Last Week: 6/10

Overall: 163/313

Tottenham Hotspur vs Bournemouth

Saturday 11.30pm (NZT)

Spurs don’t lose at home. They just don’t, they haven’t dropped a game at White Hart Lane all season. Like, not at all and not in any competition either. Of course they lost two and drew one of their three Champions League games at Wembley but that’s different – it’s not like they have to play there all next season… oh no wait.

And next weekend they play at Wembley again: it’s the FA Cup semi-final and the way both Chelsea and Spurs are playing it looks like a straight up belter of a footy game. Then a week after that they’re at the Lane to play Arsenal in what should be a decisive match as far as St Totteringham’s Day goes. Good fun. They get Son and Alli and Eriksen all playing as well as they have this month, get Harry Kane to full fitness and keep on keeping on with the best fullbacks in the Premier League and possibly the best CB as well in Toby Alderweireld.

Bournemouth, frankly, are gonna get blown away.

Wildcard’s Pick: 3-0 Spurs

Crystal Palace vs Leicester City

Sunday 2.00am (NZT)

Oh man, I only just realised that Wilfred Ndidi is only 20 years old. I didn’t even know. That guy has been the catalyst (on the field, anyway) for Leicester City’s revival – not quite a defensive wall like N’Golo Kante was but a proper fireball in the midfield with a wicked shot on him as well. If you haven’t seen it yet, check out this one from last season when he was still at Genk – the goal of the season in Belgium.

Be careful with the transfer bollocks though. He’s onto ya.

I thought he was really good against Atletico as well. Most of that team were in what was a really difficult game – possibly the worst draw they could have gotten stylistically. Diego Simeone’s guys are just too well organised. Leicester are well organised too… but they’re not as good. Hence mistakes happen. Hence penalties are conceded. Hence they come away with a 1-0 deficit. They ain’t out of it at all but it’s hard to see them having much success in front of goal versus these folks. They had nothing of note here. I wonder if starting Islam Slimani ahead of Jamie Vardy might be an option, Vardy had no room to run into anyway and Slimani’s ability in the air gives a different option.

Ridiculous the scheduling that made them play a day later before that game, typical Premier League all about themselves. Palace had a Monday night game so they’re on two days shorter rest than usual but the Foxes are flying back from Spain so never mind that. I’m rather confident that Palace win this, actually. They’ve been superb at home under Big Sam – winning their last three all with clean sheets. Make it four from four? Sure, why not.

Wildcard’s Pick: 2-1 Palace

Sunderland vs West Ham United

Sunday 2.00am (NZT)

Two teams here desperate for this season to finally end. Slaven Bilic rushed Michail Antonio back from injury and he was subbed off injured and will miss the rest of the season. Well… stink. At least West Ham should still be in the Premier League next season. Sunderland have a solid run in of games but they’re so far back that it’s hard to see them making up the ground. There’s still hope while the maths exist. Does anyone really think they’ll do it though?

Sunderland’s remaining fixtures:

• West Ham (H)
• Middlesbrough (A)
• Bournemouth (H)
• Hull City (A)
• Swansea (H)
• Arsenal (A)
• Chelsea (A)

Okay… it finishes really hard. Here’s the problem in essence though: They could beat all five of those first teams and they’d still only have 35 points – Hull in seventeenth have 30 points already. Ah well, we’re not really gonna miss them. Get Jermain Defoe and Jordan Pickford onto decent teams and there’s nothing left to worry about.

Wildcard’s Pick: 1-0 West Ham, they’re streaky buggers

Everton vs Burnley

Sunday 2.00am (NZT)

Now that was an impressive win from Everton last week. I thought they’d drop that one to Leicester, probably underestimating the focus the Foxes had on the Champions League but still. Yet having fallen behind, they ended up winning it pretty handily. That Tom Davies is a quality young player. Ross Barkley’s not taken the steps you’d hope for but jeez that cross was brilliant. A shame for them that Yannick Bolasie didn’t stay fit but having been dismissive of their place alongside the teams above them in some kind of top seven, I’ll also admit that add in a couple defenders and another attacking mid and they’ll be in a very strong place.

Romelu Lukaku got nominated for the PFA Player of the Year award. Sure, he’s a fair nomination. Scored a lot of goals and has had his best season as a fully rounded player aside from those goals too, which we’ve been waiting for from him. There are better players than Lukaku but he’s played really well so I won’t argue. Here’s the full list:

Some of these I will argue with. First because they file votes in February for some dumb reason, like the last third of the season doesn’t even matter. Alexis Sanchez might not do so well if they’d voted yesterday based on that whole toxic situation with Arsenal but whatever. Personally, I reckon he’s still deserving. Less so Harry Kane who’s had two extended periods out injured (though he came back early both times) and also Zlatan Ibrahimovic who has plenty of goals, no doubt about that, but his overall impact on this team is exaggerated. He gets goals because the way he plays is all about getting his first. You could argue he scores at the expense of teammates. I love Zlatan, just saying I’m not really sure any Man United player deserves to be anywhere near this list except for David de Gea and maybe Antonio Valencia. Ander Herrera could make an outside case but realistically those last two aren’t making the top cut and they never vote for keepers so sucks for DDG.

