Winston Reid – West Ham United (English Premier League)

Before we start, it should be pointed out that the horrific assault committed upon Winston two weeks ago by the thug Sergio Aguero was dealt with by the Premier League in the form of a three match ban.

But talk of Winnie being so hurt he couldn’t speak might have been just a liiiiittle bit exaggerated because he was all good to take his place against Watford. Even more important for West Ham was that Dimitri Payet was also good to go versus the winless Hornets, taking his place alongside new signing Simone Zaza. Six minutes in, Zaza won a corner. Payet took that corner. Michail Antonio headed that corner into the goal and West Ham were up 1-0. Watford  worked more than a couple shots at goal but it was the Hammers that scored next as well and it was something to behold. A rabona cross from Payet which Antonio also headed in, all the majesty and excitement that this team had missed through the first couple games without the Frenchman.

It could have been even better for WHU if Daryl Janmaat’s back-pass (under hardly any pressure) hadn’t come back off the post. They were 2-0 up and cruising at this stage. And then… things went south.

Slaven Bilic: “For the first 40 minutes we controlled the game and if anyone was going to score more it was us. You can’t concede that type of goal then.”

The goal he’s talking about was a complete mess where Odion Ighalo drifted wide and into all sorts of space, then was able to dribble unobstructed as Sam Byram and James Collins just stood off him. So he shot, and it deflected in off a flat footed Ginge. Then before the sanctuary of half time it was 2-2 when Collins and keeper Adrian went for the same long ball over the defence, Collins headed it away from Adrian and Troy Deeney got to it first, curling a brilliant finish in from an angle. Winnie was close to clearing it off the line but nah bro.

After the break Etienne Capoue slammed in a volley unchallenged at the far post and in the 64th minute, Reid made a good block but they never cleared the ball and Jose Holebas shot low and under the dive of the keeper for 4-2. An inexplicable turnaround and that’s how it ended for a third loss in four Premier League games for West Ham.

To make things worse during another home loss at London Stadium, there was also violence in the stands – not only between opposing fans but also among Hammers fans upset at the seating layout. On the bright side, nobody has scored more headers than Antonio over the last two seasons.

See the highlights here until whoever posted this mysteriously vanishes without a trace that they ever lived:

Michail Antonio: “I’d rather not score and win the game than score two goals and lose it. We came out raring to go and started well, but after we got two-up I think we took our foot off it, and now it’s pure frustration. We had other opportunities to kill the game, but we didn’t manage to do that and defensively we made a couple of mistakes. All we can do is say sorry to the fans for that and move on to the next game.”

Reid wasn’t the worst rated player in the squad, his passing success was at 92.1% which is magnificent and he made five interceptions and seven clearances with a blocked shot to boot but the numbers are always slightly misleading and this was a shambolic defensive effort from the Hammers back four. As Slaven said, they won’t win too many games playing like that.

Up Next: West Brom vs West Ham, 2.00am Sunday (NZT)

Chris Wood – Leeds United (English Championship)

It’s beginning to look like the Garry Monk Renaissance in Leeds may not be happening, at least no time in the immediate future. After losing to the local buggers of Huddersfield, not only to Hudders maintain their lead at the top of the table, undefeated and all through six games, but Leeds themselves slip on down the slope into the relegation zone.

Playing at home at Elland Road, Woody got the full 90 minutes in which was nice enough for him. He might rather enjoy having that time back though. In a scrappy game with relatively few chances, Wood nearly found himself through on goal in the first half only for Chris Schindler to sweep across and take the ball. Huddersfield had more of the ball but Leeds did a decent job of avoiding too many efforts on goal against them. Woody nodded wide from a corner late in the first. It went into the break at 0-0.

Not without controversy however. A penalty appeal for a challenge in the box by Schindler on Marcus Antonsson went ignored despite it looking something like a foul, in all honesty. While almost immediately after that happened, in went Aaron Mooy diving in like a madman to only get a yellow despite the spring hovering. Could’ve been a red there.

Funny story on Mooy, he’s obviously the same dude that played for Melbourne City in the A-League last season before Manchester City swooped him into their squad after a brilliant season in Aussie. He was never gonna get a go in Pep Guardiola’s first team but instead he was loaned out to Huddersfield and he’s been pretty superb there so far this season. Ten minutes after HT, Mooy picked up the clearance from his own cross and he slammed it into the bottom corner to make this one 1-0.

Then things really got feisty. By the end of it there were six yellow cards and several more challenges that could have drawn bookings. If anything it was Huddersfield that looked more likely to score after that, with Rob Green having to make one fine save in particular but Leeds, well they did have the odd effort:

YEP: “At the other end, Mowatt’s cross provided Wood with a free header but the striker’s effort was weak and into the ground allowing Ward to make an easy save which was made to look dramatic.”

Eight minutes of injury time ended up extending to ten minutes and Leeds couldn’t spark a decent shot in the whole of them. 1-0 the final score and things look dodgy. Woody’s two shots mentioned here were his only two, the lad getting his touches in but his passing was all over the show and he was tackled four separate times. Not especially great.

