Last Week: 5-8

Season: 80-52

Buffalo Bills (4-4) at New York Jets (5-3)

Folks, I have a confession to make. I’m feeling disillusioned with the NFL. It’s not the off-field stuff that keeps happening, nor the commercialism or the frustrating grandiosity of it all. Not even the player safety aspect. No, it’s something much simpler, much closer to the bone. It’s the cumulative effect of heart-breaking Cowboys loss after heart-breaking Cowboys loss. So excuse me if I go on the attack a little this week. I’m feeling backed into a corner here.

I’ve looked at the records and I’m ashamed to admit that the apathy I’m feeling has spilled into my picks. 5-8 was the second worst week I’ve ever had at this gig (oh, the notorious week 12 of 2013 still brings back some terrible memories…). But, to be fair, the Broncos, Falcons and Chargers all lost by three points or less while the Cowboys, Rams and Saints all lost in overtime. When you’re luck’s bad, it’s bad, man. The only games I really whiffed on were the Packers against the Panthers and Dolphins against the Bills.

Welcome back, Rex. Sexy Rexy, shall I say. He doesn’t think that Ryan Fitzpatrick is sexy but the bearded one disagrees.

Rex: "Right now, the thing's that disappointing to me is that beard. He's not a real handsome kid."

Fitz: "That's alright. I got 5 kids, so something's working."

Wildcard’s Pick: Jets by 6

Jacksonville Jaguars (2-6) at Baltimore Ravens (2-6)

We’re pretty much midway through the season now, most teams having played 8 games. So now feels like a nice chance for some midseason awards and stuff, don’t tell Bill Belichick.

MVP: Tom Brady, the prick.
Coach of the Year: Bill Belichick, the grumpy bastard. The Pats look the best team in the league and yet their offensive line injuries are so bad they’re running tight ends there.
Offensive Player: I’m ignoring Brady for variety’s sake, so that leaves it open for the Ginger Ninja, the Red Rocket, the Ballin’ Bengal… Andy Dalton.
Defensive Player: Josh Norman takes this one. Brilliant season he’s having.
Rookie: Big Amari Cooper fan here, Marcus Mariota too, but it would be a travesty to look beyond Todd Gurley.
Comeback Player: Greg Hardy. No, jokes. Eric Berry’s the sentimental vote, NaVarro Bowman’s been great, but the CBPOY has gotta be Carson Palmer.
Overachievers: Minnesota Vikings. Who had these guys at 6-2? And they’re done it despite an average showing from Teddy Bridgewater so far.
Underachievers: Baltimore Ravens. Suggs’ injury sucked (Smith’s too) but every struggling team’s had injuries. They’re short on offensive weapons but this team has lost five of their six games by a single score. All six if you back them to get a two-point conversion vs the Cards.
NFC Champs: I wanna pick the Panthers or Cardinals as a smokey but I’m not at all ready to pass on the Green Bay Packers yet.
AFC Champs: New England Patriots, but we can always hope for an upset.

Wildcard’s Pick: Ravens by 3

Cleveland Browns (2-7) at Pittsburgh Steelers (5-4)

No Le’Veon, no Big Ben. But I still back them. Antonio Brown is so good that he’ll make Landry Jones look great. Or at least as good as he’ll need to be to beat the Browns. Let’s not forget that Johnny Manziel will probably be starting again.

Wildcard’s Pick: Steelers by 8

Carolina Panthers (8-0) at Tennessee Titans (2-6)

Wildcard’s Pick: Panthers by 11

Chicago Bears (3-5) at St Louis Rams (4-4)

Sorry but the team giving up the sixth most yards per rush this season is not stopping Todd Gurley. The Bears had their big one last week against the Chargers and they ain’t good enough to back that up.

Wildcard’s Pick: Rams by 10

Dallas Cowboys (2-6) at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-5)

And another bloody thing. Please, please, please don’t assume that Cowboys fans are enabling domestic violence by tolerating Greg Hardy. I was supporting this team long before Hardy wandered into the picture, crashing his way through media conferences like a bull in a china shop.

He’s quite clearly an intolerable person but he’s a good player and those two things are separate. It’s up to the legal system to deal with the first part of it and the coaches the second. This is a brutal, barbaric sport and these athletes are treated like gladiators in every way. There’s not enough human education, they’re mercenaries for a few years and then they’re thrown to the curb with no idea how to act in the real world. That’s not my fault.

The problem with this Cowboys season is that there’s never been a moment where there wasn’t a little hope, a flickering candle in a distant window. While every sequential loss is making it harder and harder to see the end of the malaise, each coming week offers another small reason not to give up, whether it’s a Giants loss, a returning player or a winnable game. This week there’s a good chance we get two of those, next week we get the third as Romo strolls in like Gandalf at Helm’s Deep.

But the soul-crushing nature of six weeks of losses makes it hard for me to fully believe. If they’re not out of it then they’re something close. Maybe Romo wins every single game after he returns. It’s hard to imagine that one player can make such a difference, though, when he has a defence incapable of stopping the Eagles. If only we could euthanize this season. If only I didn’t have to wake up every game day and dream of secret path to the playoffs. I hate this.

