The Wildcard’s Premier League Predictions - Week 7
Last Week: 4/10
Overall: 30/60
Everton vs Crystal Palace
Saturday 8.00am (NZT)
Something about Palace’s three game win streak feels… fraudulent. Or at least temporary. Perhaps it’s the fact that Pardew teams never seem to be able to sustain a full season of decency – a winning streak is usually followed by a devastating slump and vice versa (Dear God, don’t let him get the England job). Perhaps it also has something to do with the teams they’ve beaten: Middlesbrough (newly promoted), Stoke (awful) and Sunderland (also awful). Come on, they should have lost that game to Sunderland as well. I picked a bloody Sunders victory and the idiots were up 2-0 with 20 minutes to go. How hard is it to bring on another midfielder and kill the game? Two goals up, absolutely pathetic.
Romelu Lukaku has scored three times in six games for Everton against Palace. In the last couple meetings there haven’t been too many goals between them and on a Friday night I doubt that’s any different here. Bear in mind that he and Yannick Bolasie will be on the same side this time as well.
Losing to Bournemouth should be a wakeup call for the Toffees. They’ve been onto something impressive and maybe they got carried away by that, not really threatening to score at all. No reason to assume they do that again in front of their home fans – when Ross Barkley got singled out a few weeks ago he responded with his best game of the season.
Wildcard’s Pick: Everton 2-1
Swansea City vs Liverpool
Sunday 12.30am (NZT)
Ah yes, the Brendan Rogers Derby. Not that too many from either club even seem to remember The Deluded One these days, with Swansea doing their best to undermine the dude they have at the mo by linking (or at least not shooting down the links) Ryan Giggs with the job that Francesco Guidolin is currently being employed to do while Jurgen Klopp over the redside?
First it was lust, now it’s true love.
Clever fella that Klopp. He made a big name for himself in his pre-Dortmund days doing telly punditry in Germany so no surprises that he’s a charismatic man. Best of all was that TV gig was in the pre-match for Burnley-Watford and he left right on kickoff, sparing him having to watch that one.
Frankly if Liverpool don’t do that thing they do sometimes where they inexplicably lose to a crap team then this could be another like their last one. They crushed Hull City, well and truly dumping the Tigers back into the crisis zone they began the season in. It was rapid and intense, just like the best of Liverpool. I cannot explain to you why it’s happening but Adam Lallana has arguably been their best player. Yes, the same flaky, unfit Adam Lallana that once played under Sir Brendan.
Hey, Klopp always says he prefers to train players than buy them. Lallana is playing deeper in the midfield and yet he’s already scored three goals with three assists. The end product is finally coming through – but it’s coming through now that he’s gotten himself fit enough to hustle and harass for 90 full minutes. See, you lay the foundations and good things happen.
Also, yes. Adam Lallana scored the only goal of the Sam Allardyce/England reign. Lock that one away for a pub quiz in the future.
Wildcard’s Pick: Liverpool 2-0
West Ham United vs Middlesbrough
Sunday 3.00am (NZT)
So here’s a funny story. The other day the West Ham players had a club-sanctioned night out, it was Monday night in England. The following day this image circulates and a fan tweets it out with a little fancy captioning:
Next thing anyone knows it’s being carried on bloody near every English news outlet, the story about the pissheads getting on it the afternoon after an all-nighter. It was mayhem and pretty soon the club announced that they would be investigating the claim, which only stoked the fires.
Except it turns out it was only a joke by the lad. He saw a picture that could have been taken at any time and included no actual evidence of drinking and it went fully viral. The fella at the heart of it was on the phone to journalist after journalist and then all those websites that covered it in the first place then had to cover their own arses by appending it and running the story of how it was all a joke.
Pretty comprehensive insight into how the tabloid media works, there. Just wait for round two:
Okay now West Ham. Team bonding session after yet another piss-poor performance, I mean it famously worked for Middlesbrough back in the day under Bryan Robson. There are so many things going wrong for West Ham right now that the last thing they need is another home game. It’s also a problem that injuries continue to damage them – though good news is Aaron Cresswell’s back in training and building up his strength again. At a suggestion: change the midfield. Noble and Kouyate aren’t scaring anyone right now, not even Adam Clayton and friends.
Boro are gonna upset a few teams. They’re genuinely strong at the back, even if goals are already proving hard to come by, but in their last couple the cracks have shown a bit with a 2-1 loss to Palace, a 3-1 loss to Everton and 2-1 to Spurs. Something gives me the idea that both teams would settle for a draw.
