Euro 2016: England’s European Exit and Other Fairy Tales
England Expects, England Exits
And with that, just as they always do, England found a way to disappoint. Usually their disappointment is tinged with more than a hint of excessive and unwarranted hype but here they weren’t found wanting by an Italy or France – they were beaten by Iceland.
Hold off on calling this the greatest upset in history (as the telly commentator did) because Iceland have earned everything they’ve done so far at the Euros, including their qualification. They play completely committed to a plan and in terms of basic technique they’re no worse than the English lads they faced. However this was still a team very aware of its own limitations. They weren’t kidding anyone about that so England, you’d figure, would have been prepared for that.
An early penalty came about from a Raheem Sterling run but even more so from a fantastic pass by Daniel Sturridge. Recalling Sterling was weird, maybe Pep gave Roy Hodgson a call while he was at it, but immediately you saw some reward for that and Wayne Rooney slotted the spottie for 1-0 after four minutes. The favourites with the early lead, there ya go. Milk that for a while, ask Iceland to go away from their plan and chase the game and then you add a second and maybe a third. It worked for Germany, it worked for Belgium. Just gotta withhold that initial counter punch.
… d’oh.
For crying out loud, like, if you’d watched a single Iceland game then you’d have seen that the long throw is their most proficient attacking weapon. I didn’t see which defender lobbed the ball gently out for a throw but that was the first mistake. The second was Rooney being comfortably beaten in the air by Anarson and the third was Walker losing his man Sigurdsson, who slapped in the flick on. I wonder if Joe Hart could have done better there, come out and won that thing maybe. There was a bit of traffic, to be fair.
But the second goal was certainly on Harty’s back. As bad as the marking was, every defender standing off and allowing Kolbeinn Sigthorsson to get a shot off – and it really was bad – Hart still should have saved it. He’s beyond doubt the number one keeper and there was no thought of dropping him even after some mixed form for City the last couple seasons but that may not be the case too much longer. There’s a serious case that every goal they conceded at the tournament was in some way his fault – definitely this one and the Bale free kick, probably the Russia goal as well.
To put it frankly, at a tournament which has lacked for goals like this one has, the best teams do not concede dumb ones. They don’t blow leads. The Germans haven’t conceded in four games – the Italians only once and they weren’t even trying that game. Meanwhile there was writing on the wall for Spain in that Croatian game. England couldn’t keep an incredibly limited Iceland attack down, conceding straight after scoring and compounding that a few minutes later. You can’t argue with elimination when you don’t take hold of a game where all initiative was bloody well handed to you with the early penalty.
I know you’re looking for scapegoats and so will the English media be. So here he is: Roy Hodgson. That’ll be the last we see of Uncle Woy in the England dugout, there was already speculation that the FA were tired of him and he resigned as quickly as he could afterwards. Rightly so as well because tournaments only come around every two years and you can’t waste them. England cruised through qualifying but when the pressure was on they did what they tend to do, no matter the generation, and fall short of expectations. Hodgson isn’t the most inspirational fella, but you can work past that. What you can’t work past is strange substitutions, odd team selections and a tactically inept team.
What difference did Wilshere make over Dier? Wilshere was more than average against Slovakia, looking every bit a player that had hardly played all season but then Hodgson also recalled Sterling as well so form clearly wasn’t a factor. Hodgson got it right in the second game after some dumbness in the first but then undid that with the Slovakia team he picked. On came Vardy when he needed something vs Iceland except that there was very little room for him to run and Marcus Rashford only got five minutes – in which he looked more incisive than any other player on the park. He’s just a kid… but he hasn’t failed a task yet in his short career. By the end of the game they had Rashford, Kane, Sturridge and Vardy all on the park at the same time with Cahill also playing as a target man. That is not a formation. They didn’t seem to know how to score goals and far too many players were wasteful when they got the chance. Kane’s shooting (and – oh God – his free kicks) was awful, Dele Alli missed several good ones over the tournament. Sturridge was the one properly creative type that could also finish but he played off a different song sheet and out on the right he was continually cutting back inside. Walker and Rose cannot cross. Nobody in the team could win a strong header. There was no plan, no direction, no anything like that to fall back on. When they had to chase a goal they were pretty tragically clueless.
The good news for England though is that they have a bunch of young players that – if they aren’t too scarred by this – should develop nicely for the next World Cup. Jack Butland and Fraser Forster are superb backup keepers. John Stones will bounce back from this season. Ross Barkley was inexplicably ignored all Euros but he’s a true talent while Rashford, Sterling, Alli, Dier and a few others are all highly exciting. If only they had a bit of width to work with too, but the problem is that the English national team is built around players from the top teams and those top teams outsource their creativity. Hodgson had the opportunity to embrace a different dynamic in this team, a rarest of rare opportunity, and he somehow got stuck in between the approaches. No Danny Drinkwater. Vardy was there but he wasn’t used as a main choice. Lots of Spurs lads made it but they didn’t try to play like Spurs – they couldn’t because they don’t have a Christian Eriksen (guts that Denmark weren’t at the Euros).
Anyway, insert a Brexit/Euro exit joke here and let’s celebrate the magnificent Icelanders. The slow clap chanty thing that they so is awesome.
Sly Hodgson
Hehehe
The Spoilers
Say what you will about the absolute dearth of attacking threat for Italy, many including myself have. But that defence, the BBC3, are at an all-time level. You cannot play better than they do. It took a scrappy goal to get the lead against Spain but they never really looked like losing it from there. Try as they might, the Spanish couldn’t pierce the defence – and when they came close there was this bloke named Gianluigi Buffon to save the day. His stop from Fabregas with about five mins left especially. David De Gea made some worldly saves himself but there’s only so much you can do when you dive low to stop a powerful free kick and three attackers follow that up before any of your teammates.
Chiellini poked that one in, while Graziano Pelle finished it off in injury time. Italy didn’t play the way we thought they would though, they pressed kinda high and possession was pretty even for long stretches – particularly in the first half. They hassled and they fought and they closed up all the gaps, disrupting that Spanish midfield right at the source. Just fantastic management from Antonio Conte, comfortably the best manager at the Euros.
And so the defending champs are out. This was a decent Spanish team but they showed some fallibility against Croatia, condemning them to play Italy who stifled them to perfection. Two great teams, both with significant weaknesses but each probably better than Portugal or Poland as well, and one of them will be in the semis. Italy could be in the semis too, if they can beat Germany. Germany who, with all those playmakers and the tempo passing, are sort of like a better version of this Spanish team. Should be fun, they’re all serious from this point on.
Antoine’s Acts & Draxler’s Dominance
La Francaise, ooh lala. Through to the quarters where they’ll now play Iceland… I wonder if they’d have preferred England, actually. France had trouble breaking down defensive teams in their group and they have a lot of the same problems as Hodgson’s team did. But what separates the hosts from their northern sea-crossed neighbours is that France has creativity in their team. So much of it that they can’t fit them all. So where Hodgson’s weird selections appear as indecision, Didier Deschamps’ are more of a litany of riches. Anthony Martial would have been the ideal addition in that England team (see what I mean about outsourced creativity) but he can’t get a run for France.
Instead Antoine Griezmann and Dimitri Payet are doing the business. Payet hasn’t kept up the 10/10 start he made to the tournament but he’s still brilliant while Griezmann against Ireland showed what we’d been expecting to see of him all group stage. A swift, skilful forward who gets goals. This was also Paul Pogba’s best game so far – he gave away a stupid, clumsy penalty but you could see he didn’t shy away after that. He was all about trying to make up for that effort and his workrate was better than it has been because of that. Griezmann was the main man here though, in keeping with what’ll be a theme for the French. Every game, a different hero stands up. As needs constant reminding, they still haven’t played a decent attacking team – nothing close to that even. And they won’t get one next game. But they’re also one of the three teams left (Germany and Belgium) with genuine goal scoring potential.
I reserve my complaint that the French defence is abysmal though. Unfortunately, as gleeful as the Ireland run has been, they just weren’t very good. An average team inspired by some fine management but eventually the gulf in ability showed through – the defending for the second goal was terrible. When France needed it, they could alter things up and try a new approach. Ireland scored after two minutes and could only really hold on. Now… had they snuck a second on an Adil Rami error (always an option) then it might’ve been interesting. Deschamps still doesn’t seem to know whether he prefers the wide approach with Kingsley Coman or the more central look with Payet playing further forward but they’ve constantly shown they can find the goals they need, even if it takes 89 minutes.
Also, this was Olivier Giroud’s best game, linking well with the little speedster of Griezmann. That is a very good sign for the hosts.
Speaking of Germany, if you wanna see the right way to rotate your squad in tournament play, look as Joachim Low’s work. He brought in Boateng who’s been brilliant. He swapped Gotze to the flank to play Mario Gomez who’s scored twice now. Mesut Ozil has been a factor, so has Thomas Muller (even if he’s goalless) and after some slack stuff to begin with from the Wolfsburg man, he dropped Julian Draxler only to recall him against Slovakia and he was simply outstanding. His work for that second goal was great and the volley for the third was crazy difficult, despite the ease with which he did it.
