Wildcard:

And now his watch has ended. Jon Snow, the 998th Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch… is Lord Commander no more. Oh, no, not that. He’s still alive, he just ain’t about the Wall Life no more.

I raised this idea last week, about the tricky legalities of reviving a Lord Commander from the dead. Is he still Lord Commander? Is he still a member of the Night’s Watch at all? I mean, he was for a while there, slipping straight back in where he left off but something about having to hang three traitors and the Judas he once called squire really cut deep. Deeper even than those many scars across his torso. Off went the cape, off went Jonny. Right on out the gate so it appeared.

Because, like, he did die. He was straight up dead, gone, kaput for two episodes and an entire offseason and while the Watch is supposed to be for life… they don’t really specify whether or not you serve in the afterlife. Actually, no they do. That’s the whole reason they say those watch ending words. Technically Jon Snow is no longer a sworn member of the Night’s Watch.

Now, he could have been a little less flippant about the whole thing and given the black cape to somebody other than Dolorous Edd. That poor guy has had a real revival of late and few can argue that he’s earned the honour as one of the few long serving Wallers not to have tried to kill their commander. However his credentials as a leader… yeah not really convinced he’s the most persuasive bloke out.

But this could have some killer ramifications, specifically… where is Jon Snow going? Well, ladies and gentlemen, it would appear he has several options. So just strap yourself in and do not adjust that dial because we’re about to play a little game here. I invented it. Either me or Tyrion, I forget now. Anyway, here we go:

"Snow Way Home"

This week’s million dollar question is…

Where the bloody hell is the Lord Commander buggering off to?

• Winterfell to slay the Boltons and save his brother and restore the North.
• King’s Landing to murder the King and all his cohorts.
• To the Eastern seas where he’ll fall in love with the Dragon Queen.
• North of the Wall to find his uncle and destroy the Night’s King.
• Oldtown to have a beer with Fat Sam.
• Into hiding where he can hide his guilt/shame at his unnatural second life.
• To round up all the remaining Stark kids and seek justice.
• His own doom. For real this time.
• Other: Please specify.

Write your answer on the back of an envelope and mail it via raven to:

Uncle Varys

c/ His Little Sparrows

The Big Castle where the Queen Lives

Meereen

And we’ll find out next week if you’re in the draw to win our special prize! (It’s not candied plums or whatever they were either).

Hey so remember all those test you’ve had to study for at school and at Uni? All those pointless facts and silly equations you had to memorise just so that you could get the right letter or number stamped on some flimsy bit of paper in red ink? Well next time you think on how dumb that was trying to learn trigonometry, spare a thought for Bran Stark and his unenviable curriculum. All he has to learn is: Everything.

No pressure Branny Boy, but you might wanna get cramming.

God, I love those flashback scenes though. This one I don’t think they did as well as the last one, Ned Stark looked like a kid and the tension wasn’t really there before the battle so the fight itself didn’t feel so desperate. Meera and Jojen’s daddy was there though, lucky for that or else none of those gifted kiddies woulda been born at all. By the dates, Robb would be born but he never had no greenseeing visions. Jon might have been born too, now that you mention it. Nudge nudge, wink wink.

So the mythical slaying of Ser Arthur Dayne was a bit of a cheap shot. The greatest fighter of his generation and he was stabbed in the back, as Bran observes. Sort of like when Pele went to the 1966 World Cup and teams just went out there to hack at him and injure him. England won that World Cup if you were wondering.

Dayne was a legend but during Robert’s Rebellion he and two other knights were posted outside the Tower of Joy in Dorne where Ned Stark’s sister Lyanna had been kidnapped by Rhaegar Targaryen. This is all stuff that’s been talked about before, especially in the early seasons. Robert was in love with Lyanna and the rebellion started to get her back, he killed Rhaegar in battle. Meanwhile Ned rescued Lyanna but she died in the process. He didn’t really like to talk about it. Jaime killed the Mad King Aerys and Robert ended up with the throne, the Mountain raped and killed Rhaegar’s wife and also killed their two children.

Needless to say that this flashback scene was a massively anticipated one, although they only really teased it for what it properly is. What was the noise from within the tower? You’ve gotta think it’s Lyanna but we don’t know why she was screaming. There is a widely held theory as to what may be going on though, one that I won’t go into right now but it’s looking more and more likely. I only wished they’d give us more of that, the bloody teases. At least we got to see a suitably sombre looking Ned in his younger days, that guy must always have been so damn miserable. The price you pay for all those secrets, I suppose. He wasn’t about to get any cheerier.

