FIFA Indictment

World Cup is soon, what drama, what excitement. 

Until you read this FIFA indictment.

So here we go, the World Cup draw

And yet again it's a predictable bore

With Platini getting exactly what he was looking for.

The Frog's group will be painfully breezy

While Argentina and Brazil's will be just as easy.

The FIFA bungs have all been paid 

And the route for a Kraut Vs Brazil final has been laid.

But Blatter can't sit there feeling too clever 

His penguin suit won't handle the Amazon weather

Roy's boys probably won't handle it either

And Ronaldo won't be getting too far neither.

We've had a stadium collapse, and 2 workers die

I haven't got the usual World Cup fever, and I know why.

It's got too predictable, boring, and bland 

FIFA's politics have got out of hand.

But lets just wait and see what happens 

And If you reading this, I hope your rapping.

False 9 - Midweek mayhem

With a double gameweek fast approaching us with games being played Thursday morning (NZ Time), I’ve put together a quick preview of all the games so nothing is left out as the festive season gets closer and closer. 6/10 games picked correctly wasn’t the greatest week, but with Liverpool getting stunned, there are no complaints from me. Thank God for the festive season, a buffet of football is about to come towards us. Time to enjoy.

Crystal Palace vs West Ham

Sitting in last place, Palace need to start winning some home games to somehow prove they deserve to be in the big boys league. A game against West Ham could do the trick, although they are coming off a convincing 3-0 win over Fulham. Without Winston Reid I have no idea how they kept a clean sheet, but credit it to Jaaskelainen and co at the back for a determined display. For Palace, scoring goals is the problem and oh how they wish Chamakh went back to the form he started with when first moving to England with Arsenal. Between Jerome, Kebe and Chamakh, the ball needs to start finding the back of the net, otherwise this game and many others will lead to a slow stroll back to the Championship. Prediction: Draw

Man United vs Everton

Roberto Martinez’s Everton side are quietly flying under the radar. With only 1 loss this season in the EPL (who would’ve guessed that!) they can quietly thank gentle giant Romelu Lukaku. 8 goals in 11 games is by far a better goal tally than inconsistent Toffees gone by such as Yakubu, Anichebe, Saha and Jelavic. With a physical presence not seen at Goodison Park in many a year, Lukaku is helping put this team on his back as he continues to defy Mourinho and prove what a waste sending him out on loan was. A man with a point to prove is a man worth keeping.

Romelu Lukaku doubles up on the one finger salute

Coming off a draw at White Hart Lane, the Red Devils will be looking to be back in home comforts against the Toffees. Lets be honest, with Rooney at the helm this side stands a chance against any team with the form he is showing! Get into Rooney’s head and Everton will likely steal a point at Old Trafford. Prediction: Draw

Arsenal vs Hull City

A huge win for Hull over Liverpool on the weekend has lifted the spirits of Steve Bruce’s men, but can they back it up less than a week later? My thoughts are they have had their big performance for the week and it will be back to reality against an Arsenal side starting to purr with confidence. If Hull can keep the game tight till after HT the home fans may get frustrated and turn the atmosphere sour, to Hull’s liking. However the way the Gunners have been playing, it doesn’t look like Hull will be stopping the Ozil/Ramsey/Giroud train anytime soon. This game could be a blowout to the home side.
Prediction: Arsenal win.

Liverpool vs Norwich

So no more SAS for the next 2 months. Without Sturridge, Liverpool lack a bit of that shiny edge they were showing in patches. But who’s to say Suarez can’t make up for his absence and really start carrying this side like he did last season. If the Reds are going to collect points, watch Suarez single handily take over games as he has turned into my pick for golden boot winner! Norwich are coming off a vital win against Palace and will look to put back to back wins together at Anfield. Liverpool will this find this game tough, but should scrape through in the end against Chris Hughton’s men.
Prediction: Liverpool win.

Southampton vs Aston Villa

Back to back defeats against title challengers Arsenal and Chelsea has bought the Saints back down to earth after their brilliant start. Funny thing is they played quite well in both those matches without taking the 3 points, having scored first against Chelsea and staying with Arsenal for 85 minutes the week before. Look for them to get back to winning ways against a struggling Villa who could only draw 0-0 with Sunderland on the weekend. After starting the season hot, Christian Benteke has not scored in the last 9 games... If your top scorer hasn’t scored in 9 games, you know you’re struggling. The Saints should happily march on this weekend. Prediction: Southampton win.

Fulham vs Tottenham

I finally feel vindicated. After weeks of insisting Martin Jol was going to get the sack, he eventually did! Could Fulham under new management shock struggling Spurs at home?! We have seen stranger things. Spurs put in a much better shift against United but still came up short. If they put in the same performance against Fulham, they will run away with the points and get their season back on track. However combining first game with a new manager for Fulham and Spurs being away from home, this could be a dangerous match for Spurs. Prediction: Tottenham win (just!)

