The Wildcard’s Premier League Predictions - Week 2
Last Week: 4/10
Manchester United vs Southampton
Saturday 7.00am (NZT)
What’s this then, aye? Friday night football? Don’t bloody mind if I do then, folks. Even better that it’s Man Utd vs Southampton, what with a little Pogba and Ibra making each other famous in their Old Trafford debuts as well as Jose’s first proper game in the home dugout at OT and all against a team that has more than a little upset potential. In fact the Saints beat United 1-0 at Old Trafford in January, Charlie Austin with the late winner off the bench. I remember that one well coz as soon as it finished I started outlining my ‘Louis Van Gaal has been sacked’ article. I never did get to finish that bugger, once they actually did loose him, the headlines were all JOSE JOSE JOSE.
Dunno about you but I’m really loving the beIN channels on SKY NZ. There was much speculation about their value and whether they’d arrive on time and why it took so long to confirm it all and how Sky would do their best to ransom us with it… but the product itself is magnificent. Live football with revamped coverage to suit the rebranding of the league, plenty of pre- and post-game studio coverage, constant highlights and replays with classic matches thrown in to boot. Marvellous.
Even better that the studio stuff is all a Premier League Production © so we don’t have to deal with the muppets that beIN usually employ – the stuff we got so used to with their Champions League coverage. One old, white male host sitting with three ex-pros. The first will be a British battler who thinks that the kids these days are all going soft, another will be a famous continental player with fanciful notions but an incomprehensible accent and the last one will be an ex-player from one of the teams who refers to the players by their first names and doesn’t seem to realise the other team has even taken the field.
To be honest, it’s like SKY and beIN both have next to nothing to do with it all, other than effectively owning the distribution rights. Which makes me wonder where the hell the beIN Connect online package is. Oh, here we go…
“beIN SPORTS CONNECT is coming soon. You'll be able to watch beIN SPORTS CONNECT where you have internet access on your laptop, desktop computer or mobile device”
Right, so heading into the second week of games and the only way to get the package without SKY TV is unavailable still. That doesn’t seem like a coincidence to me, what with SKY complaining in the past that the Premier League doesn’t rate well (of course not, at 2am in the morning) and it’s more a boutique thing to reward viewers. Recent trends suggest they’re more worried about profits than anything else so if they can milk a few weeks as part of this thing where people are forced to subscribe to their service then they probably think that’s a good deal. Typical.
It’s hard to imagine United losing at home in Jose’s first bow, his record at Stamford Bridge was always near-immaculate. Plus the atmosphere is gonna be fire, not at all easy for a visiting team least of all one that hasn’t yet replaced a couple key players and with a new manager of their own. Nathan Redmond at striker is awesome, their midfield without Victor Wanyama or Morgan Schneiderlin not so much. They’ll keep it close though.
Hey and as for your Jose Fonte to Man United rumours, forget about them. All the circumstances pointed towards Pogba and United, nothing points towards Fonte and United except for his nationality. He’s 32 years old and he wants a new contract after winning the Euros. That’s all it is.
Wildcard’s Pick: 2-1 to MUFC
Stoke City vs Manchester City
Saturday 11.30pm (NZT)
So what, big deal. I woulda dropped Joe Hart too – did you watch him at the Euros? The Pep Guardiola thing is real, he obviously wants a certain type of keeper and Joe Hart is not that dude. He won’t hang around outside the box looking for backpasses – he’s the sort of GK that’ll pump it long as soon as you pass it to him. The sort of old fashioned keeper that inspires a hearty panic in the chests of fans when the ball’s at his feet. But at the same time, Hart’s form has been dipping for a while now and it isn’t only Pep who has thought to drop the fella. There was the feeling before the Euros that England might be better without him between the sticks but he’s been the incumbent for so long and Jack Butland (who was injured anyway) and Fraser Forster are very new on the international scene. To drop him then would have been one hell of a gutsy move but after a terrible showing in his four games in France, those inklings were confirmed. I don’t believe that Pep is picking on him at all, he gave Yaya Toure a chance in pre-season and he would have done the same with Joe Hart. That chance will still be there if he’s brave enough to adapt his game now. Which I doubt he is… but that’s all good coz Everton will take him.
If they do, it’ll be stink for Maarten Stekelenburg, who is finally enjoying some time as the first choice goalie at a Premier League club: “At the moment I’m the No.1 and I plan to finish the season as No.1.” … good luck with that, champ. He was very good against Spurs to be fair.
Haha, while in Stoke, they had a proper little spat with Marc Wilson being sold to Bournemouth. Wilson’s been on the block for a while, pretty keen to move on, but in a twitter Q+A the other day he might have said a little too much.
Mark Hughes: "It's fair to say that Marc probably feels his future lies elsewhere and it's fair to say I probably agree with him."
Next thing he’s been sold to Bournemouth. (This is a little out of proportion, since he also praised the management for the overall direction of Stoke City these days, but it’s funny so it flies).
