Footy Rhubarb

Team of the Week:

                                            Mignolet (Liverpool)

Azpilicueta (Chelsea)         Mertesacker (Arsenal)             Gabbidon (Palace)          

Navas (Man City)       Toure (Man City)          Lampard (Chelsea)          Oscar (Chelsea)

     Aguero (Man City)      Lukaku (Everton)           Giroud (Arsenal)

Hero of the Week:

Among the heroes this week are Giroud, Lukaku, Aguero, and Lampard who all bagged braces for the respective teams. Shane long of West Brom and Kim of Cardiff were also heroes for their sides but for me it has to be that man Lampard. Frank Jr has got some slack recently and hasn’t been getting many games so he needed to take his opportunities to state his claim – and he did. Lampard scored two of Chelsea’s three goals against his former club West Ham after a 10-game goalless drought. That means Lampard has scored 5 times in his last 5 appearances against the club that produced him and he thoroughly enjoyed it kissing the badge in front of the Boleyn faithful. A clinical penalty smashed down the middle opened the scoring before finishing the tie off with a trademark finish from just outside the box. For all the money Chelsea spend and the wealth of talent they have, Lampard has always been the hero for Chelsea in their most successful era and continues to be.

Nipple of the week:

Kevin Friend is the nipple this week due to his mental decision to send off Wes Brown for a totally fair tackle. Brown won the ball and got very little of the man. He did fly in at quite some pace and was off the ground for a second but he got to the ball first and was sliding away from the opponent. It was a challenge that didn’t warrant a yellow card let alone a red card. Considering that Sunderland haven’t had the best season so far and that Brown was captaining the side, it was definitely a crucial call. Sunderland went on to lose 2-0 to Stoke City and understandably Poyet was not a happy man and immediately appealed the decision. The decision has now been reversed thanks to the FA Panel reviewing the bizarre dismissal and Brown will be available next week as Sunderland take on Villa.

This wasn’t the only strange decision over the weekend though as Rooney somehow managed to avoid being sent off after a petulant kick on Cardiff’s Jordan Mutch. Rooney had lost the ball and Mutch ran across his path leading to Rooney kicking him in the back of the calf. Kevin Mirallas was also lucky to get away without seeing red as he put a vicious challenge in on Suarez that was off the ground, high, and studs up catching Suarez just above the knee. If it was Suarez who committed the tackle I’m sure it would have been red but Mirallas stayed on the pitch to be on the receiving end of a late challenge late on by, yep you guessed it, Suarez. 

I'm abit of a poet, incase you didn't know it

Why, like a purple cow in the average herd

Are England different, strange and so absurd

The opposition move efficient and fast

England are left to chew on the grass

Chile were hot, England were not

Gemany had Guile, England were docile

But for all England’s downs, And all Germany’s ups

England still have 2 Word Wars and 1 World Cup

So England may not always be winning

And the fans may not always be singing

But chin up there is always tomorrow

But for today… England are still shit though. 

False 9 Quarterly Review

Well we have come to another international break that interrupts our weekly EPL diet, but at least we have the All Whites to look forward to! With just over a quarter of the season already gone (where the hell did that go!?) I thought it would be good to have a look over the season so far. The season has had its fair share of upsets, transfer rumours and stunning goals but a minimal amount of controversy which is a tad disappointing!

Biggest Surprise so far – Southampton

Southhampton's Adam Lallan

What a start by the Saints! Nobody can honestly say they would have picked Southampton to be in the top 6, let alone 3rd on the table going into the international break. Teams such as Man City and Chelsea have squads worth 5 times as much as the Saints, with better facilities and equipment, but there is no substitute for a bit of desire and heart. Led by the hard working Ricky Lambert, this side have shown a lot of attacking verve while also managing to keep a defensive steel that is the envy of many teams having conceded only 5 goals in the first 11 games! If the likes of Adam Lallana and Dejan Lovren can keep up there early season form the Saints could be looking at securing a place in Europe. However with all such ‘small teams’, the depth of the squad will be tested the longer the season goes on. You’d imagine the Saints will get pulled back to the middle of the pack at some point as the big boys start flexing their muscle. But will they? Dreams are free, and potentially the Saints could take us football fans for a fantastic ride this year.