Wildcard’s Pick: 1-1
Hull City vs Chelsea
Sunday 3.00am (NZT)
After those opening two wins, Hull’s Premier League season has gone:
- Lost 1-0 to Man United
- Drew 1-1 with Burnley
- Lost 3-1 to Arsenal
- Lost 5-1 to Liverpool
And Chelsea just took a convincing L to Arsenal which leaves them desperate to make a statement that they belong up the top. Which I’m not convinced if they do or not. The defence there is a huge worry and Arsenal picked them apart in that first half, and apart from that it’s really no different than last season except that Eden Hazard and Diego Costa are playing well again and Cesc Fabregas has been dropped for N’Golo Kante. The draw in Swansea felt like a minor blip but losing to Liverpool and Arsenal following means three games without a win and they’re slipping back down the table to where they were last season. They’re too good not to get back on track but the Champions League spots are gonna be super competitive this time around.
One thing I hope, if things do get really ugly for Chelsea, I hope that Roman Abramovich sticks with Antonio Conte and together they start chopping up that playing squad. Two years in a row would not be a coincidence. But, yeah, that’s me jumping to conclusions – they should win comfortably in Hull.
Wildcard’s Pick: Chelsea 2-0
Sunderland vs West Bromwich Albion
Sunday 3.00am (NZT)
Eww, yuck. Not interested.
Instead I’ll use this opportunity to talk some Big Sam – since he’s the former Sunderland manager and all that. Man, they must feel pretty stink that they lost their boss for effectively no reason now. Even if that boss was Big Sam and they therefore had to deal with all that entailed.
Joey Barton had this passage in his book that came out recently (can’t wait for the paperback with the Rangers chapter if and when that comes). I haven’t read the whole thing but was tipped off to this passage. Click to enlarge, does this remind you of anyone?
Also, remember this meme-able bit of sideline scummery?
Looks like Chico Flores finally got the last laugh…
Wildcard’s Pick: 0-0
Watford vs Bournemouth
Sunday 3.00am (NZT)
Whatever was in the gatorade last time when Watford were beaten by Burnley, I mean sack the waterboy. Surely.
After a few commanding games in a row they were lazy and limp in that one. Underestimating the opponents? Possibly. But if they’re gonna prove prone to that stuff then Bournemouth are not the team you want to visit. They just ended Everton’s undefeated start after all. Last season this pair drew both times they played and that sounds about accurate again.
Wildcard’s Pick: 1-1
Manchester United vs Stoke City
Monday 12.00am (NZT)
For Christ’s sake, can people stop freaking out about Wayne Rooney? People get dropped all the time, no big deal. He gets a few mins in the Europas, scuffs a shot into Zlatan who scores and a handy bit of luck is either treated like a clever bit of ingenuity or a woefully offensive piece of fluke. Guys, shut up. Please. No more Wayne Rooney hot takes treading over the same damn territory. Oh, except for this one, boom.
Ander Herrera didn’t play in the Europas and Marouane Fellaini did. Presumably that means the Pogba/Herrera combo can be reinstated and frankly Stoke are terrible at the moment. Right now I cannot envisage a way in which Mark Hughes is still in a job come Christmas. They’ve spent cash on this squad and he’s been there several years now. Can’t be any excuses.
Wildcard’s Pick: MUFC 3-0
Leicester City vs Southampton
Monday 2.15am (NZT)
It doesn’t really matter who you are if you conceded three goals from corners in one half. That’s gonna doom anyone. Funny that it’d be Leicester though – if someone was gonna bottle their set pieces then I’d have way sooner picked Sunderland or Liverpool. Leicester were so good at that kinda stuff last season, although their right back has as interesting idea on the matter:
Danny Simpson: “It is something we have to learn to adapt to as players. They have changed the rules. The way it was last season, I thought we were very good at defending set pieces and we made it tough for the opponents.”
That’s probably true, you know. The Foxes got all that praise for their rapid, exhilarating attack but their defence straight up bullied people. Wes Morgan and Robert Huth, what are they gonna beat you for speed? For skill? Are they gonna pass their way around you? Nah blud, they’re gonna step on the back of your heel with a handful of your jersey. You spin to escape and suddenly there’s an elbow in the back and another arm around your collar.
Also, the other thing is that if any part of that LCFC team was poised for a reversion to the mean season then it’s Morgan and Huth, particularly given they’re more exposed these days without N’Golo Kante and all that. Paul Pogba completed 99 passes in that midfield. Juan Mata was slipping the ball into Zlatan at will. That tells quite a tale.
Southampton have now kept five consecutive clean sheets in all competitions so they’re on the opposite path defensively – and I say that while also adding now that their fullbacks might’ve been the best on the park against WHU and because they got forward so well, not even to do with their defending. Soares and Bertrand – mate, Bertrand’s probably stolen that starting England LB spot back off Danny Rose… Luke Shaw withstanding.
Before their first Champions League game, Leicester lost 4-1 to Liverpool. They then beat Brugge 3-0 and chased that with a 3-0 win over Burnley. Before this latest one they lost 4-1 to Man Utd – fixtures not being kind but they’re clearly targeting Europe>Domestic. Fair enough, who knows if they’ll ever be back? They just beat Porto 1-0 and now play Southampton. By the way, they’re at Stamford Bridge the weekend before their next UCL match.
