Last Week: 6/10

Overall: 44/90

West Ham vs Chelsea

What a… gutsy… game to begin the weekend. If only Frank Lampard were around to see it.

So far West Ham have a 100% record against last season’s top six, but those three wins were all on the road. Both of their losses have come at home and the only team they’ve beaten at Upton Park was Newcastle. Oh, Lusitanos and Birkakara too, but competitive games in July don’t count.

Also, Chelsea have only lost once to West Ham in all competitions since 2004. The thing about being one of those teams that likes to sit back is that you don’t tend to do well against other teams that like to sit back. Chelsea are gonna win this and Diego Costa is gonna score. Maybe even Eden Hazard too.

The most interesting part might be seeing what Jose Mourinho says to get fined this week. It’s like he’s on a personal mission to take it to the FA on every opportunity. You keep fighting the good fight, Jose. ANARCHY!

Apparently, if he needs it, he’ll use the phrase “weak and naïve” because those are the words Arsene Wenger said after losing to Chelsea (Gabriel sent off, Costa eventually banned, you remember it) and he escaped sanction for that utterance, whereas Jose copped a £50k fine (which is under appeal) for saying officials are “afraid” to give CFC penalties. They were robbed one in the Champions League this week, I’ll give him that.

Wildcard’s Pick: 2-0 to the Blues.

Stoke City vs Watford

What odds are you getting for a third consecutive 1-0 Stoke victory? For all the tiny, flashy players that they’ve brought in, this is still the same old Stoke and that’s a good thing.

Wildcard’s Pick: Stoke 1-0

Leicester City vs Crystal Palace

Right, let me get this all straight. Because I haven’t been very generous to Leicester City in the past and I don’t expect to be in the future. Hey it’s nothing personal. It’s just that every time the Foxes come back and spoil a pick of mine it reinforces why I didn’t pick them in the first place and I know that’s a pretty stupid cycle of doubling down but whatever.

There’s definitely something refreshing about Leicester. They play with a pace and enthusiasm that most recently promoted teams are too frightened to try. Somehow it’s working. When you look at the amount of comebacks they’ve produced it tells you that perhaps sitting back on a lead isn’t the smartest thing to do against Leicester (7 of their 16 points have been salvaged from losing positions), though when you look at the number of clean sheets that they’ve kept (zero, zilch, nada), you understand why I keep saying this won’t continue. And yet it does, it bloody does.

Wildcard’s Pick: Palace are tops on the road. 2-1 them.

Norwich City vs West Bromwich Albion

This one looks like a goal-starved dud on paper, but Norwich have already beaten WBA in the League Cup this season (3-0 too, very handy). Granted, neither side was at full strength for that.

Nathan Redmond vs Saido Berahino is the battle to watch here, two of England’s most exciting young players. Also two players whose clubs rely fairly heavily on their creativity, though at least West Brom have a couple alternatives.

Wildcard’s Pick: Gimme a 1-1-er.

Aston Villa vs Swansea

Allow me to return to the well once more because I have an inkling that this may be my last chance:

Swansea are slumping but slumping teams do enjoy playing the Villans. Sherwood’s soldiers have given wins to Brendan Rodgers and Jose Mourinho, as well as a point to Dick Advocaat. They’d be okay if their manager would let them defend now and then but he seems to be ethically opposed to the idea. No, it is through hard work and a positive attitude that we will get through this!

Villa fans: Sherwood, Moyes or Rodgers? Pick one to marry, one to kill… and one to manage your football club.

Wildcard’s Pick: Swans 2-1

Arsenal vs Everton

Imagine beating Bayern Munich, man. Imagine that. Both goals had an element of luck about them but that was a superb performance by Arsenal. Ignore the 30% possession/one quarter of the passes stats because the Gunners were in that game the whole way. Something about how they can sit deep and counter with speed just threw Bayern off. They’re such a dangerous team when they’ve got that going for them, it was that same lightning pace that blew Man United out of the water the other week too, albeit in a different manner. I thought Theo Walcott was quite brilliant in that game, if only his finishing was there to match the rest of it (still better than Bubba Sterling’s finishing and he scored a hatty last week).

But Everton offer a different task. This is a team with a lot of punch through the middle of the field and a couple solid centre backs. Theo’s gotta play against Jags & Stones, surely. Jags especially is short a yard or two (though Stonesy’s got legs). Aaron Ramsey’s out for a month or so which is a blow, though I don’t reckon he was playing all that well anyway. About time the Ox got a run if you ask me.

My concern is that the Bayern result was so morale-boosting that the most Arsenal thing possible to do now would be to drop points at home in the League. This is not a team that takes three steps forward in a row without at least one in the other direction.

Wildcard’s Pick: Drawskees.

Sunderland vs Newcastle United

Let’s see how long I can go without bringing up Big Sam… oh crap.

Eh, it’s all about him anyway. He seems like a fella who can hold a grudge and after the way he was dismissed at Newcastle (the closest he ever got to a legit top-half of the table team) he has plenty of reason to. We know he’s a pragmatic fella and we know he wields fury at anyone who dismisses the results he gets because of the style he plays. I get a feeling that this time… it’s personal.

Unfortunately I also get the feeling that his personality may overshadow this game. They’re a pair of teams with only one win between them, and that was Newcastle’s misleading 6-2 win over Norwich. Misleading in that they scored six but from only six shots on target. Hey, take ‘em as they come, the Toon were due eventually.

In 26 Premier League meetings, Newcastle have 9 wins, there have been 9 draws and Sunderland have 8 wins. This may be the closest derby there is in the top flight (not that there’s much chance they’ll both be in the top flight next season – looking at you Sunderland), except that’s only because Sunderland have won five on the trot.

Weirdly, the last three Sunderland managers before Big Sam (Paolo Di Canio, Gus Poyet and Dick Advocaat) all lost their first games in charge before winning their second – and all three of those seconds were against Newcastle. Something about this impending match gets Sunderland bosses sacked it seems. But there are serious problems within Sunderland these days and while Allardyce is as good a man as any to diagnose the issue, isolate the infection and cut it off at the source… it’s too soon. I think Newcastle have too much talent not to eventually rise to, say 14 or 15th, whereas Sunderland have so little talent that I don’t know how they possibly survive.

Say, what’s Kevin Nolan doing these days? Probably waiting by the phone still like Huell in Breaking Bad.

Wildcard’s Pick: The city will be black and white for the next while.

Manchester United vs Manchester City

The flagship of the weekend’s fixtures, perhaps of the season’s too.

They always talk about bragging rights in these games, something that United held for a long time but in recent years has swing back and forth like a pendulum. City thoroughly demolished United in the Moyes year, while United pumped them 4-2 last year under Van Gaal (and lost the other match, though it was close until Chris Smalling was sent off). Right now you’d have to say City are on top but then how will they cope without David Silva and Sergio Aguero?

One thing that needs to happen is that Anthony Martial needs to play centre forward. Rooney should be deeper in a game of this magnitude, where he can get on the ball more often, spray it around and feel influential, while Martial’s pace and movement are a big threat against a Kompany-less defence (even if he plays, actually). Plus this way Rooney vs Yaya will be outstanding. At the other end, Bill Bony means it’ll probably be Jones and Smalling at the back, much stronger than Blind (chuck him on the left where he can get forward behind De Bruyne/Navas). The real danger man/boy will be Bubba Sterling and his shifty dribbling against a United defence whose biggest weakness is their heavy feet.

Here’s one for ya: There hasn’t been a Manchester Derby draw since a 0-0 stalemate hosted by City in 2010. The last one before that was 1-1 at Old Trafford in 2005.

Another one: There have been 27 players to play for both clubs, but only one manager to manage both of them. His name was Ernest Mangnall. He bossed United from 1903-1912, winning their first national trophies, before agreeing to manage City in 1912. He was actually still in charge for a couple games after shaking hands on the switch, one of which a Manchester Derby that he lost to his soon-to-be employers. The more you know!

Wildcard’s Pick: Heart > Head, MUFC by a goal.

Bournemouth vs Tottenham Hotspur

The last time these two teams played competitively was an FA Cup tie in 1957 that Bournemouth won 3-1. So… you could say that the Cherries have the upper hand coming into this one.

Or you could say that Spurs are still unbeaten since the opening day of the season and should have far too much firepower for their opposition. Maybe Harry Kane will even score? They will be off a Europa League game so that does harm things slightly.

I’m really worried for Bournemouth because they’re a fun team but a doomed one. Too many devastating injuries and I get the feeling that maybe they got promoted a year too early. It’s been a whirlwind rise, that can happen. Hell, it happened to me on Football Manager once, but I salvaged it by signing some quality young fellas on contracts I couldn’t have offered in the league below and they got me right back up. Then I got relegated again. But the season after I won the FA Cup.

I think I may have a Football Manager addiction. I’m not even joking.

Wildcard’s Pick: Gotta ride with Spurs here.

Liverpool vs Southampton

“Mr Klopp, I was wondering if you wanted to come down and watch the reserves this weekend, see if there are any players worth bringing into the first team?”

“Absolutely. How about we organise a game between the two?”

“Why of course boss. I’ll get on the phone to Ronald Koeman right away.”

Wildcard’s Pick: A draw, Kloppy easing his way in slowly.