Last Week: 2/10

Overall: 66/150

Norwich City vs Everton

What a season it is when you can have a week of predictions as I did last time that go so horribly wrong. I mean, I like to eye up an upset here and there but for the most part I’m picking conservatively and taking the favourites. So to have a week in which all three teams in the relegation zone got points and only two of the top nine teams won gives you a pretty good indication of how wild the Premier League can be… especially in this rarest of seasons where we seem to have a multi-team title race.

Everton are at the arse-end of that title race, probably not gonna be taken seriously by many people. But maybe they should be? Because no other team has a striker in better form than Romelu Lukaku, not even Jamie Vardy for Leicester. There’s so much more to being a top centre forward than simply scoring goals. Lukaku has never played better than he has in the last few months, with a magnetic first touch that used to be so clunky, hold up play that once lacked rhythm and control. Plus you know what? He’s only six games away from tying Vardy’s consecutive games record.

Not only that but Ross Barkley and Gerry Deulofeu are having breakthrough seasons and their young squad depth has very commendably covered the absences of Leighton Baines and Seamus Coleman when they’ve had to. An interesting team. Plenty deeper than in recent years. Probably still a midfield short of competing with the squads above them.

Wildcard’s Pick: Everton 2-1

West Ham United vs Stoke City

You can add Winston Reid to the list of crucial players out injured for West Ham. While Stoke City are doing their best to turn into Barcelona, it seems that West Ham have their goals set at the not-so-lofty heights of Barcelona-Lite, also known as Arsenal.

It all makes sense. They have a French playmaker, a defence that’s pretty strong but capable of some absolute shockers and an injury list almost as long as Louis Van Gaal’s Christmas shopping list. They talked about how they needed to create a more entertaining team to fill out their new stadium next season, I seem to remember Arsenal having dramas with money and tickets and a new stadium once upon a time too.

When I talk about defensive howlers, by the way, this is what I mean:

That was James Collins last season. Nice.

The Hammers now have Reid, Diafra Sakho and Dimitri Payet all out for at least a month. All three are key starters in this team. Victor Moses may join them (worst case scenario) when scans on his own hammy come back. And Manuel Lanzini will miss six weeks too. It’s not a coincidence that they’re struggling for creativity since Payet got hurt and I really don’t trust them without Winston at the back either. Stoke are one of the form teams in the league, don’t ya know? In the last month they’ve beaten Chelsea, Southampton and Man City all to nil, losing 2-0 to Sunderland in between that but only after Shawcross had been sent off.

Wildcard’s Pick: 2-1 Stoke

Sunderland vs Watford

Has anyone read Kevin Nolan’s Championship match reports for Greenwich.co.uk?

“With their puny first half replies amounting to no more than Bobby Zamora's off-target header and Dale Stephens' wildly skied drive, the South Coasters could only improve. It became imperative that they were held at bay beyond the hour, instead of which the Addicks fatally conceded within five minutes of resumption. Declining to clear their lines agriculturally in favour of cerebral interpassing, Alou Diarra and Bauer were neatly pickpocketed by Manchester United loanee James Wilson, who sauntered through to score with insouciant ease.”

The sooner he finds himself a club the better. What are ya doing, Big Sam? (Answer: There are a lot of overpaid older players on the Sunderland payroll and I doubt the board want any more of them). Player-manager at Swansea, maybe? Or perhaps he should be helping that Charlton team he’s always writing about out by getting rid of all that ‘cerebral interpassing’.

Wildcard’s Pick: I regretted talking myself out of Watford last week. I'm doubling down, Hornets 2-0

Manchester City vs Swansea City

Just a thought: For a guy like Garry Monk who’s been affiliated with this club for 11 years, do you really have to sack him? What about demoting him to assistant or something, after all he’s done and all he’s given to that team. It just seems the done thing to sack a manager, rather than trying to salvage anything more. Of course, Monko probably backs himself to get another head gig somewhere which is fair enough, professional integrity and all that. I just wonder if these things are ever considered.

Wildcard’s Pick: City by 2 clear goals

Crystal Palace vs Southampton

Something about this one just screams: ‘draw’.

Wildcard’s Pick: 0-0

Bournemouth vs Manchester United

You know, there was a time when Manchester United would bounce back from a devastating tournament exit, such as their Champions League one in Wolfsburg, with a brutalising win over whichever poor sucker of a team were forced to face them next. That’s almost certainly a myth, but the fact that people think that is telling in itself. But what is it that they say about the old days?

Yup. That’s the one. Cheers for that, Slim Charles.

What’ll be interesting now is whether or not they really go hard at this Europa League trophy. The fact that they were so disappointed to miss the top 16 in Europe suggests that they’re good enough to win it if they can, plus if they do then that’s automatic entry into next season’s tournament that’d be a little extra incentive if it starts to hinder their league form. Which it shouldn’t, this is a deep squad with a manager that has faith in the youngsters (how else do you explain starting Guillermo Varela and bringing Nick Powell and Cameron Borthwick-Jackson off the bench in the biggest game of the season?). And when you take away the opening day 1-0 win over Spurs, United and Tottenham have an identical number of points. United have a stronger squad than Spurs. This shouldn’t be an issue – except that teams that enter the Europa from the CL often have a pretty snobbish view of it.

Best case neutral scenario: Manchester United get Gary Neville’s Valencia in next week’s draw.

I think they’ll beat the Cherries, but I’m finding it hard to visualise the demolition that they need to get the critics off their backs.

Wildcard’s Pick: United 1-0

Tottenham Hotspur vs Newcastle United

Newcastle recently lost to Leicester and Palace by a combined score of 8-1. They then beat Liverpool 2-0 possibly to save Steve McLaren’s job. You get the feeling that their next game at home to Aston Villa is the one they’re targeting, now that they have a slight amount of breathing room.

Wildcard’s Pick: Spurs 3-0

Aston Villa vs Arsenal

I really loved Aaron Ramsey in centre midfield the last couple games. A lot more than I liked Mathieu Flamini. That dude runs like he’s knee deep in water. Ramsey looked good, though. He’s the kind of player that needs to get his touches to feel a part of a game, he’d been drifting in and out further up the park earlier in the season, so he’s in the perfect position for that – replacing Santi Cazorla, the bloke with the most passes made this season. With Cazorla out for a fair while this position in Ramsey’s to lose.

Who had Arsenal cruising to victory at Olympiakos? To be honest, once they beat Bayern Munich that Champions League debacle of theirs really wasn’t that bad. They suddenly had to win games that they were expecting to win anyway, big deal. But credit for seeing it through because the Gunners have blown it from better positions in the past. Next up they probably draw Barcelona.

Wildcard’s Pick: Arsenal 3-1

Liverpool vs West Bromwich Albion

A list of common Premier League occurrences:

Jurgen Klopp smiling
Lee Cattermole getting booked
Sideways/backwards passes at Old Trafford
Diego Costa flipping his gloved hand in disgust
Bubbles before a West Ham home game
Liverpool fans singing ‘You’ll Never Walk Alone’
Liverpool fans not walking alone as they head for the exits with ten minutes to play
Jamie Vardy running fast
Managers getting sacked
Dan Sturridge getting injured

Wildcard’s Pick: Liverpool 1-0

Leicester City vs Chelsea

At the start of the season, nobody would have been shocked at all that this would be a clash of first versus fourteenth. The universe is all in alignment then, right?

Wildcard’s Pick: 1-1