Did he hear Bran call to him or was it only the wind? Well, words are wind as some would say and the winds of winter blow heavy in the north. Yes, that was deliberately vague. My prayer flies like a word on a wing…

I’m just gonna say that the way the Dothraki treat their women makes me feel a little uncomfortable. I guess it’s hard to have an assertive role in society when raping and pillaging are two of your favourite pastimes. I’ve probably said enough on my frustrations with Dany and her character arc so all I’ll say is that the situation in Meereen is more interesting with her out of the picture. Not the most lively with some of that conversation but it beats being held captive by the widow crones. Jeezus God Jah Allah Buddha R’hllor can somebody pleeeeease get Daenerys to do something new! To be fair, I snuck a look at next week’s preview and it looks like Daario and Jorah are going to try work a rescue mission. Cool, hope it goes better than Ned’s one way back when.

You know, I’m gonna assume that it was coincidence that Ned sort of heard something when Bran called out. Probably a convulsing corpse or a bird of prey. As 3ER said, the past is written in dried ink. If Bran can go changing things that have already happened then why are we bothering to watch, the whole thing that makes that Rebellion generation so fascinating is that they all made decisions in a time of crisis that they had to live with all their lives. Now their kids are inheriting some of that.

Kids like Rickon, who looks a whole lot older these days. Those kids, they grow so fast.

Unfortunately Ramsay swapped one Stark for another, once again things are getting recycled. I seem to remember Rickon playing a semi-important role in the books. Assuming that Jon isn’t legitimised anytime soon and Bran stays dead to the world (he’s not going anywhere quickly ‘til the lessons are done), Rickon is the rightful heir to Winterfell. That makes him pretty valuable to Ramsay as he tries to unite the north. As to how much Osha wants to play by his rules, that might be a bit of fun. Someone feisty to stand up to the prick.

No Sansa this week, guts if she makes it to The Wall next time and Jon’s gone. Those pesky kids are always just missing each other, they need to be more organised. Except for Arya. She’s finally making some serious progress in the Karate Kid School for the Blind and Unnamed. Even got her eyes back, although I did hold my breath for a second as she sat with the death water in her cup. A girl must drink the kool-aid…

Umm, what else have we got here. Fat Sam and Gilly are still flying the flag for love in times of chaos. Nice to see them again although it was only a set up for them, makes sense that they were held back. Jeez, Sam’s gonna be pissed in a few years when he finishes his maester’s training and gets back to The Wall to find Jon gone and everybody dead. Maybe. He’s in a good place right now.

Also, the Lannister’s aren’t welcome on the Grand Council (except for Uncy Kev). Which reminds me… when Maester Pycelle was chatting idly about the ‘abomination’ that once was Gregor Clegane and then the Frankenfreak walked in on him while he was still talking… was that a nervous fart? I didn’t know whether to laugh or wince at that. King Tommen got swooned a little by the High Sparrow. Sometimes he seems so pure and righteous, others he seems demonically pious (bit of an oxymoron). I can’t figure him out.

Yes, and we saw Varys’ little birds at work. He claims to have many all over but in King’s Landing his former informants have been adopted by Lord Qyburn, the hell-bringer that resurrected the Mountain. If Varys weren’t a eunuch than some of the things he said about the sparrows and the way he talks about childlike innocence might have been a bit creepy. I assume a part of him is frozen in that emotional state from when he was castrated. But I like Varys and I’m cool with him having his ways and means, I don’t distrust him. I do wish he’d giggle more like he used to but then things are harder these days. Compared to Qyburn, he’s a bloody saint.

Saintly is something the new Lord Bolton certainly is not. However I have a growing theory that maybe Ramsay Bolton is more complicated than we give him credit for. The way he sticks to his lie about his dad being poisoned really got me wondering about him, he could have just owned it and all would have been the same but he needed for whatever reason to keep up the pretence. I think as much of a sociopath as he’s proven himself to be, there is a kid in there who only wanted his father to accept him. He got that acceptance by being a brutal fiend and in compromising his morality so much he probably felt emptier. Now he’s committed to the pursuit of power and it’s all he has to cling to.

Jon Snow: “I did what I thought was right… and I got murdered for it.”

And now back to the man of the moment. I straight up laughed when he said that, I didn’t mean to but it was so strange to hear him talking about being murdered in the past tense. Melisandre tried to ask him about the afterlife but this is his afterlife. The son of a bitch was dead, man. D-E-A-D. Now he ain’t no more. He finally has a reason to mope around like he always did, that’s gotta absolutely shatter you entire framing of the world. At least he’s still the man he was in most discernible ways. You know, small pecker and bad jokes and all that. There were signs that his strength isn’t what it was though that could return in time.

Is he the Oathbreaker in the title? He shouldn’t be, his watch has ended. I was thinking Ned’s sword might have been called Oathbreaker or something but I looked it up and it was called Ice. What confused me was that Jaime’s sword is called Oathkeeper, it was made of Ned’s melted weapon and he gave it to Brienne. The rest of it was Joffrey’s sword Widow’s Wail. Being Valyrian Steel, if the new King isn’t using that then Edd could probably borrow it for wight killing, that’d be handy.