Germany had a few stumbles in the first couple games, barely beating Ukraine and being held to a 0-0 against Poland but they could’ve beaten Northern Ireland 5-0 if things had gone differently. Ooh, but Mesut Ozil missed a penalty. You know who the last German to miss a penalty, including shootouts, at the European championships was? Uli Hoeness in the final of the 1976 European Champs penalty shootout. A shootout that also saw the first ever Panenka, by Czechoslovakia’s Antonin Panenka.
Mesut Ozil and Granit Xhaka both missing penalties in the same weekend, aye Arsenal fans?
One thing to remember about the Belgians is that these haven’t been great teams they’ve dealt to. Hungary were expected to be one of the worst at the tournament and that they weren’t is pretty impressive, these Euros have gone a long way to putting Hungary footy back on the map after, oh say 60 years. But you saw the gulf when they met the Belgians. Just as you saw the gulf when Ireland met the Belgians. You also saw the Belgians comfortably done in by Italy in their first game. Since then they’ve changed things up a little, bringing Kevin De Bruyne into the middle and dropping Marouane Fellaini for one thing and that’s completely revitalised their tournament. But… don’t be shocked if they’re still a few rungs below the very top contenders.
Having said that, they’re on the right side of the draw so Wales might be the toughest team they play until the final, should they take it so far. Bloody hell, that’s an oddity right there. Also, it’s worth considering that perhaps they did learn a few lessons from that Italy game that’ll show through when they next meet a team that backs themselves to sit deep and break on them. Considering what an absolute snooze-fest the Croatia-Portugal game was, the Belgians have gotta be favourites to take this thing to the final now. Their game against Wales – the last British team left – could be a thriller.
Oh, Croatia. I expected so much more from you. But they had all those shots and couldn’t get one on target, that’s what you get. Portugal are crap but they’ve found a way to keep not losing. I reckon Wales would beat them though, I definitely think Belgium would beat them. In fact… I wouldn’t be shocked if Poland beat them. I like this Polish team. They got too defensive against the Swiss, sitting and asking Robert Lewandowski to act as a hold up man when they should have been committing wingers past him and countering in those rare chances they got where a really top class Swiss defence was exposed. Man, if Switzerland had a striker that could score, they’d still be here because the other ten guys on the team were quality. Poland, meanwhile, hadn’t conceded a goal before this game and as visibly exhausted as they got it still took a moment of unparalleled genius to break them. You don’t plan for goals like this:
Get That Man a Transfer!
- Jeff Hendrick (Ireland/Derby County)
- Julian Draxler (Germany/Wolfsburg)
- Arkadiusz Milik (Poland/Ajax)
- Michael McGovern (Northern Ireland/Unattached)
- Marek Hamsik (Slovakia/Napoli)
- Grzegorz Krychowiak (Poland/Sevilla)
- Arlind Ajeti (Albania/Frosinone)
- Johann Berg Gudmundsson (Iceland/Charlton)
- Yann Sommer (Switzerland/Borussia Monchengladbach)
- Laszlo Kleinheisler (Hungary/Werder Bremen)
Call It As You See It
Yeah so since that vid appeared, Gudmundur Benediktsson became something of an internet sensation but there’s a tragic end to this tale… he’s lost his job. But he brought us all so much joy, you say. Yes, but simmer down. It wasn’t his commentary job. As it happens he was also the assistant manager of Icelandic side KR Reykjavik and following their fifth loss in six games, he and the manager have been given the flick. Probably fair enough too. At least Benediktsson leaves now knowing that he’s found his true calling in life: play calling.
Ooh Aah
Oh God I love this so much.
But Of Course
One More Irish Fan Tale
This from an article in L’Equipe, which is a badass French newspaper that once linked a Niche Cache article in a piece they did on Steven Adams during the NBA playoffs. So a special place in the heart right there.
“The next day Michael and Stephen O'Mahony alongside David Quinlan were the only ones in the bar. “We were at the pub in Cork before the match against Sweden when we decided to go. Between the atmosphere at the stadium and all the videos of Irish partying in France we said to ourselves, we can’t miss this’. Arriving the day before, they haven’t slept. Michael is holding a bottle of vinegar in his hand. “He nicked it this morning leaving the youth hostel, he thought it was wine’ teased Stephen in a great burst of laughter. ‘After one massive swig, he realised'.”
