The Wildcard’s Premier League Predictions - Week 27
Last Week: 4/10
Overall: 104/260
West Ham United vs Sunderland
1.45am Sunday (NZT)
At first glance this looks like a dumb game. But there’s an underlying slice of intrigue that puts this one all the way into the spotlight. His name is Big Sam.
Actually, his name is Sam Allardyce, but only his mother ever called him that.
A return to the ground where he guided the Hammers back into the Premier League, established them there as a mid-table team, brought in a number of talented players to build around and then was let loose at the end of his contract because the football his team played was too boring. It’ll be the first and only time he gets to visit Upton Park as an opposing manager post-gaffering there. He’ll tell you he deserves a standing ovation and I’d offer a compromise of seated applause. Most likely he won’t get either and that’s bloody unfair – which is just the way he likes it. Big Sam will take a boring draw for sure here, what a way to stick it up ‘em.
“I have said it before that I felt he did a perfectly good job during his four-year spell. He did all we asked of him and I am a fan of Sam.
He left the Club in a considerably better state then when he arrived and, for that, the Board were truly grateful.
He took us back into the top flight with a memorable victory in the Play-Off Final at Wembley and then managed to cement our position in the Premier League.
I can’t criticise Sam because he did a good job and I like him. But I think from both sides it was time for a change.”
SNAKES IN THE GRASS, SNAKES IN THE GRASS!
West Ham have the far better team but a Cup run means Sunderland have had more time to prepare. I love the thought of Dimitri Payet vs Wahbi Khazri in a set-piece competition and if that’s what this game becomes then so be it. I’m all in. Don’t forget that Sunderland did beat Man United last time out.
Wildcard’s Pick: 1-1
Stoke City vs Aston Villa
4.00am Sunday (NZT)
At home to Aston Villa. That’s as close to a default win as it comes this season. They lost 6-0 to Liverpool last time they played and within an hour or so Joleon Lescott had tweeted out an image of his flash new wheels. Hey, he may play for the worst team in a decade but he’s still richer than all y’all haters bruh. It was promptly apologised for (but not deleted) and he claimed that it was an accidental ‘pocket tweet’. Don’t you just hate it when you leave your phone in your pocket and it starts tweeting out images from your photos folder? Yeah me too, the other day I accidentally tweeted out a photo of a screenshot of that time Konrad Hurrell followed TNC on twitter. Oh no wait, that didn’t happen because it’s impossible, pockets don’t do that (Koni really does follow us though). Whatever. They’re getting relegated all the same. Hope he doesn’t have a wage cut clause for relegation.
Wildcard’s Pick: 2-0 Stoke
Southampton vs Chelsea
4.00am Sunday (NZT)
By some reasonings you could call this a battle between the two form teams in the League. Which sounds weird to say about the sixth and twelfth placed battlers but okay. Chelsea are 10 games unbeaten in the League, Soton are 6 games. The two had their dramatic slumps with Chelsea’s as well publicised as any, while Southampton went on a ten game run through late November, December and early January in which they won only once (4-0 vs Arsenal, it’s still an anomaly) and were knocked out of both domestic cups.
They went about restoring parity in two different ways, Chelsea finding a resurgent attack under Guus Hiddink (mostly credited to him being a nice guy and not too demanding) and Southampton getting their star keeper back and suddenly becoming invincible at the back. No kidding, since Fraser Forster returned, here is how many goals they’ve conceded:
Zero.
Yeah, zip, nada, nil. Six straight clean sheets. That includes games against Man Utd and Arsenal too. I’m a little wary of what Chelsea did to the Man City U21s in the Cup but mostly I’m just really positive that this is gonna be a draw. Eden Hazard needs to do his best Slim Shady impersonation and please stand up before I think otherwise, he’s getting better each week but slight improvements aren’t good enough.
Wildcard’s Pick: 0-0
Leicester City vs Norwich City
4.00am Sunday (NZT)
Home against a recently promoted team that’s struggling against relegation. It may be a cliché but this is the kind of game that a title contender should always win. With a rested up Jamie Vardy and Riyad Mahrez (not to mention that freakin’ midfield), I’d wager to say they will too, and handily. THE DREAM DOES NOT DIE AGAINST NORWICH!