Stoke vs Cardiff City

To be honest this game is a huge lottery. Both are not playing the best football and are coming off respective losses against Everton and Arsenal. I would love to say this will be a high scoring affair, but I personally can’t see it happening. Stoke at home should at least come out and push for the win, which could see Walters and Crouch get in on the action, but unless they can stop conceding goals it won’t matter. I would love to see Cardiff get up as they have been a feel good story so far taking points off both Manchester clubs. Look for Cardiff to push the Potters, however away from home Stoke should get the goods come the end of the 90 minutes. Prediction: Stoke win.

Sunderland vs Chelsea

Sunderland are coming off a boring 0-0 draw with Aston Villa, however they would happily take this result against a Chelsea side starting to find their stride. With Oscar coming off injured on the weekend, it could be a welcome sign for Juan Mata (remember him) to push his claims for the number 10 role on a more frequent basis. This reshuffle shouldn’t affect the Blues too much and they should have little problem dispatching the Black Cats. However Sunderland needs to start winning their home games. Could now be a start? As an Arsenal supporter it would be nice... Prediction: Chelsea win.

Swansea vs Newcastle

Michu bro, where you been?

Swansea are not having the year they had hoped so far. Sitting in the bottom half of the table is not what they envisioned after their League Cup win last year. Striker Michu has been unheard of this year after being a summer transfer target by many clubs, and with 2 goals this campaign there may be a few buyers who were glad the price wasn’t right this time. Newcastle have won 4 on the trot and are picking up pace as they push for higher honours. A sound defence has got them through this the last month with only 2 goals conceded and 2 clean sheets. They will need to be at their defensive best to keep their winning streak alive away from home at the Liberty. Prediction: Draw

West Brom vs Man City

This could be the match of the round. How can you be so good at home and borderline awful away? With City’s away form being the talk of the town, West Brom must fancy a sniff against the rich boys from the blue side of Manchester. After smashing teams at home, left, right and centre, getting back on the road isn’t what City will want. It is like travelling to smaller stadium’s is a waste of their time and they want to get out as quickly as they can, win, lose or draw. Maybe the facilities aren’t up to their likings, but whatever it is, it needs to change fast because it has already cost them dearly. The likes of Shane Long and Stephane Sessagnon will be enthusiastically looking forward to putting the timid City back 4 under pressure, and try heap more pressure on City’s away form. The longer this game stays close, the more City will feel the pinch and I can see West Brom stealing a point here. Prediction: Draw

Scribblings of a Fair Weather Friend - Round 7

Man, I love Sundays! Add to the fact it was the first official day of summer in New Zealand and the black and yellow bandits kicked off at beer o’clock. I waltzed down Queen Street with my new haircut & shades and caught up with Matt, brave enough to be sporting his bright yellow Nix jersey. He reckons they’ll get themselves on track, but with no wins in 6, it’s almost worth saving face by supporting them undercover. Credit to him for waving the flag, he’s definitely got the yellow fever. Circumstances had me reasonably optimistic for the encounter against West Sydney – great weather, a decent weekend and my hangover had been cured by some outstanding Frujus earlier in the day. We both slapped down $20 worth of bets in favour of the Nix – as we've come to accept that manufactured inspirado is the only thing that will get you through an entire A-League fixture. Wellington were at home, no injuries, beers on the table – it was all pretty promising.

Pretty promising, of course, until we saw that were the only ones in the entire bar. Beauty. I mean, the Nix are second to bottom, but come on Auckland. It's not even hard, just grab a beer, look at the screen, and yell a bit - it's first grade material. Aside from entering the quietest bar in the southern hemisphere, the key mistake Matt & I made was using $20 on soft-core gambling. What we should have done was nip up to Farmers & splashed out on a couple of pillows. One to sleep on and one to cushion our arses from those bloody awful outdoor bar stools that the Sky Sports bar have on offer.  It was becoming quickly apparent why no one else was here watching. Holy Christ, the first 45 was as dull as winter funeral. By the half hour mark, I was so intent on knocking back a V, I fell asleep for a few seconds & had a mini dream about doing exactly that. Waking up to endless repeats of ‘Ben Sigmund’s guide to Route One Football’ just wasn't cutting the mustard, so me and Matt got the hell out of there at half time. Two V’s for $6 sorted us out, and we strolled around the block to Fox’s Alehouse. Seating there was far superior, so we sat down, dicked around with our phones for a bit, then got back into it.

Kenny C gives the Nix energy off the bench

Ernie Merrick must have had a right go at the lads - the 2nd half was noticeably better. A few one-two’s, a bit of Paul Ifill, a few tasty goal mouth scrambles. It was good to see the Nix creating opportunities with the pace of Kenny Cunningham & Tyler Boyd up the flanks. But it’s almost like the Nix have just forgotten how to score. For all the improvements in the 2nd half, they still failed to be clinical enough to find the net. Carlos Hernandez spooned a few golden chances - he looks as though he’s putting himself under a lot of pressure to break the duck. West Sydney also had their chances, but Wellingtons defense actually looked really solid, it was good to see Durante back to his brutal best after a few dodgy weeks. He pulled of a double-block to thwart two great chances for the Wanderers. Glen Moss was also sharp in goal, no mistakes all afternoon.