Biggest Let down since the Americas cup - Chelsea

Readers may be confused here, but times aren’t so rosy in London for Mourinho and co. Maybe I’ve set my expectations too high for the Blues? For me have they have been mundane and need a kick up the ass for how they have been playing. Back from Spain to manage his beloved Blues, Mr Mourinho has struggled to find his top line-up and get the consistency out of his players that he desires. With the financial backing of ‘he who must not be named’, Chelsea bought extensively during the summer to bolster its squad. When you are able to put arguably the best player of the 2012-2013 season, Juan Mata, on the bench then you have serious depth. The problem is the consistency of the side. One week they look like EPL champions, the next they look like they’d rather be at the pub watching darts on a Sunday arvo. Don’t get me wrong, I still think Chelsea will be in the top two, if not the eventual champions this year. However for me they haven’t been pushing my buttons and have left me wondering whether this squad have the mental toughness to fight for the trophy. I guess the next 6 months will give us an answer.

The Travel sickness award: Man City

What is going on outside the Etihad!! People say there is an art to winning away from home and with the City boys registering only 4 points from a possible 18 outside the Etihad, this may just be the case! With 5 wins from 5 inside the comforts of home base, these crucial wins are keeping their title hopes alive. However if there is no extremely significant turnaround in away form, this side will fail to live up to the hype that has followed them ever since that famous day on 13 May in 2012. Maybe travel arrangements need to be addressed or these rather highly paid sportsman need to better prepare themselves for these matches because these dropped points could become costly as we get closer to the May finale. You can be sure that Mr Pelligrini will be harping on about their away form for a long while yet as city try to start climbing the ladder in the coming weeks.

Player of the year (thus far)

There are a number of players who could scoop this award but I narrowed it down to two players who have been the most influential. Daniel Sturridge and Aaron Ramsey. Both these talents have had their setbacks over the years with Sturridge having to settle on Chelsea’s bench for a number of seasons and Ramsey having his leg horrifically broken in 2 places against Stoke in 2010. Why now have they both started to shine? In the case of Sturridge he benefitted from starting the season as Liverpool’s main striking weapon as Luis Suarez rode the pine for his hunger antics against Chelsea last season.  His performances show he wasn’t shy from stealing the limelight as he started the season on fire and has already registered 8 goals! Sturridge has never been the focal point of a team’s attack, having to settle for a wide role at Chelsea where the likes of Drogba and Torres took centre stage. He has always preferred the central striking role and the form he has shown in leading the line has seen Brendan Rodgers confidence in him rewarded with a stunning start to the season. With Suarez back they have started to build an irresistible partnership (SAS) which could carry this side to Europe. If Sturridge can learn to share the limelight with Suarez then he will continue to fluster opposition defences and become a contender for top goal scorer come end of season honours.

Arsenal's Aaron Ramsey

Ramsey has also benefitted from taking a greater role within his side. The Arsenal midfielder has never shone in the Arsenal colours but he has turned that round in first 11 games. I must admit if you asked me 12 months ago which midfielder Mr Wenger should sell, I would have said Ramsey without hesitation, so i’m glad i’m not the manager!! With only Giroud leading the line, one of the midfield quintet had to step up. Ramsey has done just that. From being a diminutive sit back and wait type player, Ramsey has turned into a free running attacking midfielder with an eye for goal as shown by the quality of goals he has already scored this year. It is not just his finishing though. His work rate has been first class, he hasn’t been shying away from his defensive duties and he is also taking on a leadership role within the side. With the likes of Theo Walcott and Lucas Podolski coming back from injury, midfield starting spots will be at a premium but you can bet bottom dollar that Ramsey is as near a certainty as you can get for one of the spots. Questions remains if he can carry this on for the whole season, however for the first quarter alone he has been nothing short of sensational.

