There are those that would say that season two of True Detective was some of the greatest television ever produced. There are far more that would say that those who would say that oughta be quarantined on a small island where electricity is as scarce as their intelligent thoughts.

But to be honest, if you can squeeze past the character stereotypes, the often cringe-worthy dialogue, the erratic pacing, the fabricated motivations, the blatantly undisguised personal attacks within and Vince Vaughn, then it really wasn’t that bad.

We’ve written in defence of it before, back at the start of this season. Many things have happened since then. Many things have been said and many crimes have been witnessed. The finale was an hour and a half of mostly entertaining television, with ending after ending tacked on exponentially. Ultimately we ended up somewhere that we always expected.

Was it a satisfying end? Well, it’s satisfying that it’s ended, that’s something. I suppose it was. The train station scene was very good, the cabin massacre not so much. The characters all got their big moments (Woodrugh got his last week), now the critics get to have their say. Get ready, because it’ll probably be pretty harsh. A thousand people saying it was worse than hoped for adds up to about the same amount of bad will as a hundred people saying it completely sucked. We don’t tend to stop and take count.

As a piece of popcorn bait, it should have tried harder. The show was stuck somewhere between lovable trash and barely tolerable faux-intellectualism. To be honest, if Pizzolatto had just let someone run over his scripts then there’d be a marked improvement. God, some of the lines those poor actors had to read… but that ain’t all. The show was kidding itself as to what it was. The plot was impossible to follow, though if it had been a little more accessible as a show then people might have at least tried to stay up with it. It tried to be so much smarter than it actually was. As a pure, pulpy character study of four people held down by their pasts, forced into a situation that was way over their heads, then it could have been something great. Instead it tried to be Breaking Bad, The Wire, Mad Men, The Sopranos and True Detective Season One all rolled in together with Mulholland Drive and The Big Sleep. Oh well, hopefully that’s a lesson learnt for the producers.

In the meantime, there were plenty of lessons that we’ve all learnt during the last eight episodes. Lessons about the nature of the world, the intricacies of corruption and the difficulties of backing up a hit TV show. Like these:

No matter who you cast, people will complain. Especially if one of them is Vince Vaughn.
Hype will only take you so far. Failure to live up to hype is worse than just plain failing.
Money is the greatest McGuffin of all.
Nobody gets out alive.
Except for the women, because the men will martyr themselves by any means necessary.
And the only loyal assistant.
Organised crime gangs are all racially exclusive.
If you need a fake passport, try the Albanians.
It’s all business with the Russians though. Cold, hard, emotionless business.
Politicians and gangsters are one and the same.

Never take a paternity test result for granted.
If your name is in the credits, you can kill as many people as you want to preserve your own life.
Henchmen are sub-human filth whose lives have no value.
But whores are people.
Don’t go back for one last look.
However if you do, then it’s all good if you just stand by the fence of a primary school and stare in, there are no teachers on duty and none of the kids will even acknowledge you. Though your car might get bugged while you’re away.
Great actors can only get you so far. But Colin Farrell and Rachel McAdams are always worthy of our time.
There’s no limit to how much you can drink without getting drunk so long as you pour it yourself.
Colin Farrell’s moustache will disappear without you even realising.
And we should have gotten way more of this version of him:

You can always trust a waitress with a facial scar.
Justice is a game and they make the rules.
You can’t force a believable romance into the second to last episode and expect viewers to care.
Try for years to have a kid, no luck. Sneak in a quickie before skipping the country, congratulations.
Someone died? CONSPIRACY!
Unless they’re a loose end, then they’ll probably just catch a stray bullet or something.
The haunting guitar chick (real name: Lera Lynn) might have been the most compelling character.
It’s probably best to just accept who you are and live with that. Poor Woodrugh.
If you don’t like a show, you don’t have to watch it (actually, not that many people learnt this one).
Given that the best hours of this show were the first and the last, it should have just been a film.
Pacing is one thing, but try keep things moving all the same. Especially when none of the characters are much fun.

Leonard Cohen can spin a tune alright (I guess we already knew this).
And those opening credits are still the best part of the show.
It’s hard to be original. Surreal dream sequence? David Lynch already owns that. Orgy? Kubrick in Eyes Wide Shut. Redemption in the desert? Breaking Bad.
Alcoholism is ugly, but mostly harmless.
Even in your dying moments, the wi-fi cannot be trusted.

Same goes for external hard-drives.
But the guns will never run out of bullets. And you will never run out of guns.
chadvelcoro@gmail.com is gonna be getting a whole lot of span this week.
Anxious? Have a cigarette.
Helicopter shots are awesome.
None of them were really ‘True’ detectives. Maybe Ani by the end.
Dodgeball 2 wouldn’t be such a bad idea after all.

Got ahold of the True Detective finale script. Remarkable ending. Haunting is the word I'd use. pic.twitter.com/tUv7RKQb8S
— Kaleb Horton (@kalebhorton) August 9, 2015

There’s nothing more intimate than a salute with your son.
Redemption is relative.
Coincidences are unsatisfactory.
California’s a much dirtier place than it looks in the movies.
A whole lot of complicated, badly explained things happening at once is about the same as nothing happening at all.
If you’re off for a clandestine meeting with some shady character, expect either bullets or an already riddled corpse.
Sex parties, man.
Deranged psycho revenge killers have the best taste in films, but the worse in home decor.

The bad guys will go to any lengths to cover up a crime. Any lengths.
A hearty conversation can be infinitely more powerful than an elaborate shootout.
Blackmail tends not to work out as planned.
Especially if you try to blackmail a commended army vet in a dark and isolated place.
People will still watch anything with cops in it.
Fair to say this show tried to do far too much at one.
Be careful what you wish for from you showrunners.
Season three should be… interesting.