You can always be sure that there’ll be something to talk about after Chelsea plays Arsenal. If nothing else the managers will make sure of that. But this time they didn’t have to. This time there was a walking, talking (slapping, yapping) wind-up merchant to do it all himself.

But more on Diego Costa when we come to him.

First of we have what was already a fascinating clash. Not only for the eternal beef between the two bosses, also for the clubs as a whole and where they stood. Chelsea hosting the game with just one win in five games. Shockingly poor performances, the best defence in the league lasted season turned calamitous. However they took care of Maccabi Tel-Aviv midweek in the Champions League (the only English tea to win) which was cause to think a corner may be in the progress of being turned, finally. Still, they began the day just a spot out of the relegation zone.

As for Arsenal, well they’d worked hard and gotten some quality wins on the board after their shock loss to West Ham in the first game… only to lose in Croatia to Dinamo Zagreb in Europe. Already the signs are there that this’ll be Same Old Arsenal in 2014-15, fourth place and the UCL knockouts. Long streaks of wins broken by losses against the top couple teams. The first steps towards that have already been taken with long term injuries to Jack Wilshere and Danny Welbeck.

For a fixture that’s so often been defined by a lack of tactical divergence, it’s probably about right that the starting XIs were so predictable. Chelsea springing the only curve ball with the benching of John Terry, but if you’d seen him play this season then that’s not nearly the shock it seems. And the pair embraced after the game so they seem all good on that level. Like, even if the pair truly aren’t talking then it’s not a huge deal between a couple of veteran pros – though the captaincy thing is a speedbump. But then that was all just speculation anyway and Mourinho’s had his (un)fair share of tabloid bollocks written about him, that’s for sure. Anyway, Cahill and Zouma have forged a good partnership so far and that pair are better suited than 34 year old Terry to deal with the pace of Theo Walcott. And Oscar was there because they’re always better on attack when he plays.

Theo’s inclusion may have been a debatable one but it was always on the cards when Giroud started midweek. And then even more so when Giroud got sent off midweek. Theo was the better matchup though. His speed makes him a massive threat on the break even if his finishing lets him down. Arsenal had to be prepared to take their chances in whatever way they could get them and having to counter rather than slowly build pressure as they prefer is only realistic. Walcott’s matchup offered a distinct problem for Chelsea. The trade-off was worth it, if he wants to be a full-time striker then he has to become a finisher too. Plus 11 goals in 11 Prem. starts, that ain’t terrible.

Also, let this image stand the test of time. Right up there besides the Treaty of Versailles.

Hey, but this was an awful game to begin with. The Man Utd-Liverpool one last week had a snoozer of a first half too but at least it had decent passing. Arsenal are never at their best in these situations, while Chelsea took a long time to settle. They eventually did, however, and would have the better of the early stages.

Chances were extremely rare. Costa slammed one at his old buddy Petr Cech from distance, a worm decapitator that wasn’t much harm. Soon after Theo found some room in the box by sliding wide but his shot came off balance and barely had enough power to count. It was one of only two shots on target that Arsenal would muster, the other came from Aaron Ramsey.

Things finally got going as Eden Hazard got going. He’s had an awful start to the season and the penalty midweek may have been the worst of it. Pretty sure it’s still travelling up. But he started to find his feet against the Gunners. Hazard is at his best taking on defenders, cutting in and out, and that’s how he got in past Gabriel. Sprinting down the left, he tried to outgun Gabby only for the Brazilian to step across him and muscle him away over the touchline. Mourinho thought it was laughable that he got away with it:

“In rugby it's fantastic, in football it's a penalty.”

The decision seemed fair though. Gabriel got between Haz and the ball, at that point it’s his ball, not Haz’s. It was all shoulder as they pushed back and forth and if anything, Hazard gives him a tug to the ground as the ball went out. Rough defending, also legal defending. Just.

After that we actually got a really entertaining game for a while. End to end, with Arsenal doing dumb things and Chelsea attacking fast through Hazard and Pedro. Mostly Hazard, he was really looking sharp. Defences were stretched, tension was frayed. Tempers were lost.

