This league, mate. How good. Two weeks ago, as the Premiership awoke from its drunken slumber over the holidays, Tasman United were sitting in last place in the standings and that was *with* a game overturned in their favour. Two weeks later and the buggers are in the top four. How did that possibly happen? Well to get technical about it all, really digging into the nuts and bolts of the matter... it’s gotta be Nick Stanton’s lucky hat, surely.

Keeper Stanton hadn’t played through the first half of the season as Aussie import Pierce Clark wore the gloves but we’re coming into that time when players begin disappearing to take up opportunities in the NPL over in Oz and unsurprisingly Actual Australian Pierce Clark is one of them. So Stanton, who played a handful of games last year, came in as keeper last week when Tasman kept only their second proper clean sheet of the season in beating defending champs Eastern Suburbs 2-0 and this week... yeah this week they went even bigger.

Stanton’s a Blenheim local too so pretty cool for him to get a telly game at a picturesque Lansdowne Park, jeez it was a sight. Meanwhile amongst the outfielders there was one change from the team that beat Eastern Suburbs, with Jess Ibrom giving Texan import Ben Watson a first start of the season on the right wing. Plenty of changes for their victims though as Southern United, who were delayed in their travel which caused kickoff to be pushed back by half an hour, were able to recall Danny Ledwith after suspension with Erik Panzer also back in the XI to mirror the back four that played the second half of the draw with the WeeNix on telly last week (Andrew Cromb on the left, Stephen Last and Panzer in the middle, Jordan Spain on the right) with Conor O’Keeffe back in the midfield. But there was a complete change in the attacking three behind Garbhan Coughlan. Cody Brook, Tim O’Farrell, and (most surprisingly) Abdullah Al-Kalisy were all on the bench while Cam McKenzie had Southern debutant Adam Hewson for company (back from a spell with the WeeNix last season) as well as Stevie Lawless who came off the bench last week in his only other appearance of the season. That’s a raw looking attacking crew. Big gamble from Paul O’Reilly, especially with his side trying to overcome the loss of Joel Stevens.

But that young crew didn’t hardly have a chance to do anything before Southern were down by two goals. Jean-Philippe Saiko, boosted by his goal last week, skipped past Panzer with his superior pace and then finished past Liam Little in goal, one the GK might feel he coulda done better with. Six minutes gone and if Southern were trying to get revenge for their own administrative error (and an officious if consistent punishment from NZ Football) which saw a 4-0 win overturned to a 3-0 default loss in week one when these two teams last played then they were going the wrong bloody way about it. Even worse when Fox Slotemaker whacked in a rebounded effort after a corner to double the score after quarter of an hour.

Straight after that a Stephen Last back header slipped sneakily past the post, inches from an embarrassing own goal, and it was officially Chaos At The Back for Southern. They were rattled and there wasn’t a lot going on in possession either as they struggled to find the movement between the lines and the purpose of play that Joel Stevens offered them. Even after things settled down they still couldn’t get much going and they were lucky to only be trailing by two at the break as Matt Tod-Smith pinged the crossbar and Jesse Randall had an effort saved.

But ten minutes into the second half Ben Watson picked out the bottom corner from range and that ain’t a bad way to announce yourself to the squad. One game and one goal for Watto (not that Watto of course). O’Reilly then went straight to his bench to throw Abdullah Al-Kalisy out there – the kiwi/Iraqi playmaker probably hasn’t hit the heights so far that he did last season but he’s been asked to play in a different role and seeing him on the bench in two of the last three games was odd, particularly now without Stevens there when you’d think they need all the continuity they can get. The sub didn’t matter though. On the hour mark Watson combined with left back Corey Larsen who make a beautiful overlapping run and slid in a perfect cross for Jesse Randall to bag his second National League goal. A reminder that Jesse Randall is only 17 years old and continues to have an impact on games week after week. Oh and just in case that wasn’t enough, a horror show from Panzer and Last allowed a Nick Stanton boot down the field from a free kick just outside his penalty area to get all the way through to Cory Vickers, who scored. Panzer let it bounce. Last was too slow to react. Capped off a nightmare in the sun for the Southern central defence who are usually so solid.

Incredible. Southern did fire up a couple things near the end but even if they had scored it would have only been a consolation and their heart wasn’t really in it, just counting down for the final whistle. They should have subbed on another ineligible player instead – a 3-0 default win would have looked a lot better than whatever that was. Good for Josh Sancusie though, he came off the bench for Tasman having played a couple times for Southern earlier in the year. So count that five games without a win for Southern now. Sad to say it but their quest for the semis is looking like it took a wrong turn at Albuquerque.

