Last Week: 4/10

Overall: 7/20

Manchester United vs Newcastle United

For the third time in three weeks, the Premier League games begin with Manchester United. But for the first time in more than a year, they’ll be backing up after a mid-week European excursion. Okay, both games are/were at Old Trafford, so there’s no travel involved, though it does mean Morgan Schneiderlin will probably have run the equivalent of more than a half-marathon inside four days. That’s presuming he doesn’t run at all in training or warm ups too. If any squad can handle the rigours of two games in a week, it’s Manchester… City. But United are right up there too.

Hey Pedro. What’s happening?

Well, it seems that Van Gaal decided he didn’t wanna sign the Barca forward despite already having made contact with the player and Chelsea have swooped in to sign him despite one prominent member of staff not convinced that he was needed. Mourinho? Maybe. But a personal call from Mourinho and one from Fabregas seem to have sealed the deal. What’s confusing is in what order did it all happen? Did LVG pull out because he was gonna lose the race or because he genuinely didn’t want him? He’s already done similar things with Toni Kroos and Arturo Vidal in his time. Very curious.

And a word on Wayne Rooney: People are slamming him coz he says he’s only played one bad game this season… dammit, he’s only played THREE in total! Even if he’s wrong, he’s not far wrong.

But is he wrong? Well, the Villa game he was awful in. Spurs he was just quiet, Brugge he was alright. Wayne Rooney is easily one of the most misunderstood players in England. Van Gaal’s learned that already after getting told to play him as a striker all last season and two games into doing so now he’s being told it’s not his place. Rooney used to be a bustling ball of energy who’d make things happen through sheer will. Except that when he was bad, he was really bad. To the point where you wonder how a man with such concrete feet could ever be capable of the great things he’d done. There’s a nostalgic longing out there for Young Rooney, however that player doesn’t exist anymore. Mature Rooney has lost the restlessness and all that… and he’s also lost the lead feet. Both the upside and the downside have levelled off into a far more consistent player, that’s just who he is now. But he still needs to be better than his first three games. It’s not about scoring goals, it’s not a goalless streak until he hits *at least* five games. It’s about looking creative and linking up in good positions. So far there hasn’t been enough of that.

Wildcard’s Pick: Luckily, Rooney happens to love playing against Newcastle (albeit he loves Villa too). United by two goals. Yup, two. Big spender over here.

West Ham United vs Bournemouth

Presented without further comment:

Wildcard’s Pick: Well of course I’m taking West Ham after that performance.

Sunderland vs Swansea City

I mean, here’s the thing with picks. Nobody actually thinks that Sunderland can go the entire season with 0 wins, 0 draws and 38 losses. But it’s bloody hard to see where they’re first points are coming from the way they’re playing. Flipside, Swansea have looked outstanding so far. They were the better team against Chelsea, smacked a decent Newcastle team and only City and Arsenal have completed more passes so far.

So the standard thing would be to say Swansea will win, right? Even though they’re away? Sunderland let in four goals at home against Leicester so home field advantage obviously doesn’t really matter. I’m fast learning that picking these games with three realistically possible results is kinda hard. NFL picks I aim for around 75%. Premier League, I’m thinking 50% would be a great week.

Hey, Sunderland suck. But I reckon they might take something here.

Wildcard’s Pick: 1-1

Norwich City vs Stoke City

Expect lots of crosses and lots of lost possession.

Wildcard’s Pick: A draw of little description.

Leicester City vs Tottenham Hotspur

WWWWLWWDWWW

Those are the results of Leicester City’s last 11 Premier League matches. Lo and behold.

Gökhan Inler says it was LCFC’s ‘Fighting Spirit’ that convinced him to join them. Eventually they’ll need more than a good attitude, and Inler is gonna have to be the new Esteban Cambiasso. Tough ask, but he’s a better chance than most. Top signing, that.

However, wins over Sunderland and West Ham don’t really prepare them for what Spurs can offer. And remember that Tottenham, okay they blew it against Stoke, but Stoke are a better team than Sunders or the Hammers and they also blunted the hell out of Manchester United for 90 mins only to lose to an own goal. One point from five is very harsh for 160 minutes of mostly very good football and about 20 of sloppiness. This is still a top six team. Expect Eriksen and Kane to be too much for the Foxes. Reckon Kane’ll open his season’s account with a double here.