And then this:

There wasn’t much football played for the next few minutes but dammit, what theatre! Costa and Koscielny clashed, Gabriel came in and took it personally. The pair went off in an array of Spanish insults (“Pendejo!” “Hijo de puta!”). The referee seemed to calm it down but friendly chest pats turned into passive-aggressive slaps and before you knew it, Costa was raging at a stomp/kick and the red card came flashing like a fiery wreck from the night sky.

Massive couple of minutes. Perhaps the moments that sealed Diego Costa’s villainous reputation once and for all, not that he’ll care so long as it’s not a tipping point with referees.

This dude is a troll. Diego Costa has taken the art of provocation to degrees never before witnessed. It actually is an art form with him. Everybody knows what an utter bastard he is and yet nobody seems to be able to resist it. Well, that’s harsh, many do. Laurent Koscielny, for example. Slapped in the face after being smothered, he managed to walk away (after trying to beat DC at his own game with a flimsy dive after they met chest to chest). But there’s always someone who just can’t let it go. Gabriel was that person.

Was it a red card? Yes, it was. It doesn’t matter how hard to hit him, if you kick out at a fella then that’s violent conduct. There’s no way it was an accident either, legs don’t bend that way unless you make them. Red card, no doubt about it. Most Arsenal fans will probably accept that when the mist goes down, their problem is more about Costa’s behaviour.

“He can do what he wants and he stays on. Everyone else that responds to him has to be sent off. It’s unacceptable. But he always gets away with it. He will do the same again next week, and the week after, and he always gets away with it.” – Arsene Wenger

The thing with Costa is that he walks the line. Putting his hands on Koscienly’s face, that’s scummy but it’s not quite a card, to be brutally honest. Not in a world where players can damn near rip each other’s shirts off on set pieces and get away with it. The swinging arm to his face straight after was a red if it’s deliberate, but that’s the thing: was it? Knowing Diego Costa as we do, you get the feeling it might have been. He sold it well, though.

Then everything after that was all moaning, you can’t get sent off for moaning (though he did get booked). As much of a prick as he was acting, Gabriel was just as bad. He had so many chances to let that thing lie, teammates and compatriots falling off him trying to drag him away and he just couldn’t leave it be. Once again, Diego Costa wins.

Look at this face. Don’t you just wanna punch it? Yeah? Then he’s already halfway won.

Let it not go unsaid that Gabriel is Brazilian. Diego Costa was born and raised in Brazil but changed his national allegiance after a couple of games for them and now represents Spain. Given the character that he is and also that very controversial career move, his history with Brazilians is not especially rosy. He and Fernandinho had a few handbags in the tunnel earlier in the season when Dinho copped Costa on the head with an elbow in City’s 3-0 win.  

That was all basically on halftime. So how did Arsenal cope with going down to ten men? On came Calum Chambers, off went Franny Coquelin. Le Coq had hurt his knee earlier on but battled through, yet his injury made him the obvious candidate to head off. Chambers into Gabriel’s spot and the team to a 4-4-1 formation. Suring up the defence to hold on for a point, they didn’t even last another 10 minutes.

That cross from Cesc Fabregas, mmmhmm.

From there it was vintage Chelsea. Playing with the one-man/one-goal advantage, they iced the game the way we’d gotten used to seeing. Hazard stung the palms once, Costa got in a couple nice positions and they controlled the game by taking all the sting out of it. The one decent chance that Arsenal had in the second half was a long ball that Cahill and Zouma didn’t deal with. It fell to Sanchez but his volley wasn’t worth much, weak connection into the ground, bouncing clear for a goal kick.

Then with 11 minutes left, Santi Cazorla left his foot in on Fabregas and picked up a second yellow. His first had come for impeding Pedro in the first half. Neither was in anyway controversial. If Arsenal were lifeless with ten men, they were clinically dead with nine. Hazard’s late deflected goal had some fortune and some impressive build up about it. They barely needed it, really. The whistle went, Arsene Wenger was straight down the tunnel and the conversations began.

