Last Week: 5/10

Overall: 41/80

Bournemouth vs Tottenham Hotspur

12.30am Sunday (NZT)

I get why the hype continues, Eddie Howe is the second highest placed English manager in the Football League and the one dude ahead of him is Alan Pardew and nobody wants a slice of that pie, believe me. But I’m definitely frustrated with the constant England links because this guy is onto such a great thing with the Cherries. I mean, 6-1. Six-freakin-one. Until that demolition of Hull both of Bournemouth’s wins had come by 1-0 scorelines. Last season they won 11 Premier League games and only four were by more than a goal – the biggest being a 3-0 home win over Norwich (who went down).

Teams this recently promoted aren’t supposed to score that freely, this is meant to be the second season slump and all that. It was only Hull that they beat and let’s not forget that Hull hasn’t won since the second game of the season and their previous away trip was a 5-1 thrashing at the hands of Liverpool. So yeah, sitting ducks or whatever. Still that result proves that Bournemouth are not a team to be underestimated. Imagine the confidence that’ll give ‘em!

Enough to get the slip on a Spurs team that would’ve been top had they not suffered the déjà vu of drawing 1-1 with West Brom? Maybe. Coming off a frustrating trip to Germany midweek, no Harry Kane and probably no Toby Alderweireld either. But then if there’s a theme of this Spurs season so far it’s been their ability to survive without key players. They kept a clean sheet against a dangerous Bayer Leverkusen team away without TA and they’ve been scoring goals without Harry. Mousa Dembele has hardly played this campaign and yet it hasn’t made a difference. Most of all, they’ve done it despite guys like Vincent Janssen and Dele Alli (yeah, I’m gonna say it) not actually playing that well.

If you ask Jan Vertonghen, he’s saying they have a squad “as strong as any in the Premier League”. I wouldn’t rate it against either of the Manchesters or Arsenal’s squad but they might have the best ‘team’.

On that note, I’ll be filing an away victory here.

Wildcard’s Pick: 2-1 to Spurs

Arsenal vs Middlesbrough

3.00am Sunday (NZT)

Some things in football are as reliable as clockwork. Like Sergio Aguero scoring goals (from open play), Barcelona beating up English teams and Phil Neville using the word “qualiteh” in his punditry. Another is that Arsenal will be whipping out the selfie stick in the sheds after a win. Beat Ludogorets 6-0? Yeah you betcha…

Rio Ferdinand: “I have said it before, I wouldn’t be doing that until I have got my hands on a trophy.”

OOH, BURN!

Not really, they can take a bloody photo if they want, who cares? More interesting to me is that Theo Walcott has now scored seven goals in his last six games in all competitions (for Arsenal, obviously – England doesn’t count) and the one game he didn’t score in, which was away to Burnley, he went and set up the late winner. There have been stories about him realising he needs to work harder, that he needs to contribute on defence as well – the 2.6 times per PL game he’s winning possession sure owes something to that idea given that last season the number was only 0.9. But then he’s also shooting more, dribbling more and playing more key passes. It’s early in the season so this can very quickly change but in 703 minutes of Premier League football he’s matched the five goal total he managed in 1375 minutes last season.

When Matthew McConaughey had his career resurgence they called it the McConaissance. When Theo Walcott does this, I’m calling it the Walcomeback. No… the Theonewal. Ah, that sucks to. How about the Ressurectcott? Dammit, I’ll have to work on this and get back to ya.

Arsenal have won six games in a row in the League and just smoked their latest Champions League opponents. Mesut Ozil, Theo Walcott, Alexis Sanchez and the boys are all in killer form. Shkodran Mustafi and Laurent Koscielny’s combination looks really good. They have depth in the midfield. Meanwhile Middlesbrough are six games without a win and precariously placed one spot out of the relegation zone. I’m saying they’ll both make it seven.

Right now just to polish it off, savour this sumptuous piece of marvelry from Alexis Sanchez:

[GASP]

Wildcard’s Pick: Arsenal 2-0

Leicester City vs Crystal Palace

3.00am Sunday (NZT)

To be fair, the Foxes are still good at home. Four games, two wins and two draws versus four straight away losses in the league. Five home goals and one conceded versus three away goals scored and thirteen conceded. Yeah, -10 goal difference on the road; the league’s worst away record and these buggers are the defending champs.

This one is at the King Power though so all goods.