Wildcard’s Pick: Spurs 2-1

Crystal Palace vs Aston Villa

Tim Sherwood thinks Ashley Westwood will soon replace Michael Carrick for England.

(Not in the least because Carrick doesn’t even play for England half the time. Seriously, 33 caps in 14 years.)

Wildcard’s Pick: Palace’ll take it.

West Bromwich Albion vs Chelsea

The last time that Chelsea went winless in their first two league games was in 1998/99. Goals to Darren Huckerby and Dion Dublin gave Coventry City a 2-1 win on opening day, followed by a 1-1 draw against Newcastle and a 0-0 draw with Arsenal. Except that those two draws began a 21 game unbeaten streak in the League that didn’t end ‘til a Dennis Bergkamp goal saw Arsenal beat them 1-0 at Highbury on the last day of January. Chelsea only lost three league games that season, though 15 draws meant they finished back in third, four points behind Manchester United in their treble season.

Plus if there’s a manager in the world who can walk through fire without wrinkling his pressed suit, then it’s Jose Mourinho.

Wildcard’s Pick: Surely Chelsea. Surely.

Watford vs Southampton

Forster / Clyne, Alderweireld, Fonte, Bertrand / Schneiderlin, Wanyama.

That’s what teams were trying to break down last season. One of the most consistent defences in both selection policy and performance. They’ve lost Clyne to Liverpool, Schneiderlin to Man Utd, Alderweireld to Spurs (in a roundabout way) and Forster and Bertrand to injuries. Aaaaand that’s why they haven’t been the same the last few games. What makes things more complicated is that they have a Europa League qualifier before this game too, and Ron Koeman seems integrity-bound to never pick anything less than the best available team. Which is still pretty good, by the way. Plus to be fair, Southampton don’t expect Champions League qualification. They’ll probably be happy with eighth or ninth and a run in the Europa League.

Watford look like the worst of the three promoted sides but the ones most likely to grind out points. Bournemouth look the best but also like they’ll struggle to make it count and Norwich look like something in between. It’s nice when things all fit together like that.

Wildcard’s Pick: Draw

Everton vs Manchester City

The Inner Monologue of John Stones, 20 August.

To stay, or not to stay--that is the question:

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer

The boos and jeers of outrageous fans

Or to take the money ‘gainst a sea of haters

And with trophies win them. To leave, to transfer--

No more--and by a fee to say we end

The heartache, and the thousand natural losses

That Everton is heir to. 'Tis a consummation

Devoutly to be wished. To leave, to win--

To triumph--perchance to defend: ay, there's the goal,

For in that transfer to Chelsea what peace may come

When we have shuffled into the top four,

Without fulfilment. There are the toils

That make calamity of the Everton life.

Wildcard’s Pick: I actually think Everton can take a point here, but I’ll play it safe with a 2-1 City victory.

Arsenal vs Liverpool

What’ll be really interesting here is the approach that Liverpool take. They definitely have the ability to go and do what West Ham did to Arsenal but it’s really hard to see Brendan Rodgers planning that way. No Jordan Henderson is a bigger problem than many realise. He and Milner are probably the only two Liverpool midfielders proficient at both attacking and defending. Though maybe that’s two more well-rounded mids than Arsenal have.

Eh, the Gunners don’t care. They have so many attacking weapons that they can afford to leave Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain on the bench and he should be starting by rights at any team in the league except maybe Man City. Release the Ox! Of course, Alexis Sanchez will play. That’s trouble enough for Liverpool. This feels like an undercover white(and red)wash. If they resort to long balls at Benteke’s head, with Coutinho running off him, then there’s a chance to cause some havoc. Otherwise I just don’t think they’ll be able to hold the ball in Arsenal’s half, to be honest. You remember what happened in this fixture last season? 4-1 to Arsenal. The ‘1’ was a penalty.

Wildcard’s Pick: Gunners by a couple.