The Wildcard’s NFL Predictions - Week 5
Last Week: 9-6
Season: 38-25
Indianapolis Colts (2-2) at Houston Texans (1-3)
Hey Andy Luck, you all good bro? Yeah, ready to play this week? Sweet. Coz you’re playing the Texans, so, like… you should win this one. Just be careful of that Watt fella coz he’ll hurt ya. Texans can’t score though so don’t worry.
I did enjoy watching 40 year old Matt Hasselbeck in Luck’s place last week though. He had one of the all-time great sledging backfires way back when:
Right. Last week’s stuff. Decent. 9 right, 6 wrong. Whiffed bad on the Dolphins and Bills, kinda unlucky with the Raiders losing to the Bears and Cowboys falling in OT vs the Saints. And the Eagles lost, but that’s fine by me. Also didn’t pick the Rams beating the Cardinals but I did say it was a possibility so that’s a moral victory. Definitely squeaked it with the Ravens win though. The Colts and Seahawks left it close as well. Onwards and upwards, NFL fans!
Wildcard’s Pick: Colts by 4
Buffalo Bills (2-2) at Tennessee Titans (1-2)
Wildcard’s Pick: Bills by 10
Seattle Seahawks (2-2) at Cincinnati Bengals (4-0)
Thing’s I’ve learned about Seattle the last few weeks:
- Russell Wilson is quite brilliant and not many QBs can survive on that offence.
- Kam Chancellor is their best player. Forget the dumbass rule controversy after his fumble force, that was a monster play.
- The run game is an issue.
- The O-Line even more so (obvs related these last two).
- They're still really good in close games.
The Bengals have been possibly the third best team in 2015, combining some playmaking receivers and an offensive line that plays like a fortress for Andy Dalton. Plus Dalton’s been quality himself, some of the throws he’s made. Hey, the playoffs are one thing but don’t listen to the critics for the next couple months. Of course, Seattle might go and turn him into Jimmy McSixPicks and make that look stupid all of a sudden.
Wildcard’s Pick: Seahawks by 1.
Cleveland Browns (1-3) at Baltimore Ravens (1-3)
Nobody’s scared of the Browns, not even the blunted Ravens.
Wildcard’s Pick: Ravens by 6
Chicago Bears (1-3) at Kansas City Chiefs (1-3)
These teams may have identical records but they’re nothing alike. I mean, the Bears had a tough schedule to start, no doubt, however the Chiefs… they’ve lost three times, to the Broncos, Packers and Bengals. Those teams have a combined record of 12-0. Fair to say it gets easier from here. The Chiefs still have a very strong defence, a running game worth worrying about and a quarterback whose reputation swings by the day even though he plays the exact same 75% game every week.
Wildcard’s Pick: Chiefs by 9
St Louis Rams (2-2) at Green Bay Packers (4-0)
As curious as the Rams have been this season, beating both Seattle and Arizona while losing to the Steelers and R**skins (seems like a team that loves their division games), they’ve lost Alec Ogletree for most of it not all of the season and they’re playing the Packers at Lambeau. And Lambeau is the Helm’s Deep of the NFL. Never breached.
Why yes I am re-reading Lord of the Rings. How could you tell?
Wildcard’s Pick: Packers by whatever it takes.
Jacksonville Jaguars (1-3) at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-3)
Wildcard’s Pick: Ooh, gimme the Buccs here. Slight upset, maybe. TBB by 3
New Orleans Saints (1-3) at Philadelphia Eagles (1-3)
You know, DeMarco Murray has a legitimate complaint when he says the Eagles aren’t using him enough. 24.5 rushes per game in 2014 with the Cowboys and less than 10 a game with the Eagles. Why pay all that money for him if ya ain’t gonna use him? I know he’s been hurt but c’mon.
I almost see this one as a toss-up and so to save flipping a coin, I'm just gonna go with the Saints since I hate Philly with a burning passion. Fair ‘nuff, right?
Wildcard’s Pick: Saints by 4
Washington R**skins (2-2) at Atlanta Falcons (4-0)
That’s me going all in on the Falcons.
It helps that they’ve gotten all four of the NFC East within five weeks (and the Texans were the other side). It helps that after this they get the Saints, Titans, Buccs and 49ers. Jeez, this is an easy schedule! It mighta been different had Romo been fit or the Eagles not been a wreck and if the Giants knew how to close a tight game but even still this team has looked bloody good. They actually might win 14 or 15 games this season. In reality, they should be at 10-11 with a proper sched.
The one problem is that they’ve conceded 93 points in 4 games. That needs to get better if they’re gonna compete come playoffs, or that’s a lot of pressure on a dynamic but imperfect offence to keep slaying as they currently are.