No Sadio Mane? Sure, he could present a case. I almost reckon Adam Lallana should be ahead of him though. I’ll do my usual teams of the season later on and might hand out some awards next week or the week after. In the meantime I’ll just say that Dele Alli and David Luiz have been pretty unfairly ignored on this list. David Silva too – do people even watch that guy play? He’s incredible.

Not ignored though is Burnley Football Club who get their star CB Michael Keane on the Young Player shortlist… alongside Alli and Lukaku. Bit of a head to head going on there, how about it!

By the way, Kane and Lukaku shouldn’t be eligible for this award. Kane is already 23 and Lukaku turns 24 next month. Keane’s older than both of him so lowering the criteria age would also rob him of a cool moment but really this award should be 21 and under. Just not sure that 23 year olds should count as ‘Young Players’. Ross Barkley is 23 and has been slammed for not hitting his potential yet. Lukaku already has 100+ goals. Either you lower the age or you change it to something like the NBA’s rookie award, so like anyone 23 or under still but you’re ineligible if you’d played say 20 games in the Premier League prior to this season.  

Here’s a list of actual young players for consideration:

• Dele Alli (Spurs)
• Adama Traore (Boro)
• Leroy Sane (City)
• Tom Davies (Everton)
• Demarai Gray (Leicester)
• Marcus Rashford (United)

Wildcard’s Pick: Everton do it 2-0

Stoke City vs Hull City

Sunday 2.00am (NZT)

Hmm, I’m running outta things to write already. Any questions from the audience? No? Yikes, on my own here then. Umm…

Nah, who cares. It’s only Stoke and Hull. Stoke have lost four in a row and Hull are only unstoppable when they play at home, so no reason to overanalyse this one.

Wildcard’s Pick: 1-0 Stoke

Watford vs Swansea City

Sunday 2.00am (NZT)

Who are you and what have you done with the Swansea City of a few months ago!?

They were terrible against West Ham, a far thing from the united and spirited side that we saw in the first few games of Paul Clement’s charge. They sorta righted things straight away and got themselves to a position where they were close to escaping the trouble at the foot of the table for a week or two but they never actually got clear of that and they’ve capitulated since. Maybe they got too comfortable, maybe the uptick was never sustainable. You at least wanna see a team show more of a scrapping attitude against a team like West Ham who were on a losing streak of their own though.

They did play pretty fine against Spurs for 89 minutes two games back…

Paul Clement: “I have had some good discussions with the group as well as one to ones about some players who particularly underperformed and understanding why that is. It was a really frustrating afternoon, it was nowhere near the level of what we are capable of and I have to demand and expect better.”

There’s a feeling that Clement will look to adapt the 4-3-2-1 formation that they’ve used under him now that Jack Cork’s been injured and ruled out of this one. Cork’s a talent and the Swans aren’t fully stacked with that kind of thing. Just keep pumping the ball long to Llorente, maybe, and dive as many times as possible so Gylfi Sigurdsson can go to work on a few set pieces. That’d work, right? Watford’s defenders are mostly average. Good defensive system (same as Chelsea, which is underrated) but not the best defenders. See how it goes, guys.

Wildcard’s Pick: Umm… 1-1

Southampton vs Manchester City

Sunday 4.30am (NZT)

And now the defence for David Silva presents its case.

The little Spaniard joined Manchester City in 2010. There is no player who has created more chances (598) or assists (63) in the time since. Everybody at Manchester City understands what a genius he is but one PFA Team of the Year selection in 2011-12 (when City won the title) is all he has to show for that as far as these silly awards go. Ah well, poor fellow.

Pep Guardiola: “[Silva] has something more special than awards. Awards are to put in wardrobes and clean sometimes. He has the respect of all of his teammates and his trainers. That is the most important thing.”

After 300 games for Manchester City, there are dudes around the club saying he’s the best player they've ever had. Mike Summerbee and Pablo Zabaleta are among those folks. He’s also played 111 times for Spain, scoring 30 goals (fourth most ever) during an era where Spain have built one of the great international teams of all time.

Then there’s the eye test. Silva is an absolutely silky player, with a touch so gentle he could probably catch glassware with his feet without shattering a vase. The vision is magnificent and he’s one of those rare players who really understands how to control the tempo of a game through his passing. This season he’s moved a little deeper to fit within Guardiola’s most common formation of 4-1-4-1, playing as a “free eight”, so they call it. He and Kevin de Bruyne, the advanced playmakers. Silva was overshadowed by Yaya Toure and Sergio Aguero in the past and that’s still the case today, somehow.

GIVE THE MAN HIS DUE ALREADY!

