Last Week: 6/10

Overall: 109/210

Liverpool vs Swansea City

Sunday 1.30am (NZT)

They only got a draw out of it and with a few more minutes they might have even lost that game at Old Trafford but you’ve gotta say that Liverpool come out with the moral victory – for whatever that’s worth. Seriously, missing a few important players there and not all of them for valid reasons either, starting a kid at right back despite the occasion… they played bloody great. Keep in mind that Man United were more or less at full strength too.

Jurgen Klopp stacked the midfield with hard workers and they took away the time on the ball that guys like Michael Carrick and Paul Pogba have been used to and while that still meant United bossed possession, they did so deep in their own half for long periods of the first 45 especially. Clearly MUFC picked up the slack in the second (I didn’t think they were terrible in the first, but they definitely improved) so Klopp brings on Coutinho and settles into a more counter attacking mode and honestly they coudla made it 2-0 with a few chances they had there. Most of all it was a really enjoyable game, which is what we all wanted to see after the dud that was their first meeting.

Trent Alexander-Arnold. Is he the first player named ‘Trent’ in 50 years to play in the top division in England? Bloody feels like it. Wouldn’t quite go as far as saying he was brilliant because there were times that Anthony Martial seemed to school him all over the place but he was something much more important: he was comfortable. Not intimidated by the occasion and confident enough to play his own game. That’s the sign of a player who has a future at this level.

By the way, he was born in 1998. Try not to let that ruin your day. Here’s the kid when he was an actual kid, back in 2009 acting the mascot with Jamie Carragher in a match against Leeds:

It won’t surprise you to hear the Swans have been busy in their transfer business. Already they’ve signed three new dudes, Martin Olsson strengthening the defence in a move from Norwich, Tom Carroll popping over from Spurs to the club he spent the 2014-15 season on loan at and then also Luciano Narsingh from PSV, who could prove a devastating winger or a bit of a flop. In the week that Memphis Depay has been flipped to Lyon, it’s hard to predict with young Dutch wingers. He’ll bring some pace to the club though, something that they’ve lost a lot of in the last 18 months. Looks decent in the scouting vids too:

Arsenal put four past Swansea. Liverpool probably won’t roll them as easily but they’ll still roll them.

Wildcard’s Pick: Liverpool 3-0

West Bromwich Albion vs Sunderland

Sunday 4.00am (NZT)

Damn, the Baggies got fair murdered by Spurs. They got ripped to shreds on both wings and through the middle… what can you even do about that? Ignore it as an outlier and move on, probably. If that’s the case then a home tilt against Sunderland is as good of a comebacker as you can hope for.

Jake Livermore, hmm. Bit of an odd signing for WBA, not sure that he’s adding much that they haven’t already got but then he does mean one more in the collection of dependable British players that Tony Pulis is acquiring. Ben Foster, Gareth McAuley, Darren Fletcher, Jonny Evans, James McClean, Craig Dawson, Hal Robson-Kanu, Matt Phillips, James Morrison… you get the idea.

Everywhere you look there are transfer rumours involving Sunderland. Look out the window and they’re linked with Robbie Brady. Open your desk drawer and there’s James McCarthy being offered with cash in a swap deal for Lamine Kone. Reach into your pockets and pull out a bid for some Algerian striker you’ve never heard of. And yet where are all the done deals? The relegation threatened team who waits until Deadline Day to get anything done is a team that doesn’t know what they’re doing.

Sunderland’s only away win came against Bournemouth. Three wins in their last six plus a draw with Liverpool but all of those came at the Stadium of Light.

Wildcard’s Pick: 2-0 to WBA

Crystal Palace vs Everton

Sunday 4.00am (NZT)

Oh and how about the youngsters at Everton too!? Merseyside Minions. I mean, Alexander-Arnold was decent, but Tom Davies was something else entirely. That dude’s had a couple chances recently and he’s very recognisable by the blonde locks, he’d never done anything like what he did against City though. That chop move, so good. Notice in the replay how little Yaya Toure seems to care as well… he only actually closes him down when he realises it’s too late.

And Romelu Lukaku trying to steal the goal off a young’un? Eh, you want your star striker to be greedy. It’s not the worst trait, especially when he didn’t even get it (although he claimed he got a touch).

Tom Davies: “It’s just me. It’s just how I have always played. I don’t know how to describe it, but it is just the way I feel comfortable playing. I think that is the best way to be. If you feel comfortable and relaxed, then your game is going to be as good as it can be.”

He cleared one off the line as well as spraying some sumptuous passes around. Tommy was more than just a flashy goal. Love the joyful exuberance as well. Same goes for Adama Lookman who they signed from Charlton pretty much as soon as last week’s picks went up so that I missed him while talking about Everton’s transfer bizzy. Didn’t expect him to have such a rapid impact, that’s for sure.