Biggest flop so far

This award has had Torres’ name all over it for the last few years, but not this year! There hasn’t been too many players I would say have significantly underperformed since the start of the year, but I believe Marouane Fellaini fits the bill. Bought for 27.5 million pounds over the summer from Everton, Fellaini was meant to bring a bullying strength to the United midfield to complement the more elusive players. However after starting the first 3 games he has found himself down the pecking order behind the likes of Cleverly, Kagawa and Carrick. He has been found wanting when playing against high pressing teams and struggles himself when trying to pressure opposition players due to his lack of speed. Fellaini still has plenty of time to resurrect this form, but the United faithful are starting to lose patience with their star summer signing and he will need to turn things around quickly if he wants a prolonged stay at the theatre of dreams.

Footy Rhubarb

Another great week of Premier League action with some big games, big wins, and big upsets. Man Utd beat Arsenal 1-0 in the weekend’s blockbuster game to let the league know that they still have a big say in the title race. It was former Gunner RVP that got the winning goal but more than anything the game highlighted that Arsenal seem to fail to deliver in the big games. If Arsenal would have won it would have been a victory that would have even Wenger thinking of the title but Man Utd surely were never going to let that happen. The win was made bigger for Man Utd as Man City, Spurs, and Chelsea all dropped points.

Man City were stunned by a robust Sunderland performance as Gus Poyet’s revolution takes shape and Pellegrini is given more away day blues. Spurs managed to lose to Newcastle thanks to sloppy defence distribution, clinical finishing from Loic Remy, and an amazing performance by Tim Krul in the Toon goal. Chelsea could only manage a draw against West Brom at Stamford Bridge and were lucky not to lose as they received a very generous penalty late on. Hazard dispatched the penalty to maintain Mourinho’s record of 66 games unbeaten at Stamford Bridge. Liverpool also smashed a sorry Fulham 4-0 to put Martin Jol under intense pressure once again as Stoke and Swansea fought over an entertaining 3-3 draw. The game ended in controversial fashion as Swansea had fought back from 2-0 down to lead 3-2 until the referee gave a very bizarre penalty to allow Charlie Adam to equalize for Stoke in the 96th minute.

Team of the Week:

Krul (Newcastle)

Sagna (Arsenal)  Olsson (West Brom)     Skrtel (Liverpool)       Bardsley (Sunderland)

Routledge (Swansea)     Gerrard (Liverpool)         Lallana (Scum)  

           Rooney (Man Utd)          Suarez (Liverpool)           Remy (Newcastle)

Hero of the Week:

Rooney was a hero for Man Utd with his overall performance as well as assisting Van Persie to score the winner against his old club Arsenal in the biggest game of the weekend. Rooney was the sharpest player on the field and created something positive with every touch and without him playing it surely would have finished a draw.

This week’s hero though can only be one man, and that’s Tim Krul. The amount of vital saves he made was incredible and if he wasn’t playing then Newcastle wouldn’t have got a point let alone win! Spurs threw everything at Newcastle as they defended for their lives but it was the feet, hands, and torso of Krul that kept out the onslaught of Townsend, Soldado, Eriksen, Paulinho, Sigurdsson, Sandro, and Defoe. Countless times Krul was the only obstacle between Spurs and a goal as they got behind the defence several times but the Dutchman made himself impossible to beat with first class reactions and calming presence under pressure.

Nipple of the Week:

The nipple of the week is referee Neil Swarbrick. The Swansea vs Stoke game at the Liberty Stadium was a great advert for the Premier League with Swansea fighting back from 2-0 down to lead 3-2. It was a great action packed game and Swansea deserved to win but they were denied by a mental decision from Swarbrick. Deep into stoppage time there was a scramble in the box as Stoke pushed for an equaliser and suddenly the whistle went and the ref was pointing at the spot. Laudrup summed it up after the game when he pointed out that there were 7 Stoke players in the box and not one of them appealed for a penalty. Either Routledge or Williams was adjudged to have handled in the area but from the reply it looks like a shoulder is the closest thing to a handball in that period of play so where he saw a handball I don’t know. It spoiled what was a very good game with both teams playing good football in the first half. It was Swansea though who came out in the second half playing some great attacking fluid football and fully deserved to get back and win the game. It was a shame but Stoke will be relieved to not have lost after going in at half-time 2-0 up. The last minute penalty was a gift from Swarbrick and makes him nipple of the week, it still didn’t make Hughes smile though, is it even possible? Has Hughes ever smiled? What will it take!?