It did finish 0-0, but West Sydney are 2nd on the ladder, and we’re not getting the rub of the green. In perspective, it’s not a bad result. 6 points off the top 6, with 21 games to go. It’s definitely do-able, especially if Ernie is able to build on the 2nd half performance. Maybe he needs to look at starting with Ifill and Boyd, as they make a real difference off the bench, but aren't clinical enough to make defining impact with the time they’re given.

Yeah, I was pretty disappointed that another $20 went to waste, but I’m willing to place one more before I start to pull my hair out.

Come on lads, that first win needs to be just around the corner.

The False 9 - Week 13

There were a few nasty challenges in the weekend's matches that could have resulted in red cards, but at the time only yellows were deemed sufficient. The main incidents I am talking about are Rooney’s ‘kick out’ at Jordan Mutch in United’s draw with Cardiff City and Kevin Miralles’ knee high pile driver that could possibly take the cake for worst tackle of the year on Luis Suarez. What interests me the most about these two much talked about moments is why the two guilty players were not red carded. Regarding Wayne Rooney’s ‘tackle’ a couple of points fell in his favour. The game was still inside 10 minutes when (after being harassed off the ball) he kicked out at Mutch while they tussled for possession. Refs don’t want to ruin the game so early on and this could be seen as one of those moments where the ref ‘pikes out’. He knows what he has seen, you either give nothing and say you didn’t see it, or you give a red. He did neither and deserves a week on the bench. Rooney has always had a temper and without doubt this incident reminds fans of the younger days of Rooney when these sorts of incidents were regular occurrences as his emotions got the better of him. These days he tends to be more controlled and his reputation is a lot cleaner. By saying he went home, watched the replay and still thinks it is a yellow is an absolute disgrace and typifies his character in my eyes. On another note if this foul was made by a smaller team, say Hull city, would the ref have still kept the red card in his pocket? I don’t think so. The smaller managers complain they don’t get as many decisions in their favour as the big clubs and this is another example of it. It’s not just Man United who will get these calls, City, Chelsea, Arsenal and the like get their fair share due to the number of stars in their ranks. Refs are scared to face the ire of top managers and sometimes this clouds their decisions. Once again they are only human and mistakes do occur, but subliminally refs have it in the back of their minds when reffing top clubs. When this decision is reviewed, he will know a red should have been given.

In the case of Suarez, his reputation preceded him. The tackle on Suarez was horrendous and could have seriously injured the South American and put him out for a long time, considering all the contact was made on the knee. People have come out and said if Suarez and had made that tackle would it have been a yellow card? Their point rings true as I’m sure if he was the one dishing out the punishment he would have received a red card. However due to Suarez’s reputation for rolling around on the ground and ‘play-acting’ at times, Phil Dowd may have thought that the challenge wasn’t as bad as first thought. He took a while to make his decision, but the way Suarez reacted was like any other challenge on him, rolling around on the ground even if most of them are hard but fair. He will obviously deny this but it is apparent in his game and could be considered a reason why a red was not shown.

These two incidents highlight the different reasons why some football decisions aren’t as black and white as they may seem in hindsight. Different players, different refs and the environment they are in will always make for different decisions to be made. That’s football, it adds to the drama of the beautiful game.

West Ham vs Fulham:

Considering the little clubs are struggling to get calls go their way, what better game to preview then two strugglers battling it out at the bottom of the table. West Ham have been a right old mess the last month. Big Sam has struggled to blend his young team together and their lack of firepower up front is exposed with a side wishing for a big name finisher or goal poacher. The Hammers have sorely missed Winston Reid since his ankle injury (so did the All Whites!!) and their defensive frailness has been evident, shipping 3 goals a piece in their last 2 games. With the Hammers only scoring twice in the last 5 games, they have to start turning round their fortunes. No better chance than against another relegation battler and a team struggling to defend stoutly as well. The key to West Ham winning this weekend is the experienced Kevin Nolan. It feels like he has been around for decades, and many will remember him strutting his stuff for the Magpies a few years ago. He is the heart and soul of the team and his tenacity and never say die attitude is something the whole squad needs to embrace if they want to be playing EPL football come the new season.
A few weeks ago I talked about Fulham having to pick up their game otherwise Martin Jol would get the flick. It has been two weeks since that report and I cannot believe how he still has a job. 2 games, 6 goals conceded and 1 goal scored. 10 points from 12 games is just not good enough for this side. They look like they are afraid of making mistakes and are always conscious of the repercussions of another loss. Playing in such fear stifles the attacking flair they can produce with the likes of Berbatov and Ruiz. It is infectious and seeps down to the younger players who are already out of their depth and scraping to stay ahead of the game at the best of times. This team needs an overhaul. A proud London club are putting in performances that the Wellington Phoenix wouldn’t even be proud of and something has to give. This could be another chapter in their book of what if’s or it could turn out to be a day that changes their fortunes for the year.

The Deciding Factor:

The perennial 6 pointer. If West Ham can stop gap their recent defensive woes then home town advantage might get them over the line. Fulham I have a small feeling might get up for this one. They showed signs of life in their last fixture and Darren Bent (yes, he still plays) created a few problems. If he and Berbatov get going, it could be another one of those days for West Ham.