29% of possession and four shots on target against City… and they won 4-0.

Everton’s last six games:

• Everton 2-1 Arsenal
• Everton 0-1 Liverpool
• Leicester 0-2 Everton
• Hull 2-2 Everton
• Everton 3-0 Southampton
• Everton 4-0 Man City

Only drawing with Hull was stupid on New Year’s Eve and they threw the Liverpool game away with a 93rd minute winner to Sadio Mane. Other than that it’s been superb, particularly the last two weeks.

Meanwhile Palace haven’t won a game in their last seven in the league, including three defeats in a row. Things are happening in Big Sam-ville though. If I’m him I jump at Marseille’s interest in Yohann Cabaye and I use that cash to reinvest in the defence. Getting Jeff Schlupp is an interesting one, I get the feeling in a few months there might be a few more Leicester players on the market too. Allardyce will get better out of Christian Benteke than Pardew did, he’ll also get much more from their defence.

Sam Allardyce: “I need the players to play better; I need them to get to their top form and stay at their top form to help us get out of the position we're in. That comes from believing in your own ability, remembering where they used to be as a team. They need to go back to 2015, watch some videos of when they went fifth in the Premier League.”

Wildcard’s Pick: Everton 2-1

Middlesbrough vs West Ham United

Sunday 4.00am (NZT)

Erm… aren't they all hoping to be fit? None of them are trying to be injured.

Anyway, let’s talk Payet for a second. He wants to leave. He is trying his best to ensure that he leaves. Marseille have a new owner and are very keen to re-sign their old boy, already having had two bids rejected – the latest of £20m but that’s only two-thirds of the way towards what the Hammers are wanting. We’ll see how that goes, most likely they barter them all the way to Deadline Day and then take the best offer then. The Hammers can afford to play hardball here.

But layoff the rampant criticism of Payet, honestly. He’s being a dickhead and he has a history of doing this too but he’s a footballer, you know? Lots of them are like this. Fans look at these dudes and hold them beloved for what they do on the pitch but there’s so much more to a footballer’s life than that and there’s almost never any thought of that. Payet’s family haven’t settled in London. His wife and kids have moved back to France and are looking for schools there. Can you blame a guy for wanting to follow them?

Clearly it’s been poorly handled, though Slaven Bilic might wanna take a look in the mirror before getting too wound up…

Payet was a stunning transfer in a summer full of them for West Ham. There were a couple duds that year but Angelo Ogbonna, Pedro Obiang, Darren Randolph and Manuel Lanzini have all been regulars and Michail Antonio has been bloody brilliant. Look at this season’s haul and Simone Zaza was a weird one in the first place and that capitulated very quickly. Jonathan Calleri? Arthur Masuaku? Gokhan Tore? Sofiane Feghouli? Alvaro Arbeloa? None of them are knocking down the door although a couple still have the potential. The rest were all youngsters.

So suppose they lose Payet. Now what? First thing is that they’re not in a relegation race, they’re too good for that and should ease their way through in about the 12th position they are now, which is far from the worst finish in Bilic’s second season slump. Antonio ensures they can adapt to a more traditional formation, attacking from the wing, and Andy Carroll – when fit! – will put enough of those away to pursue it. Defensively they need another centre back who can dominate with Winston Reid, plus a midfielder or two wouldn’t go astray. Mostly they need creativity and goals.

Well it sounds like they’re onto it with ‘advanced talks’ under way towards signing Jose Fonte from Southampton. They’ve had a bid rejected for Robert Snodgrass but that’s probably one given Snoddy’s situation that they could push through if they’re willing to pay 12 mill or more. Don’t tell me they can’t afford it when they’re getting at least double money back on Dimitri Payet and with that stadium getting heavily subsidised by the local council. They ought to be able to push through a deal for Scott Hogan of Brentford too and that’s a decent haul for a January where good deals are normally so hard to come by it ain’t worth it.

Speaking of worker’s rights, ‘The Hammers’ is the nickname of which English football club?

It is, in fact, West Ham United. Also, Coventry City have never won the English football cup.

Boro should be looking at lower-mid table as well, though they’d probably settle for ending one point above eighteenth. Whatever keeps you up. While the big win over Palace and that Carroll wonder goal has brought in an air of optimism despite the Payet thing, I do reckon that his absence will be felt against a tougher team to break down… like Middlesbrough for example. Palace are a team in transition, we saw Sunderland struggle in the early days of Allardyce too. Boro are different, they know exactly how they wanna play. Glad to see Patrick Bamford reunite with them on a permanent basis too. Shoulda happened two years ago.

Wildcard’s Pick: 1-1

Stoke City vs Manchester United

Sunday 4.00am (NZT)

It’s fun seeing Peter Crouch get a run in the Premier League again. You now there’s no player out there with more headed goals than him in this league… which isn’t really a surprise. One more goal and he becomes the 26th player to score 100 Premier League goals – which he’s said has been a factor in sticking around in the PL despite interest from lower leagues.