With all that in mind, I can’t help but feel like the defences cancel each other out. Southampton cannot dominate a game in Leicester’s half like Liverpool or Man Utd. Leicester therefore won’t be as exposed but they also won’t have much room to break against the Saints. Southampton just played in Israel so that’s bound to tire them out, although Puel left behind a few of the guys most likely to crash with exhaustion (specifically Bertrand, Austin and Fonte). Draws are boring and this is one of those ‘could go any way’ kinda games, umm… gimme Leicester then in a close one.
Wildcard’s Pick: 1-0
Tottenham Hotspur vs Manchester City
Monday 2.15am (NZT)
Yes, the 100% record is over. Gone, kaput, nada. The question now is: Can Spurs do one better?
Well, they’re certainly a better team than Celtic, that much is true. City tend to be a better team on weekends as well though. Having said that, quite a few people seem to think Spurs will win this. They beat them twice last season, though this is a very different proposition.
I wanna give a shout out to my man Son Heung-Min. He wanted to leave in the summer to get more playing time and Pochettino convince him to stay. Good call. See, Son has scored five times in his lat five games. He got both goals in the win over Boro and he scored the only goal in the 1-0er away to CSKA Moscow midweek. The lad’s been outstanding and it’s been timed perfectly with Harry Kane being injured (not as bad as first feared, btw). Frankly, I reckon Son ought to start at striker and leave Janssen on the bench in case of emergency. Janssen huffs and puffs but he’s still a lil off the pace.
Both teams have impressive defences though both teams also know how to put a few goals away. Must be why they’re the only two teams left unbeaten. So long as Sissoko, Dier, Rose and Dembele are all fit as expected, there’s no reason to think they’ll piss the bed here – keep in mind that Kevin De Bruyne is out for up to a month and that his influence has gotten the best out of City.
This is Spurs’ best start to a season in 51 years – they’re actually five points better off than last time. Also, a fun story about Son is that when he signed he was warned that he couldn’t even drive a red car, on account of the Arsenal thing.
You know what I’m enjoying about Raheem Sterling most of all? He’s always been such a terrible finisher, undoing so much of his own good work, but now he’s learned the value of patience. He’s already scored a few this season where he’s cut back and made the most of his quick feet and tight control to send the keeper the wrong way and create a simple tap-in where in the past he was slicing those first-time into the side netting.
Okay enough stray thoughts. Who wins? I don’t think either of them do.
Wildcard’s Pick: 2-2
Burnley vs Arsenal
Monday 4.30am (NZT)
Since Steven Defour turned up in Burnley he’s scored once and set up three goals. They’ve gone to a 4-5-1 with him as the top of a midfield triangle (Defour isn’t quite the number 10 he once was – these days he plays a bit deeper), Jeff Hendrick and Johann Gudmundsson in there with him and both were good against Watford but Defour was best. His delivery from set pieces is top notch but he’s also proving so handy without the ball as well as he begins the press with his heavy work-rate. Burnley have only scored five goals this season and four have his fingerprints on them.
That’s fantastic to see and not only because a team like Burnley really needed that from their record transfer (£7.5m, so not quite Pogba money). Ten years ago Defour was the Next Big Things. He was gonna be the superstar of Belgian football, the first world class player they’d produced in years. Defour was linked in his early 20s to some of the best clubs in the world but then he broke his foot. He ended up at Porto, did fairly well, but as a new golden generation of Belgian players emerged he found he couldn’t even guarantee a spot in the national team squad, let alone the starting team.
So pretty cool to see him doing well at Burnley. Fair to say he’s not often been a fan favourite either so that’s another thing to play for. Starting at Genk, he kinda screwed the club over to get a move to Ajax but in doing so that put Ajax off the idea. So he went to Standard Liege – a fellow Belgian club which obviously pissed off the Genk fans who threw eggs at the visitors’ bus on his return. After Porto he moved to Anderlecht, who are a bitter rival of Liege and that… yeah. Didn’t go down well…
That’s Defour’s decapitated head if you didn’t already guess.
What a nice story. Now here’s the part where I point out that Arsenal are a very good chance to crush them this weekend. The Gunners are actually playing some fantastic footy at the moment – probably second only to City in the PL. Theo flippin’ Walcott’s scoring goals and the blessing in disguise might be the injury to Francis Coquelin that, at least temporarily, thrusts the captivating Granit Xhaka into the spotlight. Also, anyone complaining when Alexis Sanchez plays striker is dumb. The guys is designing goals in his sleep.
And apparently this is why.
Meh, Letterman will always be the King of Late Night.
Wildcard’s Pick: Arsenal 3-1