Diggity Doc:

I'm gonna start with Olenna Tyrell, because while she got dealt a harsh blow by Cersei, her presence in this episode didn't come with copious amounts of heads or rape. It was quite nice actually.

Always use caution when dealing with a veteran such as Olenna, which I don't think Cersei is doing and she's going to pay the price. Olenna has seen it all before, she's played the game of politricks and after dealing with Tywin Lannister for so long, as she stated, I think she's well versed in the art of diplomacy.

But she faces a young gun, a bitch. I'm not too sure that she's dealt with too many of those in her time and from what we saw, Olenna can be a sassy bitch herself. Cersei seems very intent on bringing the ruckus, rather unnecessarily as well. She could have quite easily been the one pulling all the strings at King's Landing with Tommen confined to 'Yes mummy' duties but instead she's gone down the destruction path. For me, it's short sighted and while I'd love to see the script flipped a little bit on Cersei, I think that she's going to find herself in that mess anyway.

So we found out that Arya's cleaning duties do have some result at the end; a nicely groomed head to store away in the basement. This was a weird episode for Arya and it didn't really suck me in like I thought learning more and more about her situation would, it was a bit annoying. Is she going to do this shit forever? Because I can't really see a way out for her, unless, and this is what we all want isn't it; she learns what she needs to learn and can get the hell out of there to go kill some baddies in Westeros. Who knows how long all that is going to take, but I hope we see a nice balance of progression with Arya's story and learning a bit about The House Of Black And White. Like, I don't want Arya to be stuck in this house for the rest of the season, that would be lame.

The rape of Sansa by Ramsay was probably always going to go down; Sansa couldn't think of anything worse than having sex with Ramsay, while Ramsay's a freak. It was a bummer of a way to finish the episode, but that's what you sign up for when watching GoT so you've got to deal with it.

I do have a bit of a crush on Sansa, she looked oh so regal for her wedding and there's something majestic about her and I hope she can just hold tight. Her Uncle/resident weirdo Littlefinger is talking up a storm in King's Landing and it's clear that he's probably doing the best job in this 'game of thrones', but Sansa can't do much about the current predicament besides wait. Stannis is coming and if that fails, I think the Bolton clan will ruin it all themselves anyway. Oh and Winter's on its way. Oh and I might be on my way to save you Sans.

Just on Littlefinger, he really is playing this game the bestest. Like a true politrickster, he's all over the show telling porkies here, there and everywhere. With such powerful families holding the power, Lord Baelish is the underdog and I don't know how it's going to pan out. Sure, he wants to be the Warden Of The North, but he's gunning for the throne and is currently flying under the radar.

With so much tedious time spent exploring museums of heads and a rape, we got a little bit of Dorne and a little bit more of Keisha Castle-Hughes which was cool. But not enough, that fight scene was weak as fuck and there wasn't much left to ponder. It's hard to see how life in Dorne, now with a Lannister, Baratheon, Bronn and the snake ladies #whipish not getting caught up in the dramas of King's Landing (including the situation with the Tyrells).

All we know at Dorne is that Jamie has so far failed his mission. I don't see this finishing with a whole lot of violence, in fact I have visions of Dorne somehow uniting these various little factions.

Get ready folks, Jorah is about to get buck, yeah that's a Krumping reference.

But with Jorah destined for the fighting pits, Tyrion won't exactly be hiding the whole time will he? It's a bit confusing now, he had to stay low key for so long and then slipped up, you'd think he'd want get back underground. No, in fact, Tyrion's not that type of guy which is very exciting.

Wildcard:

Right, well, any episode that ends with a raping is a tough one to talk about.

I thought for a while there that Ramsay might keep his more… perverse... side of his personality to his mistresses, but nope. First chance he gets and it’s straight into the torture stuff. Reek has to watch too, at some stage he’s gonna snap and I thought for a second that it would be then. It’s coming though, sooner or later he's gonna dive a knife into that prick's back. Dammit, that whole last scene was just painfully hard to watch. It kept dragging on while you kept wondering where the eventual salvation was coming from. It wasn’t. Not at all.

