Last Week: 3/8

Overall: 107/268

Sunderland vs Crystal Palace

Wednesday 8.45am (NZT)

Let’s get this one out of the way nice and early. I didn’t catch Palace’s loss to West Brom but it didn’t really surprise me. I picked them to win and I though Yannick Bolasie would be a crucial return. Well, he was. He came on at half time with his team down 3-0 and they went on to pull it back to 3-2. That’s a 2-0 win with Yannick on the park, start him this game and they’ve got a chance to get back to the Palace of the start of the season.

As for Sunderland they actually were the better team against West Ham. They lost 1-0, but there was a defensive cock-up in there for the goal and several missed chances to equalise. Plus Whabi Khazri, my man, ain’t gonna play that badly again. How bad was he? I mean, on the ball he was fine but Sunderland need more than fine. They need his flawless delivery in the box but his delivery was so full of flaws it was like he was doing it on purpose because it was hard to believe – even in the blustering wind – that he could swing the ball so poorly from every single corner he took. How bad was he? He was fluffed rabona bad…

Both teams are desperate for points. I’ll back the home team in that situation (even acknowledging that Pardew teams are usually quality on the road).

Wildcard’s Pick: 1-0 to Sunders

Norwich City vs Chelsea

Wednesday 8.45am (NZT)

Alright then, I’ll give it to Chelsea, they’re coming good. Diego Costa is playing football again rather than wrestling or whatever he was getting at. Cesc Fabregas is defying his reputation by playing better in the second half of a season than the first (maybe that explains the rubbish first five months?). The rest of them are turning the corner too but those two are the main ones. Eden Hazard, it’s your turn next buddy.

On that note, this is a slimy conspiracy theory but I wouldn’t bank on him still being around in London next season. It’s been rough and it’s been hard, he doesn’t seem to have the answer. Now, a player relies on coaches to get a lot of that stuff out of them but Hazard to me… he seems like a dude with thin skin, which is fine when he’s player of the season but when he falls off this dramatically then I wonder if he wouldn’t rather do a Di Maria and run off to PSG where the challenges are less (until the Champions League knockouts) and the media not quite so rabid. Although Mourinho tanked that for the lot of them, which was a big factor for the fans when he left – how little accountability the players seemed to have. It’s the same problem with Arsenal that I’ll get to. A powerful club has powerful leaders and that can’t just be the manager, as was the case once Petr Cech left and John Terry fell back in the pecking order.

Wildcard’s Pick: 3-0 Chelsea

Aston Villa vs Everton

Wednesday 8.45am (NZT)

OH SNAP. Even the other teams are mocking Villa now, it’s getting ugly. Especially when their own manager looks like he’d rather pry his own fingernails off with a spanner than bear witness to the junk his lads put out on the field.

Everton had a weekend off due to a League Cup final based postponement. They’re fresh and they’re hungry. Also, they’re playing Aston Villa.

Wildcard’s Pick: 2-0 to the Toffees

Bournemouth vs Southampton

Wednesday 8.45am (NZT)

Southampton finally conceded a goal. Two of them in fact, robbing them of a handy point vs Chelsea and robbing me of a correctly picked draw. That shouldn’t take too much away from how well they’ve been playing though, the quick turnaround is a problem for everyone at this time of the season it’s the Cherries with the slimmer squad. Keep an eye on Graziano Pelle who is likely to start for the Saints. He was on the bench against Chelsea with Charlie Austin and Shane Long ahead of him but Long is doubtful and Austin probably won’t be risked twice in a few days with his injury troubles this season. Pelle has been kinda awful for a lot of this season and he really needs a goal to get himself rolling again. Also worth watching for is Max Gradel who returned from injury on the weekend after being out with a torn ACL since the end of August. Great to see.

The Saints are favouring a back three these days and it’s doing them well. Considering most teams don’t bother to play more than one striker I often wonder why teams wanna throw in three centre backs, still whatever works for you, may as well stick with it.

Wildcard’s Pick: Southampton 1-0

Leicester City vs West Bromwich Albion

Wednesday 8.45am (NZT)

No N’golo Kante, that’s not the best. They did alright while Danny Drinkwater was injured so we know that Andy King can do a job. Yeah but Kante has a different job, he’s the hound, he’s the trenchman. He wins the ball back with such force that they don’t even need to turn, they’re already on attack. Jamie Vardy starts running as soon as Kante steps up. Against a team like West Brom they might have trouble getting the ball forward so swiftly, WBA are gonna favour a battle in and around the centre circle where possession is lost and re-won and lost again like Vardy at the blackjack table. A scrappy one, so to speak.

You can’t put a price on a late goal like Leonardo Ulloa’s against Norwich. They had to win that game, a championship team doesn’t drop points like that. Bringing on Ulloa was a big part of it but maybe the undercover key was switching Marc Albrighton over to the right hand side. It was his cross that set it up and he’d had a couple low, hard searchers before that which each looked highly dangerous. That was their best chance of scoring and they kept at it ’til it came through.

