Footy Rhubarb

Team of the Week:

                                                Jaaskelainen (West Ham)

              Zabaleta (Man City)        Davies (Hull City)           Reid (West Ham)             

Henderson (Liverpool)  Oscar (Chelsea)  Noble (West Ham)  Januzaj (Man Utd)

                                           Silva (Man City)

                       Suarez (Liverpool)           Remy (Newcastle)

Hero of the Week:

Januzaj probably has to be hero of the week as he grabbed both goals that saw Man Utd overcome Sunderland 2-1. It was another forgettable performance by United but Moyes will be relieved to get his first win in 3 weeks. The 18-yearold has been talked about for a while with rumours already circling about Barcelona wanting to nab him and you can see why, he’s good on the ball, links up with players well and has an eye for goal. I found it bizarre that Moyes wasn’t frantically running around during the transfer window for a midfielder and left it late to secure Fellaini but it makes sense now. Man Utd have always signed players if the money was right and that they thought would definitely improve the team, the went for Fabregas and couldn’t get him so rather than pay over the odds or take a risk on another player who may not fit the bill, they’ve said “well we got a few decent youngsters let hold out and see how they go” fair play. Moyes obviously has faith in the young Belgian and its paid off so far and even though one game doesn’t make a player, Januzaj looks like he could be just like that new signing they needed this season.

Remy also deserves a mention after earning Newcastle a vital 3 points against Cardiff with 2 fantastically taken goals. He’s clearly a top class striker and the Toon will want to snap him up permanently before someone else does. Bent is definitely hero of the week for Fulham and even more so Martin Jol as he scored the goal that secured a 1-0 against Stoke. Jol has been under a lot of pressure and I did pick him out as a manager who could well be the first to get the sack this season but he’s hanging in there and rightly so. He looked very worried and disappointed last week as you could see his lack of results was getting to him so he must’ve been relieved to see Bent take that goal so nicely. He deserved that win and hopefully he turns it around. 

Nipple of the Week:

I haven’t really got a nipple this week more a whole barrel of tits that keep making these managerial appointments. Poyet has been announced Sunderland’s new manager replacing Di Canio.  Now Poyet may turn out to be a good manager, he may get Sunderland playing good football and turn the results around but does he deserve the job? Di Canio didn’t deserve the job and this trend of appointing someone just because they’re foreign is ridiculous.

Why is it so hard for British managers to get top jobs? There are managers like Chris Hughton who coached for 20 years before he got his first managerial job at Newcastle, like Steve Clarke who worked his way up for over 10 years to get the West Brom job. So how can managers like Di Canio, Poyet, Zola, and so on walk into top jobs? These three barely have 10 years’ experience altogether so how have they all got Premier League jobs? What about the Neil Warnock’s, Owen Coyle’s, Eddie Howe’s, and Dave Jones’s? its seems to be fashionable to appoint these foreigners just because a few such as Martinez and Laudrup have come in and done well, it’s as if without a non-British manager  your club is going to do well! So Sir Alex, O’Neill, Moyes, Redknapp, Sir Bobby, and Hodgson have never had any success then? I don’t care how Poyet does at Sunderland but no doubt he’ll get Sunderland passing the ball more and then the media will pretend that he’s really turned them around and its very honourable the way they play. It will be like no one has ever of thought of playing such expansive football and especially not all these uncultured British managers! His team can pass the ball all they like but you still need to get results. On top of that he was sacked at Brighton during the summer for unknown reasons with the club very hush about it, sounds very strange. Well anyway hope this appointment doesn’t turn out as much as a farce as the last one for you Sunderland, good luck with your cliché appointment. 

I'm ticklish when it comes to fickleness

 I want you to think back a couple of weeks, think back to the opening round of the EPL or even before the season. Now think about judgements that journalists or pundits had made on certain teams and compare them to now. Are they the same, have they changed slightly, or have they gone totally the opposite way and have pretended they had never made any previous predictions on a certain matter? Most likely the latter. With the new Premier League season being 2 months in I’ve seen some mental yarns by pundits and journalists alike that have gone back on judgements they have previously made and fail to acknowledge it. It’s pure amateur fickleness and I can’t be doing with it but its common place in today’s media. If he scores a goal one week he’s a natural goal-scorer, if he misses a penalty the next week he’s mediocre at best, and if he looks like he MAY have dived then blimey, he’s scum of the earth. The Niche-Cache are more human, we make judgements and develop opinion for you to enjoy having a gander at but we always stick by what we write, unlike some who have already showed their inconstant nature with their pre-judgements on Arsenal and the new managers. The fact that such fickle views have been made so early in the season gives my tummy a tickle.