Flying Kiwis – November 11

Getty Images

Flying Kiwis will keep you up to date on the endeavours of New Zealand sports folk overseas. Not the battlers, mind you, but the genuine overlooked and underappreciated superstars that for some ridiculous reason don’t get a look in on local media.

Chris Wood – Leicester City (English Championship)

The Foxes had won 6 home games in a row, but lost this week to Nottingham Forest. Obviously because Wood was unavailable (what with All Whites duty and all). It’s a shame, since Wood seemed to have barged his way back into the starting lineup. Manager Nigel Pearson was definitely upset about it. Both Burnley and QPR drew, so Leicester didn’t lose much ground in the standings, holding on to second spot and automatic promotion as it stands. The good news is that Woody is fit and playing well, with a goal in each of his last two starts. He’ll be a key player against the Hombres.

Up Next: You’re kidding right?

Tommy Smith – Ipswich Town (English Championship)

Smith was unavailable for his game too, as clubs were forced to release players required for international duty according to head honchos at the FIFA Death Star. They were up against it defensively without their best centre half, but on attack they came through, with subs Frank Nouble and Paul Taylor scoring and striker Daryl Murphy bagging a stoppage time winner (after opponents Blackpool had equalised in the 88th). There’s no European footy next week at all. Bigger fish to fry.

Up Next: Come on, you know what’s up next

Marco Rojas – VfB Stuttgart (Bundesliga)

No Marco for Stuttgart, but he has been included in the All Whites squad, so he’s at least back in action. He may well have been toiling away in the reserves for a couple weeks, but what with the German and the language and the Google Translate (…and the glayvin!) it’s hard to tell. That doesn’t seem likely though, as he has only recently returned to full training. His 90 minute prospects vs Mexico are as unlikely as a Leo Bertos hat-trick (and almost as unlikely as a successful Bertos cross). For the record, Stutters won 3-1 and moved up to 8th on the Bundesliga table.

Up Next: Seriously?

Winston Reid – West Ham United (English Premier League)

West Ham lost 3-1 to Norwich, so clearly Reid didn’t play. We’ve all heard about his injury, which rules him out of the All Whites’ two playoffs vs Mexico. He damaged his ankle in training midweek, and the early word is that he could be out up to a couple months, though scans will confirm or deny this. First up, this isn’t Fat Sam pulling a sneaky one on NZ Football. Reid’s injury is of no advantage to West Ham at all. In fact, they are worse off than anyone from this (except Reid himself), losing their best player so far this season. And without him they didn’t look up to much vs Norwich.

So how do the All Whites cover him? Well Tommy Smith has been in good form for Ipswich. And thankfully Andrew Durante has pulled a Nathan Fien (minus Granny Gate) and switched his allegiance to the brighter side of the Tasman. Umm, Vicelich could play at the back too, but then we need him in the midfield... There’s not really any way to sugar coat this, Reid’s loss is a crushing blow to our hopes. He’s the captain of this team, and the best player playing at the highest level. A country like New Zealand simply cannot replace a guy of his stature. Ricky Herbert probably can’t be expected to switch up his formation, so there is the very real danger that Ben Sigmund gets the call up – a frightening prospect for the heart rates of kiwi fans.

Im devastated bout missing the games with country n club but these things happen some times

— Winston Reid (@WinstonReid2) November 6, 2013

But hopefully will be there in NZ to support the boys !! Get behind them !

