The Wildcard’s Guide to the NFL - Week 12
Last Week: 9-5
Season: 102-58-1
Kansas City Chiefs (7-3) at Oakland Raiders (0-10)
Man, last week was ruthless. There’s always a week like that at least once this season where you just can’t catch a break with picks. I had a week like that in Week 9 when I went 6-7, but at least managed to ride the wave last round. I had Houston, Chicago and Miami all to win, even if I got ripped to shreds on a couple others. From here on it’s back into the tipping grind until the last couple weeks when some teams don’t care anymore any they let gamblers, columnists and armchair commentators alike all down.
These late-week games are a crapshoot, but even though I’m sure there’s a chance of a massive upset here, there’s just no way I can bet on it.
Wildcard’s Pick: Chiefs by 10
Cleveland Browns (6-4) at Atlanta Falcons (4-6)
That loss to Houston last week was so devastating that the Browns have had to sign a Used Car Salesman to their active roster to sort things out. Seriously.
Of course, that Used Car Salesman is Josh Gordon, 2014 leader in receiving yards, fresh from his smokey suspension. The Browns fell from first to last in the AFC North last week. Things are so crowded, there’s a chance that all four teams go into week 13 with 7-4 records (well, Cincy would be 7-3-1, but close enough, ya know). Josh Gordon could be the jet-propelled infusion that they need to edge ahead; they already throw the ball deep as often as anyone – Brian Hoyer leads the league in yards per completion (14.0). Part of that is because they’re built around the idea that Gordon will be there, part of that because that’s how they have to capitalise to win games. Adding Gordon in now, fresh and healthy, that’s quite a helping hand.
I mean, this guy had over 1600 receiving yards last year with Brandon Weeden throwing most of the passes to him. The Weedle! Note how much Dez Bryant (one of the few comparable WRs in the NFL) was marginalised when Weedle started for Dallas a couple weeks back.
Cleveland play the first placed AFC South Atlanta Falcons. That fact alone is enough to make me bet against them. This Falcons team has no right to still be in the playoff hunt (granted, neither does anyone else in that division).
Wildcard’s Pick: Browns by 3
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2-8) at Chicago Bears (4-6)
Speaking of useless teams that are still in the mix, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Meanwhile the Bears with twice as many wins are loooong gone in the chase behind the Lions and Packers. What kind of strange, nonsensical world is this? Which side of the looking glass are we on? Where’s that bloody rabbit going?
Wildcard’s Pick: Bears by 4
New York Jets (2-8) at Buffalo Bills (5-5)
Fun fact: The word ‘Buffalo’ can be used to mean the city, the animal… and also a verb that means to push/nudge/bash. In the same way that the animal ‘ram’ will verb ‘ram’ another ‘ram’. Therefore this is a complete and legitimate sentence: Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo.
Think on it. It works.
Wildcard’s Pick: Bills by 3
Cincinnati Bengals (6-3-1) at Houston Texans (5-5)
Tell, ya what, I like this Ryan Mallett.
He’s had time under Brady/Belichick (Brian Hoyer’s doing alright with the Browns, ain’t he?), he’s tall, with a good arm and seems pretty composed. The Texans could do a lot worse… in fact they have done a lot worse. Not sure if Arian Foster will be back or not, leaning towards not, but Alfred Blue did more than fine last time.
I know what to expect of the Texans. They’re an average team that’ll finish between 7 and 9 wins. The Bengals though? Ok. Let’s dismiss the travesty of that Browns loss. It was a Thursday nighter and every team’s allowed one off day. They started with 3 straight wins, against the Ravens, Falcons and Titans. Two of those teams are rubbish. They’ve also been thrashed by the good Colts and the very good Patriots. But thrashed, not just beaten. There’s a tie in there that was a missed field goal from a win, plus another win over the Ravens, one against the Jaguars and then a solid victory away to New Orleans. That’s really pretty good. If it weren’t for the nature of those losses then they’d still be right up there. Their last 4 weeks are rough, but they can help themselves with a win here and one at Tampa next week. Don’t discount the Bengals just yet. This’ll be a cracker.
