The Diggity Doc

Well, last night's episode definitely moved a few things along didn't it? Before I marvel at Tyrion and Jorah's wee journey into Valyria, I've got to wonder what Varys is up to? He's lost his little companion and all his plans must now be on hold, remember, he did have rather glorious plans with Tyrion riding shotgun. 

But Tyrion got snatched and taken on a different adventure. It was rather humbling, learning how a great city like Valyria could be so great that the only real thing that could destroy it was Mother Nature. Learning that Jorah got a bit of grey scale on his wrist though poses a few questions, maybe he and Shireen, the daughter of Stannis might use their grey scale senses and somehow team up?

North of the wall you have the White Walkers, in Valyria you have dragons and Stone Men. While all these human figures do battle, some of the mental variety, some of the physical variety, we should all be reminded that sometimes, humanity just isn't enough.

Those White Walkers; while Jon Snow was hatching his plan to get the lovely folk from the North on his side, the conversation that Stannis had with Sam-well, was probably more telling. Sammy boy has already dispatched of a White Walker and as Stannis hinted at, that's a very handy killing to have on your CV. Sam probably has no idea how to do it again though, hence he's got to keep reading but for a long time we've wondered where Sam's value might come, how he's going to help whatever team he's on. If he keeps reading, he could become a great asset, especially as the Maester is over 100 years old and freezing to death.

Like you, I'm terribly sick of this Ramsay twat. His father, Roose Bolton is slightly easier to digest, but Ramsay, shit the bed. This one was a roller coaster with Ramsay's side bitch, I use bitch in full meaning because let's be fair, she's a bitch, showing Sansa where Theon resides - in the kennels. Excuse me if I'm really dumb, but 'side-bitch' did that because she wanted to piss off Ramsay? (YES I'M ASKING YOU LORD MAESTER-WANNABE WILDCARD)

If so, then Ramsay's got to watch himself. He is consistently pissing off Sansa in his eerie, creepy way and if he continues to piss everyone off, revenge will come swiftly. 

There was some hope, but Roose appears to be just as evil as Ramsay. Possibly more evil and when he made Ramsay aware that Stannis would be marching on Winterfell, there was this vibe that Ramsay is his side-kick. Roose is still very much in charge, but they are cut from a similar cloth.

Team Sansa, I think we're all on Team Sansa. But that requires patience, she'll get her time but momentum is building towards her stepping out of this cycle of shitty events and taking matters into her own hands. Go on Sansa, light that candle.

I'm still confused about Daenerys, I don't know if I really like her or whether she's just really annoying. I think her constant battle to figure out how to lead is the annoying bit and this week she took revenge for the alley attack by feeding a rich plonker to her dragons. She then opened up the fighting pits and hinted that she will marry that guy (Hizdahr), that guy who is now one of the luckiest men alive. 

The problem in Meereen is that we have this cycle. This cycle of a leader learning how to lead, she makes a decision then she has consequences to deal with which lead to another decision and more consequences. With so much happening elsewhere - remember that we didn't get any Cersei, Arya or the snake ladies - the cycle of Daenerys is getting a wee bit tedious but it is definitely laying some foundations.

Wildcard

Well, my week of false hope came to nothing. Barristan the Bold has perished. I hope those of you who downloaded all four leaked episodes and watched them at once enjoyed the month hiatus. We’re all back on level ground now.

So… interesting episode, that. Dany’s got more problems, Sansa’s stuck in a helpless situation waiting for someone to saves her, Tyrion’s held captive and Stannis’ army is marching. It’s just like last season, only more. Because now at least Dany is coming up with her own solutions, Sansa actually has people willing to help her (more than we know, I reckon – remember all the families that flocked to Robb Stark’s sword, they didn’t all die at the Red Wedding), Tyrion’s had his ties cut and Stannis is increasingly becoming a decent bloke. I can definitely see the Throne Game ending between him and Daenerys.