Arsenal had a horrible summer of transfer activity with the board claiming to have plenty of money to spend but failing to secure deals for high-profile players such as Suarez and Higuain. Basically however they had planned the transfer window to go, didn’t happen in the slightest. To add to this they lost on the opening day of the Premier League season to Villa at home. It was an embarrassing defeat but also a poor performance which highlighted that they needed signings and fast.

Straight away the media pulled their knives out and started cutting chunks out of Arsenal and rightly so. However now they are top of the league 2 months on from this point and the media are comparing the team to the ‘Invincible’ team that went a whole season undefeated just under a decade ago. It’s as fickle as football media can be. Don’t get me wrong some develops have occurred with Ramsey looking like he’s having a breakthrough season and the signing of Ozil on the final day of the window but it’s still the same team! Arsenal have played well and do look good but they still wasted time in the transfer window and still weak in some areas – like upfront. The invincibles team of the past won league and FA cups! I can’t see this team doing the same, it may well be the beginning of a team who will challenge for silverware but to go from saying Arsenal are barely top 4 to saying they are one of the best in recent history is a bit far-fetched. I have seen such articles on a number of top sporting websites and these fellas must have very short memories. It makes you wonder what they’ll say the next time Arsenal lose, no doubt a headline like “Arsenal have plenty of class but lack of ambition”. Tossers. 

Mourinho is a man who must be reeling at how the media have flipped their mood on him. When he was re-appointed at Chelsea, in fact even before hand, the media couldn’t get enough of him. He’s the saviour, the best manager around, a genius, the special one. Even before he got the job the media had decided he will win the league and can do no wrong. Well what a difference 2 months makes. Mourinho stormed out of a press conference last week as journalists badgered him about not including Kevin De Bruyne in the last 2 games. They’ve criticised the loaning out of Lukaku, his tactics, and have attempted to stir the pot between him and AVB. How can the opinion or viewpoint of not just a few pundits but a whole media spectrum change so dramatically? It contradicts their position as pundits, it makes them seem that they don’t know what they are talking about rather than giving the expert insight they claim they have.

The most bizarre aspect of the media getting on Mourinho’s back about leaving out De Bruyne is that the week before they were on his back about excluding Juan Mata! He can’t win! He simply cannot play all these talented midfielders at once. Not only this but Mourinho is the first manager to give De Bruyne a chance after AVB, DI Matteo, and Benitez all shipped him out on loan! Do these pundits actually have opinion or insight or do they just base their discussions on sport by the day?

The fickleness makes me laugh. As audiences we read the views of pundits and sport journalists to give us a constructive and expert perspective. Journalists of this nature write stories to create reaction but when your brown-nosing someone one week then jumping on them the next it’s no longer professional but petty. It takes sport journalism from honest discussion to gossip gutter press. Don’t bother with the fickleness of part-time gloom and doomers like Steve Howard and Phil Mcnulty - well only if you want a giggle. The Niche-Cache doesn’t drag itself through the gutter with petty gossip nor change our overall opinions based on the latest results or line-ups. We bring sport discussion back to the honest, knowledgeable, and witty manner you crave. We stand by what we say, not forget what we’ve said so we can go back on it later. Managers don’t become idiots overnight and teams don’t become world-beaters after 3 wins. There’s a long season ahead and no doubt positions will change and so will viewpoints but The Niche-Cache being the best place to read up on some sporting yarns wont. 