More pleasing for Chelsea was their first league clean sheet of the season. Mourinho blamed their early woes on important players not doing their jobs, all of those men put shifts in here. Ivanovic was untroubled, Arsenal not playing with the width to isolate him, even though Sanchez should have had the skill to do what other swift wingers have done to him this season. They did get him booked as Sanchez skinned him 20 mins in and yet for some reason failed to attack him again. Matic and Fabregas did what they should, winning the ball and passing it around, respectively. Each made over 80 passes. And then there was Eden Hazard, so much more of a danger than he’s been in ages.

Diego Costa was the main man though, he gets the headlines. Mourinho defiantly called him the man of the match but that was far from the case. His biggest contribution was getting an opponent sent off. We still haven’t seen him playing at the level he started last season at. He was injured there and the back end of 2014-15 wasn’t the same for him. It still isn’t. Whether it’s sharpness or what, he seems so much less ruthless than before. Far too often he tries to beat that last man, trying to score the perfect goal. But his hold up play was good and he linked well with Hazard especially.

Oh but he’s an absolute pest. You get the idea he could be a much better player if he stopped acting like a petulant child and played a bit of football… but then would he be as effective? There isn’t another player in the world so committed to chaos. It’s actually fascinating to watch him play, though maybe that’s just coz he’s never done this to my team.  

Man of the Match: Eden Hazard, back to his best. He was unplayable at times, looking like he could create something every time he got the ball. There aren’t many better players to watch when they’re on point than Hazzy. This is the player Chelsea need him to be more often. That they came away with a comfortable win on his return to form, that’s no small coincidence.

The Good

Anthony Martial (Manchester United) – Wow now there was a striking performance. The world’s most expensive teenaged footballer was meant to be a work in progress yet after a pretty poor starting debut in the Champions League, Martial was superb against Southampton. The turn for his first goal was sumptuous. The Frenchman’s first touch was much better and he showed an ability to compete in the air and to roll with possession in the ground. The last Man Utd player to score in his first two Premier League games was Federico Macheda, so he’s not a home run quite yet. Signs are good, though. Also, regardless of where he plays (it was no. 10 vs Soton), Man United are a much better team with Wayne Rooney in there. Regardless of how he plays, too.

West Ham Away – It’s no secret any more, WHU like to sit back and hit on the break. It’s why they’ve been able to frustrate Arsenal, Liverpool and Manchester City all in a row into home defeats. Victor Moses’ goal was the first City had conceded in the PL this season. They’re no closer to learning how to boss a game but the worse they are, the more they can keep playing teams better than them. And the more they play teams better than them, the more they’ll keep beating them. 28% possession and 3 points.

Matt Ritchie vs Sunderland – Ooh, yes. Get some.

The Bad

Younes Kaboul (Sunderland) – When you play so bad that getting sent off feels like a mercy ruling, things are not good.

Newcastle United – Well… 20th place without a win in 6… they can only go up from here.  

The Ugly

Teams Playing Leicester – On one hand, it’s incredible what Leicester keep doing, throwing dirt in the face of the traditional English footy maxim that Defence>Attack. But on the other hand, both Aston Villa (3-2 last week) and Stoke (2-2 this) have blown two goal leads against the Foxes. There’s no way those teams left those games feeling like they didn’t choke.

Serious Injuries – Pretty soon the team England would be able to pick from its injured stars will be better than the one they’ll be putting out on the park. Imagine a team with Fraser Forster in goal, defenders such as Luke Shaw, Ryan Shawcross, Ryan Bertrand and Leighton Baines, a midfield drawn from the likes of Jordan Henderson, Jack Wilshere, Tom Cleverley and Fabian Delph and a frontline of Danny Welbeck and Dan Sturridge (DS played vs Norwich, but let’s be honest: it’s just a matter of time). This is a disturbing trend.