Garry Monk: "I'm disappointed with the result, of course. We went out there with the intention of trying to grab the initiative but partly due to the way (Huddersfield) set up it became a bit of a nothing game. We have to get a real reaction now on Tuesday. We need to take the three points, it's as simple as that.”

Antonsson had some words about his partnership with Woody in the lead in to the game.

To BBC Radio Yorkshire: "It’s getting better, I feel very good. Me and Wood are improving all the time, it’s not easy to just work from the beginning. We need time but we’re always improving. It’ll be good because we fit well together. We have 12 new players, it’s impossible to make things work quickly, but we need time and believe in this We have a really good team and we’ve showed that. We’ve made mistakes, but we have to continue working all the time."

Yeah, but here’s something… erm, not exactly happier but definitely contextual:

Up Next: Leeds vs last-placed Blackburn, 6.45am Wednesday (NZT)

Tommy Smith – Ipswich Town (English Championship)

Returning from the international break in which neither he nor New Zealand was involved, Smithy got some good news following his first start of the season in the last edition of this column.

Mick McCarthy followed through with his claim as well, in fact he named an unchanged team from that which beat Preston 1-0 at the end of August. This time around they met Reading in Reading and there was some drama, fair to say.

It was another game full of yellow cards. Nine of them all tallied up between the sides, though Smithy escaped sanction unlike the entire rest of his back four. Under new boss Jaap Stam, Reading have made it a thing of holding onto the ball bit Town had their chances in the early stages of the match. The offside flag and a bit of patience probably costing them there. Then Smithy almost ruined things when he under-hit a back-pass right into the path of a striker but Roy Beerens tried to square it and Bartosz Bialkowski read him like a book, scooping the ball up in his mitts.

Bialkowski was brilliant and he kept Ipswich level heading into HT… or at least he would have but in first half injury time the ref spotted a handball in the box that not too many others noticed and Garath McCleary scored from the penalty spot. Luckily for Ipswich they only had to wait for five minutes after the resumption before they had a dodgy penalty of their own. Brett Pitman was apparently pushed by Tyler Blackett, whose cross into George Ward had drawn the first spottie, and Pitman himself stepped up to level things.

Then Tommy Smith did something very silly…

Look, you can’t say that isn’t a bit funny. Unfortunately that came back to cost Ipswich because in injury time the ref had another quick burst on his whistle that few saw coming. Players went tumbling all over from a Reading corner and again the arm pointed to the spot. Danny Williams took this one to deny Town a point from the game, Reading winning it 2-1.

TWDT: “As Reading prepared to take a corner on the right there was some pushing and pulling involving Berra and Paul McShane. The Scotland international was eventually booked, as was Van den Berg for intervening. When the ball finally did come in from the right Van den Berg tried to force his way past Knudsen and went to ground as the Danish international grappled with him. Referee Simpson pointed to the spot for the third time, probably unsurprisingly given the prior incident. Knudsen was booked for his foul and Skuse for complaining about the decision.”

Can’t say Town don’t keep it on the level though, that’s two wins, two draws and two losses from six games now. Also they get a quick chance to make amends midweek against Derby, a club whose own predicaments were the butt of a joke by the Bayern Munich twitter page after a Derby fan got quite sexist about their women’s team.

Gotta say, these comments from Smithy about his international future came out of the blue given what seemed like a very firm stance on his position in the team from Anthony Hudson last time around.

TS: “I’m due to speak to the New Zealand manager in the coming days just about the future and how he sees me in his plans and what he wants from me commitment-wise and we’ll go from there.”

But whatever happens there, at least he has a slick haircut to fall back on.

Up Next: Derby vs Ipswich, 6.45am Wednesday (NZT)

Bill Tuiloma – Olympique de Marseille (French Ligue 1)

Things have been happening and Marseille have been involved. First of all, since the last Flying Kiwis went up, that flashy old transfer window slammed shut and with it OM managed to hold on to Lassana Diarra, keeping those midfield stocks full ahead of Billy T here. Fair enough, they’ve got games to win and all that. They even added to the midfield in fact, bringing in William Vainqueur on loan from Roma – joining Bafetimbi Gomis (Swansea), Clinton N’Jie (Spurs), Florian Thauvin (Newcastle) and Zinedine Machach (Toulouse) all also at the club on season long loans. Gotta make the market work for you, as they say.

It does mean that there’s another player ahead of Tui in the queue though. So whereas in the win over Lorient last game he managed to slide onto the end of the bench, this time he was nowhere to be seen. Not just in the first team but also in the reserves. Despite the absence of Diarra and also Abou Diaby, both injured (shocker!), Tui wasn’t named in the squad for the OM local derby with Nice. Then he popped up on an absentee list for the CFA team, so supposedly he’s got some small knock or something.

Yo but he does have some sexy new boots:

Without their kiwi talisman on the bench, OM went with a midfield of Andre Zambo Anguissa and new boy Vainqueur but it was the debutant on the OGC Nice side that got all the headlines. A promising young striker that they picked up on a free from a Premier League club, this lad called Mario Balotelli. Yes, the same one.

