The Wildcard’s Guide to the NFL - Week 13
Last Week: 13-2
Season: 115-60-1
Chicago Bears (5-6) at Detroit Lions (7-4)
Happy Thanksgiving, people! Here are some things that I’m thankful for:
Being alive
Not having to celebrate Thanksgiving
- The Cowboys’ Offensive Line
- Three NFL games on Friday
- The murky depths of the internet
- People reading this column (cheers)
- People who like TNC on facebook, follow on twitter, etc. (cheers)
- The written words of Charles Bukowski
- That half empty (sorry, half full) bottle of Southern Comfort on my desk
- That 13-2 week I had with my picks last time (Personal Best!)
Here’s Detroit’s chance to immediately bounce back from getting trounced in New England. This really seems like a rough matchup for Chicago. Megatron hasn’t been nearly the guy of the last couple seasons but this is the perfect time to step up against the team giving up the fourth most yards per play this season.
Wildcard’s Pick: Lions by three Thanksgiving leftovers-worth of sandwiches
Philadelphia Eagles (8-3) at Dallas Cowboys (8-3)
It’s immensely hard for me to stay grounded when talking about the Cowboys. This is such an incredibly important game, too. Coming in the middle of the day while you’ve got that beer buzz going but the best part of the day is still to come. The pair play again before the end of the season so this isn’t the be all and end all. But it’s a massive leg up and it comes still in November, when it’s too early for people to pile ‘choke’ tags on Romo. You know, the guy with one of the best 4Q passer ratings of all time.
Tony Romo vs Mark Sanchez is enough to fill me with confidence, with Romo on one of his best seasons and Sanchez, well, he’s still Marky Mark. Better than his reputation, still not as good as most other starters. Unless Nick Foles sneaks back, but he hasn’t been training and it’s a short turnaround anyway.
Speaking of which, who sets the schedule that has Dallas playing Sunday night and Thursday night?
Anyway, I’ll try not to wax too lyrical here… BUT DID YOU SEE THAT DALLAS OFFENSIVE LINE LAST WEEK! YES. YES. YES.
Wildcard’s Pick: Cowboys by a couple turkey legs
Seattle Seahawks (7-4) at San Francisco 49ers (7-4)
And for the final Thanksgiving serving, it’s a massive, succulent, roasted turkey of a game. In a good way. By this stage in the holiday, people are starting to get that premature hangover that comes from drinking since 10am in the morning. The table needs clearing, the dishes need washing. Somebody probably says something they didn’t mean and the bickering starts. Which is perfect for a heated divisional rivalry with playoff implications like this one.
And then there was this. There isn’t much to say here other than good on them, they make some good points and also… huh!?
Wildcard’s Pick: Seahawks by a wishbone
Carolina Panthers (3-7-1) at Minnesota Vikings (4-7)
It’s been a shocker of a season for Carolina, but at least they have this guy.
Watching Steve Smith torch teams reminds everyone just how stupid Carolina were to let their only name at Wide Receiver walk, but Kelvin Benjamin’s filled the void pretty nicely. With 52 catches for 768 yards and 8 TDs, he’s a strong contender for Offensive Rookie of the Year. Even if he drops far too many balls. I’d back him over the likes of Sammy Watkins, Derek Carr or Mike Evans. Odell Beckham Jr. might give him a run with the momentum he’s picking up.
Makes you wonder how the Panthers might have gone with Smith there still.
Wildcard’s Pick: Panthers by 6
Cincinnati Bengals (7-3-1) at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2-9)
You know what? The Bengals are in really good shape, despite an up and down season. They’ve only lost three games! How did that happen? It’s just that they were three hidings at the hands of the Patriots, Colts and Browns. Cincy’s Finest have won all three divisional games though, and that’s crucial with every team on 7 wins as it stands. They won’t need it for the tiebreakers unless there’s a tie somewhere else but those two wins over Baltimore are games that Baltimore also lost.
The Buccaneers won’t win another game in 2014.
Wildcard’s Pick: Bengals by 13
San Diego Chargers (7-4) at Baltimore Ravens (7-4)
And the Ravens, sometimes flitting, still are sitting, still are sitting
On the perilous brink of playoffs but somehow last of their division four;
And Joe Flacco’s arm still seeming of a demon’s that is steaming,
And their running game is streaming rushing touchdowns on the floor;
While the Chargers from that shadow of the Broncos still aware
Know that losing in this match will blow their chances evermore.
Though the Ravens still have chances any loss could spoil their dances
For both teams this match could really be now or nevermore
Quoth the Ravens “Nevermore”
Wildcard’s Pick: Ravens by 3
Cleveland Browns (7-4) at Buffalo Bills (6-5)
Nah, but seriously, does anyone expect Cleveland to make the playoffs? Does anyone actually think that Brian Hoyer outdoes Ben Roethlisberger, Andy Dalton and Joe Flacco in the AFC North? Two Superbowl winners and Andy Dalton? I still like Pittsburgh best of that quartet, though Cincinnati have the light advantage with a draw boosting their win %. Those two play each other twice so only one of them will probably make it through. Baltimore should get to 10 wins with their schedule, while the Browns might not win another game. They’re a good team, just not a team easy to back in any head to head. Granted, Josh Gordon’s already helping things.