Prediction:

Fulham to awaken from their slumber with Bent getting on the score sheet. Fulham 2-1

Chelsea vs Southampton

Two teams with a bit of a chip on their shoulder will meet early Monday morning to try and resurrect a troublesome week. Chelsea started the weekend well enough beating the struggling Hammers but followed that up with a dour display in the Champions League, where the Blues went down 1-0 to FC Basel. Some may say they were pretty much guaranteed a knock out spot before the game, but the way they performed has only left more questions on the table. Was Mourinho resting players for Southampton this weekend? Does he know his preferred line-up? I’m not sure he does. The depth in this side is amazing, but at times it seems like they may have an abundance in the wrong areas. They still lack a high scoring striker with Samuel Eto’o and Torres struggling for consistency. Just when Eto’o was starting to find form, he was pulled off before half time with a hamstring complaint, and so may be in doubt for this game. If the Blues can keep a clean sheet, they will create enough opportunities to put one in the back of the net. Or at least the fans would hope! The likes of Ramirez and Hazard need to provide the width and pace to break down the Southampton rearguard and give the likes of Oscar and Torres space to work their magic.
Southampton were the surprise team come the 10 game mark and still sit in 4th equal behind Man City on goal difference. They are coming off a loss to the Gunners (which isn’t shameful at all) last weekend where they will admit they failed to fire a punch at the Emirates. Maybe the midweek internationals took the sting out of some the Saints players’ legs as they looked half a yard off the pace. Lallana and Lambert were not on top of their game and failed to raise the level of their team like they have done so far this year. Some will say the honeymoon is over and reality is about to strike but I think this Saints team is built a lot tougher than people realise. This is not the type of side that is going to get blown away. If they can assert some midfield dominance over the Blues they stand a good chance of stealing a point or even 3 away at Stamford Bridge. They will have to be at their defensive best however to give themselves a chance of proving the doubters wrong early Monday morning.

The Deciding Factor:

What Blues team will turn up? If they turn up with the sombre attitude they have displayed too frequently this year, then they have the potential to be run over for periods at their home ground. However the start is crucial and if they can get on a roll quickly then it will soon turn into a canter as the momentum will be hard to turn once the Blues have it.

Prediction:

Southampton to shake the foundations by taking a point from Stamford Bridge. 1-1.

Further Predictions:

Aston Villa vs Sunderland- Draw
Cardiff City vs Arsenal – Arsenal
Everton vs Stoke- Everton
Norwich vs Crystal Palace – Norwich
Newcastle vs West Brom – Draw
Tottenham vs Man United – Draw
Hull City vs Liverpool – Liverpool
Man City vs Swansea – Man City

Footy Rhubarb

Team of the Week:

                                            Mignolet (Liverpool)

Azpilicueta (Chelsea)         Mertesacker (Arsenal)             Gabbidon (Palace)          

Navas (Man City)       Toure (Man City)          Lampard (Chelsea)          Oscar (Chelsea)

     Aguero (Man City)      Lukaku (Everton)           Giroud (Arsenal)

Hero of the Week:

Among the heroes this week are Giroud, Lukaku, Aguero, and Lampard who all bagged braces for the respective teams. Shane long of West Brom and Kim of Cardiff were also heroes for their sides but for me it has to be that man Lampard. Frank Jr has got some slack recently and hasn’t been getting many games so he needed to take his opportunities to state his claim – and he did. Lampard scored two of Chelsea’s three goals against his former club West Ham after a 10-game goalless drought. That means Lampard has scored 5 times in his last 5 appearances against the club that produced him and he thoroughly enjoyed it kissing the badge in front of the Boleyn faithful. A clinical penalty smashed down the middle opened the scoring before finishing the tie off with a trademark finish from just outside the box. For all the money Chelsea spend and the wealth of talent they have, Lampard has always been the hero for Chelsea in their most successful era and continues to be.

Nipple of the week:

Kevin Friend is the nipple this week due to his mental decision to send off Wes Brown for a totally fair tackle. Brown won the ball and got very little of the man. He did fly in at quite some pace and was off the ground for a second but he got to the ball first and was sliding away from the opponent. It was a challenge that didn’t warrant a yellow card let alone a red card. Considering that Sunderland haven’t had the best season so far and that Brown was captaining the side, it was definitely a crucial call. Sunderland went on to lose 2-0 to Stoke City and understandably Poyet was not a happy man and immediately appealed the decision. The decision has now been reversed thanks to the FA Panel reviewing the bizarre dismissal and Brown will be available next week as Sunderland take on Villa.

This wasn’t the only strange decision over the weekend though as Rooney somehow managed to avoid being sent off after a petulant kick on Cardiff’s Jordan Mutch. Rooney had lost the ball and Mutch ran across his path leading to Rooney kicking him in the back of the calf. Kevin Mirallas was also lucky to get away without seeing red as he put a vicious challenge in on Suarez that was off the ground, high, and studs up catching Suarez just above the knee. If it was Suarez who committed the tackle I’m sure it would have been red but Mirallas stayed on the pitch to be on the receiving end of a late challenge late on by, yep you guessed it, Suarez. 

