Dimitri Payet is a snake

He put his family first

His goals were lame

His smile was fake

His reputation cursed

How dare he have a life outside

The mighty Hammers club

He owes the fans

Whom he supplied

With all that pride and love

West Ham fans apparently hate their ex-boy Dimitri Payet now, what with the whole public strike and the eventual transfer back home to Marseille. Not sure why, really, just that there’s this thing with fans where the club is sacrosanct and anyone who threatens that threatens a crucial aspect of any fan’s identity. It’s all quite silly, really.

Obviously Payet handled the whole thing in the wrong way and that earned more than a little vitriol from Hammers Faithful. He’d gotten to the stage 18 months into his career in England where it wasn’t working out. He’d never fully settled and his family even less so, with his wife and children reportedly moving back to France to look for schools leaving him in London alone. The way he burst onto the scene with West Ham made it feel like he was younger than he is – Payet turns 30 in March. He’s not some kid trying to make a name for himself, this is a grown man with a family and other things to think about in his life.

So he decided to go home. With Marseille, the club he joined West Ham from for something around £13m back in 2015, now under new ownership and looking to make a splash in the transfer market, the option there was too good for him to refuse. Payet told Slaven Bilic that he wasn’t available to play against Crystal Palace on January 14 and he never played again for them. Initially the club stood firm that they wouldn’t sell him for any price, figuring that he’s on a long term contract and they could ease him back in once the window closed and things would all smooth over in time.

But then the Hammers went and played bloody well without him, while senior players agreed that they didn’t wanna play with him again anyway. So they figured they’d let him go for a fee of £30m. In the end they settled for £25m, which was still a big profit on what they bought him for. With the extra cash WHU were able to pick up a readymade replacement in Robert Snodgrass (also waging a personal battle to get himself transferred from Hull City). It all worked out so well for West Ham that they got to feel vindicated by the whole thing.

In the first four games since Payet was excluded from the first team, they won three, scoring three times in each of those victories. In the middle of that was a 4-0 demolition at the hands of Manchester City but they won’t be the last team to cop it at the hands of Pep Guardiola and his lads this season and beyond (although the fact that City scored nine goals at London Stadium in January – including the 5-0 FA Cup win – is rather embarrassing). They were right, Payet was wrong. Turns out they didn’t need him anyway.

It’s sad that this is how things ended up considering that for his brief time with the club, Payet was more than just some pampered modern footballer out to make a buck. Even when he left, it wasn’t like that – it was based on homesickness and he took a pay-cut to leave (as well as West Ham ordering him to pay back his January wages). He gave them 18 months, 66 games, 18 goals and 25 assists. He was crucial, a unanimous player of the year, in taking them to seventh in the Premier League for their best finish in 17 years.

Not only that but he was one of those rare players that thrilled with every touch. You bought a ticket to see West Ham just to see Dimitri Payet play, there have only been a handful of players so uniquely talented in the history of the Premier League like Payet was. It’s not only his ability and his success, but a certain flair and unpredictability. West Ham haven’t had a player like that since Paolo Di Canio (and he’s a fascist). His time was brief but dammit it was spectacular.

All things being equal, he should be remembered as a club legend. Normally that takes a fair bit of longevity and Payet certainly didn’t have that but it’s a travesty that the West Ham legacy of Mark Noble, 0 international caps, will be greater than that of Dimi Trickster, Euro 2016 superstar. Maybe when the wounds heal the fans will come back around.

It ain’t like others haven’t done similar things either. Ever heard of a couple fellas called Wayne Rooney and Steven Gerrard? Two of the most beloved footballers (within their own clubs) of the last two decades and both of them once handed in transfer requests to join major rivals, a fact that’s conveniently glossed over in the stories of their careers. Robin Van Persie actually did force a transfer through to a rival and now Man United fans get to tease Arsenal fans about it even though he played two and a half times more often for the Gunners. If any fan-base gets to claim him, it should be Arsenal’s. That’s also a good example to show that West Ham fans aren’t alone in all of this. Every single club’s supporters would act the same way in the same situation, sadly.

Look, some players you expect to hang around for the distance and some you’ve gotta savour every moment while you still can. Dimitri Payet is a fantabulous player, one of the most exciting to grace the fields of England in a long time. Forget the dramas at the end, this is what his time with West Ham will really be remembered for: