It’s the greatest team sports event in the world because it’s so exciting, so competitive and so unpredictable. But even at the FIFA World Cup there are still a few things that you can always expect to happen. From commentary gaffes to the fans in the stands to the best of the beautiful game to the laughable worst, here’s a list of stuff that we’re bound to see during the big show. Print it out or just keep on checking back.

Score a point for every time you spot the following…

The year 1966 is mentioned during an England game.
Pele’s face is shown in the crowd more than twice during a Brazil game. Bonus point if he waves to the camera.
A goal is scored directly from a set piece (penalty or free kick) after a blatant dive.
The commentator tries to dodge controversy by playing up “a little bit of contact there” after one of those dives.
The camera cuts away from the action to show some super hot Brazilian chick in face paint cheering or something similar. Lose a point for every half-naked fat guy with a beer waving his shirt over his head in a windmill.
A South American team or player is described as “dirty”.
An African team or player is described as naturally gifted, but unpolished or naïve or disorganised.
An American media outlet completely overrate their own team.
The Germans are referred to as “efficient”.
Double points for every Englishman who misses a penalty (regular time or shootout).
Someone uses the phrase “goal-line technology”.
A point for every third time that Arjen Robben cuts inside onto his left foot instead of crossing/shooting with the right peg.
Every time Landon Donovan’s name is mentioned with the American team losing/having lost.
Manchester City, PSG or Real Madrid are linked with a player you’d never heard of before the day after they play a great game for their country. Bonus point if all three are mentioned in the same article and regarding the same player.
Cristiano Ronaldo takes his shirt off after scoring a goal.
Cristiano Ronaldo cries.
Two French players argue heatedly. Bonus points for any punches/slaps thrown.
Luis Suarez picks up a red card.
Sepp Blatter is shown shaking hands with some mysterious billionaire or sheik. Bonus points if you actually see the suitcase changing hands.
Neymar gets a (new) dumb haircut.
A top 10 team is bundled out in the group stages.
There is a pitch invader. Bonus point if it’s a streaker. Triple points if he manages to kick the ball. Quintuple points if he gets it into the back of the net.
A point for every clean nutmeg throughout the tournament. (Possession must be maintained!).
And one for every tenth “ole” from the crowd.
A point if there is a Mexican Wave. Extra point if it’s during a Mexico game.
One for every attempted bicycle kick.
A small child cries in the crowd after their team is kicked out.
“Total Football” is mentioned during a Netherlands game.
Brazil’s team is unfavourably compared to previous World Cup winning Brazilian teams.
Lionel Messi is compared to Diego Maradona.
Someone mentions that the African nations never produce top quality goalkeepers.
Belgium are declared as the “Dark Horses” of the tournament.
The word “party” is spoken during a crowd shot.
A great player announces his retirement after his team is knocked out.
Iran or Algeria score a goal.
Australia manages a shot on target against Spain.
Somebody blames a defeat on the new Adidas ‘Brazuca’ ball.
A Russian name is mispronounced.
A news reporter goes on the scene as drunken fans celebrate in a sports bar somewhere. Bonus point if he/she gets beer spilt on him/her.
Italy make a defensive substitution after taking a 1-0 lead.
Spain score from a header (they only did it once last time).
Diego Maradona says something controversial.
There’s some silly news story about an animal ‘predicting’ the last game.
Someone wins a game by five or more goals.
A goal is scored from behind the halfway line.
A goalkeeper takes the ball out of his box and everyone freaks out. Bonus point if there’s a FIFA 14 reference that follows.
A fan in the crowd is dressed as a cartoon character.
A hat-trick is scored.
German coach Joachim Low is caught on camera with his finger up his nose.
Double points if a winning player drops the trophy in the celebrations.