I'm abit of a poet, incase you didn't know it

Why, like a purple cow in the average herd

Are England different, strange and so absurd

The opposition move efficient and fast

England are left to chew on the grass

Chile were hot, England were not

Gemany had Guile, England were docile

But for all England’s downs, And all Germany’s ups

England still have 2 Word Wars and 1 World Cup

So England may not always be winning

And the fans may not always be singing

But chin up there is always tomorrow

But for today… England are still shit though. 

False 9 Quarterly Review

Well we have come to another international break that interrupts our weekly EPL diet, but at least we have the All Whites to look forward to! With just over a quarter of the season already gone (where the hell did that go!?) I thought it would be good to have a look over the season so far. The season has had its fair share of upsets, transfer rumours and stunning goals but a minimal amount of controversy which is a tad disappointing!

Biggest Surprise so far – Southampton

Southhampton's Adam Lallan

What a start by the Saints! Nobody can honestly say they would have picked Southampton to be in the top 6, let alone 3rd on the table going into the international break. Teams such as Man City and Chelsea have squads worth 5 times as much as the Saints, with better facilities and equipment, but there is no substitute for a bit of desire and heart. Led by the hard working Ricky Lambert, this side have shown a lot of attacking verve while also managing to keep a defensive steel that is the envy of many teams having conceded only 5 goals in the first 11 games! If the likes of Adam Lallana and Dejan Lovren can keep up there early season form the Saints could be looking at securing a place in Europe. However with all such ‘small teams’, the depth of the squad will be tested the longer the season goes on. You’d imagine the Saints will get pulled back to the middle of the pack at some point as the big boys start flexing their muscle. But will they? Dreams are free, and potentially the Saints could take us football fans for a fantastic ride this year.

Biggest Let down since the Americas cup - Chelsea

Readers may be confused here, but times aren’t so rosy in London for Mourinho and co. Maybe I’ve set my expectations too high for the Blues? For me have they have been mundane and need a kick up the ass for how they have been playing. Back from Spain to manage his beloved Blues, Mr Mourinho has struggled to find his top line-up and get the consistency out of his players that he desires. With the financial backing of ‘he who must not be named’, Chelsea bought extensively during the summer to bolster its squad. When you are able to put arguably the best player of the 2012-2013 season, Juan Mata, on the bench then you have serious depth. The problem is the consistency of the side. One week they look like EPL champions, the next they look like they’d rather be at the pub watching darts on a Sunday arvo. Don’t get me wrong, I still think Chelsea will be in the top two, if not the eventual champions this year. However for me they haven’t been pushing my buttons and have left me wondering whether this squad have the mental toughness to fight for the trophy. I guess the next 6 months will give us an answer.

The Travel sickness award: Man City

What is going on outside the Etihad!! People say there is an art to winning away from home and with the City boys registering only 4 points from a possible 18 outside the Etihad, this may just be the case! With 5 wins from 5 inside the comforts of home base, these crucial wins are keeping their title hopes alive. However if there is no extremely significant turnaround in away form, this side will fail to live up to the hype that has followed them ever since that famous day on 13 May in 2012. Maybe travel arrangements need to be addressed or these rather highly paid sportsman need to better prepare themselves for these matches because these dropped points could become costly as we get closer to the May finale. You can be sure that Mr Pelligrini will be harping on about their away form for a long while yet as city try to start climbing the ladder in the coming weeks.

Player of the year (thus far)

There are a number of players who could scoop this award but I narrowed it down to two players who have been the most influential. Daniel Sturridge and Aaron Ramsey. Both these talents have had their setbacks over the years with Sturridge having to settle on Chelsea’s bench for a number of seasons and Ramsey having his leg horrifically broken in 2 places against Stoke in 2010. Why now have they both started to shine? In the case of Sturridge he benefitted from starting the season as Liverpool’s main striking weapon as Luis Suarez rode the pine for his hunger antics against Chelsea last season.  His performances show he wasn’t shy from stealing the limelight as he started the season on fire and has already registered 8 goals! Sturridge has never been the focal point of a team’s attack, having to settle for a wide role at Chelsea where the likes of Drogba and Torres took centre stage. He has always preferred the central striking role and the form he has shown in leading the line has seen Brendan Rodgers confidence in him rewarded with a stunning start to the season. With Suarez back they have started to build an irresistible partnership (SAS) which could carry this side to Europe. If Sturridge can learn to share the limelight with Suarez then he will continue to fluster opposition defences and become a contender for top goal scorer come end of season honours.

Arsenal's Aaron Ramsey

Ramsey has also benefitted from taking a greater role within his side. The Arsenal midfielder has never shone in the Arsenal colours but he has turned that round in first 11 games. I must admit if you asked me 12 months ago which midfielder Mr Wenger should sell, I would have said Ramsey without hesitation, so i’m glad i’m not the manager!! With only Giroud leading the line, one of the midfield quintet had to step up. Ramsey has done just that. From being a diminutive sit back and wait type player, Ramsey has turned into a free running attacking midfielder with an eye for goal as shown by the quality of goals he has already scored this year. It is not just his finishing though. His work rate has been first class, he hasn’t been shying away from his defensive duties and he is also taking on a leadership role within the side. With the likes of Theo Walcott and Lucas Podolski coming back from injury, midfield starting spots will be at a premium but you can bet bottom dollar that Ramsey is as near a certainty as you can get for one of the spots. Questions remains if he can carry this on for the whole season, however for the first quarter alone he has been nothing short of sensational.