— Winston Reid (@WinstonReid2) November 6, 2013

Up Next: OK – Thursday morning, 9am. Mexico vs New Zealand at the Azteca Stadium. FIFA World Cup Qualifying Playoff. It’s kind of a big deal.

Footy Rhubarb

Team of the Week:

                                                    Begovic(Stoke)

Zabaleta (Man City)   Caulker (Cardiff)   McAuley (West Brom)   Vertonghen (Spurs)

Ramsey (Arsenal)   Livermore (Hull)     Toure (Man City)      Silva (Man City)

                    Gouffran (Newcastle)                          Aguero (Man City)

Hero of the Week:

Caulker and Ramsey stick out to me as being heroes of the week as they both scored crucial goals in 2 very big games for their respective clubs. Caulker scored the winning goal in the South Wales derby – a first in the English top flight. For Cardiff and Swansea this was the first of the 2 biggest games of their seasons and for their fans the two times they meet each other this season could well be the biggest games of their lives. A proud day for both Welsh clubs but it was the home side Cardiff who got all 3-points thanks to their Captain and former Swansea player Steven Caulker. The England international leaped fantastically to fire his header in the bottom corner to raise the roof off the Millennium Stadium. It also put Cardiff one place above their Welsh rivals in the table as they distance themselves from the relegation zone. Basically Caulker has carved his name into Cardiff folklore in one of Cardiff’s proudest moments ever.

Ramsey is the other Hero for me after his fantastic goal made it 2-0 against Liverpool. It was a table topping tie that resulted in Arsenal going 5-points clear at the top, confirming that they are real title contenders this season. Ramsey was part of a hard-working midfield that included Rosicky, Cazorla, Ozil, and Arteta that put immense pressure on Liverpool in the final third. Liverpool weren’t playing too bad themselves and will be frustrated that they didn’t take their chances in front of goal. That however made Ramsey’s even more crucial as Sakho and Toure failed to close him down and that resulted in a thunderbolt of a goal. Ramsey is been a hero for the Gunners more than once this season and it looks like it could continue that way.

Nipple of the Week:

Sascha Riether is the nipple this week after his kick and stamp on Man Utd’s Adnan Januzaj. It wasn’t noticed by the refs as the game came to a close but as Januzaj and Fellaini were keeping the ball in the corner, Januzaj falls to the ground where Riether kicked him and then stamped on him. The score was 3-1 with seconds to go so the game was up so why be stupid and blatantly hurt another player? The final whistle was seconds away and in those last few seconds he could and should have been sent off – missing 3 games. This incident led to the first retrospective prosecution carried out by the FA Panel. The Panel is made of 3 former refs who make retrospective decisions on incidents that the referee didn’t see during a game. It could well be the first of many due to the poor eye-sight that refs seem to be suffering from recently. So Riether is in the record books, one to tell the grandchildren, nipple.  

Scribblings of a Fair Weather Friend - Round 4

It’s tough work following the Phoenix. All I wanted to do on a Monday night was wolf down some dinner and get involved with some z’s after a hard weekend.

Unfortunately, The Phoenix took on Melbourne Victory at the dreadful hour of 9.30, so I headed round to a mates place to make sure I didn’t miss a 3rd game in a row. No beers in the fridge, so instead I was able to let loose on the cold water and lollipops while we waited for bloody Downton Abbey to finish. Matt flicked over to Sky Sport 2, bang on time for the line-ups, which was all pretty predictable – Wellington typically 2nd best on paper (which is the case 8 times out of 9 – sorry Newcastle, but you are crap). Notably for the Nix, Stein Poorgesms somehow managed to start (again), BossDog Hernandez was in centre mid, and Old-but-gold Ifill had his feet up on the bench.

The boys must have been exploding with confidence, the last Kiwi team to win in Melbourne was only 11 years ago – and that was thanks to Harry ‘Don’t beat your missus’ Ngata for the Kingz! What a champion outfit they were. According to the cringe-worthy Aussie commentary team, it was 16 degrees, reasonably humid, and a really emotional day for Ernie Merrick – he was sacked by Melbourne in 2011 and never got to say goodbye to his boys :( Come on. He’s a Scotsman. He smashed back the whisky that night and has probably held a grudge ever since. I guess if by emotional, they meant blood thirsty, then they probably had a point.