Good on Jon for walking out. He could have cleaned up the mess as Commander, he could have tried anyway. But the Night’s Watch is most likely a lost cause. Now he’s free to roam and he can finally get things done without all that damn bureaucracy getting in the way. The Starks are coming, the world better fear them.

Diggity Doc: 

The Starks are coming, yet I couldn't help but feel my heart sink as Rickon took a look at his new surroundings. Will there be dinner for Ramsay's hounds? Will Rickon have his willy chopped off? Or is Rickon now a crucial pawn in Ramsay's power-play?

I don't really know, my gut-feeling is that Rickon will end up alright. We can't ignore the fact that Rickon is now Ramsay's toy and Ramsay has recently just lost a toy, followed by becoming the interim King. Ramsay has quickly risen the ranks to be the boss-dawg bad guy - of the human kind - and the worst place anyone could be is with Ramsay Bolton in general right now.

Let alone being a Stark, back in Winterfell. And when Shaggydog (Rickon's wolf), or what is now left of Shaggydog was used as proof of purchase, I got mad ... and sad ...

Ramsay's continual rise follows a trend of youngsters taking over and, as I like to do, this could be viewed as a reflection of our 'real life'. One day all us millennials/youngsters will run this planet and I'm fairly confident that we'll do a better job, better than the folk in power at the moment.

Ramsay is on a crusade, killing anyone in his path. Sure, he's a dick but he's a youngster on the rise.

Arya can now see again, more to the point she's mastering her magical craft. 

As is Bran. Both these younger Starks are learning skills needed to help save their little world, while Rickon is in danger of having his willy chopped off. 

Jon Snow is a young lad who is just generally awesome, where he's off to now is a bit confusing. I like the Wildcard's list of Snow's options and I'd love for Jon to head to Winterfell somehow, however Jon doesn't have much of an army right now. Jon is obviously invigorated, he's got a new set of priorities and what not, we just don't know what those are.

Taking my youthful dominance further, Tyrion wouldn't be much chop in Meereen without Varys' spies, nor would Cersei at King's Landing. Varys has his army of kids out in the streets with their ears to the ground as to what is cool and what sucks, which is definitely assisted by the wise heads of Varys, Cersei and Tyrion but I like what those kids represent; no one suspects  a bunch of scruffy kids, yet so much depends on them.

Tommen, King Tommen doesn't have any mystical powers and unfortunately for him we are yet to see any non-mystical powers either. Tommen has so far been a horrible leader - understandable - which is why both the High Sparrow and Cersei are circling like hyenas. If I were to roll with this youthful dominance idea, I'd love to see Tommen get a bit of Ramsay about him and show that you really shouldn't fuck with him.  

That mostly applies to the High Sparrow and his religious folk because I felt kinda sad and mad at this as well ...

I was very wary of the flashbacks that we knew were coming but from the flashbacks we have seen this season, I like how they are being used. It's pretty confusing with all these characters from yester-year, especially for someone like me who has no idea about minor details from season one, two or three ... or four thanks mainly to the beautiful herb. These flashbacks do however fill in a few gaps and provide a nice little break from Daenerys' holding on to all those titles that she previously held etc, it's actually rather awesome to go even further back in time than we already are as well.

Google 'R+L=J' and you'll be taken on a journey of discovery, helped along by the flashback in 'Oathbreaker'. Without much knowledge of R+L=J that flashback could have been a bit weird, like going back in time to watch a game of rugby or something that is nowhere near as entertaining as it is now, within the context of R+L=J however it's huge. 

As tedious as Daenerys' recent storyline has been, we have see her somewhat come to terms with the fact that no one gives a shit who she was, who she fucked or what she's the mother of. We all know these sorts of people, who aren't doing anything special now or aren't actually doing anything now but are holding on to a title or achievement they once had. Daenerys is nothing at the moment, just another widow and while the Snowman fully embraced his failures, how Daenerys comes to a similar conclusion (and escapes) will be bloody funky. 

GOT S06E03 Power Rankings:

1. Jon Stark – Watch ended, motherfuckers.
2. Lord Varys – He gets things done. Trust the eunuch.
3. Dolorous Edd – Loyalty has its benefits. Can’t wait to see him lead the charge against the White Walkers.
4. Arya Stark – A girl must endure getting smacked in the face a million times by a bamboo stick and only then can she have her sight back.
5. Cersei Lannister & Friends – The council don’t trust them but they have allies that send a freakin’ chill down the spine of children. That was not cool.
6. Ramsay Bolton – It’s always nice when you’re playing cards and you pick up an ace in the kitty.
7. Tyrion Lannister – Just don’t ask him to host your next dinner party.
8. Bran Stark – Do me a favour, kid. Listen to the Raven, 1000 years is long enough to know what he’s talking about.
9. High Sparrow – He has a way with words, you have to give him that.
10. Rickon Stark – Nice to have another Stark out there but history doesn’t bode well for those whose wolves have died.