These are two teams that know their limitations and play to their strengths. Leicester just have more of them than West Brom do. Still, Saido Berahino was really good in the win over Crystal Palace. When he fires then WBA have a chance, two wins in a row has steered them comfortably clear of the relegation zone for now. As for Leicester, two points clear with 11 games to play. It’s all still in their hands.

Wildcard’s Pick: 2-1 to Leicester

West Ham vs Tottenham Hotspur

Thursday 8.45am (NZT)

Bafetimbi Gomis has the crawling zombie, Jesse Lingard has the dab… but they can bugger right off because Michail Antonio has the best goal celebration of the season: The Homer Simpson Buffoon Swirl.

Simply magnificent. He’s my new favourite player – not in the least because he’s another guy to make a great transition from the Championship to the Premier League, working his way to probably West Ham’s first choice right winger (or right back at the mo’ with Sam Byram suspended). They got him for roughly £7m which isn’t cheap but it’s a lovely bit of scouting for a team that hasn’t had too many misses in the transfers recently. Started at Tooting & Mitcham United as a teenager and now here he is.

Tough to see the Hammers beating Spurs though. Nobody is beating Spurs these days, they’ve won six PL games in a row at a time when no other team has an active streak of more than two. Against Swansea they fell behind and brought upon the Swans the absolute wrath of God. They took 34 shots in that game, a record this season, and plugged away relentlessly until Danny Rose’s 77th minute winner. Getting three points from a losing position, doing it through sheer determination… that’s the kind of thing that title winners are known for. I’m beginning to wonder if they ought to be bigger favourites than Leicester City, though that man Rose doesn’t think so:

“I refuse to believe… no, I’d like to believe we can, but I don’t want to think that. Before the Manchester City game [a 2-1 away win two weeks back] I was having dinner with Érik Lamela and I was still asking him if he reckoned we can finish top four. I’ve never seen someone look at me with such disgust. He said: ‘My friend, we can win the league.’”

At least someone believes. It’s been 55 years since Spurs won the title, you can understand the doubt. But right now they’re the best team in England, having beaten Man City twice. This will be a massive week for them though, as that energy-sapping Swans game is followed by a trip to an in-form West Ham (who are unbeaten at home in all competitions since the 23rd of August – 13 games running) followed by hosting Arsenal, who desperately need a run of wins to remind people that they’re still legit. And after that Spurs go to Germany for their first leg Europa tie with Borussia Dortmund – the club Spurs are most trying to emulate by the looks of it. That’ll be good fun.

Maybe this is national bias here but I’d say whether or not Winston Reid returns is a major factor. I’m not buying James Collins against the tricky and pacey Spurs attack and Tottenham have a significant midfield advantage. However West Ham know how to play against the odds. They still have the Big Sam shadow of defence there when they need to hide in it. Spurs can’t help looking ahead, there are a couple players in doubt (like Dele Alli) and I think the Hammers are good a headed goal at some stage.

Wildcard’s Pick: 1-1

Arsenal vs Swansea City

Thursday 8.45am (NZT)

You poor, poor Gunners. Look at the team lists and there was no way they should’ve lost that game, not even at Old Trafford. Somehow, someway that’s what happened though. Ask me and I’d have said that even in his currently disastrous from Olly Giroud should’ve started. Sure a defence of Blind and Carrick is slow but it’s also just as bad in the air (case and point – the first Arsenal goal) and Giroud would have been easier to feed in attack than Theo Walcott. Theo was magnificent last time they played, his best game of the season, but holy Jesus as good as he was there he was twice as bad at OT. I’m talking anonymous, he was barely on the park. Arsenal were playing with ten men and the best efforts of Danny Welbeck weren’t gonna help that. It certainly doesn’t help that Sanchez didn’t really do anything either. Almost the first time he got the ball he schooled young Varela, leading to a rugby tackle, no other description possible, that saw the United RB booked like five minutes into it. And he wasn’t challenged again. We’re talking a rookie fullback against one of the world’s best, for crying out loud just run at him! Bloody hell, I could go on all day about the ways in which Arsenal bottled it because there were many. Most of all, I’d go for the lacklustre way they began the game, no urgency at all. They blew MUFC off the park with three quick goals at the Emirates and here they may as well not have gotten off the bus. This is why they probably aren’t gonna win this league, despite having the best squad. An utter lack of occasion.