Footy Rhubarb

Team of the Week:

                                                   Lloris (Spurs)

    Olsson (West Brom)              Caulker (Cardiff)               Davies (Swansea)

Gnabry (Arsenal)   Sigurdsson (Spurs)   Ramsey (Arsenal)   Amalfitano (West Brom)

                                             Barkley (Everton)

                     Sturridge (Liverpool)                        Lukaku (Everton)

Manchester Rain:

Both City and United slipped up over the weekend with the former losing 2 in-a-row in the league. the biggest blow falls to United because of this but also considering last week’s defeat was a 4-1 thrashing against City while this week they lost at home to West Brom for the first time since 1978 – officially the worst start a Man Utd team has made in the Premier League years. City also managed to lose 3-2 away to Villa despite taking the lead twice. All the big clubs that have had managerial changes are the slowest starters; it should be common sense that such changes take time to become familiar for all involved but modern football dictates results and quickly, either way we got a very close season ahead.  

Now it’s easy to sit here and say that Man Utd don’t look good, they are struggling under new management, Moyes hasn’t got a clue. This was always going to be the case though; it was never going to go swimmingly. However the media often lack logic with their reporting and often miss the bigger picture and we’re seeing that with Moyes and even Mourinho who stormed out of a press conference yesterday. Surprisingly Pellegrini seems to have avoided some of the media flack for some unknown reason despite his team definitely looking vulnerable at the back and already throwing away points due to pure carelessness. Now even the most optimistic of Man Utd fans wouldn’t have expected Moyes to go on and win the treble in his first season, in fact if it wasn’t for Chelsea and Man City getting new managers too I doubt the fans would even expect the title. There has to be a period of transition and it may take a season, it would take Sir Alex a season but that’s because he had 20-odd years of continuity behind him, it will take longer for Moyes. Basically we’re 7 games in and Man Utd haven’t started well but is it necessary to doubt the man’s pedigree? Do the media really need to pounce like they do? Give the man some time.

Pellegrini will be very disappointed that they followed up last week’s win with a loss this time as they could have built up some great momentum with that win. The way in which they lost will be more of a worry for Pellegrini. The first girl they conceded was dreadful awareness by the City defence and even though it was offside, they deserved to concede due to their failure to pick up simple runs. Kompany at one stage literally pointed at the space where the Villa player should play the ball and he did. The third and winning goal was nothing short of comical. A straightforward clearance by Guzan in the Villa goal went right in between City’s centre-backs in which Weimann latched onto before Joe Hart to tap home. You can’t throw away goals like that and can’t lose games like that so the British media may not be on your back Pellegrini but I’m in the mood for a Chilean piggy-back.

Hero of the Week:

Hero of the week has to go to Lukaku although he only just edged Sturridge. Lukaku got himself and Everton 2 goals as they beat Newcastle 3-2 on Monday night. Mourinho finds himself with 2 strikers at Chelsea that have yet to score in the league while he has loaned out Lukaku to Everton where he’s got himself 3 goals in 2 games – continuing his form from West Brom last season. It’s a bizzare decision as Lukaku is a goal-scoring machine with a great attitude and there is no doubt he’d get goals for Chelsea. Anyway it's Everton that are enjoying him now and will be until the end of the season if he keeps this up. Without Lukaku I was wondering where their goals were going to come from as Jelavic looked to be going through a dry spot but now they have the big Belgian in there to bang some in. Everton are starting to look good now and Martinez looks like he’ll be showing what he can really do.

Nipple of the Week:

It’s hard to pick nipple of the week this week which is a bummer because I just love those weeks where I can straight go “mmm yep he’s defo the nipple this week” but there hasn’t been anything that stands out. Rio could be highlighted as he got embarrassed by Amalifitano as the Frenchman strolled past with ease into the box to score the goal of the weekend. Chamakh is another who made himself look a bit of a tit as he dived for a penalty when he could have tried to score for Palace but ended up getting booked for simulation. Their quite minor ones but a nipple is a nipple so looks like we got a pair.

Footy Rhubarb

Team of the Week:

                                                        Marshall (Cardiff)

             Sagna (Arsenal)                 Kompany (Man City)                   Baines (Everton)

  Amalfitano (West Brom)      Ozil (Arsenal)     Toure (Man City)     Townsend (Spurs)

                                                               Nasri (Man City)

                                  Aguero (Man City)                        Remy (Newcastle)

Man City 4 Man Utd 1:

So Man Utd were embarrassed on Sunday at the Etihad Stadium as they went down to City 4-1. Not only is the score line bad but the performance was pretty dreadful. All over the place defensively and not being able to keep the ball and mount any pressure in the final third – City wanted it more. City put in a fine display full of energy, desire and confidence. Looking uninterested and casual is something I’ve criticised of City already this season but this (and rightly so) they didn’t hold back and I can’t say the same about United. It’s a fantastic feeling to win a derby and City fans will be over the blue moon but they will also know – as pointed out by Captain Kompany – that it’s just one game, and one game doesn’t make a season.