It’d be cool to see Stoke stock that defence up a bit more though, Wilson has a point. And against a Man City team that looked more than potent in Bucharest the other day that’s a worry. They needed a late OG to beat Sunderland but Sunderland still have plenty of Big Sam about them. They can hold a team out alright. Stoke have won two of the last four against City but in the odd two they conceded four each time. My feeling is that this game will be one of the latter.
Wildcard’s Pick: Man City 4-1
Tottenham Hotspur vs Crystal Palace
Sunday 2.00am (NZT)
Not the best start to the predictions there, I have to admit. I got the Chelsea and Manchesters results and I had a draw between Boro and Stoke. It’s always tough to pick early on and last season was worse than ever, which was mostly because it took me way too long to realise that Leicester were good and that Chelsea were not. This year is a wild one too with all of the teams that struggled going hard at getting back to the top immediately which leaves us with about 12 teams that think they can realistically make Europe and Spurs, who were arguably the most complete team of 2015-16 are being completely ignored. A fairly tame draw in which they fluffed a few chances against Everton in the opener didn’t help.
But they started with a frustrating loss to Manchester United last season and look what they did next, going unbeaten in their next 14 games. Problem was there were eight draws in that streak and those points they sure coulda used at the end of things. Harry Kane didn’t score until the seventh game. I get the feeling he might score here in the second one.
Crystal Palace officially sold Yannick Bolasie this week and with that money they’re planning on picking up two more strikers. If one of those is Christian Benteke – and let’s not kid ourselves that he’ll be available as soon as someone matches the price Liverpool picked him up for – then he’ll be a perfect fit for this team, love that idea. It’s just that until they get him, or some equivalent, this looks about the tamest attack in the top flight. Mate, Andros Townsend will back himself against his old team and that is not a good thing. Expect ten shots, all off target. These lads lost to friggin’ West Brom.
The worries about Spurs bouncing back after the end of last season and their dudes at the Euros are legitimate… but wait until after this one before you start sub-tweeting.
Wildcard’s Pick: Spurs 2-0
Watford vs Chelsea
Sunday 2.00am (NZT)
Diego Costa playing the spoiler, aye? You know Antonio Conte is on to something when Costa is able to not only avoid a certain red card but also score in the same game. Last year it was mostly the former. He even looked interested, which is crazy. Same goes for Eden Hazard and Oscar too, though I dunno if I’ll ever excuse The Hazz for being as terrible as he was coming off a player of the year campaign. That shouldn’t happen, no way. And it’s reasons like that why I still have this hovering doubt about whether this Chelsea squad can ever really be fixed after that whole travesty – for now it looks like Cesc Fabregas is the scapegoat in the starting XI.
What do you reckon here, accidental? Going for the ball? Nothing but a dive?
Nah, straight red for that scummery. But if Chelsea are getting back to being a bunch of dickheads who keep winning, then I only see that as a positive for the Premier League. All this Cult of Winning stuff going on in Manchester deserves an antihero. They’ll do for Watford with ease.
Wildcard’s Pick: Chelsea 2-0
West Bromwich Albion vs Everton
Sunday 2.00am (NZT)
A West Brom home game during the Olympics? Yeah, not sure if I’ll be able to find time for this one.
Wildcard’s Pick: 0-0
Swansea City vs Hull City
Sunday 2.00am (NZT)
Everyone wins when Fernando Llorente is smiling. Except for Hull City, I s’pose. But everyone else wins.
Wildcard’s Pick: 2-0 Swans
Burnley vs Liverpool
Sunday 2.00am (NZT)
Yeah alright, pump the brakes there Liverpool fans. A win over Arsenal is one thing, and the new signings looked pretty decent too. But let’s not overlook the fact that you conceded three times there and that the defence you put four past was helmed by Calum Chambers and Rob Holding. It may have been Arsenal but there are at least a dozen Premier League teams with stronger defences than that, which won’t let Sadio Mane go waltzing through them. Still, it beats losing and the future remains bright enough.
Coutinho is a perfect example of a highlight reel player. He scores incredible goals that are replayed over and over and nobody notices the five shots that miss for every one on target. I did a thing for a piece on Southampton the other week to expose Graziano Pelle’s useless conversion rate and Coutinho featured high on that list (it covers the last two seasons). That’s the player he is.
But… who cares? Who cares about that at all if he’s scoring goals – and great ones at that. His free kick against Arsenal is as good as any that’ll be scored all season, absolute magic.
Plus he was superb against Arsenal. All three shots on target, with two goals and a couple key passes. That’s how good he can be if he reels it in a little bit. Not too much, you still want a guy with a shot like that to be lining them up, but a little bit less maybe. This, however… this is not how good he can be. Settle down Hendo ya muppet.
Jordan Henderson: “Messi, Ronaldo and Suarez - they are seen as the elite players in world football. Philippe has certainly got the talent, the work ethic and the hunger to get into that bracket.”
Wildcard’s Pick: Liverpool to win it 2-1
Leicester City vs Arsenal
Sunday 4.30am (NZT)
Jeezus, no wonder they lost to Hull, the Foxes can’t bare the thought of Gary Lineker in his undies ever again. Wait no, that's meant to say ‘bear’. Ah, shove it then Freud, ya bastard.
Here we are, the top two from last season and, look, it’s a long campaign but title hopefuls don’t lose their first two games. See, here’s an example:
So which team should be worried about now? Neither of them. Leicester were poor in losing that one but they conceded two good goals – albeit two good goals that would have been avoided with a more cohesive defensive unit. But that’s the cost of not having Robert Huth or N’Golo Kante. Huth will be back this week so no reason to panic there and Kante ain’t being replaced yet they knew what the deal was there.
Kante’s defensive work was what got the plaudits but his distribution is magnificent. But when you can have Jamie Vardy, Riyad Mahrez, Ahmed Musa and Demarai Gray all in front of you… let’s just say that’s more pace than most teams can handle. Best way to take advantage of that is to get the ball forward as quickly as possible. Ideally with a defensive line pushing right up – which Hull didn’t do at all. Even still, if Vardy hadn’t been so poor then they’d have been up at the break and a Hull team that were already backs-against-the-wall wouldn’t have had a lead to sit in and protect. It’s my fault, really. I made Vardy my fantasy captain.
Arsenal meanwhile, they’re buggered until they can find a defence. I vote Francis Coquelin for CB, Jake Livermore did a solid job against the Foxes last week as a converted midfielder. And that frees up a spot in CM for Granit Xhaka to commit some more fouls too. Should be fun.
Chances are the Gunners buy a defender – which makes you wonder why they waited so damn long but whatever. Fairly soon Laurent Koscielny (aka their only top class CB) will be back and the problems will cease and people can get back to complaining that they don’t have a proper striker to play off Giroud. Which is dumb. Alexis Sanchez can do that perfectly fine if he’d play through the middle. Arsenal had a terrible result against Liverpool but they’ll be fine in the long run, they always are. As to whether that means another top four finish I have to say I’m sceptical, still they should run it close in the very least. And anyone complaining about a lack of “marquee signings” is clearly an Arsenal fan because they have no idea of the concept of context. What do you call Sanchez? What do you call Mesut Ozil? What do you call Granit Xhaka? The lad’s a holding midfielder and he missed in a penalty shootout in the first knockout round of the Euros – he’s the ideal Gunner!
Spare a thought for Petr Cech though. Not only did he have to play behind that defence but he munted his car on the way out of the stadium too. Poor fella.
Wildcard’s Pick: 2-1 Arsenal
Sunderland vs Middlesbrough
Monday 12.30am (NZT)
Paddy McNair’s Debut
By the Wildcard
Paddy Oh Paddy
You poor little laddie
Own goal against City
And you’ve lost 1-2
Your first game away
From the youthless Jose
What a ruthless old way
To mark your debut
The clock seems to reckon
Three mins thirty five seconds
It’d been since you’d checked in
And poked that one through
But to dull the gloss
‘Twas a bloody good cross
And lads worth the loss
Wasn’t much you could do
Sunderland did enough against City to show that they’re capable of carrying on from where they finished off but the thing is where they finished off didn’t leave them with too much wiggle room. A couple poor results in the next few weeks and they’ll be having to scrap their way from the bottom again, just like every damn other year. Middlesbrough I fancy a bit. Solid team and Alvaro Negredo looked handy – when the margins are that slim down the bottom, the most valuable thing you can have is a goal-scorer that can convert a few half chances. Like Jermaine Defoe, for example.
Wildcard’s Pick: 1-1
West Ham United vs Bournemouth
Monday 3.00am (NZT)
I’m a little disappointed in Bourney for picking up Marc Wilson, aged 28, and spoiling their recent transfer policy of only buying players aged 22 or younger. For real, that was what they’d done and it’s not like they’d been sitting idle either:
- Jordon Ibe – 20
- Lewis Cook – 19
- Lys Mousset – 20
- Brad Smith – 22
- Emerson Hyndman – 20
- Nathan Ake – 21
- Marc Wilson – 28
But then by the way they cocked up that first goal against Man United, looking at you Simon Francis, you could say a bit of experience wouldn’t go astray. Hey but I thought Lewis Cook had a really good one on debut there, while Ibe was wasteful but the kind of wasteful where you could see it working on another day. As for West Ham, it’s not ideal when your record signing lasts 35 minutes before suffering a serious injury. They nearly snatched a point of Chelsea though, they should be okay once Dimi is starting again. Might take them a week or two to get up and running, especially with a Europa League qualifier to play.
Wildcard’s Pick: 1-1