Mass concerns reign as far as that Premier League form goes and there’s no doubt that their work rate is down a little. Wes Morgan isn’t throwing himself around like last time, Jamie Vardy is being worked out by other defences too – I mean if he can’t get the better of David Luiz then what’s going on, man? – and clearly N’Golo Kante’s absence is a big deal. He showed roughly why when playing against them last week… although despite Leicester getting thoroughly beaten by Chelsea, I really though Danny Drinkwater was stunning in that game. As well as a midfielder can possibly play in a 3-0 loss. He was winning the ball all over the place and his first pass was never in doubt. Not only that, but he also picked his moments to send the ball forward and try spark something on attack. There’s a player who does his best to pick his teammates up with his play, just a shame they didn’t follow him.

By this stage, everyone knows what to do to get at Leicester – corner kicks, bro. They cocked another one up against the Blues. Such a mess. Strange too that it should be something so specific that’s killing them and something so easy to practice as well. Hands up if your social team spends at least 30 minutes too long working on corners at training.

I ought to say some words on Crystal Palace here but I dunno exactly what. They have some players in there that can whip a mean ball into the box which is dangerous here and a few centre backs who have been known to pop up with the odd goal. Thing with Palace is they’re sitting pretty in the top half and don’t really need to be doing any better. Which makes them prime suspects for a narrow loss against a team that could really do with one of those (in this competition at least).

Leicester City in the PL: 8 GMs / 2 W / 2 D / 4 L / -6 GD / 8 PTS

Leicester City in the CL: 3 GMs / 3 W / 0 D / 0 L / +5 GD / 9 PTS

You can get 5000/1 odds on LCFC winning the Champions League and being relegated both…

Wildcard’s Pick: 1-0 to Leicester

Hull City vs Stoke City

3.00am Sunday (NZT)

Yikes. Well, both of these teams are pretty antsy for victory so they’ll each be targeting this match. After four straight losses by a combined score of 17-3 (think about how bad that is for a second), Hull in the very least need to show something reminiscent of the fight they produced at the start of the campaign. But they’ve been screwed over going way back to the reasons Steve Bruce skipped out on them. The early points have quickly shrivelled up and now they’re in utter free-fall. Which has coincided with Mike Phelan being confirmed as the full-time boss, which doesn’t bode well for him but Phelan really does deserve a gig like this. I hope they stick with him once they’re relegated and let him develop what right now is about half a decent squad and build them up into something more sustainable. You know, do a Benitez.

Stoke finally got a W when they beat Sunderland in a scrap between the two bottom teams. That’s no longer the case and with a trip to Hull to follow that, well Stoke can’t have asked for a more generous pair of fixtures to give them that foot-lift out of the drop zone. Which they’ll do with the win I’m predicting here. There are too many good players in that Stoke side. They’re home to Swansea next who are currently below them. Followed by West Ham at London Stadium. Things have worked out kindly since the international break.

Maybe Wilfried Bony will finally score his first goal of 2016 here? It’s a little embarrassing when Joe Allen is leaving you in his goalscoring dust. Go, the Welsh Pirlo! Get in son! (Don’t sleep on a growing partnership between Ryan Shawcross and Bruno Martins Indi).

Wildcard’s Pick: 2-1 to Stoke

West Ham United vs Sunderland

3.00am Sunday (NZT)

In keeping with what I just said about Hull, Sunderland is full of quite a few young players they’ve picked up who are a bit out of their depth for now and relegation might not be the worst thing for them. Guys like Jordan Pickford who is emerging as their top keeper and one of the better English ones already, he’s under such a spotlight right now and it won’t be any easier for the likes of Duncan Watmore (22 years old), Lynden Gooch (20), Donald Love (21), Paddy McNair (21) or even Adnan Januzaj (21 and injured). Easy to forget as well that Jack Rodwell and Fabio Borini are each only 25 and Jan Kirchhoff is 26. These guys are gonna lead the survival campaign? Probably not. (At this moment I’d put Sunderland, Hull and… let’s say Burnley, as the most likely relegation picks).

Right, so back home with a win under the belt now, does that make the big wobbly new stadium more hospitable for the Hammers? Because ‘til now they’ve fumbled about it like they inherited Dracula’s Castle.

The signs are promising. They were pretty good against Crystal Palace, although if Christian Benteke had remembered to look at his compass before he took that spot kick then you never know. But Winston Reid, mate. What a player.

Interesting to see if they keep the three man backline that worked so well there. Usually they only chuck that one out against the top teams, though it made a real difference. It freed the wingbacks up to get all the way forward (and if Crystal Palace weren’t able to take advantage of any space in behind, then most other teams won’t either – Palace are a rare breed that still relies on their wingers) which allowed Aaron Cresswell to mark his return with a glorious assist (and later a red card, d’oh). It also found a place for Michail Antonio, who’s too good to leave out but doesn’t otherwise fit all that well. Plus the extra defender meant less room to cover for the midfield and that’s been an issue with them ‘til now. Pedro Obiang has been really good, no coincidence that they’ve turned their form around since he came back into the side. And I’m only whispering this but Simone Zaza is showing glimpses that he’s settling.