Anyway, by the time I was into my 5th Allens lollipop, we were 10 minutes in. A few dodgy tackles and a couple of speculative efforts from Wellington suggested Ernie had grabbed each man by the nads and demanded a victory – the first 15 minutes was Premier League level excitement, but still very A-League in terms of quality. Melbourne epitomized that A-League quality, when Archie Thompson stumbled onto a ricocheted pass, controlled it with his arm and deflected his shot off Andrew Durante’s sweaty nipples into the far post for 1-0 to Melbourne. Clearly in agony from the nipple chafe, Durante then gifted Melbourne a second – his poofter headed back pass embarrassingly slotted home by James Troisi. Durante, clearly in CBF mode about being selected for the All Whites, then let Troisi breeze past him, to lob over Glen Moss for 3-0 within 30 minutes.

Fair to say that by this stage, it was just about time to flick over to the EPL highlights show on TV1, but for some reason we soldiered on. The Nix, playing with a ridiculously high defensive line, were caught napping on at least 5 more occasions, with no consequences. The only man who looked even half interested was Jeremy Brockie, it was his cocaine-snorting energy that earned the Phoenix an undeserved lifeline. A diagonal ball from Hernandez, taken and finished ruthlessly by last seasons top scorer. Brockie’s determination then had the ball in the back of the net for a second time – beating two players and sliding in a pass for Stein the Brain to finish. Sadly, Huysegems hadn’t finished his cup of tea, and was caught about a foot offside. How handy would 3-2 at half time been?

Phoenix players react as Paul Ifill replaces Albert Riera

Very. It would have been very handy. As after the opening 20 minute blur of pure terrible football, the Nix managed 70% of the ball in the final 25 minutes. However, they failed to find any quality in the final 3rd to make any of it count. So Merrick turned to Jesus Christ, our saviour. Jesus strode onto the pitch in the shape of Paul Ifill, and used his holy footballing know-how to conjur up chance after chance for the Jerusalem Phoenix. With just under 10 minutes to go, Ifill turned water into wine and opportunity into goal as he received the ball on the edge of the box, turned his defender like a champ and toe-poked through Nathan Coe’s legs.

A very entertaining climax, subsequently proved too little, too late, though. A late Brockie lunge flew over the bar, and the Nix were sunk. I hung around to scoff a few more lollipops, and watched a bit of the EPL – but ultimately, Monday night ended up being pretty disappointing. It leaves the Phoenix 2nd to bottom, 5 points behind Perth, who they battle on Saturday at 5.30, beer o’clock -  I’ll see ya there.

Melbourne Victory 3 (Archie Thompson 9, James Troisi 20, 29) Wellington Phoenix 2 (Jeremy Brockie 36, Paul lfill 84). Halftime: 3-1.

Scribblings of a Fair Weather Friend - Round 3 (and a half)

What is a fair weather friend? Not quite a fan – not quite a bandwagon jumper. They are a particular following who, although often only support one team, have the nerve to prioritize life’s chores ahead of the great game.

As a true football fan, the early mornings, slow buffering, or distant sports bar rendezvous must be accepted. Unfortunately, for a true Manchester United fan, I’m having a little more trouble solidifying my loyalty to the Wellington Phoenix. This has resulted in poor weekly updates and comical observations of a battling Kiwi outfit, who need all the help they can get. So, as an editor to his limited number of followers, I apologize. By the end of the season, though, I want to be fully committed to this team – whether in breathtaking, knockout fashion, or dwelling the scummy cellars of the bottom league table. The tide isn’t all the way out, so I’m not 100% shallow – It's not all about results. if the Phoenix can throw together some promise, along with a bit of flair – Ernie Bigcheeks Merrick will have me convinced. So, 3 games in – how are the Nix going?