United’s poor distribution from defence is a constant theme so far this season and it proved a failure in this game as City’s high pressure paid off leading to United giving the ball away in dangerous areas. Playing without a recognised right-back is another issue for United as they seem unbalanced having centre-back such as Jones and Smalling covering for the injured Rafael. Three of City’s four goals came from mistakes made on that right side with Valencia failing to cover and Smalling being dragged centrally. Fellaini also looked very average and I think Moyes made a mistake starting him in this game and maybe even signing him in the first place. He may turn it around but he just doesn’t look a United player.

You can’t take anything away from City though; they highlighted United’s weaknesses and made them pay for it. Rooney was the only bright spark for United and scored a fantastic free-kick but it was too little too late. City looked hungry and dangerous every time they had the ball with power, skill and creativity – their best performance so far. United have the chance to bounce back against Liverpool in the Carling Cup during the week while City will want to use to take themselves on a run.

Hero of the Week:

Aguero is the hero this week as he scored two goals in City’s big win but was also the top performer. Every time he got the ball he created something, he can score from anywhere and even has the vision to pick out a deadly pass. His finish for the first goal was a great but of improvisation and his second was a determined and no nonsense – helped by United’s woeful defending. He put a mass amount of pressure on United off the ball as well chasing down players on the ball which resulted in United’s biggest downfall. As a striker he’s got it all and if he stays injury free he may well be the league’s top scorer, he’s without doubt City’s most potent attacking weapon.

Nipple of the Week:

As if you didn’t already know. Di Canio is the undisputed nipple of the week, of the first 2 months of the season, what a tit. He was deservedly sacked on Monday after another dreadful display in which Sunderland were comfortably taken care of by West Brom. It’s come to fruition now that players went to the Sunderland board on Sunday to complain about the Italian’s violent criticism of the team. It was obvious not a single player liked him and same with the fans. What were the board thinking hiring someone like him? He’s dysfunctional, over-passionate, and hot-headed – they sacked Martin O’Neill to get this idiot in! Sunderland have got a big appointment ahead because they can’t afford another poor judgement. They need to bring someone in with experience, who can bring stability, and can get his team enjoying their football – basically the opposite of Di Canio. I hope this is the last time we see clubs taking a gamble on these sorts of managers who are just big names with no pedigree or proven quality, it’s an insult to managers like Hughton, Clarke, and Coyle who have had to put in the hard yards and have actually proven themselves. Be smart this time Sunderland don’t appoint a nipple. 

Footy Rhubarb

So the Premier League is back after the International break which also means that most players have declared themselves fit again after pretending to be wounded soldiers to get out of playing for their countries. Oh the patriotism! Whether they played for their countries or not the first game back into club fixtures after such a break can be quite a tame affair. Players can seem tired and slow as well as some teams losing some momentum over the break. Despite this however there were still vital points up for grabs as well as a fair share of players making their debuts after the transfer window closed just before the international break.

Team of the Week:

                                        Jaaskelainen (West Ham)

Coleman (Everton)     Distin (Everton)     McAuley (West Brom)      Rose(Spurs)

Ben Arfa (Newcastle)   Ramsey (Arsenal)      Ozil (Arsenal)      Naismith (Everton)

                                                   Sigurdsson (Spurs)

                                                   Rooney (Man Utd)

Hero of the week:

