Wow, yeah, okay. Where to start? Should we jump in on the Agent Cooper revival, the FBI’s finest back in action again after a quick electrocution and immediately back to solving everything around him? Or should we dive on in with Audrey, who finally made The Roadhouse and got a revival of her own, bringing back the Audrey dance from the old diner only to snap to attention in what appeared to be some kind of whitewashed institution? Then there’s the Tulpa of Diane. Or the spontaneous Richard Horne explosion (EvilCoop called him son!). Say, what about the fact that there’s only one more week of Twin Peaks, the whole thing ending with a double ep in a few days!?

Honestly, it’s best not to say too much about that stuff at all. There’s not much speculation with Cooper, he’s back and he’s gonna get in touch with Gordon and the team. He even requested ol’ MIKE to whip up another Dougie doppelganger for the sake of Janey and Sonny Jim. What a man. Audrey’s situation hinted at something weird. The way she couldn’t leave that house, the way her husband seemed to humour her without doing anything to help her… one theory was that it was all a fever dream from inside a mental hospital. Well that mirror shot sure seemed to give that one some legs.

However that sparked some thinking. Remember there was that scene a week ago where Gordon Cole describes a dream in which he met Monica Bellucci and she quoted something to him. I don’t even think I mentioned it in the recap but it’s increasingly been lingering on the fringes of thought. Here’s what she said:

“We are like the dreamer who dreams and lives inside the dream... But who is the dreamer?”

The original series saw a crime more or less solved thanks to the contents of a dream. Then, in the wake of ep.16, Sherilyn Fenn chucked a pic on the Gram which included a pic of Audrey with that quote: Who is the dreamer? Could be that Audrey is the centre of this whole universe somehow. Could be that that only refers to her scenes and her character. Either way it wouldn’t be out of character for David Lynch. Mulholland Dr was a film about the film industry – he’s used to a little meta-commentary. What’s more is that that film was intended to be a spinoff for Audrey Horne, once upon a time.

I don’t wanna go too deep in on what just happened though, not with the finale so close at hand. Instead here are a bunch of thoughts and questions ahead of the final couple hours of Twin Peaks – The Return.

Beginning with the beginning… what about that big black box? We haven’t seen it since the start but the two kids that were killed there were killed in a rather similar way to what Sarah Palmer did to that creep in the bar. Also, the shadow had a lot in common with The Mother from the atom bomb. And Dale Cooper briefly appeared in it on his way back so it’s some kind of conduit between the Lodge and the ‘real’ world.

Did Stephen really kill himself last week? If so: why? And what did Becky have to do with it?

There have been heaps of characters introduced at that particular booth in The Roadhouse. The lady who crawled out and screamed last week, for example. James’ would-be missus as well. I’m pretty curious about Sky Ferreira’s character. Will any of them come back? Will that booth have some greater relevance?

Speaking of James, surely his mate FrankenFist Freddie is gonna use that gift to defeat the arm-wrestling champion EvilCoop. Otherwise what’s the point?

If that was a copy of Diane then what happened to the real one?

What even is a tulpa?

Who else might be a tulpa?

Andy told us that the lady with no eyes was very important and that people want her dead. Why those things are true would be pretty handy to know. Maybe she’s the real Diane? Her credited name is Naido which is very close to an anagram of Diane… but this is Twin Peaks not almost. I’m pretty confident at this point that the drooling guy next to her is Billy from Audrey’s descriptions. Couldn’t say what Chad has to do with anything.

Say, whatever happened to the Bookhouse Boys?

A thought: The Woodsmen are baddies here. They’re basically lumberjacks and what do lumberjacks do? They cut down trees. Twin Peaks is full of trees – Cooper fell in love with the Douglas Firs way back when and there was a logging factory which was a major factor in the first series. The natural world is special in the eyes of this show and the Woodsmen destroy it.

Phillip Jeffries… has he got more of a role to play?

What is it that EvilCoop is going through all this deliberate effort to achieve? What happened to Richard? How much did Jerry see? What was that murder-portal thing all about? Surely that wasn’t the end of EvilCoop’s mission.

Who in the absolute hell was that random dude who ruthlessly killed the two most ruthless killers on the show in Hutch and Chantal? Gonna miss those two even despite the body count.

Will we get a James Hurley encore for the last musical performance? Would prefer some more Eddie Vedder in all honesty but whatever.

One more Wally Brando cameo, please?

Presumably there’ll be more on Ben Horne and Beverley and that weird sound. Seemed like James might have located it a couple weeks back – there’s heaps of backstory on both those two characters which may or may not be touched on. Their affair, Beverley’s sick husband, Ben’s relationship with his grandson, his daughter, his wife… wouldn’t be shocked if we don’t see either though. Doesn’t feel like a show that’s gonna throw heaps of closure out there.

Sarah Palmer and the evil within. I wanna know how that frog-bug thing she swallowed way back when – which definitely predates Leland getting sucked in by BOB – affected that whole thing with Laura and Leland. You know, the tragedy at the heart of the entire show. She had that evil in her too. Did Sarah somehow summon BOB? Was she complicit? Can she be stopped? Does she need to be? Those shots of her chain-smoking and watching violent nature vids took on a new aura after seeing what she can do to any bugger who gets feisty down the pub.

Blue Rose. Garland Briggs. Atomic bomb. Convenience store. Black Lodge. Woodsmen.

Can we finally talk about Judy? Also, The Fireman told Cooper way back when to “remember Richard and Linda”. We’ve met a Richard… who is Linda?

“This is the water. And this is the well. Drink full and descend. The horse is the white of the eyes and dark within.”

It’s been ages since we dug into what apparently was Major Briggs’ body. How did it get sent into the future? Can’t say he was in the Lodge because so was Cooper and he’s aged. Plus Janey’s ring was in his stomach which is something wild and still unexplained. His head was probably exploded like happened to Matt Lillard’s character but plenty left pondered on there.

Drug-dealing Red must have more of a role to play. How about that doped-up young mother in Vegas? The cupcake lady who Richard nearly killed, she got something more to say?

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