Tasman on the other hand... goddamn. Nick Stanton has back to back clean sheets in his two games. JP Saiko has scored three times and each game he’s scored in, Tasman have won. This was a team that didn’t score a goal from open play until their fifth game of the season and here they just won 5-0. An opportunity for their attack to finally shine... although we cannot forget the backbone of this team which is Fox Slotemaker and Cory Brown in central defence. Both are easily good enough to play at a much higher level, both are kiwi defenders born in 1996, both are playing outstanding footy. When those two start together it’s a whole different story.

Tasman with Slotemaker & Brown: 3 W | 1 D | 2 L | 10 GF | 5 GA | +5 GD | 10 PTS

Tasman in every other game: 0 W | 0 D | 4 L | 2 GF | 11 GA | -9 GD | 0 PTS

Slotemaker has started every game so that stat could just be when Cory Brown plays but it feels more reflective to highlight the partnership. Also one of those losses without Brown was the Southern 3-0 default win which is counted here as a 4-0 loss since that’s what happened on the park. Admins don’t score goals. It also goes to show that wins over Team Wellington and Eastern Suburbs weren’t flukes, this Tasman team has won every game that it’s scored first in. If you let them get on top, with their ability to play backs to the wall defence, you’re in big trouble and Southern United could tell you that for free.

Moving on to Sunday’s offerings now and things didn’t get any less bonkers. Other than Auckland City hosting Hawke’s Bay United, that is... although we still had some crazy times in getting to a predictable enough outcome. Like when Bill Robertson thumped in a header from a Liam Schofield corner kick ten minutes before the break to put HBU in the lead. ACFC might have had the better of the early chances but it’d be lie to say that The Bay didn’t make a few things happen, particularly on the break, so it’s not like the goal came out of nothing. A massive upset on the cards, perchance?

Hawke’s Bay sprung a surprise in the lineup with Angus Kilkolly returning to the fold after a few years away winning things with Team Wellington. A transfer that makes perfect sense as Kilkolly had only gotten rare minutes since Sam Mason-Smith, another ex-HBU striker, got into things with the TeeDubs (Kilkolly came off the bench and scored in week one but that was about it for him this season). Luckily his old club Hawke’s Bay had some minutes going spare with Canadian import Dylan Sacramento having departed the country. Kilkolly fits into the theme of being a local Bay fella plus he’s a proven goalscorer in this league (and was top scorer in the Central League last year) who can help them immediately. And he did help them immediately but hold on a sec.

Kilkolly was the only change from the HBU team that lost 4-0 to Team Wellington last week. Auckland City didn’t mind shaking things up though. After his clean sheet streak was broken in the big win over Waitakere, Conor Tracey was missing here with Enaut Zubikarai finally back in the lineup after eight games and Cam Brown wore the spare gloves on the bench. Angel Berlanga also took his place at the front on the central defender merry-go-round (ACFC haven’t named the same back three in consecutive games at all since Berlanga returned to fitness) with Brian Kaltack dropping out to make room while Alfie Rogers held his spot at wingback while Jordan Vale rotated in which meant Andrew Blake missed his first game of the campaign. Logan Rogerson returned to the bench too.

So where were we? That’s right, Auckland City were losing. They weren’t losing for long, however. Myer Bevan had a shot tipped over the bar before a Clayton Lewis free kick struck an arm and the ref, somewhat harshly, pointed to the spot. Bevan had no worries doing what he usually does in that situation and scoring and then within a minute or two they were in front as Angel Berlanga tapped home a simple one after some sloppiness at the back from HBU. Berlanga almost scored a second before the half but was unable to get on the end of Lewis’ corner. Great to see Clayton Lewis playing a big role again, they eased him back after the end of the Scunthorpe thing but he’s really starting to get fizzing again these last couple weeks.

Ah but you were promised an Angus Kilkolly instant impact and you shall have one. Hawke’s Bay started the second half sharply, Kilkolly getting the ball in the net but with the offside flag dangling upwards, and you can already guess who it was that soon enough got them back on level pegging. Kilkolly scored in his first game for TW this season and his first game for HBU. Then came a little spell where Auckland City were kinda on the rack, Ahinga Selemani going close and same deal for Coach Robbo from another corner kick. Not to mention the corner that Zubi missed but it bounced back off the far post and into his arms. Seems like Jose Figueira might be practising corner kicks this week.