Since the opening day defeat, there have been improvements. A gutsy 1-1 draw across the ditch against the Western Sydney Wanderers and a 0-0 draw at home against Newcastle. The latter being described to me as ‘the hardest game I’ve ever had to watch’. Well when it comes to that kind of football, it takes two to tango. Maybe not the prettiest, but at least shows the Nix have learnt from the early defeat. Also, with many positive reports concerning the influence of Carlos Hernandez, hopefully it won’t be long until we witness a few sneaky wins. As it stands, however, the Phoenix are second to bottom. Clearly not a desirable start, but only 3 points separate 2nd from 10th.  This means the next 3-4 weeks will be crucial, as no team wants to lose pace with the peloton early, especially a team who will likely struggle to string together consistent 3 pointers. 

Unfortunately for the Nix, during this transitional stage of their season, the All Whites have two crucial clutch cargo gigs against Mexico. The 14th of November – and then back here for the 2nd leg on the 20th. Depending on flights (etc etc), the round 5 A-League fixture against Perth on November 9th could see the Kiwi boys out of action for the Nix. And even if they do play, I’m sure their minds will be somewhere else entirely. The next flurry of fixtures will no doubt be affected by these qualifiers – but I’d be lying if I said I was more eager for some black and yellow action. It’s a sacrifice Ernie Merrick will have no choice to make – it’s for the good of the nation. If the All Whites do not qualify (or, if their chances are hindered by club/country loyalties), he’ll being dealing with some very depressed men. The one positive aspect from these fixture clashes is that squad players are going to have a second chance to impress – the round 1 loss to Brisbane consisted of 6 back up players, who will be keen to wipe that dirt off their shoulders.

Other than the lack of goals, it doesn’t look too bad at this stage. No injuries means a nice fresh XI will face up against Melbourne on Monday Night, and everyone will know that 3 points would be an excellent brace for the turbulence of upcoming weeks. You’ll hear from me on Tuesday evening, after I set aside my duties to watch the Nix do battle. Cheers and beers.

Footy Rhubarb

Team of the Week:

                                                 Howard (Everton)

Sagna (Arsenal)   Davies (Hull)   Reid (West Ham)   Theophile-Catherine (Cardiff)

      Ramsey (Arsenal)            Ramires (Chelsea)           Arnautovic (Stoke)

      Suarez (Liverpool)           Torres (Chelsea)               Aguero (Man City)

Hero of the Week:

A number of players stepped up this week to be heroes for their respective teams in some very big matches. Borini came off the bench to score a fantastic goal to give Sunderland victory over rivals Newcastle, Hernandez scored a late winner for Man Utd against Stoke, Torres had a brilliant game against Man City, and Suarez got a hat-trick as Liverpool thrashed West Brom 4-1. Sunderland have had a dire start to the season and this game was big enough due to it being Gus Poyet’s first home game as manager let alone it also being the Tyne-Wear derby. Basically if there was a game a fixture that could inspire a turnaround then this was it – and they delivered. Borini came on and scored and fantastic goal that sent the home crowd wild, that goal could be the catalyst for their season.

Torres missed a very easy chance early on in this one with the goal gaping and it seemed he was going to have one of those bad days but no. Torres brushed his shoulders off and put in an attacking masterpiece of pace, flair, and ruthlessness. He set up Schurrle for the opener and then scored the winner himself as Chelsea took all 3-points against City. He looked like the old Torres who scored for fun at Liverpool and was the key to a massive win. The Hero of the week however has to go to Suarez for his hat-trick against West Brom. We all know the about the saga that went on between Suarez and Liverpool over the summer and many doubted whether he could stay and if he did whether he’d be able to get back to form – well he showed it here. Three great goals that showed how much Liverpool miss him when he isn’t there. A creative force of flair, trickery and clever movement showed that he has just as much drive as ever to be playing for the Reds and evaporate any concerns that fans had about his commitment to the club. A mention also has to go out to Tim Howard who was a colossus in the Everton goal to keep out a persistent Villa to earn his team 3-points and a clean sheet.