But everyone is criticizing them and nobody is offering a logical solution (#WengerOut is not a logical solution). Here is my contribution: Leadership. Who are the leaders on this team? No, honestly, who are they? Petr Cech is one who has clearly offered a huge amount to this team but there’s nobody out there on the park. Aaron Ramsey maybe? Jack Wilshere when fit is a good one but Sanchez and Ozil are attacking mids who are best left to what they do. What this team needs is a Patrick Vieira to hold them all accountable. A Thierry Henry to build around. Even a Martin Keown, as much as I hate to say it. There’s a certain type of player that Wenger loves, good on the ball, non-combative, good at playing in between the lines and willing to play in the Wenger spirit. Those sorts of players are great but a title squad has a variety of personalities. Including the Vincent Kompany, Roy Keane, John Terry, Gary Neville and, yes, Patrick Vieira sorts. It’s a long season and if you’re gonna get through the full slog without sinking then you need a general to drive you through the mud. Arsenal are utterly devoid of that. It’s actually a bit infuriating.

Wildcard’s Pick: 2-0 Gunners

Stoke City vs Newcastle United

Thursday 8.45am (NZT)

Ahh, I don’t really know. Newcastle have been up and down. They did get the weekend off (and the weekend before that with no FA Cup) but Stoke had the bye against Aston Villa so maybe that cancels out. Man United get a lot of publicity for their insane list of injuries (see below) but each of these two have some important guys missing as well. Chancel Mbemba, Aleksander Mitrovic, Fab Coloccini among the names for Newcastle and Marc Muniesa, Glen Johnson and Ryan Shawcross are unlikely or out for Stoke. All things seem to lean towards a Stoke win, Newcastle have lost five away games in a row and Stoke have been looking better of late. But I have a sneaky feeling that the Magpies are good for something here. Stoke have been a little leaky at the back, midweek games are weird as well.

Wildcard’s Pick: 1-1

Manchester United vs Watford

Thursday 9.00am (NZT)

Oh Louis. It’s times like this past week when we remember why we all got so excited when you took over. Nothing to do with the past successes or the World Cup run he made with the Netherlands. Nothing even to do with the fact that he’s got United playing some shockingly decent football despite having a list of injuries that’s better than the XI he was able to field against Arsenal. Man, it’s not even the freshness of youth that comes from not being scared to chuck in a couple lads on debut in some of the biggest games of their season. It’s that big, glorious ego. He’s not arrogant in a defiant (Mourinho) sorta way, he’s arrogant in a carefree way. The Louis Van Gaal that’s been forced to defend his job and his style of play for months is not the Louis that’s so much fun, that would be the Louis that calls for horny footballers and picks a teenaged striker (who then turns their season around), and the Louis that goes so far in his complaints to Mike Dean that he actually one-ups the dive he was moaning about. I could watch this forever.

By the way, I’m not exactly unbiased here but I also don’t tend to blame refs. However the calls in that Arsenal game were shocking. Like Aaron Ramsey getting only a yellow for throwing Ander Herrera to the ground – which would have been fine (red was harsh) had he not also booked Herrera. And there were so many picky free kicks it was very frustrating. To Arsenal as well, who Wenger said couldn’t get going because of all the niggly ‘fouls’.

Manchester United XI vs Arsenal:

De Gea / Varela, Carrick, Blind, Rojo / Herrera, Schneiderlin / Lingard, Mata, Memphis / Rashford

Manchester United Unavailable XI:

Johnstone / Darmian, Jones, Smalling, Shaw / Schweinsteiger, Fellaini / Valencia, Rooney, Young / Martial

If De Gea hadn’t returned then that injured XI slays them (Fellaini aside, maybe Rooney plays in the middle and Will Keane up top?).

Martial might return for this game, meaning Rashford would fall to the bench (unless he starts for Lingard). They’d hope Smalling is ready to return as well – Watford are gonna require more of a physical defence than Arsenal did (esp. with Giroud playing off the bench), I mean Troy Deeney’s been training with heavyweight boxer Anthony Joshua. Watford are a tidy team that can trouble and intimidate a young lot, they don’t concede many goals and they’ve a solid midfield that can win the ball and distribute. But United are playing with such joy at the moment, like we never could have imagined even a week ago. I’d imagine it continues for a few games yet – which opens fourth place right up if someone above them slips.

Wildcard’s Pick: 2-0 MUFC

Liverpool vs Manchester City

Thursday 9.00am (NZT)

Hey wait… didn’t these two just play each other? League Cup final, it went to extra time and then penalties, Willy Caballero was the hero – Willy Cabahero. Yeah man, 120 minutes and penalties on the Sunday evening and here they are again on a Wednesday night to do it all again. Joe Hart is gonna be the only guy nicely rested.

I’m hovering around 3000 words here and the first games kick off in less than 12 hours. Bloody midweeks. So I’ll keep this short and say that these things often seem to give the losing team the chance for a scarcely absolving chunk of revenge. So Liverpool can have it after choking on penalties, not that City didn’t deserve the win. Simon Mignolet has a point to prove, he’s not the most popular red these days.

Wildcard’s Pick: 2-1 to Liverpool