Biggest flop so far

This award has had Torres’ name all over it for the last few years, but not this year! There hasn’t been too many players I would say have significantly underperformed since the start of the year, but I believe Marouane Fellaini fits the bill. Bought for 27.5 million pounds over the summer from Everton, Fellaini was meant to bring a bullying strength to the United midfield to complement the more elusive players. However after starting the first 3 games he has found himself down the pecking order behind the likes of Cleverly, Kagawa and Carrick. He has been found wanting when playing against high pressing teams and struggles himself when trying to pressure opposition players due to his lack of speed. Fellaini still has plenty of time to resurrect this form, but the United faithful are starting to lose patience with their star summer signing and he will need to turn things around quickly if he wants a prolonged stay at the theatre of dreams.

Footy Rhubarb

Another great week of Premier League action with some big games, big wins, and big upsets. Man Utd beat Arsenal 1-0 in the weekend’s blockbuster game to let the league know that they still have a big say in the title race. It was former Gunner RVP that got the winning goal but more than anything the game highlighted that Arsenal seem to fail to deliver in the big games. If Arsenal would have won it would have been a victory that would have even Wenger thinking of the title but Man Utd surely were never going to let that happen. The win was made bigger for Man Utd as Man City, Spurs, and Chelsea all dropped points.

Man City were stunned by a robust Sunderland performance as Gus Poyet’s revolution takes shape and Pellegrini is given more away day blues. Spurs managed to lose to Newcastle thanks to sloppy defence distribution, clinical finishing from Loic Remy, and an amazing performance by Tim Krul in the Toon goal. Chelsea could only manage a draw against West Brom at Stamford Bridge and were lucky not to lose as they received a very generous penalty late on. Hazard dispatched the penalty to maintain Mourinho’s record of 66 games unbeaten at Stamford Bridge. Liverpool also smashed a sorry Fulham 4-0 to put Martin Jol under intense pressure once again as Stoke and Swansea fought over an entertaining 3-3 draw. The game ended in controversial fashion as Swansea had fought back from 2-0 down to lead 3-2 until the referee gave a very bizarre penalty to allow Charlie Adam to equalize for Stoke in the 96th minute.

Team of the Week:

Krul (Newcastle)

Sagna (Arsenal)  Olsson (West Brom)     Skrtel (Liverpool)       Bardsley (Sunderland)

Routledge (Swansea)     Gerrard (Liverpool)         Lallana (Scum)  

           Rooney (Man Utd)          Suarez (Liverpool)           Remy (Newcastle)

Hero of the Week:

Rooney was a hero for Man Utd with his overall performance as well as assisting Van Persie to score the winner against his old club Arsenal in the biggest game of the weekend. Rooney was the sharpest player on the field and created something positive with every touch and without him playing it surely would have finished a draw.

This week’s hero though can only be one man, and that’s Tim Krul. The amount of vital saves he made was incredible and if he wasn’t playing then Newcastle wouldn’t have got a point let alone win! Spurs threw everything at Newcastle as they defended for their lives but it was the feet, hands, and torso of Krul that kept out the onslaught of Townsend, Soldado, Eriksen, Paulinho, Sigurdsson, Sandro, and Defoe. Countless times Krul was the only obstacle between Spurs and a goal as they got behind the defence several times but the Dutchman made himself impossible to beat with first class reactions and calming presence under pressure.

Nipple of the Week:

The nipple of the week is referee Neil Swarbrick. The Swansea vs Stoke game at the Liberty Stadium was a great advert for the Premier League with Swansea fighting back from 2-0 down to lead 3-2. It was a great action packed game and Swansea deserved to win but they were denied by a mental decision from Swarbrick. Deep into stoppage time there was a scramble in the box as Stoke pushed for an equaliser and suddenly the whistle went and the ref was pointing at the spot. Laudrup summed it up after the game when he pointed out that there were 7 Stoke players in the box and not one of them appealed for a penalty. Either Routledge or Williams was adjudged to have handled in the area but from the reply it looks like a shoulder is the closest thing to a handball in that period of play so where he saw a handball I don’t know. It spoiled what was a very good game with both teams playing good football in the first half. It was Swansea though who came out in the second half playing some great attacking fluid football and fully deserved to get back and win the game. It was a shame but Stoke will be relieved to not have lost after going in at half-time 2-0 up. The last minute penalty was a gift from Swarbrick and makes him nipple of the week, it still didn’t make Hughes smile though, is it even possible? Has Hughes ever smiled? What will it take!?

Flying Kiwis – November 11

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Flying Kiwis will keep you up to date on the endeavours of New Zealand sports folk overseas. Not the battlers, mind you, but the genuine overlooked and underappreciated superstars that for some ridiculous reason don’t get a look in on local media.