It’s out of Sigurdsson, Rooney, and Ramsey this week as they all contributed so much to their teams’ victories with Sigurdsson and Ramsey grabbing a brace each. Sigurdsson was the finisher at the end of two well worked goals by Spurs who had a spring in their step despite the loss of Bale. New signing Eriksen looks a very tidy player indeed and was involved in the build-up for both goals. Spurs could have scored more with Soldado and Townsend coming close but it was the Icelandic international who stepped up. Rooney had his best performance so far this season despite a lack of rhythm in United’s attack and despite having some ridiculous head gear on. He got a bad cut on his forehead during training before the international break (conveniently) so had some extra protection on – surely he could have worn that for England? But don’t start me on that. He had the most cutting edge in the team and looked the most likely to unlock the Palace defence with one pass to RVP being particularly stunning only for the Dutchman to hit the bar. He capped off his performance with a well measured free-kick into the bottom corner of Speroni’s goal that has Moyes grinning from ear-to-ear. However the hero is Ramsey who took both his goals superbly as Arsenal gunned down Sunderland 3-1. Arsenal dominated the game but let Sunderland back into the game after they gave away ANOTHER penalty this season. No fear though as Ramsey stepped up as he has more than once already this season with a superb volley to put Arsenal back in the lead and then a calm finish at the end of a fantastic move to secure that crucial two goal cushion. Ramsey has had a fantastic start to the season and is starting to look like a leader out there for the Gunners. It looks as though Arsenal are going to need plenty of goals from midfield this season and Ramsey is stepping up to the plate, Wenger needs to keep this boy fit and in the team.

Nipple of the Week:

Di Canio? Walcott? Or referees in general? The Walcott one may seem a bit harsh but he wasted 3 fantastic chances against Sunderland as Arsenal should have gone in at half-time with the game wrapped up. Two of these chances were one-on-ones which is something that he usually excels at. Ozil showed what a class act he is with a great performance and he picked out Walcott with ease, almost too much ease. Those chances needs to be buried as missing those chances gave Sunderland a sniff and they eventually equalised, if it wasn’t for Ramsey’s two goals Walcott wouldn’t be too popular in the dressing room. Maybe I’m jumping on his back a bit as its only one game but after his display for England against Ukraine last week I’m not his biggest fan at the moment – he’s simply not in good form.

The refs didn’t have the best weekend with quite a few dodgy decisions. The ref at Old Trafford was quite inconsistent with his penalty decisions and unfairly sent off Dikgacoi after he barely brought down Young. He earlier booked Young for simulation in a challenge with the same player but even before this moment he didn’t book Evra for what was also a blatant dive. Holloway was fuming once again in his post-match interview claiming “I literally can’t afford to say anything so I’ll keep my mouth shut” classic Holloway after being fined a few weeks ago few comments made about an official. Scummer Schinderlain also managed to get away with nothing after diving in two-footed on Diame during the Southampton vs. West Ham game. Obviously we could talk about referee decisions every week but why is it always the same issues being discussed and never any solutions? Di Canio tried to shuffle the blame of Sunderland’s result on someone else – this time in the shape of the referee. Fair enough it was a dodgy decision and they were unlucky but how about the rest of the game Paulo? I don’t think the players want to play for him and their defence needs sorting out. He seems to think the whole world is against him but from what I can see it’s Di Canio vs. Di Canio.

Footy Rhubarb

Team of the Week:

                                                    Lloris (Spurs)

           Johnson (Liverpool)              Skrtel (Liverpool)             Davies (Swansea)

Redmond (Norwich)    Cazorla (Arsenal)     Jedinak (Palace)    Hernandez (Swansea)

                                               Ben Arfa (Newcastle)

                                                Giroud (Arsenal)

Hero of the week:

There weren’t many goals scored in the Premier League this weekend but there have definitely been decisive goals. Giroud, Sturridge, and Ben Arfa all scored winning goals for their respective teams in 1-0 victories that were either very tight or stale. Any man who steps up and grabs a games solitary goal in a hero but for this week it has to be Giroud. Although Sturridge’s goal was a great bit of movement and improvisation I think the tall Frenchman put in a brilliant display overall as well as grabbing a tidy goal. Giroud is starting to find consistency in his goal-scoring and performances and is repaying the faith shown in him by Wenger. He held the ball up, showed great touch, brings other into play and looks a player with great confidence which he lacked last season. His goals was well worked by Arsenal and then finished with a great flick into the near post by Giroud who could have got more goals if it wasn’t for the fine performance from Lloris in the Spurs goal. Giroud was at the centre of everything causing the Spurs defence all sorts of trouble, he looked a leader out there.