The scene where Jon announced his plan in the Night’s Watch hall, I had to go back over it about four times to figure out what Stannis muttered to himself. Turns out it was a grammar lesson. He’s a man after my own heart, is King Stannis. The One True King if ever there was one.

Lord Commander Snowy might be underestimating his influence too. Those dudes may not like the all, but they’ll follow him all the same.

Theon/Reek is such a pitiful case, it’s barely tolerable. Imagine the psychiatrists’ bill that it’d take to sort that mess out. He’s straight up certifiable. Did they have lobotomies back then (in that alternate universe)? Probably not.

Tell ya what, though. Ramsay Bolton/Snow is 100% the new Joffrey. What a prick that guy is. And his dad has a Tywin air about him only Tywin if he were much stupider and with a little more capacity for complete evil. Come on Stannis, slay these morons. As for the fat wife, if you cast your minds back to the orchestrating of the Red Wedding, part of the agreement was that Roose Bolton would marry one of Walder Frey’s granddaughters. He was offered her weight in dowry, so he chose the fattest one. Ever practical, he seems like the type doesn’t have to worry about getting it on the side, he’ll just rape whoever he chooses under the hanging corpse of their husband. Hurry up, Stannis!

As for your ‘side-bitch’ question, Doc… I think so? But then the way Ramsay suggested a lil wedding night three-some, then the way she caressed Sansa’s arm when asking about the dress (‘oh, the stitching!’) seemed like there might be some conflicted feelings in there.

I’m feeling like the set-up of Brienne and Podrick is a bit of a red herring. They’re there, but I doubt they affect anything for a while. This/these show/books is/are full of them. You know who I remembered at one point during the Free The Wildlings routine? Jon’s uncle, who got lost beyond the wall and nobody ever found him. Way back in season one. Probably dead, but I like that it’s never been confirmed.

The journey of Jorah and Tyrion was some quality television. The slow sailing, the awe-inspiring glide through the ancient, crumbling city of wonder. Very Lord of the Rings, granted, but find me a fantasy series that doesn’t owe a debt to Tolkien. There were ruins, there was a dragon and then there were greyscale castaways too, just to spoil the moment. Stunning camerawork in there as well. I’m not entirely sure how the pair managed to get from fighting on the boat, Tyrion being dragged under in the alleys of the city to resting on a beach across a lake with no boat or supplies. Did Jorah swim that distance? I guess so, given the ‘you’re heavier than you look’ quote. And of course he got infected with the festering disease. Of course he did. It’s just like Shaun of the Dead. Although, we do know one person who survived greyscale…

GoT Leaderboard

1. Stannis Baratheon – King Stannis went marching two by two, hurrah, hurrah! (Last Week = 3)
2. Lord Commander Jon Snow – Leader of the Night’s Watch, Ally of the Wildlings. Are we seeing the beginning of a beautiful friendship? Or the return of mopey Snow…? (1)
3. Tyrion Lannister – Another lucky escape, there’s something to this fella. Oh, and he saw a dragon, that’s something special. (4)
4. Maester Aemon – Second to last of his name, yet still so full of wisdom. (NR)
5. Daenerys Targaryen – Poor choice in husband, decent choice in dragon intimidation. (NR)
6. Sansa Stark – You are not alone. The North remembers. (6)
7. Grey Worm – Using your inherent shame to pull, clever lad. Though I’m envisaging some technical flaws in the plan. (NR)
8. Jorah Mormont – Hey, maybe the greyscale will buy you some pity with Dany? There’s a councillor-shaped hole where Barristan used to stand, though you’ll probably miss the boat on the husband thing. Remember in the trailer there’s that image of Jorah fighting in the pits? That’s starting to make sense now. (NR)
9. Lil Ollie on the Wall – Winter’s coming, boy, and you know what’s coming with it. Stop being a sook about your murdered family. (NR)
10. Ramsay Bolton - *shivers* (NR)