Chris Wood – Leicester City (English Championship)

The Foxes had won 6 home games in a row, but lost this week to Nottingham Forest. Obviously because Wood was unavailable (what with All Whites duty and all). It’s a shame, since Wood seemed to have barged his way back into the starting lineup. Manager Nigel Pearson was definitely upset about it. Both Burnley and QPR drew, so Leicester didn’t lose much ground in the standings, holding on to second spot and automatic promotion as it stands. The good news is that Woody is fit and playing well, with a goal in each of his last two starts. He’ll be a key player against the Hombres.

Up Next: You’re kidding right?

Tommy Smith – Ipswich Town (English Championship)

Smith was unavailable for his game too, as clubs were forced to release players required for international duty according to head honchos at the FIFA Death Star. They were up against it defensively without their best centre half, but on attack they came through, with subs Frank Nouble and Paul Taylor scoring and striker Daryl Murphy bagging a stoppage time winner (after opponents Blackpool had equalised in the 88th). There’s no European footy next week at all. Bigger fish to fry.

Up Next: Come on, you know what’s up next

Marco Rojas – VfB Stuttgart (Bundesliga)

No Marco for Stuttgart, but he has been included in the All Whites squad, so he’s at least back in action. He may well have been toiling away in the reserves for a couple weeks, but what with the German and the language and the Google Translate (…and the glayvin!) it’s hard to tell. That doesn’t seem likely though, as he has only recently returned to full training. His 90 minute prospects vs Mexico are as unlikely as a Leo Bertos hat-trick (and almost as unlikely as a successful Bertos cross). For the record, Stutters won 3-1 and moved up to 8th on the Bundesliga table.

Up Next: Seriously?

Winston Reid – West Ham United (English Premier League)

West Ham lost 3-1 to Norwich, so clearly Reid didn’t play. We’ve all heard about his injury, which rules him out of the All Whites’ two playoffs vs Mexico. He damaged his ankle in training midweek, and the early word is that he could be out up to a couple months, though scans will confirm or deny this. First up, this isn’t Fat Sam pulling a sneaky one on NZ Football. Reid’s injury is of no advantage to West Ham at all. In fact, they are worse off than anyone from this (except Reid himself), losing their best player so far this season. And without him they didn’t look up to much vs Norwich.

So how do the All Whites cover him? Well Tommy Smith has been in good form for Ipswich. And thankfully Andrew Durante has pulled a Nathan Fien (minus Granny Gate) and switched his allegiance to the brighter side of the Tasman. Umm, Vicelich could play at the back too, but then we need him in the midfield... There’s not really any way to sugar coat this, Reid’s loss is a crushing blow to our hopes. He’s the captain of this team, and the best player playing at the highest level. A country like New Zealand simply cannot replace a guy of his stature. Ricky Herbert probably can’t be expected to switch up his formation, so there is the very real danger that Ben Sigmund gets the call up – a frightening prospect for the heart rates of kiwi fans.

Im devastated bout missing the games with country n club but these things happen some times

— Winston Reid (@WinstonReid2) November 6, 2013

But hopefully will be there in NZ to support the boys !! Get behind them !

— Winston Reid (@WinstonReid2) November 6, 2013

Up Next: OK – Thursday morning, 9am. Mexico vs New Zealand at the Azteca Stadium. FIFA World Cup Qualifying Playoff. It’s kind of a big deal.

Footy Rhubarb

Team of the Week:

                                                    Begovic(Stoke)

Zabaleta (Man City)   Caulker (Cardiff)   McAuley (West Brom)   Vertonghen (Spurs)

Ramsey (Arsenal)   Livermore (Hull)     Toure (Man City)      Silva (Man City)

                    Gouffran (Newcastle)                          Aguero (Man City)

Hero of the Week:

Caulker and Ramsey stick out to me as being heroes of the week as they both scored crucial goals in 2 very big games for their respective clubs. Caulker scored the winning goal in the South Wales derby – a first in the English top flight. For Cardiff and Swansea this was the first of the 2 biggest games of their seasons and for their fans the two times they meet each other this season could well be the biggest games of their lives. A proud day for both Welsh clubs but it was the home side Cardiff who got all 3-points thanks to their Captain and former Swansea player Steven Caulker. The England international leaped fantastically to fire his header in the bottom corner to raise the roof off the Millennium Stadium. It also put Cardiff one place above their Welsh rivals in the table as they distance themselves from the relegation zone. Basically Caulker has carved his name into Cardiff folklore in one of Cardiff’s proudest moments ever.

Ramsey is the other Hero for me after his fantastic goal made it 2-0 against Liverpool. It was a table topping tie that resulted in Arsenal going 5-points clear at the top, confirming that they are real title contenders this season. Ramsey was part of a hard-working midfield that included Rosicky, Cazorla, Ozil, and Arteta that put immense pressure on Liverpool in the final third. Liverpool weren’t playing too bad themselves and will be frustrated that they didn’t take their chances in front of goal. That however made Ramsey’s even more crucial as Sakho and Toure failed to close him down and that resulted in a thunderbolt of a goal. Ramsey is been a hero for the Gunners more than once this season and it looks like it could continue that way.