Speaking of departures, I can understand why Bojan Krkic wants to leave… I can’t understand why he wants to go to Middlesbrough. Unless it’s the Spanish factor, Aitor Karanka and all that. There are some odd rumblings around Stoke. They’ve made some ambitious recruitments recently and a lot of them haven’t paid off (Gianni Imbula despite my initial optimism – that guy’s got all the tools but he’s lost under Mark Hughes – and then the disaster that’s been Wilfried Bony so far). There’ll be some big decisions made over the next six months.

The last time these two played it was one of those games United dominated and then conceded a dub goal, need Anthony Martial (who was hardly playing back then) to come off the bench and score a fine equaliser. They seem to have figured out how to win those games since. 15 games unbeaten or whatever it is now backs that idea up – the draw against Liverpool snapped like a nine game win streak in all competitions. Lee Grant was man of the match in that one, going a long way towards convincing Stoke to make his stay a permanent one – which they’ve now done.

Between a 1993 League Cup win (Mark Hughes was playing for United that day) and a 2014 Premier League victory over David Moyes’ team, also 2-1 with Charlie Adam scoring the second half winner… Stoke had gone 13 games and over 20 years without a win against Man United. These are their last six results:

• Stoke 2-1 MUFC, Feb 2014
• MUFC 2-1 Stoke, Dec 2014
• Stoke 1-1 MUFC, Jan 2015
• Stoke 2-0 MUFC, Dec 2015
• MUFC 3-0 Stoke, Feb 2016
• MUFC 1-1 Stoke, Oct 2016

That’s better than most teams, ya know.

Wildcard’s Pick: MUFC 2-0

Bournemouth vs Watford

Sunday 4.00am (NZT)

Read what you will into these figures, I’m putting it down to multiple managers in multiple years working with something like two dozen new players since getting promoted. It’s all well and good when you’re winning but there’s no team core to take over when times get tougher, to will them towards victories and pesky draws and all that. Unless you count Troy Deeney.

Watford’s first 18 games of 2015-16 season:

29 PTS (1.6 PPG) | 8 W | 5 D | 5 L | 23 GF | 18 G | +5 GD

Watford’s last 20 games of 2015-16 season:

16 PTS (0.8 PPG) | 4 W | 4 D | 12 L | 17 GF | 32 GA | -15 GD

Watford’s first 10 games of 2016-17 season:

15 PTS (1.5 PPG) | 4 W | 3 D | 3 L | 14 GF | 13 GA | +1 GD

Watford’s next 11 games of 2016-17 season:

8 PTS (0.7 PPG) | 2 W | 2 D | 7 L | 9 GF | 23 GA | -14 GD

Wildcard’s Pick: Bournemouth 2-1

Manchester City vs Tottenham Hotspur

Sunday 6.30am (NZT)

HEY, LEAVE PEP GUARDIOLA ALONE! He’s trying his best and working with what remains a horribly unbalanced squad. Although I’m now ready to admit that he’s made a bit of a blunder with Claudio Bravo. It’s nothing to do with the fact he uses he feet and passes it around, that’s all typically stupid people complaining about something that looks different to what they’re used to. Brexit voters, dig. Nah, the problem with Bravo is that he’s simply not a very good shot stopper and with City unable to completely control the game in the midfield like Barcelona once did for Pep, that’s being exposed way too much. Guardiola didn’t get the same midfield coverage with Bayern either – where else are you gonna find Xavi, Iniesta and Busquets all in the same academy? – but he also had a stronger defence and some bloke called Manuel Neuer in goal. Also known as the best in the business.

Guardiola’s changing City way beyond where they once were. That takes time and lots of it – to expect a complete tonal shift in one season was always too much. They started off well and then injuries hit and now Yaya Toure is dragging his heels in midfield again. You think Pep was planning on that? Hell nah.

Yo but Spurs! Gotta be called the form team since they beat Chelsea and dammit they’ve backed that up too. The confidence is back and Harry Kane and Dele Alli are leading the show. Kanebags had his first child and then scored a hat-trick last week. That’s as memorable as it gets, congrats to him and the family.

Ordinarily I don’t even think the Jan Vertonghen injury is the worst for Spurs, they have a fair bit of cover, but with them likely to pick a back three here that’s a tricky one to overcome. He’s their clear second best defender and his partnership with Toby Alderweireld is top notch. Eric Dier’s a fill-in at CB. Kevin Wimmer who even knows. Time for my bi-monthly talking up of Cameron Carter-Vickers – that lad’s gonna be a star when he gets his chance.

City could seriously use a statement win, Spurs just wanna keep up the good work. They’ve had a fair few decent results away to Man City in the past as well. I think with a powerful midfield (I really do love some Wanyama/Dembele) and the way those attacking dudes are playing they’re a side that can cause all sorts of troubles for City. Kinda sitting on the fence here, though.

