Trying To Make Any Kind Of Sense At All Out Of Chelsea Re-Signing David Luiz

Make no mistake about it, Chelsea’s defence just got a whole lot fluffier. David Luiz is back in town, re-signed from PSG for a reported fee of £34m only two years after he left in the first place. The whole thing… well, it’s pretty bloody baffling to tell the truth.

Where to even start? Okay, the Blues definitely needed a new central defender. The signing of Marcos Alonso is in itself slightly odd in that they might have done a lil better, though Alonso has done very well in Italy since leaving Bolton (and briefly returning to Sunderland on loan). It’s the same thing Jurgen Klopp’s been doing by buying impressive players from the league he made his name in, but not from his old club. It’s easy enough to trust Antonio Conte on this one. Alonso frees Cesar Azpilicueta up to play on the right or to have a spell with Branislav Ivanovic carrying on at RB and Alonso deputising on the left. All goods there.

However in the middle we’re looking at John Terry, who turns 36 in December and was barely offered a new contract in the summer, Gary Cahill, who played for England at the Euros with all the ill fortune that pertains to, and Kurt Zouma, who is on the way back from a broken leg. Hardly Barzagli, Bonucci and Chiellini as Conte was used to at Juventus and with Italy.

But… David Luiz? Considering that they were also linked with players such as Kalidou Koulibaly and Alessio Romagnoli, both of whom they are said to have submitted bids for, this feels like a consolation prize. A man once described by Gary Neville as playing as though he was being controlled by a kid on a playstation, now a key figure at the back for a manager who was largely responsible for probably the most disciplined and organised defences in recent history – that ol’ BBC combination again. It’s one thing for Conte to inherit players he wouldn’t otherwise want but to go and sign a guy that seems like the exact opposite of what he’d want in a player of his position is madness.

And matey before you start saying ‘maybe he’ll play in midfield?’, maybe he will but when you’ve already bought N’Golo Kante (whose first few games have picked up exactly where he left off for Leicester, by the way) to add to a midfield that already boasts Nemanja Matic, Cesc Fabregas, Ruben Loftus-Cheek and even John Obi Mikel buried in there somewhere, there's not much logic in that. They didn’t need another midfielder – they certainly needed another defender. That’s what Sideshow Bob has been bought for.

That need is even more pressing when you consider that Conte has shown in the past that he prefers a 3-5-2 formation. It’s not a shape that’s seen too often in England, to be honest. Louis Van Gaal quickly gave up on it and when you do see three defenders it tends to be a Sunderland or Hull out looking to stack the backline and hold on for a draw. To date Conte has used a four-man defensive system but with a deep lying midfielder in N’Golo Kante. It ain’t impossible to imagine him moving Kante slightly further forward and dropping that spare man in between Terry and Cahill. To be fair, Luiz would be better suited among three CBs where he’s got a little more room to push into the midfield with cover on every side. Rather than next to one other central fella who'd be swiftly exposed by what might be labelled as Luiz's ‘erratic’ positioning, particularly next to Terry or Cahill, both of them lacking pace like David Luiz lacks patience.

Three blokes at the back is a strategy that’s tailored towards scheme. It’s not as important who the three are, so long as they play together and a commanding manager like Conte is always gonna back himself to make sure that’s the case. The real trick is that he expects his wing backs to effectively play the role of both fullbacks and wingers. Hence the name, but a tricky bit of nominative flair doesn’t make it any easier to cover that much sideline turf. Which is why the aging Branislav Ivanovic isn’t gonna be an option in that system, while Marcos Alonso has been playing a similar role for Fiorentina. There’s no firm suggestion that Conte was thinking formation-wise when he bought David Luiz but at least now he has the option.

Over at PSG, Laurent Blanc has left and been replaced by Unai Emery. The Spaniard there has been winning Europa League after Europa League with Sevilla and he’s a boss who knows what he wants. It’s pretty obvious that his hiring had something to do with his continental success as compared to PSG’s constant Champions League failures. And when you win everything else you compete at, to not make a UCL semi-final since 1995 is for sure a failure. Four straight quarter-final exits.

Emery did not want David Luiz, meaning that the curly one was on the block and when Chelsea missed out on their top targets, he was one that, with time running out, they knew they could fall back on. Not what Conte may have preferred but he’s a confident manager. He made the most of what he had to work with when he was in charge of Italy at the Euros and with that he might reckon he can make something of the Brazilian whereas Jose Mourinho took one quick glance and didn’t even try. Because it ain’t like David Luiz doesn’t have his good qualities…

And the fans at Stamford Bridge, they still love him. He may have scored the goal that helped knock them out in 2015 (as well as helping eliminate them again earlier this year) but he also won the Champions League with Chelsea back in 2012. He’s a big personality who wears his heart on his sleeve and very few Blues have forgotten his bus-top showmanship in the aftermath of 2012 either. He’s not just another player, he’s their geezer.

Given that Antonio Conte’s own celebrations after late wins against West Ham and Watford have also done a fair bit of endearing between the fans and the new regime, there are worse panic buy defenders that he could have ended up with.

But… that still doesn’t make this what you’d call a *good* signing, exactly. His former PSG teammate Thomas Meunier is already on the record saying that the Paris dressing room was “surprised” by the transfer. Which is better than French journalist Julien Laurens, who said Luiz has been a “liability” for PSG and returns “a worse player” than when he left, highlighting the way that Luis Suarez tore him to shreds for Barcelona a little while back.

Then again, it could all be a part of some master plan of clever transfer manipulation by Chelsea. As the internet joke is going, first they hire Jose Mourinho then they sack him. They sign Nemanja Matic… then they sell him. They sign David Luiz, they re-sign Jose Mourinho, who re-signs Nemanja Matic but sells David Luiz. Then they sack Jose Mourinho and re-sign David Luiz. It’s musical chairs over here, so take a seat.

Which makes you wonder if this transfer might have its strongest value far beyond the field.

It’s no secret that things got ugly under Jose last time. He’d fashioned the squad and driven them to a title but the push to repeat was too much and something cracked, big time. The form of Eden Hazard beginning very late last season shows that some of that fog is finally lifting and David Luiz, he harkens back to a different time when Chelsea were fun. His boisterous, carefree attitude was never gonna fly under Mourinho, not if he couldn’t also be trusted during the 90 minutes each week. So with Chelsea now trying to erase the damage of the end of Mourinho’s tenure there, they’ve stumbled on one way that works as good as any: they’re going back to before they re-hired him.