The Wildcard’s Guide to the NFL - Week 4

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Last Week: 10-6

San Francisco 49ers (1-2) at St Louis Rams (1-2)

What’s going wrong with the 49ers? They annihilated the Packers, but have only scored 10 points in the past two games. Now Aldon Smith, a man/beast with 37 sacks since 2011, is out indefinitely with what I’ll politely call ‘personal troubles’. St Louis is pretty decent, but their showing against Dallas was not. They can’t run, so they rely entirely on Bradford’s arm. San Fran’s rush D has been their biggest weakness, so they should have a better time of it here. Kap’s got some work to do to prove we haven’t all overrated him. With teams limiting his running lanes and keeping him in the pocket, his arm (or maybe his WRs?) has (have?) really let him down. Thursday Night Footy has, to be honest, sucked a bucket of ass so far. And these teams famously drew last year. Hmm…

Wildcard’s Pick: 49ers by 3

Baltimore Ravens (2-1) at Buffalo Bills (1-2)

Ray Rice could be back this week, and if so he’ll make a difference. If not, well, they should still take it, but this 2013 Ravens team aren’t ever gonna win pretty.

Wildcard’s Pick: Ravens still knocking at the door. Baltimore by 6

Cincinnati Bengals (2-1) at Cleveland Browns (1-2)

The Bengals had no right to win that game in Green Bay. Not on paper or in performance. But they made a few plays and stole a ridiculous double fumble for the winning touchdown. I don’t wanna jump to conclusions on Brian Hoyer after one game, but he’s definitely an improvement on Mr Weeden. If Cincy can win on the rough days, then when Dalton puts together a smooth game they oughta cruise. And y’know what? I’m all in on this Bengals team.

Wildcard’s Pick: Bengals by 10

Chicago Bears (3-0) at Detroit Lions (2-1)

Yeah, the Bears have been good. But they’ve not been blowing teams out or anything. Remember, Chicago started really strong last year and then faded like a McFly family portrait to completely miss the playoffs. I can’t bet against Megatron in this one. He’s every bit as dangerous as ever, only now he’s getting into the end-zone. Burleson will be a loss for Detroit though. He broke his arm in a car crash trying to stop the pizza he’d just picked up from sliding off the passenger seat. No seriously, that happened.

Wildcard’s Pick: Detroit can pull through. Lions by 4

New York Giants (0-3) at Kansas City Chiefs (3-0)

Oh how the might have fallen. The Giants have the single worst rushing offence in the NFL, yet Brandon Jacobs is still boasting and sledging and beating his chest at any chance he gets. Dude, you suck. It’s for reasons like this that I hate the Giants. It’s fine when you’re winning the Superbowl, but when you can’t score a point against Carolina, you don’t get to brag. Kansas City are pretty good, too - unbeaten even. Hopefully it stays that way. (Tell ya what though, I know they’re winning, but I really wish Andy Reid would loosen the chain on Alex Smith. I was practically screaming at the telly for him to just throw the damn ball last Friday!)

Wildcard’s Pick: KC by 6

 

Arizona Cardinals (1-2) at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0-3)

The loser here can probably give up on the playoffs. Josh Freeman couldn’t hit a barn door from ten yards the first three weeks, and that’s why rookie Mike Glennon gets the start at QB here. It’s hard to say how that plays out. Arizona has looked better than their record, but New Orleans really dealt to them week 3. This could go either way.

Wildcard’s Pick: Cardinals by 3

Indianapolis Colts (2-1) at Jacksonville Jaguars (0-3)

Woah Indy! Now THAT was a statement! Solidifying the run game with Trent Richardson and then stuffing the 49ers in San Francisco. You’ve gotta think they can take care of the NFL’s worst team.

Wildcard’s Pick: The Luck-y streak continues with a 14 point Colts win

Seattle Seahawks (3-0) at Houston Texans (2-1)

Houston, honestly, doesn’t even look like a playoff team right now. Let alone the Superbowl contenders they want to be. Arian Foster still hasn’t had enough of an impact, and Matt Schaub, put simply, will not ever win a title for this team. It’s the polar opposite in Seattle. Their defence is suffocatingly effective, and the Russell Wilson/Marshawn Lynch combo is devastating. They’re so unbeatable at home, though, that they seem vulnerable on the road in contrast. They aren’t.