Still, there’s 100% gonna be a painful ending for that wanker. This show likes to play out the lack of morality or justice in its world, but the bad guys always get what’s coming to them eventually. It’s just that the good guys tend to get it too.

So… about the magical powers of dwarf cocks…? Are we talking virility, or knowledge or witchcraft or what? I wanna know what I’m paying for before I count up my loose change.

I’ve been a little conflicted about Arya’s storyline this season, even if I don’t think I mentioned it here. So I wasn’t too upset when we didn’t get anything from her last week. But we really dove in headfirst this week and it was very eerie. Like, from what I remember from the books, her whole thing gets dark. So dark. Dark as a dungeon at midnight, and colder than the heart of Ramsay Bolton. Basically, those guys worship death. It’s creepy and fatalistic, but somehow noble too in a way.

What I don’t get, though, is what is Arya’s endgame? She got into this whole Death Cult thing to get out of a bad situation that she got into to get out of a bad situation that she got into to get out of a bad situation, etc. Now what? She becomes no-one? I agree she’s not ready to give up her hopes and dreams and loves and all that yet, but I don’t actually think she’ll ever be ready. We’re all watching thinking this is training for when she reaps her rightful vengeance upon Westeros and the Lannisters… except it seems like it’s drop-that-dream or leave the temple right now. And if the faceless bloke knows her well enough to see that she’s lying about hating The Hound, then surely he knows her spirit isn’t cut out for nihilistic assassinhood. While she’s keeping secrets and holding grudges, he must be seeing right through her. Hmm. What’s HIS endgame?

What else, now? We’re close to a resolution on how Jorah ends up in the fighting pits in the trailer. Seems it’s not as penance to Dany, but as bargaining with slavers. Damn slavers, they’ve got no moral compass! Gimme a pirate over a slaver any day of the week. Wonder what happens when Dany sees her old jilted suitor in the pits, does she spare him or snare him? Glad we didn’t get any Daenerys this week, that’s a storyline that needs as much spreading out as possible. I’m also glad that ‘Daenerys’ is in the dictionary on MS Word. Saves a google search that you know would only end up in incognito mode. Again.

Jaime and Bronn are seemingly in a whole lotta trouble. Also, there was a loooot of perjury going on in that courtroom. But that still ain’t right. Cersei’s another one making too many enemies, she doesn’t even notice that Littlefinger’s all up in her affairs too. He was one of the few people that came out of this week’s episode with a net positive.

GoT Leaderboard

Jon Snow – Hope all’s well on the wall. Let’s do coffee next week, Jonny boy. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all. (Last week = 2)
Petyr Baelish – It seemed like he was selling out Sansa for a while there, but he’s just using his knowledge to plant another seed of chaos. Doubt she’ll take his absence too fondly given how things just turned for her though. (NR)
Arya Stark – Oh, what are you getting yourself into there, Arya? Granted, there are worse people to be at this stage in time. Still probably the coolest character on the show. (NR)
Tyrion Lannister – “The dwarf lives until we find a cock merchant” (3)
Cersei Lannister – She’s never one to stay too high on these lists, once she gets to the top, another kid dies. Food for deathly thought. (NR)
Jorah Mormont – Beat the Kingslayer in the jousts, killed a dothraki in single combat. Decent resume. (8)
Lady Olenna – The Queen of Thorns returns! Famously tart-tongued, sharp-witted and completely bad-ass. But fast running out of aces. (NR)
Bronn – At least he finally got his vocal solo. (NR)
Ramsay Bolton – I was so sure Sansa had a knife up her sleeve as she fumbled with the cords. Nope. (10)
Theon/Reek – Ah, you poor fool. Just imagine where you’d be if only your daddy had loved you? (NR)