Nipple of the week:

The weekends game were a bit tame this week especially considering we had 2 big derbies in the shape of Liverpool V Man U and Arsenal v Spurs so it isn’t as clear cut this week whose been the biggest nipple. It’s out of Di Canio and referee Anthony Taylor. Taylor refereed the Cardiff v Everton game and missed some crucial calls with one being an absolute blatant penalty. Baines (who had another brilliant game) stormed into the box and was totally bowled over by Medel, it was a rugby tackle! Taylor was in a great position to see it and just waved play on, everyone in the ground though it was a penalty, they were just waiting for the whistle! Taylor is the same ref that caused controversy in the Arsenal v Villa game on the opening day and we’re starting to see a trend from the man. He creates more issues then has to and his unnecessary decisions (or lack of them) seem to add hostility to the game which leads to more stupid fouls and yellow cards, basically he struggles to control a game. I don’t like to pick on refs but we’re 3 games in and in 2 of them he’s managed to cause unnecessary controversy.

The nipple of the week has to go to Di Canio though. John O’Shea got sent off as Sunderland went down 3-1 away to Palace. Now to be fair O’Shea made a mistake as he lost the ball and then got sent off when he dived in to stop Gayle going through on goal but there was no need for Di Canio to talk about his CAPTAIN the way he did after the game. He questioned O’Shea’s leadership and his experience which by itself is harsh when O’Shea is a player who rarely puts a foot wrong but to do it publicly is very poor man-management. He’s a hot head and he’s throwing around blame for his team losing, he’s the manager, he chose the team, he chose the tactics. He went on to say his team don’t have the heart and that’s why he’s requested more players. Well done Paulo your players are going to love playing for you now aren’t they? Maybe they just got a bit cocky because of all the mass amount of confidence you give them? How can a manager say that 3 games into a season? I think Di Canio is my new tip to be first manager to get the sack. To think that this time last year Sunderland had Martin O’Neill as their manager, what a step backwards that is.  

Wont be Gunning at all at this rate

Arsenals board bragged earlier in the summer about how much money they can invest in players and promised to pull off signings that would get them competing for the title again. That has failed to materialise with targets such as Higuain and Luis Gastavo choosing to go elsewhere. This failure to attract big name players even with the money and the pull of Champions League football came to a head against Villa on the weekend.

It started with great optimism. Giroud opened the scoring inside 6 minutes and Arsenal were dominating after Villa were too easy to open up. However Villa tightened up after that and became dangerous on the counter attack. The referee didn’t have the best performance to say the least as he often contradicted his own decision and created a hostile atmosphere with his dishing out of yellow cards. Arsenal didn’t create enough going forward and gave the ball away sloppily at times with even the usually reliable Wilshere making mistakes. Villa went on to win 3-1 with the help of two questionable penalty decisions and a third goal that was a diabolical piece of defending to watch.

What this game highlighted the most was the Gunners lack of a leader within the team. It wasn’t until after half-time when I realised who the captain was! To my surprise it was Mertesacker but I wouldn’t have known that unless I looked it up. Not only that but during the game Arsenal lost Koscielny as he was sent off as well as Gibbs, Sagna, and Chamberlain to injury. So their already thin squad gets even thinner – wouldn’t be so thin with new signings would it Arsene? If I was an Arsenal fan I would be furious with Spurs spending money galore on quality players, 8 years without a trophy, and lack of desire to push forward. On top of that how about this for a possibility – Arsenal play Fernebache in mid-week to qualify for the Champions League and have a number of fitness issues leaving the possibility a fielding a strong team a doubt. After that fantastic run of 10 wins in 12 games last season to get 4th, imagine if Arsenal failed to qualify for the Champions League – something that will be their major selling point in attracting players. They aren’t loo lucky getting players as it is let alone without Champions League football. This all could have been avoided if they got their ass in gear and bought some players. They’re now making panic bids for the likes of Cabaye and Casillas and I’m getting déjà vu. If they don’t turn this around with some serious big player signings then this could well lead to the end of Wenger’s reign.