I might look like a moron in a few days for this but I actually think West Ham could thrash them here.

Wildcard’s Pick: West Ham 3-0

Swansea City vs Watford

3.00am Sunday (NZT)

So who’s looking forward to being managed by Bob Bradley there at Swansea, aye?

The other option was saying he looked like Voldemort but that woulda been a little harsh – it was only his first game in charge and it’s probably cold in Wales anyway.

And it was a decent go that they gave Arsenal too. Mo Barrow was sensational. But things aren’t all that rosy with Swansea and there are serious complaints coming from the supporters trust after they were ignored over the sacking of Guidolin and the hiring of Bradley – who as you know is the first American manager in the Premier League and he’s been hired suspiciously soon after a couple US businessmen bought the club. The supporters trust are now firing shots over that sale as well, which put £75m in the pockets of shareholders. That stuff tends not to be the best for the players either.

Watford have fallen off the radar for me after that period where they were scoring goals and beating Manchester United. They’re a difficult team to get a read on and to be honest they’re not as much fun under Walter Mazzarri than they were under Quique Sanchez Flores. That’s strange though because they score a lot more goals now, with a more potent counter attack. They also still have Troy Deeney so I’ll log this as a draw.

Wildcard’s Pick: 1-1

Burnley vs Everton

3.00am Sunday (NZT)

Can someone check on Ross Barkley? I’m worried about him. Koeman says being dropped for the City game might serve as a “wake-up call” but what I see is a crowd favourite local lad being squeezed out a bit. Didn’t he get a wake-up call when he was subbed off at half-time against Sunderland? I just don’t see how Gerard Deulofeu offers more than Barkley, you know, ever. In any circumstances. Same with how I can’t ever get pumped to see Marouane Fellaini in a Man Utd lineup despite the fact that he FOLLOWS INSTRUCTIONS and IS BIG. Hey, here’s an idea… what if Barkley and Fellaini swapped places? Yeah, then everyone wins.

Take a look one more time at this, I just love it. Such a fine goal.

Far more than a mere poacher or a bully, ain’t he? Imagine being Gael Clichy in that moment, the last man back as this top level Premier League striker is tearing towards you…

No Steven Defour for Burnley, I wasn’t leaning towards picking them anyway but while there’s a bit of midfield cover around, none of it quite lives up to what Idrissa Gueye and Gary Barry have done this season. No kidding, Barry has been great for them. I know I’m as surprised as you by that. Burnley’s home form has contributed all of their points so far, including a win over Liverpool. It’s on the road that they’ve conceded three times in each of their last three games. At home they’re a different task and I can certainly see them taking a point but I’m not gonna bet on it, matey.

Wildcard’s Pick: Everton 2-0

Liverpool vs West Bromwich Albion

5.30am Sunday (NZT)

Forget about what people are writing about the LIV-MUN game, I thought it was pretty fascinating, really. Liverpool were awful to start, a lot to do with Emre Can starting for the first time in ages and Coutinho playing deeper behind Firmino. I don’t hate the idea of having Coutinho deep but this was the wrong game, up against Fellaini and Pogba. But if Klopp made a mistake it in the team selection it was picking Dan Sturridge. He was a suitcase in that game, they carried him. And it wasn’t until he came off that Liverpool truly got on top and they can be pretty frustrated that they didn’t win that given how they finished. Adam Lallana changed things when he was on, freeing up Coutinho so he and Firmino could stop stepping on each other’s toes (the half-time average position graphic had them literally on top of each other). Can got a lot better in the second, as did Jordan Henderson who started off struggling for passes to make and ended up really controlling things.

Lovren and Matip are still slightly shaky options at the back and James Milner is being pretty solidly overrated because he’s a nice guy and he works hard (anyone who says he shut down Marcus Rashford is a liar – Rashford got by him three or four times but his next move tended not to be good enough, like for one thing there was almost always a supporting defender). But they kept a clean sheet so no worries there. It’s promising stuff from the Reds, coming up against a major rival and pulling out an impressive enough performance. Just like Man United fans can feel they might have won that game with a more ambitious selection (albeit a much riskier selection), Liverpool can also feel that with a bit more luck and fit a Adam Lallana and Jimmy Wijnaldum that they should have nicked the bragging rights there.

