards”.

The last time they played was in May 2014 and Norwich won 2-0 in a game that gave us this proper screamer from Alex Tettey.

Look, I’ve tried to make this game interesting for you but I’m all out of ideas.

Wildcard’s Pick: Eh, Norwich. Why not?

West Ham United vs Leicester City

Tinkerman

Music & Lyrics by Bob Dylan

Arranged by The Wildcard

Standing on the sideline casting your bread

While the eyes of the journos with the iron pens are glowing

Distant shots sailing into the net

You’d better sub off a winger and bring on a fullback while the going’s still going

Victory, just around the corner for you

But with Europe so far off, what good will it do?

Tinkerman change to a 4-4-2

Make a few subs every afternoon

Oh, oh, oh, Tinkerman

You’re a man of convictions, standing honest and proud

Manipulator of crowds, you’re a team tweaker

You’re going to Anfield and Old Trafford

But what do you care? Ain’t nobody there would want to buy you third striker

Friend to the Faroes, a friend to the chairmen of shame

You look at the league table, see the rich man without any name (or points)

Tinkerman change to a 4-4-2

Make a few subs every afternoon

Oh, oh, oh, Tinkerman

Oh, Tinkerman, you know what he wants

Oh, Tinkerman, you don’t show any response

Wildcard’s Pick: Could be a great start for WHU with a win here, which doesn’t seem right. The Foxes to sneak a point instead.

Swansea City vs Newcastle United

Did you know that Michu is still under contract with Swansea? But he’s chilling in Spain waiting for his agent to call him with offers. Except nobody wants to pay for a player who in the last couple seasons would’ve be best used as a physio’s test dummy.

Swansea had the more impressive 2-2 draw last week. They’re always tough to beat in Wales but Newcastle will be tough to beat anywhere. It’s almost like they bottomed out with John Carver, taking team morale to such desperately low levels that Steve McLaren walks in and it’s like the rain clouds cleared and in he comes outlined in an angelic glowing light, here to purge the darkness of the past. Or, you know, at least try.

Wildcard’s Pick: A goal scoring draw.

Crystal Palace vs Arsenal

Poor Mesut Ozil cops it no matter what he does. All the jokes about 16 year old Reece Oxford keeping him in his pocket (next to his chewing gum, trading cards, a nokia cellphone and his Gameboy advance)… Ozil was no less effective than Santi Cazorla and both of them played better than Francis Coquelin. What’s this thing about Le Coq thinking he’s allowed to play long balls all of a sudden? Buddy, you’re there to do a job so that others don’t have to. Know your role.

Arsenal will bounce back, they always do. One game in is far too soon to start worrying about whether they’ll make the Champions League or not. Do they need a striker? Only if they wanna win the title. Fourth place will be theirs with this squad already formed. The biggest problem I had with them tactically against West Ham (they only conceded because of a couple defensive errors. Keep the net untarnished and it’d have been a different story) was that as they pressed for a reply, Wenger brought on Walcott and Sanchez. Fair play, but to accommodate them he took off Debuchy and seemed to push Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain back into a wing-back situation. NO! RELEASE THE OX!

Yohan Cabaye at Crystal Palace, Xherdan Shaqiri at Stoke… how is it that a top six team didn’t snap them up first!?

Wildcard’s Pick: If Sanchez starts (and I reckon he will) then Arsenal win by 2. Otherwise just the one.

Manchester City vs Chelsea

A big four clash? So soon? Oh, Premier League, you really know how to treat a fan.

Chelsea though. I’m probably reading too much into things, but it looks like things might not be all good behind closed doors. The medical staff shuffle was a ridiculous stunt, albeit one blown out of proportion, but there’s no way it was all to do with the Swansea game. I’ve read that the drama over Diego Costa’s faulty hammies had nothing to do with it, however I’m sceptical. Seems like a ‘straw that broke the camel’s back’ situation. Add that to a couple of bad results to start and nothing happening on the transfer front and I smell a conspiracy.

Of course, Jose Mourinho did just sign a new contract so that’s probably the end of that.

He’s also notoriously good against the other top teams, though City looked marvellous against West Brom. David Silva had his silky touch going, Yaya was getting forward and getting aggressive, Raheem Sterling was sharp and even without Sergio Aguero (to start – he should be back for this one) they didn’t lose a step. I’m telling ya, Wilfried Bony is quality, don’t write him off. Eliaquim Mangala is a less of a stacked deck but there’s every reason to think he’ll be much improved in his second go round. If he isn’t, well this young dude Jason Denayer (on the bench vs WBA) is a star in the making.

Last time these two met was a 1-1 draw at Stamford Bridge. As much as the pair can each make a massive early statement with a win, this game will probably go about the same way.

Wildcard’s Pick: Mourinho hasn’t lost to City, United or Arsenal in the league since he returned. Another 1-1 sounds like where it’s at/will be.

Liverpool vs Bournemouth

I mean, all things being equal, Liverpool should do ‘em here… right?

Yeah okay Brendan. I’ll take ya word for it. But if you do me wrong then I’m holding a grudge.

Wildcard’s Pick: 3-0 Liverpool to keep the wolves at bay.