Wildcard’s Pick: Cowboys by 3, dammit.

Detroit Lions (1-7) at Green Bay Packers (6-2)

The Lions probably aren’t as bad as their record suggests but they’re even worse than that when it comes to playing the Packers in Wisconsin. They haven’t won in Cheese Territory since December 1991, since when it’s 0-24 for the poor Lions. A little less Mufasa, a little more Cowardly Lion from The Wizard of Oz.

Mate, what’s up with Eddie Lacy? Dropped for James Starks - yet another stumble in a season full of them. Six months ago this concept would have seemed as unlikely to happen as a Cleveland Browns title run (you can write that one off for at least another season). He was one of the best in the business, a top ten if not top five running back. Lacy’s career to date has seen over 2300 yards at over 4 per carry. This season he’s averaging 3.3 without a run longer than 15 yards. He’s not injured. He’s not old. He’s not got any off-season dramas (that we know of). It’s pretty hard to say where this cliff that he’s sliding down came from so all of a sudden. The best theory: He’s fat. He’s too big to fit through the holes in the defensive line. Sounds rough but what else can it be? Oooh, maybe he’s secretly dating a Kardashian?

Wildcard’s Pick: Packers by 10

New Orleans Saints (4-5) at Washington Rskins (3-5)**

Have you watched ‘Master of None’ on Netflix yet? Bloody great show. There was this race relations PR fella on it who tried to rebrand the WPFT as the Washington Breadsticks. I enjoyed that. I hate the R**skins.

Wildcard’s Pick: Saints by 2

Miami Dolphins (3-5) at Philadelphia Eagles (4-4)

Scorched earth. I’ve picked a Cowboys win. My chips are on the table. Every other NFC East team is taking a loss as well, screw the lot of them. RRRRWWAAARRR!!!

Wildcard’s Pick: Dolphins by 7

Minnesota Vikings (6-2) at Oakland Raiders (4-4)

Alright, I’m in. The Raiders are pretty good and Derek Carr has played well enough for long enough that I’m ready to give him the credit that he’s earned and deserves. Plus this team knows how to block. I like ‘em. I like the Vikings too but I don’t really like them as a 7-2 team. Home field advantage doesn’t mean all that much to a team that’s on the verge of picking up shop and moving to Los Angeles (or maybe San Diego if the Chargers steal their thunder).

The Raiders are scoring points on teams but they’re struggling to keep them out. They scored 35 and lost last week, so I back them against a team that’s only scored 30 once in 2015.

Wildcard’s Pick: Raiders by 3

Kansas City Chiefs (3-5) at Denver Broncos (7-1)

Wildcard’s Pick: Broncos by 7

New England Patriots (8-0) at New York Giants (5-4)

Revenge is a heavy word. It’s rare that the act ever really makes up for the initial hurt. It’s an insidious, suffocating thing that emerges from a reluctance to accept the past and move on.

Beating the Giants in their home stadium will not bring back those two lost Super Bowls. It won’t undo the helmet catch or the Manningham grab down the side-line. But these are the Patriots we’re talking about and no franchise, nor especially their fans, holds a grudge with more ferocity. Deflategate. We were all over it within a couple days and they just kept on moaning, even after the legal process came back in their favour. Note to New England: We really don’t care. You won. You won the Super Bowl too. Let it go.

Wildcard’s Pick: Patriots by 7

Arizona Cardinals (6-2) at Seattle Seahawks (4-4)

What a fantastic game. This could be the one where the Seahawks officially get their season back on the title tracks or it could be the one where the Cardinals truly announce themselves as serious threats in their own right. Two fantastically well coached teams, two strong defences and two great quarterbacks. It’s ridiculous that people still don’t rate Russell Wilson. Okay, he’s not got Brady or Manning’s arms but he makes winning plays. That’s what you want. Sharp on his feet, good accuracy and wonderful poise… why the hell am I explaining this to you, you’ve seen him play. You may also have seen him chilling over the bye week.

He’s got a good life, ol’ Russ. So long as it’s not a little too good because this team needs that grind back. His contest with Carson Palmer is gonna be massive, just as Palmer and his receivers’ is with the Seattle secondary that hasn’t been nearly as dominant in 2015. Guts to them.

Palmer already has 20 TD passes this season, that’s second only to Tom Brady. As a dude who airs it out a bit he’s a turnover threat against great defences though, which may end up costing them. But this game could go either way.

Wildcard’s Pick: Seahawks by 3

Houston Texans (3-5) at Cincinnati Bengals (8-0)

Come on. You’re betting against this handsome devil? 9-0, write it up.

Wildcard’s Pick: Bengals by 12

BYE: Indianapolis Colts (4-5), San Diego Chargers (2-7), San Francisco 49ers (3-6), Atlanta Falcons (6-3)

The Wildcard is a staff writer for The Niche Cache and a Dallas Cowboys fan. Sometimes he enjoys a little cry in the shower. Other times he prefers simply to drink himself to sleep.