Last Week: 6/10

Overall: 128/313

West Ham United vs Arsenal

Saturday 11.45pm (NZT)

Bit of a laugh there. In the interest of commercial fairness I’d better add that you should by no means ever rest a Europcar vehicle. Never ever. Alright sweet, now how in his own world does Welbeck look? And I hope they secured the kiddy seat that Theo’s sitting in, wouldn’t want another injury.

West Ham beat Arsenal on opening day, remember the famous debut of Reece Oxford? If you’re wondering what happened to him, he’s still around but hasn’t been getting so many chances since Alex Song and a few others came back. Fair enough for a lad that has maths tests to study for. The Hammers did their damage on the road to begin the season but have shown they can play anywhere in what has been something of an undercover breakthrough year. Arsenal… they’re a different story. A couple good results have eased the pressure and kept alive the faintest flickers of a title race so I kinda expect them to have trouble here against a physical London opponent. Goals won’t come so easy here as they did against an under-motivated Watford side.

Can we have one more look at this goal, please?

Wildcard’s Pick: 1-1

Swansea City vs Chelsea

Sunday 2.00am

You know what? I really like the look of this Chelsea team without Diego Costa or Eden Hazard. I know it was only Aston Villa last week but they still looked sharp. Hazard is broken and he needs a change, he’s a player that would look superb in Spain or France (but not so many other countries) while Costa is just a dumb person. I don’t even care about the pesky stuff, it’s the way he plays as a striker where he’s always so focussed on the marker he isn’t making runs and he isn’t getting shots off. They actually look better with other centre forwards in there, the problem is that they don’t really have any. Put that one on the list, Roman. I’m not cray about moving John Terry on, but if he wants regular footy he’ll need to leave.

Oh, and there was this too:

Amazingly he’s the fifth Italian manager the club has appointed in its history. It’s a great appointment though. Wise move, solid fit.

Wildcard’s Pick: 2-0 Chelsea

Crystal Palace vs Norwich City

Sunday 2.00am

Well now, here’s a curious one. Crystal Palace on 34 points, Norwich on 31 points. Palace have a game in hand there, which they’re playing at the end of this article but the way they’re playing that’s no real kicker. As for Norwich, four points clear of relegation after that late win against Newcastle but that could be one point if Sunderland win their game in hand. And I’ll tell ya this: I think Sunderland are playing the best footy of the bottom five teams. It’s just that Norwich, who are a clear second, have been able to get wins while Sunders are having to settle for draw after draw. Four of them in a row now. It’s handy that they aren’t losing but three points are better than one.

Palace snuck a point off West Ham that they didn’t quite deserve (but they’ve deserved more in other games, so it goes). It’s hard to see them ever winning another game based on 2016 so far but that could all change with one good result. And one good result should dodge any relegation worries, especially this one good result should they get it. I sorta think they might. Lots of pace down the flanks, a defence that doesn’t get pushed around, a decent keeper… I get why they struggle against most teams when they aren’t on form but they’re still well-built to challenge the bottom sides.

Umm and this I shall present without further comment:

No, sorry. Can’t help it. RUN FOR YOUR LIVES, IT’S THE SCOTTISH TICKLER!!!

Wildcard’s Pick: 2-1 Palace

Southampton vs Newcastle United

Sunday 2.00am

Should’ve just kept John Carver then, aye?

Wildcard’s Pick: 2-1 Saints

Watford vs Everton

Sunday 2.00am

Both of these teams have made massive strides this season and yet will be finishing in the bottom half. Watford will be lucky to climb above fifteenth. It’s odd, really. Everton are so legit, Ross Barkley is the real deal and Romelu Lukaku has never played better. So instead of celebrating all that they’re gonna be spending all summer reading bollocks transfer rumours saying they’re on their way to Manchester United – let alone John Stones and the long list of suitors that he’s got.

As for Watford just establishing themselves at this level was always enough. Clearly the defence and midfield could use some work but in Ighalo and Deeney they’ve found a solid partnership up top and I still do not understand how Heurelho Gomes has gotten good. Is this the same dude from Spurs? I’m starting to think about my teams of the year and I reckon he’s surpassed Petr Cech in goal. Jack Butland is still ahead of him even with his season still over, I think David De Gea has to be in that chat as well. He pulled off a couple stunners against Everton last game. But Hugo Lloris will be in the first string team, that one I’m ready to go on the record for.

This could be the FA Cup final. If that’s the case then it’ll be a better clash than this, looking at how the Hornets are travelling they haven’t played a decent game since that Cup quarter win over Arsenal. It's four straight league losses at the mo’, it doesn’t really matter but you’d rather not stumble to the finish line. Having said that, Watford have a generous spell of fixtures after this in which they play only one team in the top eight. Actually, Everton count in that stat too, they’re in 12th. But they’ll win. They usually do well away from home.

Wildcard’s Pick: Everton 3-1

Aston Villa vs Bournemouth

Sunday 2.00am

Remember when Villa beat Bournemouth 1-0 in the first game of the season and it seemed like Tim Sherwood might actually last a while and that they’d be able to ride the losses of Christian Benteke and Fabian Delph despite not signing anyone good enough to replace them?

Yeah, that was a long time ago.

Wildcard’s Pick: 2-1 Bournemouth

Manchester City vs West Bromwich Albion

Sunday 4.30am

Let’s get this out of the way with first of all:

HAHAHA! How dumb was that!?

