Most cricket matches unfold in all their fascinating intricacies like the plot of a good novel. A good one, not one of those Dan Brown T20 things but a genuine read. Something by Dickens or Joyce or Hemingway. Eleanor Catton, perhaps. What happened at the Basin Reserve over the first two innings was no such thing – it was more like a science fiction film. Or a horror if you hail from north of the Bombays and south of the… the bloody tunnel, whatever it’s called. The only book this game’s getting compared to is the newly released 2017 NZ Cricket Almanac for reference.

It began honestly enough, 1/0 after the first over of the season for both teams. Hamish Bennett keeping things tight. Sweet as. Bowling from the other end was 29 year old debutant Ollie Newton, who apparently once caught a one-handed six during the Tui thing but was wearing his work jacket and not his silly orange shirt so he didn’t get the cash (obligatory TNC anti-corporate stance: Tui is cat’s piss, don’t drink it!).

From that moment onwards it was utter chaos. Take a peep at this first innings scorecard:

Right… now take a peep at this second innings scorecard:

…

…

… wow.

62 all out

Luckily for Auckland, 62 zip wasn’t even close to their worst ever total. Luckily? Eh, perhaps not the best choice of words there. But apparently Auckland once got bowled out for 13 by Canterbury a couple years back in 1877… the fourth worst first class total ever in cricket history. And Wellington got skittled for 19 by Nelson in 1886. Dunno if those should really count though.

Those are the two lowest totals ever in NZ domestic cricket, with that humbling 26 all out for the national team against England in 1955 coming in fifth. When you look at it that way it wasn’t even that bad… right?

What’s insane is that four balls into Newton’s first over they were 2/3 (as in two runs, three wickets). Five of the top seven were dismissed for ducks, with two second-ballers and two dirty firsties. Before long they were 12/7 and flirting with that 1877 record. Matt McEwan got a couple fours away and they were 21/8 before Tarun Nethula and Raja Sandhu guided them to the relative respectability (yeah right) of 62.

316 not out

A couple days ago Michael Papps’ best first class innings was a knock of 206*. You don’t go scoring too many double centuries when you’re a mug with the bat and you certainly don’t go scoring more than 30 first class tons or over 10,000 first class runs – both of which Papps has exceeded. So as he and Luke Woodcock set about punishing the Auckland bowling attack in the second innings, thwacking boundary after boundary, the understanding that something special might be happening came as quickly as the runs did.

Papps was the bloke who took the lead in the partnership. He was completely punishing of anything too full or too short. He brought up his half-century within two hours, needed only 155 balls for his hundy and finished day one on 163*… which Woodcock lingered on 64*. In fact he had his double ton before Woody had even got to triple figures. 260 deliveries and 331 minutes and counting. His personal best was quick to follow. Then fell James Franklin’s Wellington record for the highest score against Auckland of 219.

46 minutes after Papps got to 200, Woodcock got to 100. They continued. Woody started to light it up after lunch and was eventually dismissed for 151… but Papps kept going. A couple more wickets fell before Tom Blundell came in and guided Papps all the way to his trips. 429 deliveries in 543 mins. He put a couple more to the fence and then the declaration came.

MHW Papps | 316 not out | 435 balls | 553 mins | 51 fours | 1 six

It was Papps’ 32nd first class ton and his 12th since moving to Wellington. It was the first triple ton by a Wellingtonian and thus the highest ever score for the team – beating the great John R Reid’s 296 against Northern at the Basin back in the 1962-63 season.

Triple Centuries in NZ Domestic Cricket

Stink for Auckland, who have never had a triple tonner but have been on the other end of three of the six Plunket Shield 300s in history. Two of these also obviously came in Test matches while we’ve gotta give praise to Ken Rutherford’s 317 against the D.B. Close XI on the 1986 tour of England and Mark Richardson’s 306 against Zimbabwe A that time as well. Remember when Mark Richardson was a beloved Test opener…?

At 38 years old, Papps becomes the oldest triple-centurion since 1933 when EH Hendren did the business for Middlesex against Worcestershire at age 44. The oldest ever three hundy? That’d be WG Grace, of course. He was 48 years and 17 days old when he raised it up for Gloucestershire in 1896. Good for him.

By the way, Michael Papps is the only player to score 10,000 runs in the Plunket Shield.

432 run partnership

The most jarring thing about this incredible game was not that Auckland got skittled for 62 and then allowed a triple centurion. It was that Auckland were skittled for 62 and then allowed a 400+ run partnership FOR THE FIRST WICKET! The Aces managed 62 runs and the Firebirds were 432/0, leading by 370 runs, when they lost their first wicket. Lockie Ferguson doesn’t exactly look chuffed to break the stand, does he? Relieved, perhaps. But hardly celebratory.

Woodcock wasn’t putting them away at the rate of Pappsy but he still scored 151. Not often that a knock like that gets overshadowed (should also add here that this was Woodcock’s 127th game for Wellington, tying James Marshall for the most for one franchise). Which is why the partnership between the pair deserves arguably the most focus of all of this.

It had been 19 seasons since Bruce Edgar and Andrew Jones put on 333 for the first wicket for Wellington – also against Auckland at the Basin Reserve. That was the previous record and Papps and Woodcock mowed that sucker down. They then set their targets on Graham Burnett & Ross Verry’s 346 for the third wicket in a 1991-92 game, which was the all-time best for Welly. That one fell and they were gunning for 400. Next up it was the kiwi domestic record for the first wicket… got ‘em.

• 432 - MHW Papps & LJ Woodcock, Wellington vs Auckland (Wellington), 2017-18
• 428 - PJ Ingram & JM How, Central Districts vs Wellington (Wellington), 2009-10

And a reminder here that Auckland were bowled out for 62 in the first session.

Biggest Partnerships in NZ Domestic Cricket (For All Wickets)

Hey spare a second for a couple teammates though. Jeetan Patel was playing in his 250th first class game and he didn’t get to bowl in the first innings and didn’t get to bat in the second. Ollie Newton was out there getting three wickets in his first four balls of his first game (a mere footnote) and Jeets had to wait ‘til late on day two just to roll the arm over once.

Then there was poor old Stephen Murdoch who had to wait seven hours and nineteen minutes as the next man in and then got dismissed for a 12-ball duck. Our thoughts are with you Steve.

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