And it was Balotelli who opened the scoring with a seventh minute penalty, given away needlessly by Vainqueur as well. Florian Thauvin equalised with a stunning finish after a lovely ball from Aaron Leya Iseka. OM really looked to be playing pretty well on the road here. Although they lacked a lot of the ball against a team that was undefeated through its first three games, they still managed to create a few good chances. In the 72nd minute, Bafetimbi Gomis put them up 2-1 from the spot. Problem was, six minutes later Balotelli skipped his marking and headed in a leveller following some brilliance from Ricardo Pereira. Then, with three minutes to go, they let it slip. Almost literally, as the OM keeper Yohann Pele parried Wylan Cyprien’s shot from distance into his own goal. Whoops. OM lose 3-2, their second defeat of the Ligue 1 season.

Stand in captain Bafi Gomis: “It's sad, we deserved the draw. You learn. It takes more character to win. We would have liked to bring a point in Marseille for our supporters but I hope that the Velodrome stadium will be full to help us against Lyon.”

With Diaby and Diarra expected back soon, it might be a little while before Tui gets back on that first team bench but in the meantime he has started four times for the CFA team, guiding his lads to three wins and a draw in those 360 minutes. The CFA team lost 2-1 to Rodez without him this week to drop to second in group D.

Up Next: Monday 6.45am at home vs Lyon (NZT)

Ryan Thomas – PEC Zwolle (Dutch Eredivisie)

Well damn. Five games into the Dutch season and Zwolle are still without a win but they got as close as they could on the weekend. 12 minutes into the game against FC Utrecht and Kingsley Ehizibue gave them the lead, the first goal that Zwolle had scored since their season opener.

Bit of a controversial goal too, after the ball had been whipped in high into the box, a bunch of players all went up for it and one of the Utrecht defenders stayed down hurt. A few Utrecht guys thought the ball would be kicked out but instead it was fed low back into the box to Ryan Thomas, playing on the left wing this game, who slipped it to Ehizibue and goaaaaaal. Assist for Thommo, his first of those this season.

PEC Zwolle may be sitting dead last but Utrecht aren’t that much better without a win themselves. Neither team was able to control the game, though Utrecht had a lot more of possession. And right at the end of the flippin’ game, in injury time and all, PEC left back Calvin Verdonk sent Giovanni Troupée tumbling in the box. Red card, penalty. Sébastien Haller slotted it and Zwolle are still without a win, 1-1 the final score. Thommo had been subbed off after 63 minutes, though he had himself a good performance with a shot and three key passes. Maybe next time.

Up Next: PEC Zwolle vs AZ Alkmaar, 12.30am (NZT)

Jake Gleeson – Portland Timbers (American Major League Soccer)

Two games since we last check in with Jake. First they travelled to Texas to play FC Dallas with both teams missing players during the international window. They lost 3-1 and it sucked a bit so we won’t dwell too much. This is about all you need to know.

Oregon Live: “The game turned in FCD's favor in the 14th minute after Timbers goalkeeper Jake Gleeson came out for a late challenge and made contact with Michael Barrios in the box. Referee Ted Unkel immediately pointed to the spot and Mauro Diaz sent his PK into the corner of the net to put Dallas up 1-0.”

Yeah, coulda gone better. By halftime, Victor Ulloa had made it 2-0 and Walker Zimmerman had it at 3-0 after 53 minutes. Diego Valeri salvaged a consolation goal for Portland right near the end. For what it’s worth, Oregon Live also blamed the defence for exposing Gleeson and forcing him to come rushing out.

Ah but then the next week they were back at home where their form is near immeasurably better. Against Real Salt Lake who are a few places up ahead of them in the conference standings. It was a special occasion as well: their 100th consecutive home sell-out crowd. Fanendo Adi scored after a dozen minutes and Darlington Nagbe looked great returning from USA duty. Portland dominated the first half but they never managed a second goal and in the second half things got scratchy. They’ve got a good one in goal though, and they managed to come away with a battling 1-0 victory – just what they needed to show they were capable of.

Oregon Live: “Salt Lake came close to leveling the score in the 64th minute when a careless giveaway from Liam Ridgewell allowed Javier Morales to put an open shot on goal from the top of the box. Timbers goalkeeper Jake Gleeson stopped the shot, but the ball bounced back to the center of the box and Gleeson had to scramble to smother it.”

Gleeson made five saves in the match, even getting a rare clean sheet for his troubles. He was man of the match on SBI Soccer. Speaking of troubles, he also got himself booked late in an odd situation.

Stumptown Footy: “The strange nature of the match culminated in a yellow card given to Timbers keeper Jake Gleeson for time wasting, even as the Timbers motioned to Alvas Powell who was down on the pitch and asking for treatment from the trainers. Gleeson then played the ball out to get treatment for Powell, only for RSL to immediately take a quick throw in and go on the attack. Driving at the Timbers’ box, Joao Plata was taken down, giving RSL a free kick in a dangerous spot. The Timbers’ trainer was eventually allowed on the pitch to see to Powell, who had to be substituted, and Plata whipped in the free kick, which Gleeson punched away.”

Yup, that man deserves a specially brewed beverage all right.

Up Next: Home to Philadelphia Union, 10am Sunday (NZT)