The Wildcard’s Guide to the NFL - Week 8
Last Week: 10-5
San Diego Chargers (5-2) at Denver Broncos (5-1)
Peyton Manning is very good at quarterbacking and footballing. Now with that obligatory statement out of the way, here’s the Bronco I wanna talk about: DeMarcus Ware.
He’s my boy from way back. It pained me to see one of the Cowboys’ greatest ever players leave, but it had to happen. We couldn’t offer him what Denver could and we couldn’t afford him anyway. So it’s pleasing to see the old fella picking up 7 sacks already. Ya know, to go with the 117 he made in Dallas. The only man with more than Ware this season… is his teammate Von Miller.
When you consider that the one loss that the Broncos have had this season was as much as anything down to a coin toss (if they won it and had first possession in OT vs Seattle, they’d have probably scored a TD too), it’s beyond doubt that they are the best team in football right now. Whether or not that turns into a Superbowl or not there’s plenty of tough work to do yet. But as things stand they stand alone.
Only one quarterback is playing better than Phil Rivers this season. His name is Manning, but it ain’t Eli.
Wildcard’s Pick: Broncos by 7
Detroit Lions (5-2) at Atlanta Falcons (2-5)
Off to the freezing shores and unfamiliar territory of Ol’ Blighty for this one. The Lions and Falcons meet at Wembley in the NFL’s extended global expansion trial run thingy. Next stop, world domination. “Say, whaddaya wanna do tonight, Mr Goodell?” “Why, the same thing we do every night, [whatever his nearest confidant’s name may be]… TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!”
The Lions have the most productive defence in the league these days and they face a Falcons team that have zero credibility running the ball and although they have a great QB and a couple great WRs, they don’t protect Matty Ice long enough for him to throw half the time.
By the way, if the Falcons don’t turn up in London for the game, it’s because they landed in Spain.
Wildcard’s Pick: Lions by 14
Buffalo Bills (4-3) at New York Jets (1-6)
Kyle Orton you long-faced, slightly Dave Grohl-looking sonofabitch, you couldn’t have done this stuff last season week 17 for the Cowboys, could you!? He joins the Bills and all of a sudden he’s a game winning drive artist, he makes one crucial start for my team and it’s game clinching interception time!
Wildcard’s Pick: Bills by 3
Baltimore Ravens (5-2) at Cincinnati Bengals (3-2-1)
It’s a mark of how badly the NFL handled the Ray Rice thing that Rice is probably gonna win every lawsuit and appeal he makes. After all, with zero additional evidence (they’d seen the vid, we all know it), his small ban turned into a complete axing. The latest twist is that his ban could be repealed entirely (he’s already served the initial sentence), but let’s be honest, you mess with the Barksdales you don’t get a second chance. No team in the league is gonna sign him. On the subject, I reckon Roger Goodell would fit nicely in Deputy Commissioner William Rawls’ seat. All about protecting the neck.
Also, the Bengals are a great home team. They’re without a win in three and they need this one a lot.
Wildcard’s Pick: Bengals by 6
Seattle Seahawks (3-3) at Carolina Panthers (3-3-1)
I refuse to believe that the defending champs will lose three in a row. The Panthers have already conceded more touchdowns than they did in all of last season (24 vs 21).
Wildcard’s Pick: Seahawks by 4
Chicago Bears (3-4) at New England Patriots (5-2)
Tom Brady! All of a sudden he’s hitting them long balls again like it’s 2007 or something. Plus he’s never lost to the Bears. I’m struggling to see the Patriots as deep threats in the playoffs, what with them switching up that offensive line than Stringer Bell with his burners (sorry, my Wire ref in the Baltimore one was weak, had to compensate). The Cowboys have shown what a difference the O-Line can make, no doubt Brady’s back would agree. But against a depleted Chicago defence and in Foxborogh? Gotta be Bawston Strawng.