But by that point Myer Bevan had already made it 3-2. Skipping through in behind the defence and beating Ruben Parker with a rocket of a strike, his double here adding to the hatty he scored against Hawke’s Bay in week one – this was the mirror round of week one by the way, we’re onto the second half of the season now.

Cam Howieson scored a ripper late on to make the scoreline look a whole lot more comfortable than it really was at 4-2 but end of story is that ACFC are still undefeated and have extended their lead at the top of the table. After being held scoreless in consecutive games prior to the break they’ve scored 10 goals since, with Myer Bevan up to 12 goals for the term and well out in front again ahead of Selemani’s 7 goals. City have also conceded four times in these two games so plenty to work on but they did still win both those games but multiple goals.

Also: Albert Riera came off the bench for the last twenty minutes here. Finally back out there again, the great man - he hadn’t played since the OFC Champions League defeat last April. City now have a huge game against second placed Team Wellington on telly next week.

That marks three straight defeats for HBU who drop out of the top four with this latest one but that includes defeats to the top three teams as it currently stands, all three of those games away from home. Too many goals conceded yet they were competitive in two of the three and they took 12 points from the reverse fixtures of their next six games in the front half of the season so no need to worry.

And the reason that Auckland City extended their lead is that Team Wellington dropped points. All of them. Of course they did – they were playing against Hamilton Wanderers and the Kale Herbert Revolution. Ol’ Kale nearly won the youth league with the Tron Wands and now he’s completely revitalised the senior team after a first half Derek Tieku goal proved, somehow, to be the only one in the game at Porrit Stadium. It was the 11th minute of the game. Jordan Lamb with some great work in the set up. Brock Messenger with the shot that was saved. Derek Tieku popping it in on the rebound. Hamilton Wanderers taking a crowd-pleasing lead against a team that beat them 5-1 in week one.

Still no Andy Bevin for the TeeDubs but they did have Scott Basalaj back in goal while the rest of the team was understandably unchanged from the crew that put four goals past Hawke’s Bay last week. For the Tron Wands they had Brad Whitworth back in the midfield as well as Jordan Lamb also returning to the eleven. Which meant that the Premiership’s wonkiest but most wonderful stat gets another chapter added to it because try as they might, and they sure did both try and also might, Team Wellington just couldn’t get the goal they needed to stop the Tron Train.

The TeeDubs threw every thing they could at them in the second half but a combination of Matt Oliver pulling off some super saves, Tino Contratti clearing one off the line, the odd shot over the top or off target, the gruelling heat, another marvellous challenge from Contratti, more Matt Oliver super saves... and a bit of good old fashioned desperation got Hamilton through to the biggest statement win of this recent surge. Four wins in a row now. Kale Herbert’s come in and coached HW to wins over Tasman, Hawke’s Bay, Canterbury, and Team Welly... 12 points from 12 and this lot are all the way up to third. It’s just... dude, it’s unbelievable. Hamilton were last after week seven when Ricki stepped down. They’re now third. Tasman were last in week eight after HW jumped ahead of them. They’re now fourth. This league is mind-blowing.

Oh right and the Premiership’s best stat. Almost forgot...

Team Wellington had the chances to win, same as they did in their other defeat this season when Tasman beat them 1-0. That’s two games in which they’ve been shut out despite overwhelming pressure. It almost happened against Waitakere as well but on that occasion they did grab a late equaliser thanks to Hamish Watson in the fourth minute of injury time. Notably all three of those games were away games, while the TeeDubs are undefeated at home. Four wins and a draw from five games with 19 goals for and 5 conceded at Davey F. Compare that to 1W/2D/2L away from home with 6 goals scored and 7 conceded. Hmm.

Canterbury United hosted Eastern Suburbs at the same time as all that was going on. A pretty interesting Dragons team too with Jake Richards back in the starters for the first time since week one the last time that they played Suburbs and they also welcomed in Reece Dalton for his first start this season (he scored off the bench against Southern in week two) while James Pendrigh was on the bench and would make his 2019-20 debut later on in the game too. A bit of reinforcement for the midfield there, exactly what they needed. And it took one minute before they got things off to the perfect start. Calum Ferguson finished it off for his second of the campaign but big ups to Sam Field who has been playing great for them lately, he got the assist.