Footy Rhubarb

So the Premier league finally kicked off at the weekend and plenty of things to mull over to go with it. Some clubs will be happy with the way they opened their campaign, some will be reassured, and some will hugely disappointed. It’s a long season however with plenty of football to play and it’s never wise to judge a clubs season from the first 6 or so games. Despite it being early days the weekend’s games would have highlighted a few things to certain managers about squad size and quality which will be major factors leading into the last 2 weeks of the transfer window. Let’s have a look back at the opening weekend fixtures and make out the team of the week, main talking points, the weeks hero and the weeks nipple.

Team of the week: (4-3-3)

                                             Begovic (Stoke City)

 Coleman (Everton)      Whittaker (Norwich)       Toure (Liverpool)        Shaw (Scum)

 De Bruyne (Chelsea)                    Barkley (Everton)                          Oscar(Chelsea)

Agbonlahor (Aston Villa)           Van Persie (Man Utd)                       Dzeko (Man City)

Hero of the week:

I’m torn between two players to be heroes of the week for the opening weekend so two is what we’re having. Gabby Agbonlahor and Simon Mignolet, congratulations you’re the heroes this week. Agbonlahor won Villa both penalty’s in their 3-1 victory at Arsenal and even though they were questionable decisions he was an integral part of Villa’s dangerous counter attacks and lead fantastically from the front. His pace was too much for the Gunners at times and also put in a shift off the ball to reduce Arsenal’s midfield time on the ball – he deserved a goal.

Mignolet is also a hero due to his penalty save from Walters on 87 mins to prevent what would have been an equalising goal. Basically he made sure Liverpool got 3-points instead of 1 after Agger’s strange attempted clearance resulted in a blatant handball. It shouldn’t have come to a penalty save to secure 3-points for Liverpool as it could have well ended up 3-0 if it wasn’t for Begovic in Stoke’s goal pulling off some fantastic stops. If that penalty did go in then it would have been the Bosnian who would have won this week’s hero award but it was Mignolet’s save that decided the outcome on his competitive debut for the Reds.

Nipple of the week:

There are a few nominations for the absolute nipple of the first round of fixtures and 2 stem from the same game. Villa’s impressive 3-1 win at Arsenal made Arsene Wenger and the whole board look like a bunch of tits of course but the ref wasn’t too flash either. Pardew always looks a nipple because he is one but more so this week when Toon get brushed aside easily by Man City and then blames Arsenal’s bid for Cabaye as the reason behind it, he somehow felt he couldn’t play him once the bid was made just before the game “If he would have played we wouldn’t have lost 4-0”. Well I guess you should have played him then u wet blanket! Just because u got rolled over don’t come out all defensive claiming one player would have made all the difference! Not only that but he had a little whine about how disrespectful the bid was! So clubs bidding for players is new to you Pardew? Or you didn’t think that you could wait to inform Cabaye of the bid until after the game? Who hired this idiot? Oh that’s right another idiot called Mike ‘Lard-ass’ Ashley.

However all this and I think the title of nipple of the week has to go to Arsenal’s management and board. Yes they could turn this around with a few signings but surely this should have been sorted already? They’ve had 3 months! The injuries during the game as well as their lack of penetration in the final third just highlighted this and now they have put themselves under unnecessary pressure as well as disillusioned their fans. Possibly the worst way to start a campaign where you should be competing for the title, I feel for the fans because no doubt panic buys will roll in now and they won’t be up to scratch. It may be hasty to make such assumptions but why should it take such events to give the Gunners a kick up the ass? This should have been sorted, Arsenal=nipples.

Footy Rhubarb - Keep an eye out for these wee little scamps

The new Premier League season is just over 2 weeks away and with a new season comes new talking points, teams, managers, and players. Every season we are blessed with seeing some fresh young faces come in and announce themselves to British football. Some last the test of time and grow into quality players, while some are end up being mediocre stop starters. Here are a few players to keep an eye out for who aren’t big stars in the shape of the Ronaldo’s or the Rooney’s but can be just as important to their clubs season.