Wildcard’s Pick: Seattle by 5

Pittsburgh Steelers (0-3) at Minnesota Vikings (0-3)

‘Ello guvnor! Off to Lundun Town for a spot of American footy. Rightio chaps! Don’t American ideas of English accents drive you mental? For some reason, this game will be played at Wembley Stadium, and to be honest, America won’t be upset if the two teams stay there. Adrian Peterson aside, these guys have been shocking. Winless, clueless, hopeless. Pittsburgh has the second worse rushing game, while Minnesota has AD Peterson so that tips it.

Wildcard’s Pick: Vikings by 7

New York Jets (2-1) at Tennessee Titans (2-1)

Jake Locker can play, man! That pass against San Diego to win the game? Inch perfect. They can take the Jets. They can take ‘em up down and all over.

Wildcard’s Pick: Titans by 7

Dallas Cowboys (2-1) at San Diego Chargers (1-2)

Tony Romo vs Phil Rivers. Last year this’d be a field day for defensive backs, but the two have looked very composed in 2013. Romo especially has been superb. Both of these teams are actually just a couple of missed opportunities from being 3-0, but the difference here is the re-emergence of Dallas RB DeMarco Murray as an elite rusher against St Louis last week. Maybe he only does it against the Rams (He famously rushed for a Cowboys’ record 237 yards against them in 2011 in his breakout game), but when he does well, Dallas does well. In the 14 career games Murray has rushed over 50 yards, Dallas is 11-3. When he rushes for over 100, the Cowboys have never lost.

Wildcard’s Pick: Cowboys by 6

Washington Redskins (0-3) at Oakland Raiders (1-2)

<Yawn>… oh, right. Umm, well Terrelle Pryor looks a good player. Denver shut off his read options for the most part, stranding him in the pocket and forcing him to throw, but he did and he looked composed. RG3 on the other hand needs to run more, but he can’t if his defence a forcing him to play from behind each week.

Wildcard’s Pick: Washington by 3 – they’re bound to win one eventually

Philadelphia Eagles (1-2) at Denver Broncos (3-0)

At this point it doesn’t even matter who Denver are playing. Unless it’s Seattle or someone, Peyton’s not gonna lose at home. He is playing as well as he ever has, honestly he is. And no matter how flashy the Philly offence can get, they defence just cannot stop Manning’s Men. There will be blood…

Wildcard’s Pick: Denver by 13

New England Patriots (3-0) at Atlanta Falcons (1-2)

Another huge game. Atlanta needs the win to balance the scales; New England is trying to stay undefeated. Neither team has looked especially threatening, but both are stocked full of talent. It’ll be a thriller, don’t you worry! What a shame it airs at the same time as the finale of Breaking Bad so nobody will be watching it.

Wildcard’s Pick: Atlanta by 3 in desperation. Brady’s got no-one to throw to anyway.

Miami Dolphins (3-0) at New Orleans Saints (3-0)

The Miami Dolphins are 3-0 for the first time since ’02, canyabelieveit? This is actually emerging as one of the best games of the week. New Orleans are looking great with Rob Ryan steering the defence in the right direction, and after a slow start to the season, they really picked it up against Arizona. Miami took care of what has turned out to be a very impressive Colts side, but this is their biggest test so far. Drew Brees is the defining factor here. He’ll see ‘em through.

Wildcard’s Pick: Saints by 4

Bye: Green Bay Packers (1-2), Carolina Panthers (1-2)


The Wildcard is a staff writer for The Niche Cache. Having been diagnosed with cancer at age 50, he deserted his unfulfilling job as a chemistry teacher and put his genius to work cooking crystal meth. Over the next few years, he was responsible for, well, I can’t really tell you for spoilers’ sake. But no matter how it ends, he’ll still have his NFL picks up every Thursday, don’t you worry. Because The Wildcard is the one who knocks...

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