Wildcard’s Pick: Bengals by 3
Detroit Lions (7-3) at New England Patriots (8-2)
We may have a problem in Motor City. Ok, there are plenty of problems in Detroit already, but here’s another one. The Lions just got narrowly beaten by the Cardinals. They play the in-form Patriots this week and have another game in Green Bay to close the season. In between they get the Bears twice and the Buccs and Vikings.
Last season Detroit finished week 10 in first place with a 6-3 record… they went on to finish 7-9 and miss the playoffs. This year they found themselves 7-2 and in first place at the same stage. We know about their playoff win drought, we know about that 0-16 season. This is a team that has struggled to come through when it mattered in the past and there looks like a risk of it happening again. Presuming they lose to NE and GB (which they will), then 11-5 is their best possible finish. That’s likely to fall short of the rampaging Packers, though it should be enough for a Wildcard spot. However they drop a couple of those other games, maybe the Bears show some application, maybe the Vikings or Buccs get lucky, then the runner up in the East (Dallas or Philly – both with 7 wins as it stands) and the 49ers and Seahawks (both on 6 but at home this week) are back in contention. Remember that it took an ATL meltdown in London for the Lions to beat the Falcons a couple weeks back, and a last minute Matt Stafford special to edge the Dolphins a week later. Maybe that’s a sign that the 2014 Lions are legit, that they never would have won those games in past years. Maybe it’s a sign that they’re vulnerable.
Maybe I’m sparking up old news to drive emotions.
I don’t back any team in the NFL away to the Patriots with both Brady and Gronk fit.
Wildcard’s Pick: Patriots by 7
Green Bay Packers (7-3) at Minnesota Vikings (4-6)
Shout out to Rhett Ellison, the kiwi who scored a touchdown last week for the Vikings. It was his second career TD for the Maori tight end. He’s one of a very exclusive club of NZers to have played in the NFL, his father Riki was actually the first. Riki Ellison won a trio of Superbowls with the 49ers in 80s, playing as a depth linebacker, and finished off his career with the Raiders. Apparently he was ‘intensely emotional’.
Young Rhett is a 26 year old with a few years’ experience on the roster. He’s caught 10 passes for 118 yards so far this season both career highs. There’s a name to look out for if the Vikings happen to be playing. Unfortunately this week they host the Green Bay Packers, who aren’t quite as lethal outside the confines of Lambeau but should still blow this Vikings team out of the water.
Wildcard’s Pick: Packers by 14
Jacksonville Jaguars (1-9) at Indianapolis Colts (6-4)
Hahaha. This could be a massacre.
Wildcard’s Pick: Colts by, eh, 24
Tennessee Titans (2-8) at Philadelphia Eagles (7-3)
Thursday night and Monday night games (aka Friday/Tuesday arvo for us kiwis) shouldn’t count for a thing as far as form and whatever goes. Which means the Titans still suck, no matter how close they came to beating Pittsburgh.
Ah, but what do we say about the Eagles? There’s historical precedent for teams’ seasons being ruined by a single devastating loss, such as the Packers dealt with fury to Marky Mark’s Eagles. I’m sure it happens at least once every two years, just don’t make me do the research.
Philly at least still has the shot of adrenaline that is the return of Nick Foles so they shouldn’t implode just yet. Maybe wait ‘til the Cowboys game to make that judgement. Also, how is it possible that LeSean McCoy has only 2 rushing TDs? That’s on par with guys like Trent Richardson, Darren McFadden… and Andrew Luck, Andy Dalton and Matt Stafford. Frank Gore only has two as well, but we already know that the Niners have been having trouble punching it in. Philly deserve more. Luckily for them, they face a team that Le’Veon Bell just rushed for 204 yards and a TD against. Yeah, yeah, Monday night games don’t count, shut up I know.