Wildcard’s Pick: Leicester 3-1
Watford vs Bournemouth
4.00am Sunday (NZT)
This is probably one of those games that can go either way with a single goal in it. Like Everton vs West Brom last time when Everton absolutely bossed it but didn’t score and then lost 1-0 to a Salomon Rondon goal. I’ll give this decider to Odion Ighalo, he needs another booster on the goals tally to keep that pesky Sergio Aguero at bay. Although I’d be weary of Troy Deeney, who’s been training with British heavyweight contender Anthony Joshua recently.
Wildcard’s Pick: Watford 1-0
West Bromwich Albion vs Crystal Palace
6.30am Sunday (NZT)
This almost has the potential to be the worst game of the season. The only way it could be any worse is if it were Palace at home and WBA on the road, where each of them are so much less imaginative (like, into the negatives). It was a 2-0 win to Palace back when that fixture was played, a Yannick Bolasie inspired Palace. What saves this one is that Bolasie is back, finally. He played in the FA Cup win over Spurs and looked like he’d barely been away. The difference between CPY when their Congolese winger plays and when he doesn’t is startling, the figures tell it all:
- Premier League games with Bolasie: W 8 / D 2 / L 6 / GD +4
- Premier League games without Bolasie: W 1 / D 3 / L 6 / GD -11
The last game they won in the league (the Cup stuff’s still been good, obviously) was a 2-1 away win at Stoke in which Bolasie won man of the match that was also the last PL game that Bolasie played. ‘Til now, at least.
That’s a cool pic. Correct use of the word ‘whilst’ from a footballer as well, that’s a big plus. Head to head, it definitely wins out over Saido Berahino’s effort. Hey but at least they’ve let him back into training. I’m a big fan of Saido and frankly West Brom need him coz he’s the lone spark of creativity in that squad.
But in that terrible run of Palace form – 9 games without a win, the worst active streak going – they’ve still managed FA Cup wins over Southampton, Stoke and Spurs. They’re not beating lower leaguers here. Alan Pardew was a part of the Palace team that made the final (and the final replay) in 1990, losing to Manchester United in the game that allegedly saved Sir Alex Ferguson’s job, and you get the feeling that with European footy not really a probability, Pards is really targeting this one. He knows the romanticism of the Cup in ways that not too many players do. He’s a rare manager out there who really truly cares about it and with his club’s situation they’re in a place to make a real run at this thing.
“It was something we did in 1990 and I thought it might be nice to do it again.” – Alan Pardew
They’re away to Reading in the quarters, the seas aren’t about to part any further.
FA Cup Quarter Finals:
- Arsenal or Hull vs Watford
- Man Utd vs West Ham
- Everton v Chelsea
- Reading vs Crystal Palace
As for West Brom, here’s a succinct message to people who’d throw coins at players:
Don’t do that.
Wildcard’s Pick: 1-0 to Palace
Manchester United vs Arsenal
3.05am Monday (NZT)
“We have to keep the ball better and we have to move the ball quicker – that’s always what we have to do. Desire … it is a great word. I often use the word ‘horny’ with my players.” – Louis Van Gaal
Oh sweet Jesus, no wonder United haven’t been playing well.
This is my favourite grudge match of the Premier League. I won’t say derby, just grudge match, but the rivalry is real – even if the stakes aren’t so high anymore. But maybe they are for the Gunners, who are faced with yet another Champions League exit a round or two too early to be accepted (granted the draw screwed them with Barcelona – but that’s why you finish first in your group) and recent slip ups threaten to derail their best title chance in years. But they aren’t out of it at all, there’s so long to go and the Gunners still have the best squad. Weak in two or three areas but then so is everyone else this season. A quick suggestion, don’t pick Big Per for the return leg vs Barca. I blamed him and his slowness and gumbiness for both goals and there’s no way he’s any better at the Nou Camp. In fact I grimace at the mere thought of it.
Arsenal smashed United last time. 3-0 at the Emirates, it was over after 20 minutes. Main mistake on Utd’s part was not starting Morgan Schneiderlin and banking on the passing abilities of Carrick and Schweinsteiger to see them through, instead the old lads got scorched by Alexis Sanchez and company, their defensive coverage exposed. Schneiders will play this time though, Bastian is still out and I’d guess Carrick plays with him. No Rooney and potentially no De Gea, that’s a problem. Juan Mata and Anthony Martial have been playing well though.
