Look, you really don’t need to do anything drastic to make the Super Bowl more interesting. It’s the freakin’ Super Bowl after all. But in consideration to all those out there (and Lord knows there are plenty of you) who don’t exactly care for the Seattle Seahawks or the New England Patriots, here’s a little drinking game to pass the day and help you get over the fact that another season has passed and your team once again didn’t make the final. Ah well. Drink up!

Drink Once…

If Russell Wilson cries on camera.

If there’s any mention of ‘Deflategate’.

If Marshawn Lynch gets in trouble for wearing golden cleats.

For every interception.

For a two point conversion.

For a fourth down conversion.

Should Marshawn Lynch run for a 50+ yard TD.

Whenever Russell Wilson’s game is compared to Tom Brady’s.

If Idina Menzel forgets the words to the national anthem.

If Peyton Manning appears in an ad.

Every time somebody who isn’t watching and doesn’t care (e.g. a girlfriend, roommate, family member) asks: ‘Who’s winning?’

Whenever a buddy loses a spot bet placed on the game (or pour one out if it’s you who loses it).

For each time somebody you know screws up the roman numerals (for reference, XLIX = 49).

If Richard Sherman yells in an interview.

If the second half begins with an onside kick (shout out to Sean Payton).

Drink Twice…

If Tom Brady cries on camera.

If there’s any mention of ‘Spy-Gate’.

If Marshawn Lynch gets in trouble for grabbing his crotch.

For every pick-six.

For a kick or punt return touchdown.

For an onside kick recovery.

Should Tom Brady throw an 80+ yard TD.

Whenever Tom Brady’s career is compared to Peyton Manning’s.

If Lenny Kravitz plays ‘It Ain’t Over ‘til It’s Over’ and the team behind at half-time is inspired towards a comeback victory. Only if both criteria are met, though.

If a retired player you’ve never heard of turns up in an ad (“Hi, I’m former NFL linebacker Blanky McNobody, and I wanna tell you about O’Sullivan’s Haemorrhoids Cream…”, etc.).

Every time that same uninterested person as before comments on an irrelevant part of the game (the weather, Brady’s hair, the attractiveness of players, etc.).

Whenever a buddy wins a spot bet placed on the game.

For each time that somebody on TV screw up the roman numerals.

If a commentator or journalist mentions that Richard Sherman went to Stanford.

If the stadium lights go out during the game (shout out to the Superdome).

Finish Your Drink…

If Bill Belichick cries on camera.

If there’s any mention of ‘Watergate’.

If Marshawn Lynch gets in trouble for spilling skittles all over the field.

For a game-clinching interception, be it in regular time or extra time.

For a safety.

For a fake field goal or fake punt (but only if it results in a score or a first down!).

Should the game go to overtime (For historical reasons: it’d be the first Super Bowl OT ever!).

Whenever Belichick is compared to Richard Nixon, favourably or otherwise.

If Katy Perry has a censor-worthy wardrobe malfunction (you may also need to excuse yourself to the bathroom upon this eventuality).

If Tim Tebow turns up in an ad. Finish another drink if he throws an interception in that ad (literally, not metaphorically).

If the Uninterested Person finishes the game passionately cheering for their new favourite team in their new favourite sport.

If yourself or a buddy had a futures bet on the winner from before the season started that comes through. That person also owes everybody in the immediate party their next drink.

If Roger Goodell screw up the roman numerals. Or if he admits he saw the tape.

On the occasion that Richard Sherman uses a post-match interview to announce his intentions to run in the next presidential elections.

If the game’s decided by a missed field goal in the final few seconds (shout out to Scott Norwood and Ray Finkle).