So it was a rare game in which both teams came out of that one with reputation enhanced. That was Jurgen Klopp’s 38th game in charge of Liverpool, completing a full season’s worth of games but I shan’t go making comparisons to where he’d sit on the table and all that because this season’s Liverpool is a very different beast to last season’s. I mean, Adam Lallana is good again. Now they get to put the lessons learned in being kept to a draw by a team that got increasingly defensive as the game went on into action against Tony Pulis, the all-time champ of away draws. Hopefully that means more of this:

Yup, that’s got me excited.

Wildcard’s Pick: 2-0 to Liverpool

Manchester City vs Southampton

1.30am Monday (NZT)

Haha.

Speaking earlier of Maarten Stekelenburg saving penalties, one of those was to deny Sergio Aguero and while City learned midweek that even Barcelona forwards miss spotties sometimes, Aguero has now balked on five of his last 12 penalties for City. That is way out of character. This is the best finisher in the Premier League.

Same as the club is facing after getting pasted by Barca but really that was a much closer game than it ended up. Claudio Bravo getting sent off ended the City resistance though if John Stones had put away that header then it could have been a different story. Then again, this is a guy who has scored one league goal in his entire career. So a 4-0 defeat at Barca might be played off as a disaster for Pep Guardiola but he knows as well as anyone that 4-0 for Barca is their equivalent of any other team’s 2-0. More worrying is how they weren’t able to get a point against a spirited rear-guard action from Everton. And that they lost to Spurs before that. Wait… so City are three games without a win now?

At least Sergio Aguero is well rested for this one.

Southampton finally conceded a goal last week but it came from a Burnley penalty with the victory long since wrapped up. It must have rocked them though coz they really blew it against Inter Milan in the Europa League after that. So many chances and they went down 1-0 to roughly the only chance Inter created all game. Good for them, it keeps Frank de Boer in a job for a few more days but the Saints can’t be as wasteful as that.

Having said that, those hiccups are indications of growth. That they can be disappointed not to beat Inter Milan in Italy is a positive in one line of thinking. It looks like Oriol Romeu has emerged as the top choice defensive midfielder for the Saints, filling the hole left by Victor Wanyama and Morgan Schneiderlin (is he still alive, Jose?) before him. He’s going tops, while Charlie Austin has emerged as a real gun at centre forward. Talking about Theo before, Chuck is almost as good with seven goals in his last seven games. Also, I like to say this at every opportunity I can: Virgil Van Dijk is the best central defender in the Premier League from outside the top six. And he’d foot it with all those fellas too.

Coming off a flight to Italy and away to Man City, some of these badass stats might take a hit here.

Wildcard’s Pick: City 2-1

Chelsea vs Manchester United

4.00am Monday (NZT)

Michael Owen: “I almost feel sorry for some of those midfield players because he is the problem. He is a world-class player and they have to get the best out of him because he is so good, but it’s almost other people who are suffering – it doesn’t matter how they play personally, it’s about how Pogba plays in many ways.”

Clearly I’ve taken that out of context but it’s still a stupid opinion. So there’s no reason to feel guilty for chucking this up here:

Yet I digress. This game is all about one man…

Haha, wow, that was funny. But the smiles will be gone when he sits in the Stamford Bridge visitor’s bench. It’ll be like going back to your old high school and everything is the same only slightly different but it’s all moved on without you.

Please God don’t let him pick Fellaini. United are so much better with Pogba and Herrera and as much as Jose wants to send a message to his old team, so will Juan Mata and he was sumptuously good against Fenerbahce. Not as good as Herrera was against Liverpool which was a strong 9/10, he was magnificent. Which is no worry at all as long as he picks both of them. Paul Pogba scored twice in that game too, which will do wonders for the ol’ morale. Now all they need is Zlatan to start scoring again. His downturn in form has showed how much they rely on him.

Diego Costa’s upturn in form has showed how much Chelsea rely on him. Top scorer in the league with seven goals, that’s more like it. The rest of the Chelsea lads aren’t as convincing but they’re doing what they have to do. Eden Hazard is officially out of the trenches. I’m proclaiming it now, on the record. But where I think they’re at risk is at the back. The three-man defence has improved them and that’s the way it’s gotta be, though United are gonna throw the pace of Martial and Rashford at them. Mata can pick passes through the middle and Zlatan is gonna get into it with his old PSG teammate David Luiz, sure to be one to keep an eye on. I don’t trust Luiz and I don’t trust Gary Cahill. Chelsea bottled it against Liverpool and Arsenal already and, sorry to say this guys, they’re a good chance at the same thing here. Unless Jose picks a crap team and plays for the draw.

Ooh, Man United play Man City in the League Cup midweek after this. Busy few weeks for Jose, beginning at Anfield and I’d suggest peaking here at Stamford Bridge. Damn, can you imagine him at the after match functions if they do win?

Wildcard’s Pick: Man Utd 2-1