Wildcard’s Pick: 1-1

Southampton vs Leicester City

Monday 1.00am (NZT)

Four league defeats in a row for Southampton, conceding 10 goals and scoring only two. Now that sounds a long way from the Southampton that I remember. With Jose Fonte out of the team with his impending transfer coming, the defence has looked kinda crap and the Saints have suddenly sunk down to 13th on the table. They’re below West Ham, Burnley and Bournemouth. This might be a chance for Leicester to finally win an away game!

Then again, that’s not something worth betting on. They were dead average against Chelsea as they have been away from home all season. At least Southampton can complain that their form slump came amidst a horrible stretch of fixture congestion – Leicester haven’t travelled well all campaign. A single goal ought to be enough in this one… which is lucky because the Saints don’t really look like they have any more than that in them. Six of their 13 wins in all competitions have come by 1-0 scorelines.

Wildcard’s Pick: 1-0 Southampton

Arsenal vs Burnley

Monday 3.15am (NZT)

This one at least oughta be an easy one to predict. Arsenal are in a hot run of form (they always are following a couple bad results, it’s the same old rollercoaster) while Burnley remain a terrible team away from Turf Moor (and a very good one at it). No amount of Joey Barton is likely to change that.

Peek-a-boo! See if you can spot Alexis Sanchez in this photo. He’s there, I promise you…

Wildcard’s Pick: Arsenal 3-0

Chelsea vs Hull City

Monday 5.30am (NZT)

I’ll never say that Mike Phelan deserved to be sacked and I only hope he gets a better job someplace soon where his loyalty counts for more. But Marco Silva is looking sharp, I don’t know if it’s just early optimism or what but the club showed some unexpected ambition in bringing him in and it’s bleeding into the players too. They’re getting relegated either way though, there was no saving them when Steve Bruce quit and there’s no saving them now.

On the other hand, Chelsea continue to teach lessons and this time they’re showing up West Ham for how to handle a want-away player. Diego Costa was ready to leave in the summer but Antonio Conte convinced him not to. He was ready to leave a week ago and they went out and played superb without him, showing they can survive at least in the short term whether he’s there or not but then instead of getting snotty they brushed it over with talk of a back issue and saying he’ll be back soon, no dramas. You can’t work a situation like that better than Conte just did, what a man he’s proving to be. You know he wrote personal Christmas cards (with bottles of wine attached) to each and every Chelsea staff member, all the way down to janitors and kitchen staff, thanking them for what they do and all inscribed with a quote from famed classical military leader Hannibal.

Hannibal via Antonio Conte: “We will either find a way or we will make one.”

They’ll presumably decide in the summer that Costa’s too much trouble and let him go to China… but not before they can win a title with him and then find a suitable replacement. Of which they don’t yet have, or else Eden Hazard wouldn’t play as a false nine every time Costa’s out. They need him and there’s no reason why he wouldn’t stick through and win another title. Then, in the afterglow, he can casually slip out and make some outrageous dollars elsewhere (like he isn’t already on outrageous dollars). Say what you will about sacrificing the competitive spirit but Costa was at Atletico Madrid before this, a team that regularly goes deeper than Chelsea in the Champions League (granted Chelsea have actually won that particular trophy before). The difference between this and that was a paycheque too. 

Funny that the two teams who had talisman players on strike last week, Chelsea and West Ham, both had comprehensive wins without them.

Time to play a game… it’s called:

‘Robert Snodgrass, Where Ya Goin’?’

Snoddy asked to leave a few weeks ago with his contract due to expire at the end of the season. The club then extended it by a year thanks to an option they had but that probably only means they see they can get a decent fee for him rather than letting him walk for nothing. We’ve already discussed the West Ham interest. Also involved in rumours are Burnley, Watford, Sunderland and Middlesbrough.

West Ham – The best footballing move but a club with a few wobbles. Would walk into the top team and there’s a role waiting in Payet’s shoes. Not sure if that’s good or not.

Burnley – Might struggle for the cash in a bidding war but they need the creativity and would definitely embrace some Snoddy. A bit conservative in their play though, also he might have to fight Joey Barton for free kick duty.

Watford – No hope of learning his teammates’ names, also might have to fight for his position in the first XI unless they change shape. Score a fair few goals though and shouldn’t find themselves in the relegation battle unless drastic happenings occur so that’s multi-year job security.

Sunderland – Don’t do it, bro. You’ll be back in the Championship before you know it. Although you will get a Scottish manager to work with.

Middlesbrough – Will have the chance to be the new Stewart Downing. A team with a solid defence but don’t score a lot, so they need him more than he needs them. Looks like a fun team to be a part of.

Wildcard’s Pick: Chelsea 4-0