Crazy then to think that they ended up losing 6-1, right?

Suburbs were without the injured Stephen Hoyle, the ex-Dragon unable to wreak havoc upon his old mates, but they did bring in Adam Thurston somewhat out of the blue. Used to play for Canterbury and Hawke’s Bay and now the English attacking midfielder has added Eastern Suburbs to that concoction. Obviously no Dylan de Jong for the second week after it was revealed he’d signed with a club in the Israeli Premier League (more in Flying Kiwis tomorrow), while Adam Thomas was back in midfield as Leon van den Hoven dropped to the bench.

Down 1-0 early on, Suburbs reacted better than some other clubs did to conceding this week and they were back on even terms in the 28th minute as Martin Bueno set up Adam Thurston who knew exactly where the bottom corner was. Then this game flipped on the 180. In the 36th minute Danny Knight missed a cross and allowed Christian Gray to score from in close at the far post and then a five minute brace from Marty Bueno made it 4-1 at HT. Two slick finishes from Bueno because that’s his speciality.

The game had to slow down after that frantic madness and it did as both teams rolled a couple subs - one of Suburbs’ subs being Matt Palmer who is back in Aotearoa after spells in Denmark and Singapore. There were still some quality efforts at each end but there also wasn’t a lot of tension left in the game. Eventually it was a dead set penalty that caused the next major moment as Adam Thurston stepped up for Suburbs to score. Reid Drake added another one near the end and that was that. A perfect start for the Cantabs and then everything else went to piss.

Long overdue for Eastern Suburbs. Tony Readings’ lot had failed to win any of their last six games even though they’d drawn four of them but after the shock loss to Tasman last time and the early goal leaked here... they could hardly have responded better. Consider that they’ve got a couple very handy new additions to that squad and they’re well poised to make a run over the second half of the Premiership. Gonna be a very fun one next week when they scrap out the in-form Hamilton Wanderers (wow, what a phrase). The Cantabs might wanna flush the dunny and move on though. The close games of their early stuff haven’t been there since returning from the break, losing 3-1 to HW and now 6-1 to ES. Even before that their defence was getting pretty creaky though, they’ve conceded 15 goals in their last five games and that includes a clean sheet win in the middle. The table’s not a pretty sight for Canterbury or Southern and guess what they play each other next week.

Finally it was the Wellington Phoenix versus Waitakere United. A couple teams who’ve in plenty of exciting games this season and this was yet another one. The WeeNix had a couple first teamers available with Liam McGing and Callan Elliot both playing. Otherwise pretty similar to the team that drew with Southern last week (their fourth draw in a row). Waitakere saw Jake Porter starting ahead of Alex Connor-McLean... while Regont Murati made his first start since week three.

The Waitaks began this one nicely with Sam Burfoot in the heart of things as always. Murati had a decent effort blocked before Porter scored his third goal this term, 12 minutes gone. The WeeNix rallied to make this a bit of an end to end affair and after Riley Bidois had a shot saved by Nick Draper, Byron Heath was on hand to put away the rebound and make it 1-1 although that parity only lasted five more minutes before Dane Schnell scored yet again (number five for him) with a curling strike and Waitakere were 2-1 up. Told you it was a wild game.

Zac Jones had to be at his best to keep it that close as the first half progressed... but the WeeNix were still unlucky to go into the break behind after Heath chipped one off the crossbar. Not too long after the game resumed Heath was back in business as he returned the favour to set up Bidois for a tap in to make it 2-2 but once again – once again – Waitakere hit back straight away as Nic Zambrano scored.

Shots continued to flow for both teams but time was ticking away for the WeeNix to extend their unbeaten streak. The A-League team had lost theirs the day before, now the reserves were in danger of the same. Until Benjamin Old stepped up. He collected the ball in midfield and dribbled past a bundle of defenders to create room to shoot, a wonder goal in the making. Then he shot... and it was saved. But a good striker finds a way to be in the right place at the right time and there was Byron Heath once again to polish it off. The third minute of stoppage time and a stunning late equaliser for the WeeNix.

But then this happened...

Haha, ouch. It was actually the sixth minute of stoppage time that Waitakere scored and it was substitute Alex Connor-McClean who got it. First game he hadn’t started and his first goal after five games scoreless. The WeeNix stay last as they lose their first game since week four while Waitakere finally win their first since week two. Absolutely ridiculous drama at the end. This Premiership season... honestly.

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