Wildcard’s Pick: Patriots by 9
Houston Texans (3-4) at Tennessee Titans (2-5)
Whenever I feel like writing off the Texans, I remember the names ‘Arian Foster’ and ‘J.J. Watt’.
Wildcard’s Pick: Texans by 3
Miami Dolphins (3-3) at Jacksonville Jaguars (1-6)
Ryan Tannehill’s finally hitting his stride. After three weeks he was playing the worst he’d ever played. This was the biggest case of a missing Dolphin since Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. He’s turned things right around since then, credit his coach, credit the man himself… hell, credit the shadow of Dan Marino, credit whoever you want. The fact is, Tannehill has completed 72 percent of his passes for 799 yards, six touchdowns and three interceptions over the last month or so. He’s beaten the Packers, he’ll take the Jags too.
Wildcard’s Pick: Dolphins by 10
St Louis Rams (2-4) at Kansas City Chiefs (3-3)
A slow start, a shocker against the Titans and a rough schedule gave a lot of people the wrong idea about the 2014 Chiefs. Nothing’s changed, this team will win the ones they’re meant to. It’ll take another special teams clinic from the Rams to get over the line again.
I’m all for plays like this, too. When coaches think outside the box, I get all giddy. People always rely way too much on the established rituals, you’ve gotta break out of that way of thinking or you’ll only get held back. Do what works and trust the gut. That’s the Wildcard Coaching Tip of the Day.
(I’m available for NFL mentoring, if any team official is reading this… but no Ryan Brothers. I’m no miracle worker)
Wildcard’s Pick: Chiefs by 10
Minnesota Vikings (2-5) at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-5)
Wind rustling through the trees
Tumbleweed tumbling
Paint drying
Grass growing
Footballs spinning through the air as they find themselves in the hands of the opposition
Wildcard’s Pick: Vikings by 6
Philadelphia Eagles (5-1) at Arizona Cardinals (5-1)
Now THIS will be a great game! You’ve got the Phillies, having a couple struggles but still comfortably at 5 wins, while the Cardinals simply do what they’ve gotta do. Unflashy wins over Oakland and Washington don’t tell the story. These guys have beaten San Diego and San Francisco, and their only loss came to the Broncos. Neither team will be decimated with a loss but both could really use the win for the divisional race.
Carson Palmer is 10-2 in his last 12 starts. Who could have even imagined that when he was getting picked off for fun for the Raiders a couple years back.
Wildcard’s Pick: Cardinals by 7
Indianapolis Colts (5-2) at Pittsburgh Steelers (4-3)
Here’s a stat that took me by surprise:
Obviously they were class against the Bengals, holding them to 8 consecutive 3 and outs at a stage, but that was far from a new thing. Andrew Luck is so damn good he’ll score points on his own. The fact that he has a clutch-time defence with his back makes these Colts a very dangerous team.
Meanwhile the Steelers feel very 7-9/8-8/9-7 to me. Good, but not playoff good.
Wildcard’s Pick: Colts by 14
Oakland Raiders (0-6) at Cleveland Browns (3-3)
I’m not sure on the facts, or even how to go about figuring it out without sitting at the computer and scribbling down notes for so long that my consciousness starts to merge with the hard-drive, but I doubt any team has ever lost back to back to 0-6 teams before. I’m a big fan of statistical anomalies, and this may be the Raiders last chance.
Wildcard’s Pick: Raiders by 3
Green Bay Packers (5-2) at New Orleans Saints (2-4)
Cheeseheads Unite!
Saints fans… umm, cheer mildly. And try to look away when Aaron Rodgers splits the pocket.
Wildcard’s Pick: Packers by 10
Washington Pro Football Team (2-5) at Dallas Cowboys (6-1)
The Cowboys are 6-1?
Mwahahahahahahaha!
Wildcard’s Pick: Cowboys by 17
BYE: San Francisco 49ers (4-3) & New York Giants (3-4)
The Wildcard is a staff writer for The Niche Cache. He never meant to cause you any sorrow, he never meant to cause you any pain. He only wanted to see you laughing in the purple rain.