Wildcard’s Pick: Eagles by 5
St Louis Rams (4-6) at San Diego Chargers (6-4)
These Rams, man. Gotta give ‘em credit, they put up a fight every week. They beat Denver fair and square last week. Well, as fair and square as you can when you injure half of the oppositions best recievers. Compare these hits:
There aren’t many teams that deserve their names any better than the Rams. The Steelers and the Cowboys, sure. Also the Browns. That’s about it. On the flip side you have the Giants, Titans, Raiders and Bears, all currently an insult to their names.
I’d pick the Rams to win the upset this week, but they had their bruising upset win last week. Plus San Diego needs this one like you wouldn’t believe.
Wildcard’s Pick: Chargers by 4
Arizona Cardinals (9-1) at Seattle Seahawks (6-4)
This is where we see if the Seahawks still have that mettle. Last season Arizona were the only team to beat them at home, here they can have revenge. Let’s here that crowd!
By the way, if Drew Stanton wins the Superbowl with the Cardinals, he should be allowed to swap contracts with Giancarlo Stanton.
Wildcard’s Pick: Seahawks by 3
Washington Pro Football Team (3-7) at San Francisco 49ers (6-4)
Anyone see the 49ers play the Giants last week? 5 Eli Manning interceptions and they only won by 6. They let Quinterception Eli stay in that game right up until his last possession. Huh?
There’s a balance that they need to strike with Aldon Smith returning. Ahmad Brooks kicked up a big fuss at Aldon Smith eating into his playing time last week, so much so that he pulled himself from the game. “But mummy, I wanted to play with the firetruck!”
Smith’s a nutter but he’s an All-Pro linebacker and the Niners could really use him with a potential do-or-die against Seattle next week. First up they gotta beat Washington, which should just be a matter of letting the clock run down from the kickoff. WPFT were awful last week. Just awful. That one win against the Cowboys aside, this team is no better than the likes of Tennessee (who had their own anomaly win week 1 vs KC – I guess everybody gets one).
It’d just be a lot easier of Colin Kaepernick didn’t treat the football like it’s gonna explode. For an undoubtedly good QB, he sure makes some dumb decisions.
Wildcard’s Pick: SF49 by 6
Miami Dolphins (6-4) at Denver Broncos (7-3)
Emmanuel Sanders, you okay after that monster hit?
Yeah, he’s fine.
I love the look of the Dolphins, I still think they’re in this thing. Ryan Tannehill is playing the best football of his career. You wanna bet against Peyton Manning, though? During the entire Broncos Era that’s never been a smart option. Except maybe against New England.
Wildcard’s Pick: Broncos by 7
Dallas Cowboys (7-3) at New York Giants (3-7)
TONY ROMO ON EXTRA REST! DEZ BRYANT FIRED UP! DEMARCO MURRAY READY TO RUN! JASON WITTEN AGAINST THE OLD ENEMY!
DIE, GIANTS, DIE!
(That’s German, it means ‘The, Giants, the’)
Wildcard’s Pick: Cowboys by 10
Baltimore Ravens (6-4) at New Orleans Saints (3-7)
A couple of recent Superbowl winners, both scrapping for the playoffs, convincing nobody and fast running out of last chances. At least Baltimore have been winning, but they’ll need at least 9 wins to extend their season, New Orleans could do it with 6. That’s the state of these two contrasting divisions. The Saints, they cop a bit but they’ve comprehensibly beaten the Packers this season. An OT loss to San Fran, a one-pointer to Detroit, an OT to Atlanta and a two-pointer to Cleveland… are they even that bad? They just need a little more luck and some smarter Grid Iron-ing.
There’s only one way to decide this...
Wildcard’s Pick: Saints by 7
BYE: Carolina Panthers (3-7-1), Pittsburgh Steelers (7-4)
The Wildcard is a staff writer for The Niche Cache. As far as he’s concerned, ‘Innervisions’ is Stevie Wonder’s best album and he will fight you to prove his point. Or, y'know, just take the Higher Ground instead.