Wildcard’s Pick: 1-1
Tottenham Hotspur vs Swansea City
3.05am Monday (NZT)
There is the issue of Spurs having a Europa League game on the Thursday night before this Sunday arvo game. Apart from that, though, there’s no logical reason I can come up with why Spurs won’t win this. A far better defence, possibly the form keeper in the league (which is a hotly contested title), a midfield that works harder than any other and a front line that continues to supply goals. Hell, I’m struggling for reasons why they won’t go on and win the whole title. The only two I’ve got are that they don’t get another shot at Leicester, who are two points ahead, and then also that they’re Spurs. I’m not even sure if that second one is true anymore based on their defence.
Fun fact, Tottenham have only used three central defenders all season. Three. Toby Alderweireld has been ever-present in the Premier League and possibly the player of the season while Jan Vertonghen got injured recently and Kevin Wimmer has played the last three, filling in without a hassle. They are so goddamned good at the back, man. It starts from Hugo Lloris but Eric Dier in midfield gets a lot of praise too. Watch him and the work he does sitting back into the defensive line when their fullbacks get forward and when they get countered.
Wildcard’s Pick: 3-0 to Spurs
Newcastle United vs Manchester City
Liverpool vs Everton
Postponed
Sorry for people with players from these teams in their fantasy line-ups (ohgodidbettersubrossbarkley!) because there’s a little thing called the League Cup Final on this weekend, 5.30am on Monday morning specifically, making that a Sunday night worth hitting the hay nice and early. Liverpool vs Manchester City, Wembley Stadium man. That’s a decent game.
It’s not often that you get two (relatively) top teams in the League Cup final. Last year was Chelsea and Spurs, that’s alright but it didn’t make for a great game with Mourinho’s CFC winning 2-0. Going back from then in descending chronological order you have finals with Sunderland, Bradford City, Cardiff, Birmingham (who beat Arsenal for the trophy!), Aston Villa and then a couple Spurs appearances, one of which even being a victory. Jonathan Woodgate scored the winner vs Chelsea in extra time – it was that long ago. Avram Grant vs Juande Ramos. Ledley King and Wayne Bridge and Steed Malbranque and Michael Ballack and Jermaine Jenas and Joe Cole all played. That was 2008, the only players to feature in that one that still play for those same clubs are John Terry and John Obi Mikel.
Anyway, that’s a tangent. Given how well they played in Kiev in the Champions League, Manny Pellegrini will feel pretty vindicated after playing the kids in the FA Cup, effectively tanking it. Shame they drew Chelsea or they might have gotten away with it. The injuries are a factor there but I did read somewhere that maybe Pellegrini’s under some pressure to play youngsters all of a sudden, which I can believe. City made a major statement of their power by getting Pep Guardiola. They want to be recognised as the power of Manchester and both that and their recent success says they are. But United have that fabled academy. Maybe they aren’t churning out the stars like they once did but the reputation is still there. City are all about tearing that down, they’ve spent hundreds of millions of pounds on their own and they want to see the benefits. A bloke like Kelechi Iheanacho in there and maybe they will.
Jurgen Klopp is a great manager in cup competitions. Managers as motivational and tactically astute as he usually are. But Liverpool aren’t playing the numbers and making the sacrifices like City did. They’re in just as many competitions (more now) and Liverpool have one less day of rest with their Europa League game vs Augsburg – although that’s maybe cancelled out by being at home while City travelled to the Ukraine. They’ve hammered this sky blue team once already this season. Funnily enough they play each other three days later in the Premier League at Anfield too.
The attacking flourishes are back for City, but it’s their defence that’s impressing me. I love Fernandinho in front of the back four as well, such a good player. Yeah I dunno. I don’t really want to see either team win though I can probably appreciate it more for Liverpool. League Cup’s about their level, you know? (Joking, joking. Settle down). I’d say Manchester City are good for at least one trophy this season though, I’d prefer it if it were this one.
Oh, and that rumour about Dan Sturridge refusing to play because he had a religious epiphany? He reckons it’s nonsense. And he would know too, being him and all.
Wildcard’s Pick: 2-1 MCFC, after extra time of course