Nipple of the Week:

Sascha Riether is the nipple this week after his kick and stamp on Man Utd’s Adnan Januzaj. It wasn’t noticed by the refs as the game came to a close but as Januzaj and Fellaini were keeping the ball in the corner, Januzaj falls to the ground where Riether kicked him and then stamped on him. The score was 3-1 with seconds to go so the game was up so why be stupid and blatantly hurt another player? The final whistle was seconds away and in those last few seconds he could and should have been sent off – missing 3 games. This incident led to the first retrospective prosecution carried out by the FA Panel. The Panel is made of 3 former refs who make retrospective decisions on incidents that the referee didn’t see during a game. It could well be the first of many due to the poor eye-sight that refs seem to be suffering from recently. So Riether is in the record books, one to tell the grandchildren, nipple.  

Scribblings of a Fair Weather Friend - Round 4

It’s tough work following the Phoenix. All I wanted to do on a Monday night was wolf down some dinner and get involved with some z’s after a hard weekend.

Unfortunately, The Phoenix took on Melbourne Victory at the dreadful hour of 9.30, so I headed round to a mates place to make sure I didn’t miss a 3rd game in a row. No beers in the fridge, so instead I was able to let loose on the cold water and lollipops while we waited for bloody Downton Abbey to finish. Matt flicked over to Sky Sport 2, bang on time for the line-ups, which was all pretty predictable – Wellington typically 2nd best on paper (which is the case 8 times out of 9 – sorry Newcastle, but you are crap). Notably for the Nix, Stein Poorgesms somehow managed to start (again), BossDog Hernandez was in centre mid, and Old-but-gold Ifill had his feet up on the bench.

The boys must have been exploding with confidence, the last Kiwi team to win in Melbourne was only 11 years ago – and that was thanks to Harry ‘Don’t beat your missus’ Ngata for the Kingz! What a champion outfit they were. According to the cringe-worthy Aussie commentary team, it was 16 degrees, reasonably humid, and a really emotional day for Ernie Merrick – he was sacked by Melbourne in 2011 and never got to say goodbye to his boys :( Come on. He’s a Scotsman. He smashed back the whisky that night and has probably held a grudge ever since. I guess if by emotional, they meant blood thirsty, then they probably had a point.

Anyway, by the time I was into my 5th Allens lollipop, we were 10 minutes in. A few dodgy tackles and a couple of speculative efforts from Wellington suggested Ernie had grabbed each man by the nads and demanded a victory – the first 15 minutes was Premier League level excitement, but still very A-League in terms of quality. Melbourne epitomized that A-League quality, when Archie Thompson stumbled onto a ricocheted pass, controlled it with his arm and deflected his shot off Andrew Durante’s sweaty nipples into the far post for 1-0 to Melbourne. Clearly in agony from the nipple chafe, Durante then gifted Melbourne a second – his poofter headed back pass embarrassingly slotted home by James Troisi. Durante, clearly in CBF mode about being selected for the All Whites, then let Troisi breeze past him, to lob over Glen Moss for 3-0 within 30 minutes.

Fair to say that by this stage, it was just about time to flick over to the EPL highlights show on TV1, but for some reason we soldiered on. The Nix, playing with a ridiculously high defensive line, were caught napping on at least 5 more occasions, with no consequences. The only man who looked even half interested was Jeremy Brockie, it was his cocaine-snorting energy that earned the Phoenix an undeserved lifeline. A diagonal ball from Hernandez, taken and finished ruthlessly by last seasons top scorer. Brockie’s determination then had the ball in the back of the net for a second time – beating two players and sliding in a pass for Stein the Brain to finish. Sadly, Huysegems hadn’t finished his cup of tea, and was caught about a foot offside. How handy would 3-2 at half time been?

Phoenix players react as Paul Ifill replaces Albert Riera

Very. It would have been very handy. As after the opening 20 minute blur of pure terrible football, the Nix managed 70% of the ball in the final 25 minutes. However, they failed to find any quality in the final 3rd to make any of it count. So Merrick turned to Jesus Christ, our saviour. Jesus strode onto the pitch in the shape of Paul Ifill, and used his holy footballing know-how to conjur up chance after chance for the Jerusalem Phoenix. With just under 10 minutes to go, Ifill turned water into wine and opportunity into goal as he received the ball on the edge of the box, turned his defender like a champ and toe-poked through Nathan Coe’s legs.

A very entertaining climax, subsequently proved too little, too late, though. A late Brockie lunge flew over the bar, and the Nix were sunk. I hung around to scoff a few more lollipops, and watched a bit of the EPL – but ultimately, Monday night ended up being pretty disappointing. It leaves the Phoenix 2nd to bottom, 5 points behind Perth, who they battle on Saturday at 5.30, beer o’clock -  I’ll see ya there.

Melbourne Victory 3 (Archie Thompson 9, James Troisi 20, 29) Wellington Phoenix 2 (Jeremy Brockie 36, Paul lfill 84). Halftime: 3-1.