A Thorough History of Steven Adams’ Filthy/Awesome Moustache
In 2013 there entered into the NBA a fresh-faced young kiwi basketballer. Nearing three years later that same cherubic (but not really) young lad has emerged into a starting NBA centre and hirsute icon for modern hermits and wookies worldwide.
Let us witness the progress. Here are the media day photos from Adams’ career so far. Year one he looked like what he was, straight outta college.
Year two, however, that was a significant moment in this transformation. For the occasion of media day, Adams grew himself a cheeky moustache to adorn his player profiles for the season.
A Tom Selleck inspired look, for some cross-generational reason. Hey, a good moustache will last the test of time. Ask Sam Elliott or Charlie Chaplin or Ron Burgundy or… a few not-so-feel-good political examples. To this date he still rocks a photoshopped Selleck/Adams pic on his twitter profile.
The moustache didn’t last, it was only really a gimmick.
“Honestly that’s all it was. So when they call out my name it’s just: ‘stache. Or when someone opens up the book… ‘stache. It’s gonna be so good” – Steven Adams.
But as the season progressed there were, in hindsight, glimpses of the coming evolution. A few scraggy sproutings on the chin, some lazy no-shave Sundays. Occasionally the hair would get a bit longer and messier.
Then, at the end of his second season, Steven Adams made a bold grooming claim at his exit interview:
Actually, what he promised was a “mew-lay”, a fancy mullet, so to speak. That one needed some explaining to the OKC media but they got there in the end. To be fair, the mo’ almost returned in November 2014 but, like…
“For Movember, I was actually trying, I shaved the day before November. And it started growing out a lot, and I tried to shape it up myself, and I ruined it. It looked absolute garbage, so then I had to shave it all off. I had to. It was pretty tragic.” – Steven Adams, speaking to Complex
Still, it was there for a brief amount of time in its nascent flowering.
So after the splash he caused in 2014, there was a bit of heat over what he may look like when he returned for the 2015-16 season. We’d already had a glimpse in NZ, since he’d been back in the motherland doing a few programmes and filming a documentary for OKC television (which has shown up on the Thunder website and also youtube since).
In his own words, Adams had spent the (American) summer “just letting myself go”. Long hair and a messy beard and all of it was staying. This year it wasn’t a gimmick… it was a lifestyle. The transition was nearly complete:
Bonus points for really selling it with the eyes. More than one OKC fellow referred to him as a “free spirit” that day.
The hair did become something of an obstacle though. Too long to let flow free, headbands weren’t gonna be a solution either:
“My head is weirdly shaped so I can't wear a headband.” – Steven Adams
So instead it was Samurai Steve with the man-bun.
Early October 2015 and something drastic happened. The moustache and beard were briefly gone (the hair survived). Thankfully and by the grace of God it soon grew back, here was Steve with the explanation:
“I miss my little guy.” – Steven Adams
Perhaps the crowning moment in the moustache’s lifespan was the day when it was officially recognised by teammate Russell Westbrook. Like a rubber stamped approval, this was. While Adams went “fully committed” to the Thunder’s 2015 team Halloween party dressed as Heath Ledger’s Joker from The Dark Knight (in nurse costume and all), Russ showed up unexpectedly and yet brilliantly dressed… as Steven Adams. He went to the party dressed up as another guy at the party, so good.
"Well played. Top form. Good from him." – Steven Adams on Russ’ costume.
This from NewsOK: Westbrook's attention to detail was particularly impressive. He spent more than an hour perfecting Adams' forearm 'Funaki' tattoo, donned the long hair and mustache, while also remaining in character by attempting Adams' unique mannerisms throughout the night. "It was brilliant," Adams said. "He said he even had the gold tooth, but it couldn't fit. I was like this guy definitely won."
Of course, Halloween comes right at the end of October and following that is November. Congratulations if you’d already worked that out. November happens to be a month in which the famous Movember campaign is run, men growing moustaches for charity’s sake. He may have failed tragically the year before but this time the ‘stache truly blossomed. Oh and he was joined by a few friends too:
The moustache lived well beyond the Movember deadline though. See, Adams had further plans for the lip warmer.
Rollie Fingers? He was a baseballer in the ‘70s who sported (and apparently still does) an absolutely outrageously coiffed specimen of facial hair. To call it a moustache would be like calling the White House a cabin. That is one hefty goal to live up to, matey.
And so then this happened. Upturned waxed tips, like a true Victorian gentleman.
By Jove, I do say.
At this present stage in time the mo’ has finally taken on legendary status in the small but iconic club of NBA facial hair. There’s James Harden’s beard up top of the list, Anthony Davis’ monobrow in second and Steven Adams’ moustache is there ready to fight off the rest of the competition for third. You want proof of this bold claim? Steve got a profile for his ‘grooming’ in GQ magazine:
As for that little poem, it’s from a Seth MacFarlane rewrite (from A Million Ways to Die in the West – you’ll need every one of them to make it through the film) of an old Stephen Foster tune. Foster being the dude who wrote Camptown Races and Oh! Susanna among other sepia-tinted American classics.
Adams was a babyface as a rookie, grew the Tom Selleck mustache (his admitted inspiration) in his second year and now looks like the Great Khali from “The Longest Yard”.
Comfort? At this rate, he’s going to look like the Geico Caveman next year.
“He’s already there,” [Dwyane] Wade said jokingly.
Complex: What tips do you have for men trying to grow a great moustache?
Kiwi Steve: Just stick to it. Everyone has to go through that kind of creepy paedophile stage with the moustache. And then beyond that, it's just absolute class. Just stick through it, no matter what the girls say.
Shout out to Steven Adams for sticking to it.