Nathan Redmond

Now he’s not a big name, not yet. Redmond recently signed for Norwich from Birmingham City and has been linked with Premiership teams for the last two years. The winger is an England u21 International and has blistering pace as well as a few tricks up his sleeve. He was part of the dreadful England team at the Euro u21 but he definitely has more to offer. He can play on either wing but is often used on the left so he can cut in on his right foot where he packs quite a shot. Canaries boss Hughton worked with Redmond at Birmingham and was the first to give him a consistent run in the team so it’s no surprise the youngster chose Norwich as his destination once it was made clear that Brum has to sort their wage bill out. Norwich play good expansive football as well and it’s a further sign on the manager wanting to improve attacking potency so it looks to be a great move for all concerned – Redmond could very well flourish this season. 

Wilfried Bony

The biggest reason for looking out for this fella is the fee that Swansea paid for him – 12m. It’s a huge fee for a club like Swansea and for a player who isn’t a big name player. However now he’s in the Premier League that could well change. The 24-year-old Ivorian has a great goal scoring record especially at previous club Vitesse where he netted 46 goals in 65 appearances. From various clips he’s a very powerful striker and a great finisher. He can score with either foot or his head and reminds me most of former Pompey and Everton striker Yakubu. He has great positional sense and awareness to link up with teammates so I get the impression he will be perfect for Swansea’s style of play. Michu has been considered by many the buy of the season last season with a price tag of only 2m but he did struggle for goals in the second half of the season and Laudrup has been astute in making sure Swansea don’t rest on their laurels and splash the cash on Bony. Michu can be played behind the striker and is just as useful creating goals as well as scoring them so I think the Michu/Bony partnership will prove to be very fruitful for the impressive Welsh club. He may take time to settle but with the system Swansea play I think he’ll prove a great investment from Swansea so credit to the club.

Jozy Altidore

This isn’t the first time the American has graced the Premier League as he had a spell at Hull City under Phil Brown a few season back where he didn’t set the world alight but still showed elements of quality. He’s big, athletic, fast, and a decent finisher in the air and on the ground. At the age of only 23 Altidore already has 60 caps for USA and has played in 5 different countries – mostly on loan. He was at Villareal for 3 years but only appeared for them 9 times due to him being shipped out on loan for every year he was with them so his only long term spell at a club is where Sunderland signed him from – AZ Alkmaar. He has a fantastic goal scoring record in the Dutch league with 38 in 67 games and that shows how useful he can be when he is settled. I think he is going to be a successful addition to Di Canio’s Sunderland team. He’s perfectly fitted to English football being big, strong, quick, good in the air, and already having Premier League experience. It’s a shrewd signing by Di Canio and I think it’s going to pay off.

George Boyd                     

It’s a surprise one but very intriguing player to keep tabs on. Now this fella is by no means a fresh faced starlet but nor is he a dinosaur. He comes from humble footballing backgrounds having played a large amount of his career in the lower leagues and has been rewarded doing it the hard way by making his first appearance in the top flight at 27 with Hull City. At Peterborough United he is known as ‘the White Pele’ due to him being flash, tricky, and capable of brilliance – a fan favorite. However he has only been making real progress in the last year with Championship teams taking a punt on him such as Nottingham Forest and then Hull City on loan. He proved he can be just as exciting and dangerous at a higher level and has done enough to convince Steve Bruce to sign him permanently as Hull take their place in this season Premier League season- lucky boy. He can play in the hole behind the striker, in midfield, or as a full-fledged striker but either way he has the ability to get people off their seats and is very unpredictable. He has one cap for Scotland but he should expect a few more if he is able to feature enough for Hull this coming season.

Gary Hooper

Another Norwich signing which shows just how hard Hughton’s been working this summer to improve his squad and let’s face it, it’s needed having just survived last season. Hooper has been attracting interest from Premier League teams for a few years now and it seems clubs have been hesitant to take a punt on the England hopeful. He has been playing for Celtic in recent seasons and has a decent goal scoring record winning many fans in Glasgow. This has had led to many calling for Hooper to be given a chance in the England set-up but it seems that the SPL isn't seen as a high enough quality of competition for a player to prove his credentials and rightly so. This makes it a huge chance for Hooper to show what he can do and maybe earn himself a last minute ticket to the World Cup – if England qualifies that is. He’s a sharp player with great pace and deadly in the box – Norwich will be relying on him for goals this season and if he continues the form of recent season he will do just that and may well give Hodgson something to ponder come June next year, yet again, if England qualify that is.