Wildcard’s Pick: Falcons by 15
Arizona Cardinals (3-1) at Detroit Lions (0-4)
The only winless team left is the Detroit Lions. A record 8th season as the final winless team.
The saddest thing is they haven’t even been that bad. Far from the worst team out there. Unfortunately the Cardies are one of the very best.
Wildcard’s Pick: Cardinals by 3
New England Patriots (3-0) at Dallas Cowboys (2-2)
“It’s not quite apples and oranges when the guy on the other side of the deal is Brees and you’re dealing with a guy as limited as Weeden. And we were.” – Jerry Jones.
Holy crap. Jerry just laid into Weedle. I mean, everything he says is true but ‘til now the Cowboys have only had positive things to say about the NFL’s closest thing to a real-life muppet.
Dallas finally gets a slice of luck after begging like Oliver Twist for just a little more. Rolando McClain and Greg Hardy returning from injury and suspension respectively. Finally, a pass rush! Though Hardy’s welcomed himself back with some weird comments about Tom Brady, Gisele and her sister:
You can always trust those ‘Boys to make the headlines one way or another. (Best not mention the reason he was suspended was for multiple domestic assaults… urgh). Unfortunately they’re still absolutely ravaged RB Lance Dunbar is done for the year, Sean Lee (their best defensive player) left the last game with a concussion. Dez Bryant and Tony Romo won’t be back this month (despite rumours that Bryant’s closer than people think). Any team without their best two players is gonna be in trouble. Take Tom Brady and Rob Gronkowski out of this Pats team and who knows? But they are playing, all rested up after the bye, and this could be ugly.
Wildcard’s Pick: Patriots by 8
Denver Broncos (4-0) at Oakland Raiders (2-2)
Peyton Manning vs the Oakland Raiders (since joining the Broncos):
- 28 December 2014 – Broncos 47-14 Raiders
- 9 November 2014 – Broncos 41-17 Raiders (A)
- 29 December 2013 – Broncos 34-14 Raiders (A)
- 23 September 2013 – Broncos 37-21 Raiders
- 6 December 2012 – Broncos 26-13 Raiders (A)
- 30 September 2012 – Broncos 37-6 Raiders
A combined 16 TDs and 3 INTs.
Wildcard’s Pick: Broncos by 12
San Francisco 49ers (1-3) at New York Giants (2-2)
Check it out, the skint and maligned 49ers came out and put up a big effort against the Packers last week. Comfortably beaten but they made things hard on Aaron Rodgers and that’s a legit achievement. Unfortunately things are close to pathetic on the other side and that’s falling on a certain Colin Kaepernick.
Kap’s come out saying he doesn’t play for job security. Yet in the last two games he’s thrown 22-44 with 0 TDs and 5 INTs, two of them pick-sixes. His season passer rating is 32nd in the League. Only Ryan Mallett and, shockingly, Andrew Luck are worse (at least Lucky can say he's been injured).
The G-Men got me off-guard last week but maybe they shouldn’t have. They pretty much blew the first two games of the season, they could well be 4-0 if they’d managed the clock better. But that offers the counterpoint that clock management and late-game performance are major factors in what makes a team good. You can’t get that stuff done then you didn’t deserve it. Either way though, this team is close.
If the Niners show up on defence like they did last game, they’ll be in with a shot. Of course, that means they’ll need to score some points from somewhere. Hmm.
Wildcard’s Pick: Giants by 7
Pittsburgh Steelers (2-2) at San Diego Chargers (2-2)
Philip Rivers against a fairly porous Steelers defence. His offensive line’s all injured but they were rubbish anyway. Not sure at all that Michael Vick can keep up when the ball starts flying and it’s doubtful Rivers can be stopped. It’s been lost as his team’s struggled a bit, needing a late FG to avoid a third straight loss, but Rivers has been as good as anyone this season not named Rodgers or Brady. And maybe Ryan and Dalton too. But he’s certainly up there. Unstoppable in the second half last week. Pittsburgh’s best chance is Le’Veon Bell having a stormer, other than that the Chargers a hot pick at home.
Oh yeah, and Antonio Gates is back this week. Boom.
Wildcard’s Pick: Chargers by 7
BYE: Miami Dolphins (1-3), Minnesota Vikings (2-2), New York Jets (3-1), Carolina Panthers (4-0).
The Wildcard is a staff writer for The Niche Cache. Outside of that, he also runs a Private Investigation office, dealing specifically in sporting disciplinary cases and poor officiating in games. Your team been robbed by a ref recently? Call Wildcard PI. (Unless you’re from Detroit - we’re sick of hearing from you!)