The Richie And Dan Farewell Tour - Part Two

It's been a while since we caught up with Richie and Dan, far too long in fact. But it's Rugby World Cup time and there's stuff to discuss...

Dan - Lol, Richie you crack me up bro. You trip me up all the time at training and all the boys know what a grub you are, but you never had the balls to do it in a game! You blew that all away by doing it in a World Cup. Richie fucking McCaw, yellow carded for a leg trip in a World Cup! 

Richie - And now I'm public enemy number one huh?

Dan - You sure are bro. Everyone booed you like you were Quade and all the kiwis back home would have been having a little cry, I even got a txt from my mate who said everyone was grabbing their hammers and spades to start a war against anyone who dared boo Richie.

Richie - It's a bit rich coming from kiwis who boo Quade and the poor Argentinians in Christchurch. But we all know how crazy kiwis are right DC?

Dan - Well, I mean everyone thought I was over the hill so yeah they are pretty crazy.

Richie - Who do you think had a better game out of us two? 

Dan - You spent the whole game being a prick while I was unwrapping vintage DC, so ... me.

Richie - Unwrapping? You were, unwrapping yourself?

Dan - You thick mate? Unwrapping, yes unwrapping. I'm not fully unwrapped just yet because vintage DC is only poking out a little bit. I don't want to blow the World Cup away with a huff and a puff early on, I'm brewing, slow cooking, but trust me - vintage DC is keen to be live in full effect come the quarter finals.

Richie - Well I'm going to take the credit for that and you'll need to buy Conrad a beer as well because we took the heat off ya with smart yellow card offences.

Dan - Don't give Conrad any credit, he's from Wellington. 

Richie - I was actually talking to him and I asked who he would rather play alongside between Sonny Bill and Ma'a. 

Dan - What did he reckon?

Richie - He didn't care, he's just pissed off that he never gets any love because either Sonny or Ma'a is playing really well. Conrad's sensitive ya know and he's actually been talking it up about how he wants to be the star player for the All Blacks in this World Cup.

Dan - You are talking about Conrad Smith right?

Richie - Yeah he's sick of playing second fiddle to everyone else and wants to earn some big bucks in Europe.

Dan - Is that why he asked me for some goal kicking tips?

Richie - Come to think of it, he hated that movie about Beaver.

Dan - Ah fuck him mate, what a sook. 

Richie - Chill out bro, just because you've got the biggest deal for a rugby player lined up. Some of the lads are making less money than the Island boys, obviously not me but some of the boys are looking at Europe and are licking their lips.

Dan - Bunch of sooks you lot are. Just go hit up Powerade or Adidas for some money.

Richie - Oi, DC ya prick. The endorsement deals are drying up because I've got them all so just cool ya jets will ya?

Dan - Alright alright, how do you think the lads went against the Argies?

Richie - Pretty well mate. We've been so great for so long that I think a lot of people haven't been paying attention to how other teams have been slowly but surely building. Everyone expects us to breeze through, but after that game against Argentina I'm pretty beat up and keen to let young Sammy do the rest of the dirty work.

Dan - Do you think Shag will play you and young Sammy more and more alongside each other?

Richie - Depends mate, everyone has been talking about Pocock and Hooper but we can switch things up and take on a whole new look with Sammy and I. That's rough on Jerome but when we need the size, Jerome will be crucial and when we want to ramp it up a gear then Sammy comes into his own.

Dan - Reckon we'll see you, Sammy, Kieran and Victor all playing together? Like, Victor with Brodie at lock?

Richie - Vintage DC aka Question Master, you sound like one of those dumb pricks from the telly or radio or newspapers. But I do think that we could see that, imagine completely flipping the script on a team like that? Everyone thinks that Shag hasn't thought all these little different scenarios through, which makes me chuckle.

Dan - You and me both Rich. Everything from Shag before the Argentina game was about how they would fall off late in the game and that they'd be dangerous in the first half as they played off passion but if we could stick with them then we'd be rewarded late in the game. 

Richie - Exactly, it's not as though the starters played poorly and we all knew that the subs would come on when they did so it was just a great plan executed superbly.

Dan - I'm just happy that Beaudy was put on at fullback, I reckon I've got the first-five spot locked up.

Richie - Easy on chief, Beaudy might start against Namibia. That's what Shag said anyway to give you a break.

Dan - A break!? Tell your twat of a mate Shag to play me, I need to continue the unwrapping process.

Richie - I don't know why you're being such a dick today, walking around like David Hasslehoff loves you or some shit.

Dan - Oh Richie, jealousy kills mate.

Richie - Jealous? Bro, I'm only jealous of Georgia at the moment - they are my team! Who you got?

Dan - Japan were cool and all, but I'm rocking with my homie Jonathan Sexton and Ireland. 

Richie - Hold on DC, I can hear Shag's voice next door - that's Nehe's room! Jeepers creepers, we both know what Shag's ear bashings are like. We better make sure Nehe is all good, he'll be having nightmares for the rest of the World Cup if we don't go help him out.

Dan - I'll get the tissues, you get the pizza and ice-cream. 

Richie - Sweet, see you in 10 .... wait, where do I get pizza and ice-cream from?

Dan - I don't know, just get on to it. Nehe loves me more anyway so whatever.