Wildcard’s Pick: 2-1 to City

West Bromwich Albion vs Liverpool

Monday 12.30am (NZT)

Sneakily here Liverpool are six games without defeat in the league and hurtling towards a top four finish even as I project them to drop to fifth pretty much every week. It could still happen and this is a difficult game, but either way it’s been impressive how well an understrength Liverpool squad have rallied despite a few injuries to key blokes.

It’s not getting any easier though. Sadio Mane won’t be back this season and this game is a leg too soon for Jordan Henderson and Adam Lallana as well. The more you play without important players, especially without a whole lot of depth right now, the harder it is to keep producing consistent performances.

Jurgen Klopp: “I will only be satisfied if we reach the Champions League. You are always under pressure. In every game there is pressure. You need to win all the time. I'm only satisfied when the team wins.”

Then again, that’s exactly what you wanna hear from your manager in this situation. No excuses whatsoever. Almost Pulis like of him, really.

Wildcard’s Pick: 1-1

Manchester United vs Chelsea

Monday 3.00am (NZT)

Okay look, everyone’s gonna be talking about Jose Mourinho with this game being what it is but they’re not talking about them like they should be talking about them. Here goes… Jose Mourinho is doing a bad job as Man United manager. He’s done some impressive things, particularly with the defence (which wasn’t really the problem) but look at all those draws. They drew again in the Europa League. Utterly dominated the game and then leaked a late equaliser to Anderlecht’s only shot on target. That’s not an isolated thing either, this… keeps… happening.

Every damn time Mourinho comes out and blames his players too. He hands out criticism with every flippin’ word he says, ask Luke Shaw about that. Although you can’t trust his answer because he’s borrowing Jose’s brain with everything he says and does. This Anderlecht game he fairly admits that his team lacks a killer instinct. The TV interviewer says how do you fix that mentality? Jose says it’s not a mentality, it’s a quality. Once again it’s the fault of the players.

Because, you know, if it were a mentality then that’s on the coach to fix that atmosphere. If it’s just the quality of the players then what’s he supposed to do, give him more money and he’ll do better. Matey, of course you’ll do better with more cash, ya muppet! Every manager will! How about getting the best out of the players you’ve got first, this is not a team that’s gone without transfers or anything – they BROKE THE WORLD TRANSFER RECORD THIS PAST SUMMER! Quit bloody blaming everyone else and take on some damn responsibility, bro.

For example: Best player on the park for Man United was Marcus Rashford. Fifteen minutes left in the game and they’re 1-0 up, what does Jose do? He subs off Rashford… and brings on Marouane Fellaini. And the commentators are like: oh that’s just Jose, he always makes these tactical subs. That’s not tactical, it’s negative. He wonders why his team doesn’t have a killer instinct and then he makes a defensive move with the game still in the lurch – 1-0 is by no means a decisive scoreline. Making that sub is telling your team that you’re prepared to sit on that lead, you’re telling them that the job is done when it clearly isn’t. That’s the manager’s fault. Let’s see some killer instinct from him too. Of course Fellaini then failed to mark his man for the equaliser and escaped all blame, this is a ridiculous pattern that keeps on happening and if I were in that dressing room I’d be fuming at the dude, honestly.

Remember what happened last time Man United played Chelsea? It wasn’t pretty…

The more recent FA Cup clash is probably more in keeping with what we’ll see here. United playing it compact and Chelsea patiently waiting for the mistake to capitalise on. Herrera’s red card ruined that contest so it’ll be curious to see how that plan works this time around in better circumstances. Considering I just ranted on about Mourinho being a negative neddy, pretty much gotta say now that I don’t think it will. Trying not to lose is very different from trying to win, even though both will snatch you a twenty game unbeaten streak.

Wildcard’s Pick: 1-0 Chelsea

Middlesbrough vs Arsenal

Tuesday 7.00am (NZT)

How come Arsenal get all the Monday night games? Do they really wanna keep getting these spotlight games where everyone can watch them lose? Mate, I picked that Palace win. I’m proud of myself for that one but then I’ve also spoken to Gunners fans who saw it coming too. Even if you didn’t pick it ahead of time it was clear within ten minutes of kickoff that Arsenal weren’t there to fight and Big Sam’s lot were.

The end of the season can’t come soon enough for Arsenal. No decision on Wenger’s coming until then, no transfers can be made before then, those contracts they gotta get signed aren’t happening in a hurry while that other stuff’s waiting too. Problem is that the chaos that’ll come from phoning the rest of this season in could take a few years to recover from and nobody has that. Missing the Champions League would take some getting accustomed to.

But you know how people these days have learned to call out inherent privilege at work? That’s what Boro fans will be chanting about down the Riverside. Oh, you missed out on Europe for the first time in like two decades after completely taking it for granted in recent years, did you!? WELL WE’RE GETTING RELEGATED SO SHUT IT, WILL YA!

Lucky for Arsenal, Middlesbrough strikers don’t know how to count to three.

Wildcard’s Pick: Strangely this is the hardest one to pick… 0-0

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