Okay, right. City getting a 2-2 draw in Paris is actually a superb result. They’ll probably go through now if they can avoid defeat in the second leg and that’s a genuine possibility. I mean, I keep saying this but why are we supposed to think PSG are so good? Coz they sweep up in France? Mate, Ligue 1 is not that good. Honestly, and we’ve seen the player that David Luiz is, we saw Angel Di Maria sort or occasionally try in England, this is not that great of a team. Their reputations almost all precede them, including Zlatan. About the only star there I wouldn’t say that about is Thiago Silva. Also, City’s poor form of recent times was always a blindfold because they are clearly targeting the Champions League above all else. They predictably took care of Bournemouth and then got a fine result in Paris. That might make them vulnerable to a battler side like West Brom, who basically picked zero wide players last game, but probably not at home.

The difference in the past two games – aka since the international break – has been vast and it’s come in the shape of Kevin De Bruyne. But it isn’t only him, his gravity means more space for guys like Silva and Aguero and that’s always a good thing. Good players make other good players better.

Wildcard’s Pick: City 3-0

Sunderland vs Leicester City

Monday 12.30am

The times they are a changin'. Four wins. That’s all that Leicester need now, four more wins. Six games and four wins. 12 points. Three times four equals 12. Twelve. XII. That’s all that Leicester need now.

Troy Deeney had some really great comments on how difficult it is to play against Leicester City in a BBC feature this week. In particular he praised how much of a tough bugger Robert Huth is, how good their defensive communication is, how you can’t drag their centre backs out of position and how the midfielders do plenty of work there too. That’s good stuff, the kind of things that every defence aspires to. But here’s something that sets the Foxes apart:

Troy Deeney: "The other thing that makes it harder to break down Leicester than the other top teams is that both their full-backs are very switched-on defensively. Most full-backs in the Premier League bomb on now, and I don't want to be disrespectful to them but it is often a lot easier when you are up against a right winger who has been switched to a right-back.

"Yes, they can join the attack too, as Fuchs showed with his cross for their winner against Southampton, but if he is forward down the left then you know Simpson will drop in rather than getting up the pitch down the right too.”

The start of the season Leicester were scoring like crazy but leaking goals all over as well. There were probably a few things tweaked by Lord Ranieri in terms of mentality but the obvious change, the thing that’s led to them becoming the defensive stronghold that they now, unbelievably, are was their fullbacks. Game one they beat Sunderland 4-2 at home (this round is the inverse of that one) and their fullbacks were Ritchie De Laet and Jeffrey Schlupp. Two attack minded players, both with plenty of footy under their belt on the wings. They were the main men for the first two months and didn’t keep a single clean sheet. They were swapped out for Fuchs and Simpson for a 2-1 win away to Norwich. Then a 2-2 draw with Southampton. The third game was a 1-0 win over Crystal Palace, pizza all around. They then kept two more clean sheets in their next seven games and 11 in their past 15. Eleven in fifteen.

The thing with Fuchs and Simpson isn’t that they don’t get forward. They do, but they rarely overlap. Fuchs especially sends in a lot of crosses from deep. Crosses lead to clearances which leads to loose ball which is perfect for the speedy Leicester forward lot. It also shattered the vulnerability they started with to the counter attack.

Just four more wins…

(and that’s supposing Spurs win all their remaining games).

Wildcard’s Pick: 1-0 to the Foxes, obviously

Tottenham Hotspur vs Manchester United

Monday 3.00am

This feels like a very mutually unsatisfying draw.

United can at least do Spurs a solid by repeating whatever they do to them to Leicester when they play them later. Spurs have already done United what they need by beating Man City twice. As quick as the title can slip away now, Tottenham also have to be worried about Arsenal catching them. Four points back with a game in hand – that’s not a lot. What a waste of their best season in a generation if they can’t celebrate Arsenal not being able to celebrate St Totteringham’s Day. Really, though, both teams will be realistically targeting winning out.

Spurs like a high press and I think Smalling and Blind (and Carrick) are susceptible to that if you can get at them. But one thing that United do well in playing their slow, considered stuff is they protect their defence. Given the rotating cast at fullback they might be weak out wide but Spurs don’t do the winger thing so much – and they’ll wanna be careful of sending their fullbacks marauding with the pace of Martial, Lingard and probably Rashford at the other end. Like I said, this feels like a draw.

Wildcard’s Pick: 1-1

Liverpool vs Stoke City

Monday 3.00am

Ahahaha, still makes me giggle that one does.

Wildcard’s Pick: This was the toughest one to pick… 2-1 to Liverpool

Crystal Palace vs Everton

Thursday 7.00am

Hey check it out, bonus footy! These rescheduled games are about to start piling up which isn’t going to do my picking too many favours but, look, I got six outta ten last week. I’m not complaining. Firemen, doctors, policemen who don’t carry weapons… those are the real heroes in society. I’m just a humble football writer, please, save your applause for someone more deserving.

Tell ya what, this is shaping up as a fine week for the Toffees. After three straight losses all to top six teams, they could really use that.

What are the chances of Crystal Palace going the entire second half of the season without a win? They last earned three points on December 20 away to Stoke. 14 winless league games and counting (they are still in the FA Cup, gotta give credit where its due, mate). Here’s what’s left for them:

• Norwich (H) – I’ve picked a win for CPY, but like…
• Everton (H) – Probably a loss
• Arsenal (A) – Probably another loss
• Man Utd (A) – Probably another loss
• Newcastle (A) – Ooh, could be something in this one
• Stoke (H) – Might sneak a draw but Stoke are solid
• Southampton (A) – Won’t score a goal, so won’t win

Wildcard’s Pick: 2-1 Everton