Wildcard’s Pick: Bills by 3
Tennessee Titans (2-9) at Houston Texans (5-6)
Wildcard’s Pick: Texans by 10
New Orleans Saints (4-7) at Pittsburgh Steelers (7-4)
Home of pirates, drunks and whores: New Orleans!
I’m sorry, I still love all things New Orleans. I think the Neville Brothers are great, New Orleans jazz quenches my thirst and I bought a Trombone Shorty album last year. Their episode of Sonic Highways was one of the better ones and gumbo sounds like something I wanna add to my diet. Plus Southern Comfort is my liquor of choice (love that fruity burn).
But three weeks in a row I’ve picked these guys to win at the ‘Dome and three weeks in a row they’ve lost. I’m holding a grudge.
Wildcard’s Pick: Steelers by 6
Washington Pro Football Team (3-8) at Indianapolis Colts (7-4)
The Colts are an odd team. You don’t trust them against any good team, but you also never quite count them out. They’ll get pumped by the Patriots in the regular season but if they draw them in the playoffs (which the Colts more or less have a free pass for with a division that includes the Titans and Jaguars) then you’ll be a brave person to bet either way. No other team is as capable of ignoring 3 terrible quarters for an enormous late comeback. And despite this they still have an inconsistent defence and a running game softer than the snow in Buffalo.
By the way, remember when Luck vs RG3 was an actual conversation?
Wildcard’s Pick: Colts by 20
New York Giants (3-8) at Jacksonville Jaguars (1-10)
Here you go, Giants. A game you can actually win.
But just to be nice, here’s that Beckham catch again.
Wildcard’s Pick: Giants by 10
Oakland Raiders (1-10) at St. Louis Rams (4-7)
Finally the Rams catch a break and it’s a resurgent Raiders team. Ok, not resurgent, but still buzzing after ruining what could have been a miracle of a week of picks by myself at the first hurdle. I, like every other reasonable person, had the Chiefs to beat Oakland, though I’ll at least claim some narcissistic credit by saying I still gave them a chance. Who cares.
The Rams’ last 9 games have all been against winning teams. Add in the fact that their franchise QB was ruled out for the season before it even started… what did the Rams do to upset their karmic goodwill?
Wildcard’s Pick: Rams by 3
Arizona Cardinals (9-2) at Atlanta Falcons (4-7)
I’ve been playing ESPN’s playoff machine for what seems like hours (it was more like 20 mins), mostly trying to find the best matchups for the Cowboys (I’m still holding out for a first round bye), though also to see how bad the NFC South can get. I never once had a team winning it with more than 7 wins, usually it was 6. It could be as low as 5. Being a division winner, they’ll get a home matchup as the fourth seed which is all kinds of ridiculous. Just wait and see the week 17 tanking to get that fifth seed and a trip to Carolina/Atlanta/New Orleans (sorry, Tampa) instead of a sixth seed and a trip to Arizona/Dallas/Philly/Seattle/San Fran.
Drew Stanton might cost Arizona a win or two but this team is still making the playoffs.
Wildcard’s Pick: Cardinals by 6
New England Patriots (9-2) at Green Bay Packers (8-3)
You can always trust Billy to say something short and abrupt yet immensely quotable. Only Gregg Popovich can rival him in American Sports.
In reality though, these are probably the two frontrunners for MVP this season. Maybe add in a Peyton Manning, a DeMarco Murray (whose case probably rests on him breaking the rushing yards record), with outside shots on Andy Luck, Ben Roethlisberger, JJ Watt, Jamaal Charles or Tony Romo. It’s usually a QB, unless someone breaks records (again, Murray?), so here are your top few candidates.
Right now, there’s nobody beating Aaron Rodgers. 30 touchdown passes to 3 interceptions? THREE INTERCEPTIONS. There’s brilliant, there’s 50 feet of cloudy & heavenly bliss… then there’s Aaron Rodgers in 2014.
This is the Superbowl in February if form continues. Don’t miss it.
Wildcard’s Pick: Packers by 0.5
Denver Broncos (8-3) at Kansas City Chiefs (7-4)
This is not good news for the Chiefs, who just dropped a game to Oakland, but it’s one of the dumber things to do to bet against Peyton Manning in a primetime game. Even away. Even against a division rival. (But not if he’s playing in New England)
Wildcard’s Pick: Denver by 7
Miami Dolphins (6-5) at New York Jets (2-9)
And to finish off a long week we have this. A ritual slaughtering. Rex Ryan has given the starting nod to Geno Smith so this could be a mess. Ryan Tannehill, meanwhile, has been great. Up the Fins, they’re back in it with a win here.
Wildcard’s Pick: Dolphins by 10
The Wildcard is a staff writer for The Niche Cache. He didn't always want to be an NFL columnist. No, he wanted to be... a lumberjack! Leaping from tree to tree as they float down the mighty rivers of British Columbia! With his best girl by his side!