Nipple of the Week:

We got a pair this week and both from the same diabolical situation, Joe Hart and Matija Nastasic. With not long left at Stamford Bridge and the score at 1-1 it looked as though there needed to be a moment of brilliance or a huge error for either team to win, for the City duo it was the latter. These two are among favourites to win the title this season and the result could prove crucial when it comes to league standings in May so no doubt about it, it was a big game. Willian hit the ball up-field with intention or aim but it somehow managed to cause havoc at the back for City. It was a simple situation that Hart and Nastasic turned into a nightmare. Hart rushed off his line unnecessarily while Nastasic is running towards the ball – and Hart. Surely the defender sees Hart coming out? But what is Hart doing anyway? Does he need to come out that far to clear a ball that should be dealt with? Both are to blame as much as the other as Nastasic heads the ball towards the on-rushing Hart who is outside the area so can’t even gather with his hands anyway. The ball goes straight past Hart and Torres comes sneaking in past the chaos to tap home. It’s not the first defensive mistake by City this season and it won’t be that last, and the same goes with Hart. City’s defensive mistakes have been hampering their season so far and Hart is usually at the centre of them, it’s an issue that needs resolving fast and it’ll be interesting to see how Pellegrini deals with it. 

Goal of the Week: 

Footy Rhubarb

Team of the Week:

                                          Begovic (Stoke City)

       Jones (West Brom)            Senderos (Fulham)                Chico (Swansea)

Townsend (Spurs)        Ramsey (Arsenal)       Oscar (Chelsea)     Silva (Man City)

                                         Ozil (Arsenal)      Hazard (Chelsea

                                                 Aguero (Man City)

Hero of the Week:

Heroes of the week include Aguero, Ozil and Hazard after they were all at the double for their respective teams. Aguero was the star performer as City defeated West Ham to earn their first away win of the season! It’s been somewhat of a hoodoo for City so far having not won on the road so they’ll be relieved to have been able to tick that off as they have been relying on their fantastic home form so far. Aguero is one of the most deadly strikers in the league and as long as he keeps fit then City have got every chance of getting top spot, they just need to stop leaking goals. Ozil has been an unbelievable success since his arrival with plenty of assists and goals which has transformed Arsenal into a team with more cutting edge and ruthlessness. One of his two goals on the weekend was an impressive header which he is by no means known for so to see him score such a goal makes you wonder what he CAN’T do. Hazard also got a double against Cardiff to put himself in the hero category despite his second goal being more of a goalkeeping mistake by Marshall, nevertheless Hazard made Chelsea tick to gain vital 3-points.

Goals, Goals, Goals:

A special mention this week has to go three breath-taking goals from Wilshere, Kasami, and Sidwell. Great goals are always scored in the Premier League but these 3 are really something and I would borderline illegal to not give them a viewing, get in it.

Nipple of the Week:

Nipple of the week has be Cardiff Keeper Marshall. Against Chelsea he had a shocker, the sort of games that every keeper inevitably has but also dreads. First Eto’o stole the ball off him after he bounced it on the ground before clearing it, then he let Oscar’s goal loop over him when he probably should have got a palm to it, and then he let Hazards second goal slip under his body to cap off a horrible 90 minutes. To be honest his first mistake where Eto’o cheekily stole the ball off him should have been called back for a foul, he still had control of the ball and the rules state that the keepr has to lose control of the ball or drop it in order for a player to be able to make such an interception – clearly Marshall was just bouncing it. However he knew that Eto’o was right behind him, in fact the striker was basically sitting on his shoulder so why bounce the ball? Why act so casual and lazy? Why take the risk? Sunderland also made themselves look like a bunch of nipples this weekend as Poyet’s first game as Di Canio’s replacement resulted in a 4-0 thrashing by Swansea – 2 of the goals being own goals. They say mistakes are made so we can learn from then, Sunderland have failed to do so.